There are evil men among us.
That’s right we have evil men here right here this very moment. They are here to question my authority.
Question my sincerity. They all ask themselves, ‘why does he get to say the things he says?’’
Tell them, ‘Because he wants to!’
That’s right bitches I want to, I do the bible research, I chose to go out and open my life and my heart in front of God and everyone.
Now you may not like some of what I have to say.
And some may not like any of what I have to say.
But damn it I have it to say!
I want to say it!
And I will not hold back because some hypersensitive Pee See whiner is going to complain.
We have been driven into a position of caring too much about how something is being said instead of what is being said.
Some things can not be prettied up. They are ugly, offensive, and not nice.
But they are the truths none the less.
If you do not like what is being said then do not listen. Make an argument against what is said. But DO NOT THINK THAT YOU CAN SHUT ME UP WITH A, “My feelings are hurt by what you said.”
Do you think that anybody cared about my feelings when my step father beat me.
Do you think that my mother mad him stop when he was caught with his pants down?
Do you think anybody cared when I ran away.
Where were the fucking whiners when the pot growing hippy in the commune started to do the same things my step father did? I DO NOT THINK THAT WAS WHAT WAS MEANT WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT THE DECADE OF FUCKING LOVE!
And where was the caring and sharing love we all must have when that fat fucker in San Francisco said he had a place for me, and turned out to be a place for those that chose to walk the street for him. Yeah the only fuckers that cared about the feelings of a 14year old boy were the salesman too fucking weak to admit they were gay and hated themselves for it too. The only feelings they wanted to take care of, was to create my own self loathing and beat me for their own fucking weakness.
Fuck them all and fuck you all with your whiner fucking ‘oh poor me and my sensibilities.’ You do not like what is said move the fuck on and fuck yourself while you’re at it!
I have learned long ago. They will not change the rules for you. They will change them for themselves. But they do not care about you. These whiners, these censors, these pussies, they do not care about my anger, they do not care about why I am angry, they only care about themselves and how they fucking feel.
If your fucking feelings are hurt and you have the right to bitch then I have the right to say what I want. You have the ability to move on. You have the ability to change how you feel. I fucking did.
So your feelings are hurt.
What about my childhood. My childhood hurts you gonna fix that?? Yeah I fucking thought so.
You know what? You all with your ‘everybody needs to be included and nobody should be offended’ attitude is way outta control. You want to muzzle my feelings and suppress my hurt for the good of yourself?
FUCK YOU!!
Come get some bitch. I will show you how to make your bones. And get even with your step father at the same time.
I will look into your pussy eyes and see you hurt and I promise it will not be nearly the same as mine every god damn day.
Every god damn fucking day.
Every fucking day the alarm clock wakes me up and the pain of my life comes crashing in on me. The thought that today I have to get up and chase that goddamn dollar again and there are literally hundreds of thousands of fuckwads that want to separate me from my money.
I get no reward from turning my life around.
I get no relief from the pain and guilt of my life.
I get no break from the race I am in.
I get e-mails from fucking whinny ass strangers who say that I can not say what I have to say.
You know what? You do what I have done in my life and say that you can tell me that.
You suck for a buck and then see how normal your fucking rants are.
You find a way out of the hell you are in at 15 with no fucking tools and make it to where I am today and then tell me what to fucking say and what to fucking do.
I may not be any place that is all that great but compared to where I was and what I have done with the shit that was handed to me I have done pretty fucking good for myself
You do what I have done start to finish and then you can even think that you can talk to me.
Cause right now you are just fucking noise.
Buzz buzz buzz. What an annoying fucking sound and what annoying fucking sound you make when you want to talk about somebody else to me. Fuck off
Fuck off
Eat shit and fucking die you god damn whiny little school girl.
Go make your bones, go make a life outta shit go fuck off.
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
Showing posts with label assholes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label assholes. Show all posts
Old Zombies Come Back To Haunt Me
For some time my son has been harassed on FB about my where a bouts and my health
To you all I have written an open letter;
You know I was a nice guy back when. I was always agreeable. Then the scene started to hit critical mass and there was
fractioning and cliques and little drama wars.
Then I realized, I guess I always knew, that this was no-where’s-ville this was not a sustainable life style.
I remember the Tales of Terror coming back from the slavery tour and being different. I remember many friends being swallowed by their
vices and addictions. I remember going to Bedrock Bill’s funeral, you all remember that? Remember how he was found and how sad and
pathetic his family looked during the viewing and the evil “kill you where stand” looks from his mother.
I was already starting to distance myself from it all, but I think that was the clincher. That look from his mom was a monstrous weight
heaped upon me.
I knew my mother was insane, but I also knew I did not what her to go through that.
I left. I kept in touch with many and lost touch with many more. I became a terrible friend to all of you eventually, but it was for the
sake and sanity of me and my future family.
I took my family to Texas without ever telling my mother where we were. That should tell you something about my privacy and protection of
my family.
We are different from when we were then and there is a reason we lost touch. We changed and now when we are all 40+ and staring at the
horizon of our lives we try to go back, but we cannot rewind time.
I have changed I am a mean mother fucker I hate just about every human on this god forsaken rock spiraling into the sun.
I have come to realize humans are evil simple fact. it is amazing that we ever evolved past the fish on the beach. By all accounts we
should have eaten each other there on the beach and had been god's failed experiment.
That said I have a couple of things to point out;
Jeff said, “Have to say.... John was a jerk...and a pig... with his silly rotting catbones, plus the fucker chipped my tooth... could
say more but why bother...”
Jeff:
You did not rule shit you acted like to the poser fag you will always be.
I vaguely remember you talking some shit 25 years ago about some chipped tooth and I kind of remember I was not responsible but then
again I cannot clearly state I remember the whole sorted crybaby saga but I am sure you were doing something stupid to get me to do
something to chip your tooth, but then again that is the youth and the culture of today, isn’t it? It is never your fault it is the fault
of someone else.
"It was not my fault I was arrested for drinking beer in the park, it was the fault of the Chinese guy at the liquor store or the old guy
who called the cops but clearly it is not my fault for trespassing and violating ord 3.1.5.2 of the city penal code. No way, not mine, boo
fucking hoo"
So Jeff, maybe in your little world with pink skies and purple grass, you are somebody.
Maybe in your little world where all of your furniture is made of the scrotum skin of young men, you are important.
You might be king shit where the maggots go to worship, you might be a prophet to the little turds in the sewer.
But in my world you are an open festering sore on a dog’s ass. You are nothing and you do not even require a name.
You are just simply shit, not king shit bubba douche bag. Not even bubba douche bag.
Malcom
It was Stiv Bators not Iggy Pop that served us whiskey and as far as the penis thing well I remember hearing about you touching Iggy’s
dick while I was in jail, you cheating bastard!.
Randy:
It was not Rats Ass, Boots and John. First of all Geoff hated the nick name boots. Second it was Rick W. myself and Sam C. that got
arrested in the back of the club for damaging the ceiling and we three were taken off to the station.
During our incarceration someone else fell through the ceiling onto the stage and another dip shit punter broke through the ceiling and
stole the ticket money thus corroborating our story that two others had fallen through and got away.
If I offended some of you all, well I guess I did. If some wonder if I hate them, then I probably do, and if you want my e-mail then
Y3d0c3RyYXlkb2dAeWFob28uY29t
But really you zombies need to leave my son alone; he does not need friends like you I should know.
Burn in hell, you sinners, you evil tools of satan. For one day the lord will come and you all will be cast into hell and I will be there
in all my glory kicking dirt into the hole and laughing and pointing at your misery and dismay. It will be a glorious day then too for the
lord has come to take all his children home.
To you all I have written an open letter;
You know I was a nice guy back when. I was always agreeable. Then the scene started to hit critical mass and there was
fractioning and cliques and little drama wars.
Then I realized, I guess I always knew, that this was no-where’s-ville this was not a sustainable life style.
I remember the Tales of Terror coming back from the slavery tour and being different. I remember many friends being swallowed by their
vices and addictions. I remember going to Bedrock Bill’s funeral, you all remember that? Remember how he was found and how sad and
pathetic his family looked during the viewing and the evil “kill you where stand” looks from his mother.
I was already starting to distance myself from it all, but I think that was the clincher. That look from his mom was a monstrous weight
heaped upon me.
I knew my mother was insane, but I also knew I did not what her to go through that.
I left. I kept in touch with many and lost touch with many more. I became a terrible friend to all of you eventually, but it was for the
sake and sanity of me and my future family.
I took my family to Texas without ever telling my mother where we were. That should tell you something about my privacy and protection of
my family.
We are different from when we were then and there is a reason we lost touch. We changed and now when we are all 40+ and staring at the
horizon of our lives we try to go back, but we cannot rewind time.
I have changed I am a mean mother fucker I hate just about every human on this god forsaken rock spiraling into the sun.
I have come to realize humans are evil simple fact. it is amazing that we ever evolved past the fish on the beach. By all accounts we
should have eaten each other there on the beach and had been god's failed experiment.
That said I have a couple of things to point out;
Jeff said, “Have to say.... John was a jerk...and a pig... with his silly rotting catbones, plus the fucker chipped my tooth... could
say more but why bother...”
Jeff:
You did not rule shit you acted like to the poser fag you will always be.
I vaguely remember you talking some shit 25 years ago about some chipped tooth and I kind of remember I was not responsible but then
again I cannot clearly state I remember the whole sorted crybaby saga but I am sure you were doing something stupid to get me to do
something to chip your tooth, but then again that is the youth and the culture of today, isn’t it? It is never your fault it is the fault
of someone else.
"It was not my fault I was arrested for drinking beer in the park, it was the fault of the Chinese guy at the liquor store or the old guy
who called the cops but clearly it is not my fault for trespassing and violating ord 3.1.5.2 of the city penal code. No way, not mine, boo
fucking hoo"
So Jeff, maybe in your little world with pink skies and purple grass, you are somebody.
Maybe in your little world where all of your furniture is made of the scrotum skin of young men, you are important.
You might be king shit where the maggots go to worship, you might be a prophet to the little turds in the sewer.
But in my world you are an open festering sore on a dog’s ass. You are nothing and you do not even require a name.
You are just simply shit, not king shit bubba douche bag. Not even bubba douche bag.
Malcom
It was Stiv Bators not Iggy Pop that served us whiskey and as far as the penis thing well I remember hearing about you touching Iggy’s
dick while I was in jail, you cheating bastard!.
Randy:
It was not Rats Ass, Boots and John. First of all Geoff hated the nick name boots. Second it was Rick W. myself and Sam C. that got
arrested in the back of the club for damaging the ceiling and we three were taken off to the station.
During our incarceration someone else fell through the ceiling onto the stage and another dip shit punter broke through the ceiling and
stole the ticket money thus corroborating our story that two others had fallen through and got away.
If I offended some of you all, well I guess I did. If some wonder if I hate them, then I probably do, and if you want my e-mail then
Y3d0c3RyYXlkb2dAeWFob28uY29t
But really you zombies need to leave my son alone; he does not need friends like you I should know.
Burn in hell, you sinners, you evil tools of satan. For one day the lord will come and you all will be cast into hell and I will be there
in all my glory kicking dirt into the hole and laughing and pointing at your misery and dismay. It will be a glorious day then too for the
lord has come to take all his children home.
A Letter To New York After Sandy
Dear Mayor Bloomberg,
I would like to be
the first in Texas to write you and extend our deepest sympathies over the tragic
hurricane attack your shitty has fallen victim too. Rivalry aside, this is a
terrible time for you all.
We down in the gulf
region know all too well the terrible devastation a hurricane attack can cause.
Cheer up though you are a resourceful bunch, resilient in your strength and tenacious
in the face of adversity and strong in your convictions. We here in Texas applaud
you all and are certain that if you all stick together you can get the
"Big Apple" on its feet in now time.
I do want to say
though, please do not come down here. We in Texas are still reeling from the
welfare influx from Katrina the support we are still giving New Orleans is crippling
and time consuming. We do not need or want your criminals mixing with the
criminals from New Orleans. We do not need to be handing out any more welfare
to any from your part of the United States, seriously the burden on our already
hobbled budget is too taxed as it is and there are many other states that have
the resources and the cash to accept your troubled citizenship. And quite
frankly you all talk kinda funny.
You all should stay
up there focus on rebuilding "the city that never sleeps". Yeah
that's the ticket, if you all work 24 7 like you all claim you could probably
rebuild in the half the time it take New Orleans to recover (recovering).
So um yeah that's all
I really wanted to say. "Stay up there. DO NOT come down here!" and
see if that fancy pants guy in the big house can send you all some help.
Some advice though, don’t
let those FEMA guys try to help they are more trouble than they are worth.
Sincerely
Rev. John Sleestaxx
A Texas citizen.
To wage war or not to wage war.
To wage war or not to wage war.
By Rev John Sleestaxx
They have attacked me; they have created great strife and undue grief. Even now as I type this they are plotting to weave some travesty of justice against me, some terrible awful event that will throw my world into a spiral.
I know how they work, their secret meetings and their special language. The fucking rotten bastards.
I know that they mean to do me great harm, of that I am certain. I know this because I hear them whispering as I turn the corner and their fleeting foot steps as they run away, the cowards.
Stop and fight me face to face like men, like real men. You all fight like thieves by mis-direction and stealth. You have no honor, no ethics, no real substance.
You sirs are cheats. That is right; I said you are all cheats!
Heathens and malcontents, demons from hell have better manners than you. I know, I have met many a demon and they have the uprighted-ness to at least greet you before they try to steal your soul. But not you, you fucking cheats! You all lie, cheat, and steal. You all sucker punch and run.
Stand up! Do your best but at least be seen before you bring down upon me the wrath and anguish of your focused hate. This hate that so consumes you to the point that you have given up being right and resorted to being a CHEAT!
FUCKERS!
Bring it! Bring it down here bitches because you know what? I am going to wage war! I am going to bring upon you my focused hate AND rage.
I am going to do upon you AND yours, 100 fold of the tragic, horrible, misery that you have befell (yeah it is a word fucker!) upon me.
I will tear into you like a ravenous dog, a virus that feeds on your heart and your brain. I will eat you! Yes! I WILL EAT YOU MUTHER FUCKER! And I will spit you upon the ground into the dust and I will trample you and all of your family into the clay earth and I will work such violence and pain that you will relish the warm earth into which I will put you.
I will then dance and be jubilant on your corpse. I will celebrate the loss of you while there is no-one to mourn your absence. You will not be, there will be no you. The only one to speak of your existence from then on will be me and it will not be fond words, it will not be with reverence, it will not be with thoughtful silence. The mention of you will be like a curse or a foul word. I will spit your name like one person spits something bitter or sour or spoiled.
But I will only do this once a decade. I will not let you have any more than that. You filthy, lying, dirty whore, of a cheat. You disgust me with your lame attempts to befuddle me and yoke me.
I know that you think you are all clever and you have all the secrets. But you have chosen the wrong fucker to mess with. I am not old, and I am not young, nor am I weak or slow. You can not beat me because I am not those things at all. I am mean, I am determined, I am fast, and I am strong! You chose the wrong one dipshits. And now it is I who will may you cry, and whimper like the weak simpering little cheats that you are.
I am going to beat you down and I am going to do it laughing at you and your weakness.
That is right fuck-wad I am going to beat your ass and I am going to laugh at you too!
HA HA
Yeah, I will, because that is the mean-ass-muther-fucker I am. I will destroy you, I will rent, and tear and pull and rip you apart and I will enjoy it. There will be no remorse for the animal way you were bested and beaten. I will have no sadness for the savagery I displayed or the pathetic way you whimpered and cried, I will not feel any empathy for the humiliated way you went down.
You want war? Then you got war bitches! I am so going to be up in your house and I am so going to beat you down.
Fuck yeah! Fucker you are going down!
By Rev John Sleestaxx
They have attacked me; they have created great strife and undue grief. Even now as I type this they are plotting to weave some travesty of justice against me, some terrible awful event that will throw my world into a spiral.
I know how they work, their secret meetings and their special language. The fucking rotten bastards.
I know that they mean to do me great harm, of that I am certain. I know this because I hear them whispering as I turn the corner and their fleeting foot steps as they run away, the cowards.
Stop and fight me face to face like men, like real men. You all fight like thieves by mis-direction and stealth. You have no honor, no ethics, no real substance.
You sirs are cheats. That is right; I said you are all cheats!
Heathens and malcontents, demons from hell have better manners than you. I know, I have met many a demon and they have the uprighted-ness to at least greet you before they try to steal your soul. But not you, you fucking cheats! You all lie, cheat, and steal. You all sucker punch and run.
Stand up! Do your best but at least be seen before you bring down upon me the wrath and anguish of your focused hate. This hate that so consumes you to the point that you have given up being right and resorted to being a CHEAT!
FUCKERS!
Bring it! Bring it down here bitches because you know what? I am going to wage war! I am going to bring upon you my focused hate AND rage.
I am going to do upon you AND yours, 100 fold of the tragic, horrible, misery that you have befell (yeah it is a word fucker!) upon me.
I will tear into you like a ravenous dog, a virus that feeds on your heart and your brain. I will eat you! Yes! I WILL EAT YOU MUTHER FUCKER! And I will spit you upon the ground into the dust and I will trample you and all of your family into the clay earth and I will work such violence and pain that you will relish the warm earth into which I will put you.
I will then dance and be jubilant on your corpse. I will celebrate the loss of you while there is no-one to mourn your absence. You will not be, there will be no you. The only one to speak of your existence from then on will be me and it will not be fond words, it will not be with reverence, it will not be with thoughtful silence. The mention of you will be like a curse or a foul word. I will spit your name like one person spits something bitter or sour or spoiled.
But I will only do this once a decade. I will not let you have any more than that. You filthy, lying, dirty whore, of a cheat. You disgust me with your lame attempts to befuddle me and yoke me.
I know that you think you are all clever and you have all the secrets. But you have chosen the wrong fucker to mess with. I am not old, and I am not young, nor am I weak or slow. You can not beat me because I am not those things at all. I am mean, I am determined, I am fast, and I am strong! You chose the wrong one dipshits. And now it is I who will may you cry, and whimper like the weak simpering little cheats that you are.
I am going to beat you down and I am going to do it laughing at you and your weakness.
That is right fuck-wad I am going to beat your ass and I am going to laugh at you too!
HA HA
Yeah, I will, because that is the mean-ass-muther-fucker I am. I will destroy you, I will rent, and tear and pull and rip you apart and I will enjoy it. There will be no remorse for the animal way you were bested and beaten. I will have no sadness for the savagery I displayed or the pathetic way you whimpered and cried, I will not feel any empathy for the humiliated way you went down.
You want war? Then you got war bitches! I am so going to be up in your house and I am so going to beat you down.
Fuck yeah! Fucker you are going down!
Wars are messy
Wars are messy
Rev. John Sleestaxx
It had been a long time coming. The wars were taking their toll on the civilians. Many had given up on a belief that they would have a quiet life. And I do not blame them.
I mean when you have been subjected to nightly shelling from outer space for nearly 5 decades you kind of forget how things were before the war.
You forget what it was like to go to a movie with a date and not worry about the roof caving in or the siren blaring just as the best part of the movie was unfolding.
You definitely forget about how it was back in the day when you could go to the park with your date and lay in the grass and cuddle and whisper sweet things to each other. But now the shelling has made dating a life threatening proposition.
What respectable girl is going to go on a date if her life is in jeopardy? No it was date the skanks, the skezzers, the hungry, the orphans or the thrill seekers.
The good girls, the kind you want to marry, they stay in the bunkers at night and when the need to have a baby is upon them, they either marry into a harem or they buy DNA from the many government run clinics.
That is why joining the service was so appealing. In the service you are given 3 passes a week to access the government brothels, filled with girls cloned from the best sex stock, girls created to please and not breed. We all know that our DNA material is salvaged tested and used to strengthen our population. And build up our forces to battle the evil dark menace that attacks us every night.
No one knows for sure why they attack at night. Or what we did to make them so mad.
We are told that the government has the smartest minds working on the space travel problem and once we can transverse the distance to our attackers we will be victorious.
Until then we just have to be diligent and persevere.
What I needed was a target, something to focus on something for me to aim at. I was tired of practice, tired of shooting into that damn pile of dirt, "We do not know what the enemy looks like, and we do not even know if the enemy has a head. So you will fire at anything we put up in front of you." It seems like piles of dirt are pretty cheap.
One day Crazy, his name is Craig but we call him Crazy, one day Crazy decides to make fun of me in front of the brothel girls. He tells them that I talk in my sleep and that I get a boner while I sleep. Then he tells them I touch my boner in my sleep. The girls all laugh and ask if my sleeping boner is like the one I bring to them. We all laugh at this.
So today we are again shooting at the pile of dirt and I turn to Crazy and I tell him he embarrassed me last night.
He laughs.
I shoot him and my sergeant and the rest of my platoon.
Yep it is messier to shoot a person than a dirt pile.
My books make great Christmas presents
Rev. John Sleestaxx
It had been a long time coming. The wars were taking their toll on the civilians. Many had given up on a belief that they would have a quiet life. And I do not blame them.
I mean when you have been subjected to nightly shelling from outer space for nearly 5 decades you kind of forget how things were before the war.
You forget what it was like to go to a movie with a date and not worry about the roof caving in or the siren blaring just as the best part of the movie was unfolding.
You definitely forget about how it was back in the day when you could go to the park with your date and lay in the grass and cuddle and whisper sweet things to each other. But now the shelling has made dating a life threatening proposition.
What respectable girl is going to go on a date if her life is in jeopardy? No it was date the skanks, the skezzers, the hungry, the orphans or the thrill seekers.
The good girls, the kind you want to marry, they stay in the bunkers at night and when the need to have a baby is upon them, they either marry into a harem or they buy DNA from the many government run clinics.
That is why joining the service was so appealing. In the service you are given 3 passes a week to access the government brothels, filled with girls cloned from the best sex stock, girls created to please and not breed. We all know that our DNA material is salvaged tested and used to strengthen our population. And build up our forces to battle the evil dark menace that attacks us every night.
No one knows for sure why they attack at night. Or what we did to make them so mad.
We are told that the government has the smartest minds working on the space travel problem and once we can transverse the distance to our attackers we will be victorious.
Until then we just have to be diligent and persevere.
What I needed was a target, something to focus on something for me to aim at. I was tired of practice, tired of shooting into that damn pile of dirt, "We do not know what the enemy looks like, and we do not even know if the enemy has a head. So you will fire at anything we put up in front of you." It seems like piles of dirt are pretty cheap.
One day Crazy, his name is Craig but we call him Crazy, one day Crazy decides to make fun of me in front of the brothel girls. He tells them that I talk in my sleep and that I get a boner while I sleep. Then he tells them I touch my boner in my sleep. The girls all laugh and ask if my sleeping boner is like the one I bring to them. We all laugh at this.
So today we are again shooting at the pile of dirt and I turn to Crazy and I tell him he embarrassed me last night.
He laughs.
I shoot him and my sergeant and the rest of my platoon.
Yep it is messier to shoot a person than a dirt pile.
My books make great Christmas presents
My New Home
I have been in a fairly private window cube for about 13 years.
one day some boob thought hey lets move the great reverend into a more open space enviroment and stake his window away AND give him less space.
So i had to move into an area with 80 sinners and mouth breathers. i am contastantly barraged with germs and viruses and loud fuckers looking into my cube.
I had to throw so much shit away it made me nearly cry.
It has been a week and i am moved in and i feel nearly at home. the plant was a joke but i think it added the right warmth to a very anti-septic looking enviroment.
these new cubes were very instituttionalized and very cookie cutter like. but mine is like home away from home.
one day some boob thought hey lets move the great reverend into a more open space enviroment and stake his window away AND give him less space.
So i had to move into an area with 80 sinners and mouth breathers. i am contastantly barraged with germs and viruses and loud fuckers looking into my cube.
I had to throw so much shit away it made me nearly cry.
It has been a week and i am moved in and i feel nearly at home. the plant was a joke but i think it added the right warmth to a very anti-septic looking enviroment.
these new cubes were very instituttionalized and very cookie cutter like. but mine is like home away from home.
Friday is a party.
Friday is a party.
By Rev. John Sleestaxx
Friday is a party. Man you are all pumped the boys are pumped and you are all gonna play some fucking baseball.
For some of you got a buy. That means that you do not have to play Friday night. You do not have to worry if the team is distracted by the day’s lessons at school. You do not have to worry about your starters parents being late because of work. You can have a BBQ and beer in the backyard with the inner circle. You know who this is this is the core teams parents and coaches. These are the ones you started the team with these are the ones you know that when the chips are down they will be there.
For those too late for the buy this is a great time to warm up and see what the other teams are bringing to the table. You have the opportunity to get the jitters out of the boys.
Saturday is a day of many possibilities and fresh starts. Last night was not a big deal if you played well the team was tired from the day of classes and the parents stressed from the rushing to get to the field. If you got a buy then today is a day of wondrous possibilities. No team here has what you have and you are gonna show them all how great this game can be played.
Sunday is seed day. Sunday you have been seeded, you have been ranked and god and the world knows all the errors you made and runs you made. You have fought hard fro this seed and damn it things can happen your way, for once!
“Why do they have the lowest play the highest?” “Where’s the fairness of that?” “Well as long as I save my bestest boy I can win the ship.”
But you are also worried about bridges you burned to get to Sunday. The umpires you talked shit too from your magic bucket. “Man I know that was a strike I could see it from here, what the hell is he looking at?” “These are kids blue they are not major league ball players help me out.” These blind men are the same ones that will be walking on your field any minute. “Do I apologize for calling him terrible?” “Naw, they get that all the time it is part of the job.”
What parent is mad at you, what alliances are being made right now while you are trapped on that field? Are you now out of the inner circle? Is your wife listening to the chatter so you can get the scoop. Why is the dad of your ace player talking to the coach of the other team. The other team you are about to play. The team that has the highest seed. Is he romancing him? Shit you are going to have to win to keep these bastards happy.
Has the power shifted? Are you loosing the parent game while you lose the baseball game. FUCK!
How many new alliances are being created while you try to win a game.
And to make matters worse that mother fucker in gray slacks and blue shirt is just not seeing your vision like he should. Why can’t he not see that out at first, I guess that is what you call a pay back call. Shit that boy is about steal second and third and then on the over throw he will score. FUCK. Why can’t these kids play better? Why can’t they play like you when you were that age?
The sounds of despair, disappointment, depression, and down right anger drift over the fields.
You imagine some poor bastard is having a bad game like you. You wonder that maybe the best players from his team and the best from your team could really make a phenomenal team. Your wife is now standing way down the right field fence near the parking lot. THAT IS NOT GOOD! That means that you made a mistake and the parents are talking shit about you. But it is not your mistake, you did not schedule the umpires you can not get the right umpires.
The wailing and blasphemous curses are sharp and pointed. Are all the umpires blind? Shit.
This is it men, the fate of the free world rests on the shoulders of not men but boys, boys that are playing game of baseball.
The winner of this game is the king of the universe and gets to control the gas prices for the next 7 to 14 days. Now damn it blue get the call right!
Shit 6 minutes left and home is up to bat. And they are taking their time to get to the plate. Those fuckers, they are burning the clock! How bush league! Yeah I would do it too but only when I …. Aww fuck it!
By Rev. John Sleestaxx
Friday is a party. Man you are all pumped the boys are pumped and you are all gonna play some fucking baseball.
For some of you got a buy. That means that you do not have to play Friday night. You do not have to worry if the team is distracted by the day’s lessons at school. You do not have to worry about your starters parents being late because of work. You can have a BBQ and beer in the backyard with the inner circle. You know who this is this is the core teams parents and coaches. These are the ones you started the team with these are the ones you know that when the chips are down they will be there.
For those too late for the buy this is a great time to warm up and see what the other teams are bringing to the table. You have the opportunity to get the jitters out of the boys.
Saturday is a day of many possibilities and fresh starts. Last night was not a big deal if you played well the team was tired from the day of classes and the parents stressed from the rushing to get to the field. If you got a buy then today is a day of wondrous possibilities. No team here has what you have and you are gonna show them all how great this game can be played.
Sunday is seed day. Sunday you have been seeded, you have been ranked and god and the world knows all the errors you made and runs you made. You have fought hard fro this seed and damn it things can happen your way, for once!
“Why do they have the lowest play the highest?” “Where’s the fairness of that?” “Well as long as I save my bestest boy I can win the ship.”
But you are also worried about bridges you burned to get to Sunday. The umpires you talked shit too from your magic bucket. “Man I know that was a strike I could see it from here, what the hell is he looking at?” “These are kids blue they are not major league ball players help me out.” These blind men are the same ones that will be walking on your field any minute. “Do I apologize for calling him terrible?” “Naw, they get that all the time it is part of the job.”
What parent is mad at you, what alliances are being made right now while you are trapped on that field? Are you now out of the inner circle? Is your wife listening to the chatter so you can get the scoop. Why is the dad of your ace player talking to the coach of the other team. The other team you are about to play. The team that has the highest seed. Is he romancing him? Shit you are going to have to win to keep these bastards happy.
Has the power shifted? Are you loosing the parent game while you lose the baseball game. FUCK!
How many new alliances are being created while you try to win a game.
And to make matters worse that mother fucker in gray slacks and blue shirt is just not seeing your vision like he should. Why can’t he not see that out at first, I guess that is what you call a pay back call. Shit that boy is about steal second and third and then on the over throw he will score. FUCK. Why can’t these kids play better? Why can’t they play like you when you were that age?
The sounds of despair, disappointment, depression, and down right anger drift over the fields.
You imagine some poor bastard is having a bad game like you. You wonder that maybe the best players from his team and the best from your team could really make a phenomenal team. Your wife is now standing way down the right field fence near the parking lot. THAT IS NOT GOOD! That means that you made a mistake and the parents are talking shit about you. But it is not your mistake, you did not schedule the umpires you can not get the right umpires.
The wailing and blasphemous curses are sharp and pointed. Are all the umpires blind? Shit.
This is it men, the fate of the free world rests on the shoulders of not men but boys, boys that are playing game of baseball.
The winner of this game is the king of the universe and gets to control the gas prices for the next 7 to 14 days. Now damn it blue get the call right!
Shit 6 minutes left and home is up to bat. And they are taking their time to get to the plate. Those fuckers, they are burning the clock! How bush league! Yeah I would do it too but only when I …. Aww fuck it!
ATL-OAK-SFO-DEN-CYS
ATL-OAK-SFO-DEN-CYS
Falcons @ Raiders to BAR @ SFO to BAR @ DEN
Airline personnel: "Sir have you been drinking?"
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "You just watched me walk out of the bar to here. What do you think I was doing?"
Airline personnel: "Sir I think that you may have had too much to drink"
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "Why do you say that?
Airline personnel: "well uh you look as though"
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "as though I hate to travel?"
Airline personnel: "no you ..."
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "listen did you just hear that great sss sound? Just let me on the plane to CYS and I will be a happy man."
Airline personnel: "but you may have had too much to drink."
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "Am I loud? Am I rude? Did I stumble out of the bar? How about?? Did I stagger up to the boarding counter? Do I appear to be a threat?"
Airline personnel: I can not let you on the plane if you have had too much to drink.
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "What are your qualifications to make that assessment? Are you a doctor? Are you a licensed officer of the law? Have you had too much school? I think you are either green or you decided that you did not like me and you want to harass me. Listen through this entire interaction I have not raised my voice and I have clearly made a logical argument with you. And the fact that you have not called security and you still have not said that I am drunk and I can not fly means you really do not believe yourself. Just let me on the plane so I can sleep and forget how miserably painful humanity is."
DEN to CYS then TAXI @ CYS to HOME. Hello BED
Falcons @ Raiders to BAR @ SFO to BAR @ DEN
Airline personnel: "Sir have you been drinking?"
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "You just watched me walk out of the bar to here. What do you think I was doing?"
Airline personnel: "Sir I think that you may have had too much to drink"
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "Why do you say that?
Airline personnel: "well uh you look as though"
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "as though I hate to travel?"
Airline personnel: "no you ..."
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "listen did you just hear that great sss sound? Just let me on the plane to CYS and I will be a happy man."
Airline personnel: "but you may have had too much to drink."
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "Am I loud? Am I rude? Did I stumble out of the bar? How about?? Did I stagger up to the boarding counter? Do I appear to be a threat?"
Airline personnel: I can not let you on the plane if you have had too much to drink.
The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "What are your qualifications to make that assessment? Are you a doctor? Are you a licensed officer of the law? Have you had too much school? I think you are either green or you decided that you did not like me and you want to harass me. Listen through this entire interaction I have not raised my voice and I have clearly made a logical argument with you. And the fact that you have not called security and you still have not said that I am drunk and I can not fly means you really do not believe yourself. Just let me on the plane so I can sleep and forget how miserably painful humanity is."
DEN to CYS then TAXI @ CYS to HOME. Hello BED
We need to be competitive
We need to be competitive and we need to make some changes
By Rev J. Sleestaxx
This was thought out as a video lampooning some CEO of some company but I was worried my CEO would think I am lampooning him, I wanted to keep my job and because of safety reasons I have to still maintain some anomitity (a couple more deaths to go.) so let us look at this like a cult talking about individual competition.
We need to get more competitive.
So my plan is to stream line our interests so we will lose weight.
We have lost 10% and that is great can you all feel the new found agility. I know that the process to lose weight created some hardship but the reward is a trimmer, fitter ready-for-competition us.
All though we still need to make some changes. We have been developing some relationships with outside people to help us be more competitive. And since our partners can make stuff and we are right handed we will cut off just our left hand. We can make things with just right hand and I know it can be difficult but we need to adapt to be competitive.
We have made it through the change and it has been great. I know I understand and I appreciate the work that is being done. But since we have we cut off the left hand we will now remove the left arm. The arm served its purpose but these are new faster exciting competitive times. But we are now a one handed community.
We can and do build with just one hand but our partners have two and they can build and make more efficiently than us leaving us to be mobile and able to focus more on being competitive. So we will remove our right hand and from past experience we know that the right arm is not used without the right hand so rather than go through the removal of the hand and then the removal of the arm we will leverage from past experience and remove the arm and hand at the same time.
Well done. Well done! We are now able to focus on being competitive and mobile. We can still think and talk, we can interface well AND be mobile.
Ok we have done much to be competitive, but the challenges ahead are great so we have reviewed our plan and found that there are areas that we do not fit. So, for us to fit in more areas, to be more competitive we have decided to cut off the feet. We will still be mobile and since it was decided to do both feet we will get ahead of the curve.
Good, good fantastic numbers and the move to cut off our feet has help us realize an area that has little competition so that means that the removal of our legs will put us in a better position competitively. We can open partnerships that are more competitive in the overly competitive area of mobility. We will still be able to think and communicate therefore we can still compete in other areas with the help of our alliances and partnerships. This may be difficult but I know we have the ability to persevere and overcome.
Fantastic I told you all this was a good decision. We are now in a whole new field and we are very competitive. I think you all know the next logical step.
It makes sense and it will off load the burden of thinking and communicating that we do and put that on to our partners leaving us to focus on our core we will be the only ones so there will be no competition which is the goal of any competition and that is to win.
By Rev J. Sleestaxx
This was thought out as a video lampooning some CEO of some company but I was worried my CEO would think I am lampooning him, I wanted to keep my job and because of safety reasons I have to still maintain some anomitity (a couple more deaths to go.) so let us look at this like a cult talking about individual competition.
We need to get more competitive.
So my plan is to stream line our interests so we will lose weight.
We have lost 10% and that is great can you all feel the new found agility. I know that the process to lose weight created some hardship but the reward is a trimmer, fitter ready-for-competition us.
All though we still need to make some changes. We have been developing some relationships with outside people to help us be more competitive. And since our partners can make stuff and we are right handed we will cut off just our left hand. We can make things with just right hand and I know it can be difficult but we need to adapt to be competitive.
We have made it through the change and it has been great. I know I understand and I appreciate the work that is being done. But since we have we cut off the left hand we will now remove the left arm. The arm served its purpose but these are new faster exciting competitive times. But we are now a one handed community.
We can and do build with just one hand but our partners have two and they can build and make more efficiently than us leaving us to be mobile and able to focus more on being competitive. So we will remove our right hand and from past experience we know that the right arm is not used without the right hand so rather than go through the removal of the hand and then the removal of the arm we will leverage from past experience and remove the arm and hand at the same time.
Well done. Well done! We are now able to focus on being competitive and mobile. We can still think and talk, we can interface well AND be mobile.
Ok we have done much to be competitive, but the challenges ahead are great so we have reviewed our plan and found that there are areas that we do not fit. So, for us to fit in more areas, to be more competitive we have decided to cut off the feet. We will still be mobile and since it was decided to do both feet we will get ahead of the curve.
Good, good fantastic numbers and the move to cut off our feet has help us realize an area that has little competition so that means that the removal of our legs will put us in a better position competitively. We can open partnerships that are more competitive in the overly competitive area of mobility. We will still be able to think and communicate therefore we can still compete in other areas with the help of our alliances and partnerships. This may be difficult but I know we have the ability to persevere and overcome.
Fantastic I told you all this was a good decision. We are now in a whole new field and we are very competitive. I think you all know the next logical step.
It makes sense and it will off load the burden of thinking and communicating that we do and put that on to our partners leaving us to focus on our core we will be the only ones so there will be no competition which is the goal of any competition and that is to win.
Letters to the church from the lord #2 To the Church in Smyrna By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Letters to the church from the lord #3
To the Church in Pergamum
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Rev 2:12 “To the angel of the church in Pergamum write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has the sharp double-edged sword:
Rev 2:13 ‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives. Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against you: You have some people there who follow the teaching of Balaam, who instructed Balak to put a stumbling block before the people of Israel so they would eat food sacrificed to idols and commit sexual immorality. Rev 2:15 In the same way, there are also some among you who follow the teaching of the Nicolaitans. Rev 2:16 Therefore, repent! If not, I will come against you quickly and make war against those people with the sword of my mouth. Rev 2:17 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers, I will give him some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and on that stone will be written a new name that no one can understand except the one who receives it.’
My friends I will speak to you today of the third letter to the seven churches from the book of revelation.
The evil in Los Angeles is great. The people of that city are evil, greedy and all sinners.
If the lord was to lay waste to a city, “should not one good man not be found”, it would be Los Angeles that got wasted by columns of fire.
Gen 18:26
So the Lord replied, “If I find in the city of Sodom fifty godly people, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”
I have been to this city of three occasions and every single visit ended in tragedy and bloodshed. Current statute laws prevent me the telling of those tales but needless to say I know the city of angels is not the city of angels but the den of demons and evil shit that floats on the surface of the sea of life.
Deu 15:9
Be careful lest you entertain the wicked thought that the seventh year, the year of cancellation of debts, has almost arrived, and your attitude be wrong toward your impoverished fellow Israelite and you do not lend him anything; he will cry out to the Lord against you and you will be regarded as having sinned.
The city is rife with gangs of producers raping beautiful ideas of creative people. These people will listen to the beautiful creative minds of intelligent people and then steal the ideas and pervert them into so much celluloid trash. Twisting simple beautiful stories into action filled porno fests.
These gangs of queer confused fuck wads with money will sit in their own shit in a coffee bar until they over hear a story or idea that they then steal for their own increase in wealth and power.
Every time one of these fuckers dies I thank god for taking out the garbage. I put clothes pins on my nipples and dance in the backyard non-stop for twelve hours in tribute to the wondrous glory that is our lord god.
Deu 22:21
the men of her city must bring the young woman to the door of her father’s house and stone her to death, for she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by behaving like a prostitute while living in her father’s house. In this way you will purge evil from among you.
There are bands of ninjas that pretend to be actors. These players in the sick dirty dramas are assassinating the depth of wondrous characters. Characters that were dreamed up by loving beautiful minds and that were created for the story. But these buck teethed, lack of talent, pieces of shit, and can not even begin to portray the depth of the neither characters nor can they make you believe in the characters any more.
There are whores that say they are the path to fame, but only drain the wealth of everyone around them. They say they can help you with your career but they are nothing but a drain on the wealth and resources of your livelihood. These bastards are nothing more than leeches and parasites.
Lev 26:16
I for my part will do this to you: I will inflict horror on you, consumption and fever, which diminish eyesight and drain away the vitality of life. You will sow your seed in vain because your enemies will eat it.
Lo the city is filled with the temple of the networks. Broadcasting companies are there and they are there for a reason for they would be found out to be a den of evil lizards and poisonous snakes. They have talking heads that spew half truths to confuse god's children and they portray the tragedies of the day’s events as entertainment to be sold as a commodity. The broadcast stations force into your television pseudo fake entertainment that is suppose to take your mind off of god and the lords word. You are to watch the shows and the commercials mindlessly. you are to ignore your family and children so that they too become distracted. Then your mind becomes empty and so does the minds your children. Then these criers of lies and falsehoods fill your minds with in correct beliefs about how your life and world should be.
Neh 13:7
and I returned to Jerusalem. Then I discovered the evil that Eliashib had done for Tobiah by supplying him with a storeroom in the courts of the temple of God.
This metropolis is filled from city wall to city wall of studios, studios where the false stores and lies and stolen ideas are made into "entertainment", photographic representations of tragic dramas and situational humor skits that do not apply, or even relate to real life. But these mega lies are perpetrated none-the-less. They mass produce this perverted, sick pleasure stories for the masses. And the uneducated and naive pack the movie houses in droves to be treated to commercial lies and product endorsements.
The entire industry is about selling you shit and garbage and telling you how you are not liked and not accepted unless you smell like a fucking sock and boot that was left in a sewer for three life times.
That your women will not be attracted to you, unless your hair looks as though you have been buried in a coffin with three dead dogs for a month. But the fools still poor money into the machine and the machine keeps fucking them in the ass. What a bunch of pain queers.
Deu 22:24
you must bring the two of them to the gate of that city and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry out though in the city and the man because he violated his neighbor’s fiancée; in this way you will purge evil from among you.
The loss of humanity and the demons of the paparazzi and the entertainment news heads. just want to tear into the private lives of people and cut open some of the most private moments and expose them for the world to see. I am inundated with pictures of too skinny people and too fat people and failed relationship after failed relationship. About how some sinner is addicted to this drug and that drug and how that woman who was the hero of everyone two months ago is now stuck in a bottle with a drinking problem. But the unwashed and the stupid still pour money into the machine that fucks us all and is called the city of angels, City Of Angels in deed!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Hollywood!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you television
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Brad fucking Pitt
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you agents that lost my book.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you producers that are stealing my ideas
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you stupid morons and thieves of the city of angels
May god lay waste to your entire town and a slow burning death to the fuckers on Rodeo drive to boot.
May frogs with poisonous skin rain from the sky onto the heads of your children and the wind bring flying maggots into your eyes.
I want to hear your wombs bare dead cats and that your plastic breasts are causing aliens, space aliens, to land and eat you all.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Southern California!
There are cookies and cakes along with gourmet coffee in the foyer for everyone. The Knights of Acrimony have donated the time to lay a continental breakfast out for everyone. They would also like to say that they are welcoming anyone over the age of 55 into their organization.
These fine gentlemen of the church are the ones that organized the "Drive the homeless to another town" campaign. The also assist in the counseling of young men who have become fathers but did not realize they have responsibilities other than to say "of course I still love you".
Some times these stubborn young men need some persuasion to step up to the plate. But once the Knights of Acrimony talk with them they usually realize the errors of there ways.
So stop and talk to them. If you have a daughter, get their e-mail. If you are 55 or older then get to know them maybe you will want to join. If you are a young man pressuring a young woman to have sex, think twice because these men do not use gloves like I do on Thursday.
The raise a roof for the unwed mothers program is a success we have re-shingled three roofs in the last 4 months.
I would like to thank all of you who did not honk last Sunday. you all are the perfection of a church going member of society. And to those of you who still did not get the message and I was able to catch I am sure bruises and lacerations of your education will heel soon enough.
It won’t hurt for ever.
Thank you and go in peace!
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
To the Church in Pergamum
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Rev 2:12 “To the angel of the church in Pergamum write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has the sharp double-edged sword:
Rev 2:13 ‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives. Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against you: You have some people there who follow the teaching of Balaam, who instructed Balak to put a stumbling block before the people of Israel so they would eat food sacrificed to idols and commit sexual immorality. Rev 2:15 In the same way, there are also some among you who follow the teaching of the Nicolaitans. Rev 2:16 Therefore, repent! If not, I will come against you quickly and make war against those people with the sword of my mouth. Rev 2:17 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers, I will give him some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and on that stone will be written a new name that no one can understand except the one who receives it.’
My friends I will speak to you today of the third letter to the seven churches from the book of revelation.
The evil in Los Angeles is great. The people of that city are evil, greedy and all sinners.
If the lord was to lay waste to a city, “should not one good man not be found”, it would be Los Angeles that got wasted by columns of fire.
Gen 18:26
So the Lord replied, “If I find in the city of Sodom fifty godly people, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”
I have been to this city of three occasions and every single visit ended in tragedy and bloodshed. Current statute laws prevent me the telling of those tales but needless to say I know the city of angels is not the city of angels but the den of demons and evil shit that floats on the surface of the sea of life.
Deu 15:9
Be careful lest you entertain the wicked thought that the seventh year, the year of cancellation of debts, has almost arrived, and your attitude be wrong toward your impoverished fellow Israelite and you do not lend him anything; he will cry out to the Lord against you and you will be regarded as having sinned.
The city is rife with gangs of producers raping beautiful ideas of creative people. These people will listen to the beautiful creative minds of intelligent people and then steal the ideas and pervert them into so much celluloid trash. Twisting simple beautiful stories into action filled porno fests.
These gangs of queer confused fuck wads with money will sit in their own shit in a coffee bar until they over hear a story or idea that they then steal for their own increase in wealth and power.
Every time one of these fuckers dies I thank god for taking out the garbage. I put clothes pins on my nipples and dance in the backyard non-stop for twelve hours in tribute to the wondrous glory that is our lord god.
Deu 22:21
the men of her city must bring the young woman to the door of her father’s house and stone her to death, for she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by behaving like a prostitute while living in her father’s house. In this way you will purge evil from among you.
There are bands of ninjas that pretend to be actors. These players in the sick dirty dramas are assassinating the depth of wondrous characters. Characters that were dreamed up by loving beautiful minds and that were created for the story. But these buck teethed, lack of talent, pieces of shit, and can not even begin to portray the depth of the neither characters nor can they make you believe in the characters any more.
There are whores that say they are the path to fame, but only drain the wealth of everyone around them. They say they can help you with your career but they are nothing but a drain on the wealth and resources of your livelihood. These bastards are nothing more than leeches and parasites.
Lev 26:16
I for my part will do this to you: I will inflict horror on you, consumption and fever, which diminish eyesight and drain away the vitality of life. You will sow your seed in vain because your enemies will eat it.
Lo the city is filled with the temple of the networks. Broadcasting companies are there and they are there for a reason for they would be found out to be a den of evil lizards and poisonous snakes. They have talking heads that spew half truths to confuse god's children and they portray the tragedies of the day’s events as entertainment to be sold as a commodity. The broadcast stations force into your television pseudo fake entertainment that is suppose to take your mind off of god and the lords word. You are to watch the shows and the commercials mindlessly. you are to ignore your family and children so that they too become distracted. Then your mind becomes empty and so does the minds your children. Then these criers of lies and falsehoods fill your minds with in correct beliefs about how your life and world should be.
Neh 13:7
and I returned to Jerusalem. Then I discovered the evil that Eliashib had done for Tobiah by supplying him with a storeroom in the courts of the temple of God.
This metropolis is filled from city wall to city wall of studios, studios where the false stores and lies and stolen ideas are made into "entertainment", photographic representations of tragic dramas and situational humor skits that do not apply, or even relate to real life. But these mega lies are perpetrated none-the-less. They mass produce this perverted, sick pleasure stories for the masses. And the uneducated and naive pack the movie houses in droves to be treated to commercial lies and product endorsements.
The entire industry is about selling you shit and garbage and telling you how you are not liked and not accepted unless you smell like a fucking sock and boot that was left in a sewer for three life times.
That your women will not be attracted to you, unless your hair looks as though you have been buried in a coffin with three dead dogs for a month. But the fools still poor money into the machine and the machine keeps fucking them in the ass. What a bunch of pain queers.
Deu 22:24
you must bring the two of them to the gate of that city and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry out though in the city and the man because he violated his neighbor’s fiancée; in this way you will purge evil from among you.
The loss of humanity and the demons of the paparazzi and the entertainment news heads. just want to tear into the private lives of people and cut open some of the most private moments and expose them for the world to see. I am inundated with pictures of too skinny people and too fat people and failed relationship after failed relationship. About how some sinner is addicted to this drug and that drug and how that woman who was the hero of everyone two months ago is now stuck in a bottle with a drinking problem. But the unwashed and the stupid still pour money into the machine that fucks us all and is called the city of angels, City Of Angels in deed!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Hollywood!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you television
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Brad fucking Pitt
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you agents that lost my book.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you producers that are stealing my ideas
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you stupid morons and thieves of the city of angels
May god lay waste to your entire town and a slow burning death to the fuckers on Rodeo drive to boot.
May frogs with poisonous skin rain from the sky onto the heads of your children and the wind bring flying maggots into your eyes.
I want to hear your wombs bare dead cats and that your plastic breasts are causing aliens, space aliens, to land and eat you all.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Southern California!
There are cookies and cakes along with gourmet coffee in the foyer for everyone. The Knights of Acrimony have donated the time to lay a continental breakfast out for everyone. They would also like to say that they are welcoming anyone over the age of 55 into their organization.
These fine gentlemen of the church are the ones that organized the "Drive the homeless to another town" campaign. The also assist in the counseling of young men who have become fathers but did not realize they have responsibilities other than to say "of course I still love you".
Some times these stubborn young men need some persuasion to step up to the plate. But once the Knights of Acrimony talk with them they usually realize the errors of there ways.
So stop and talk to them. If you have a daughter, get their e-mail. If you are 55 or older then get to know them maybe you will want to join. If you are a young man pressuring a young woman to have sex, think twice because these men do not use gloves like I do on Thursday.
The raise a roof for the unwed mothers program is a success we have re-shingled three roofs in the last 4 months.
I would like to thank all of you who did not honk last Sunday. you all are the perfection of a church going member of society. And to those of you who still did not get the message and I was able to catch I am sure bruises and lacerations of your education will heel soon enough.
It won’t hurt for ever.
Thank you and go in peace!
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading 
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Take no shit
This weekend I umpired a state tournament. No this was not a World Series but the winner received a berth to a world series and no again, it would not be a world series that would be on ESPN.
I started the weekend by doing 9s. Aaaahh nine year olds so focused so attentive so unable to stop the ball before it hits the umpire. Dads in the back with radar guns and talking about curves and sliders and changeups.
If I have, one more dad tell me to hang with the curve I swear I will eat him with red beans and rice and wash the entire meal down with the blood of a badger.
Therefore, I have done this tourney a few times in the past few years and I know this is life and death, the winner of every game gets to decide the gas prices, someone's grandmother is held captive by ninjas and her life and the life of 500 virgins hang on the balance of this game. However, I also know that the shit has to be stopped before it gets out of hand.
I decide to approach it differently then in the past. In the past, I wait until I can no longer take the insults the jabs the drive bys and I warn a coach and then I never ever get to eject him because I keep re-drawing the line. Therefore, this year I am drawing the line at the top and hold it fast.
First chirp gets a "we are not going there today. We are not going there do I make myself clear?" I start the plate meeting with a personable pleasant attitude and humor but when they chirp I jerk the lease tight and hard. This seemed to be very effective.
My son said that he was embarrassed at one point because I came out too fast on one dad but when I asked my son if he thought the game was more enjoyable after the dad was told to keep quite. He admitted that I was right.
I did 18 games in three days I will not talk about all 18 as many went with no issue.
Game one 9s
Red vs. white
I on bases and newbie [not my son] on plate.
No one on
Screamer up third base line
I pivot but I peek at the ball as it passes third (it is foul but I hear no indication)
[I now that if I do not hear foul I am going to have a shit storm on my hands]
I watch the runner cross first and go to second I hear the shit storm thunder "what's the call blue?.....you have to make a call blue!" now there is no way to convey the anger and rage that is in this voice but trust me when I turned I expected to see this coach holding my 16 year old partner by the throat.
Runner stops I turn to handle the shit storm and there is my partner doe eyed and in full panic mode. The coach is screaming and he is not telling the coach a thing. I call time and the coach starts to come out to me. I hold the umpire hand out to him and tell him to stay there he keeps coming "No coach you will go to the dug out right now!" he stops. I offer the umpire a chance to come talk to me.
"What’s the call?"
I do not know
It is either fair or foul
What do you think?
First, I was not supposed to look, I should not make that call from first base line. You had the angle it was your ball.
Yeah I know but I do not know what to call it.
Well in this case ... what is the count?
Two Two
OK if you call it foul everybody gets to go back and the batters count does not change.
I peeked at the drive and I can say that it was foul but do not plan on that rather help all the time be ready to make a call.
OK I will call it foul.
He calls it foul and not a soul complains not one chirp.
Later in the same, there is contact and although I did not see it as I watched my play, I know it was malicious. The world is screaming at the kid the pitcher is 8 feet from the plate and the runner is trotting back to the dug out. I call time the coach again wants to yell at me I hold him at bay and I talk to my partner.
The runner is out
No pitcher dropped the ball
No the runner is out for contact
You have to decide was the contact malicious.
No, it was not
Are you sure, because my back was turned on another potential play.
Yes, it was not malicious.
Turn around and call the runner out for contact he did not exercise one of his four options.
He turns, calls the runner, the coach comes out to me you cannot turn his call over.
No, I cannot
However, you just did
No, I did not
He changed his call
However, you told him to
no I did not we discussed the rule and clearly your player failed to slide, your player failed to stop, your player failed to go around, and he clearly failed to go back, so the only discussion we had was to eject him and you or just call him out.
Is he ejected?
Are you still in this game talking to me?
He turns and goes back to the dug out.
I explain the conditions to the other coach. He wants malicious contact I tell him I cannot give him that because I did not see the play.
Why not?
Because you might have wanted that out at second too.
We did not get one at second but you might have and I would have missed it if I were watching the play at home.
OK you are right.
Thanks coach.
Game 3 nine
Me on bases
Newbie [not my son] on plate (you have to do it at some point)
He gets a fucked up convoluted play at the plate and I would have made the same call as him but the coach wants to yell and intimidate the young man. He yells, "That is horrible that is terrible that is totally UN acceptable"
I call time and I make the coach walk all the way to me at first base. I tell him that his attitude is horrible that it is a terrible example and that it is unacceptable and if he is to lose his cool one more time, I do not care the reason and how much time is left on the clock I will send him to the parking lot and then my report will ensure that he is out for the rest of the tournament.
He says that I am right and that he is sorry
I tell him that he needs to apologize to the players not me.
Game 13
White vs. blue nine
98ºF 88%H
High shoulder pitch for the third ball in a row at the top of the first half (third pitch of the game) white moans and says something.
I turn and say We Will Not Go There Today. No, we will not. Am I clear?
Five heads nod yes
An out later runner steals third catcher throws and beats the runner but the fielder is too slow to swipe a proper tag my son calls the runner safe.
A coach screams BULLSHIT!
I did not hear it
My son did and he turned and in three steps crossed from third to first base line and says to the white team "there will be no profanity on the fields at any time". The five coaches all look like whip lash victims. Here is a 16-year-old telling 30-year-old gansta/MS13 looking men to stop swearing and he does so with all the authority of a grown man. I tell you I was never so proud at that moment.
Not a word fro the rest of the inning.
At the half-blue coach comes down to warm the pitcher. “I am going to call you the no nonsense umpires"
It is too hot to deal with anything other than just baseball.
He agrees.
My son arrives at the plate
I say to him "a warning for profanity?" man that coach owes you a steak dinner." he has no idea that he should be in his car right now.
My son says he did not know which coach said it.
I said if you had tossed the manger, he would have ponies the man up right quick
Yeah you are right
Wow, he is lucky I did not hear the profanity.
The white coach walks up, apologizes, and says that he has the situation under control.
My son says I hope so because it will not be tolerated around these young men.
You are right blue I am sorry
((You know what? My son fucking rocks!))(At 16 he gets it, he has the maturity to do the things it takes to be a man. I did not I was still trying to live and stay alive)
Game 16
Green vs. Blue 13s
me at the dish
3 minutes left of playtime losing team at the plate
Coach complains about a narrow escape at home.
I hear something from his side about picking sides
In addition, he has just said, "you have to call that pitch for both sides blue"
I stop the game.
"Coach, I know that there is 3 minutes left to play and I do not care if there is 30 seconds left to play if I hear one more remark that questions my integrity of my sportsmanship I will toss you to the parking lot and then call ball game.
Do not ever question my honesty I am not here to pick a winner I am here to make the decisions the two coaches cannot.
Yes blue I am sorry.
Game 18
Championship 12s
Yellow vs. white
This game was a tightly played well-pitched game that resembled two boxers in the ring trading punches. Honest to god the first two innings had no more than 13 pitches thrown.
No runner advanced past third base, we played for 3 hours something like 8 innings, and the game ended 7-0.
How you might asked.
White’s #12 was on the mound and the coach told me he was going to sub him in this half as he only had one out left in his allowable count for the tournament, but he was going to let him pitch while his number 2 boys was warming up.
Are you?
Yes.
Yellow coach says hey coach you now he has only one out right.
Yeah I am going to leave him in for it. Thanks for reminding me.
No problem.
I start the game. The pitcher clearly walks the first batter to burn sometime.
I look to white coach to see if he wants time.
I let the yellow batter in the box and he sees three balls and then the pitcher lets one drop into the zone just enough and the batter hits it to third. Third scoops and throws to second. OUT! In addition, the second turns and throws to first for a banger. OUT!
The play could have gone the other excessively. The white coach drops to his knees. The yellow coach is calmly walking up to me. The players and the parents have no clue what just happened except a double play was made and on a bang bang. The umpire on the field has no idea either because he is going back to his position.
Yellow coach goes to me and says the pitcher has pitched too many outs. Yes, I think you may be right, get the tourney director.
The white coach is now explaining to his side what just happened. My partner hears and he just smiles.
The tourney director confirms that the double was too many outs and the white has to forfeit the game.
I told my partner that this is the first time in history that a defensive coach is pissed that an umpire called a double play.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
I started the weekend by doing 9s. Aaaahh nine year olds so focused so attentive so unable to stop the ball before it hits the umpire. Dads in the back with radar guns and talking about curves and sliders and changeups.
If I have, one more dad tell me to hang with the curve I swear I will eat him with red beans and rice and wash the entire meal down with the blood of a badger.
Therefore, I have done this tourney a few times in the past few years and I know this is life and death, the winner of every game gets to decide the gas prices, someone's grandmother is held captive by ninjas and her life and the life of 500 virgins hang on the balance of this game. However, I also know that the shit has to be stopped before it gets out of hand.
I decide to approach it differently then in the past. In the past, I wait until I can no longer take the insults the jabs the drive bys and I warn a coach and then I never ever get to eject him because I keep re-drawing the line. Therefore, this year I am drawing the line at the top and hold it fast.
First chirp gets a "we are not going there today. We are not going there do I make myself clear?" I start the plate meeting with a personable pleasant attitude and humor but when they chirp I jerk the lease tight and hard. This seemed to be very effective.
My son said that he was embarrassed at one point because I came out too fast on one dad but when I asked my son if he thought the game was more enjoyable after the dad was told to keep quite. He admitted that I was right.
I did 18 games in three days I will not talk about all 18 as many went with no issue.
Game one 9s
Red vs. white
I on bases and newbie [not my son] on plate.
No one on
Screamer up third base line
I pivot but I peek at the ball as it passes third (it is foul but I hear no indication)
[I now that if I do not hear foul I am going to have a shit storm on my hands]
I watch the runner cross first and go to second I hear the shit storm thunder "what's the call blue?.....you have to make a call blue!" now there is no way to convey the anger and rage that is in this voice but trust me when I turned I expected to see this coach holding my 16 year old partner by the throat.
Runner stops I turn to handle the shit storm and there is my partner doe eyed and in full panic mode. The coach is screaming and he is not telling the coach a thing. I call time and the coach starts to come out to me. I hold the umpire hand out to him and tell him to stay there he keeps coming "No coach you will go to the dug out right now!" he stops. I offer the umpire a chance to come talk to me.
"What’s the call?"
I do not know
It is either fair or foul
What do you think?
First, I was not supposed to look, I should not make that call from first base line. You had the angle it was your ball.
Yeah I know but I do not know what to call it.
Well in this case ... what is the count?
Two Two
OK if you call it foul everybody gets to go back and the batters count does not change.
I peeked at the drive and I can say that it was foul but do not plan on that rather help all the time be ready to make a call.
OK I will call it foul.
He calls it foul and not a soul complains not one chirp.
Later in the same, there is contact and although I did not see it as I watched my play, I know it was malicious. The world is screaming at the kid the pitcher is 8 feet from the plate and the runner is trotting back to the dug out. I call time the coach again wants to yell at me I hold him at bay and I talk to my partner.
The runner is out
No pitcher dropped the ball
No the runner is out for contact
You have to decide was the contact malicious.
No, it was not
Are you sure, because my back was turned on another potential play.
Yes, it was not malicious.
Turn around and call the runner out for contact he did not exercise one of his four options.
He turns, calls the runner, the coach comes out to me you cannot turn his call over.
No, I cannot
However, you just did
No, I did not
He changed his call
However, you told him to
no I did not we discussed the rule and clearly your player failed to slide, your player failed to stop, your player failed to go around, and he clearly failed to go back, so the only discussion we had was to eject him and you or just call him out.
Is he ejected?
Are you still in this game talking to me?
He turns and goes back to the dug out.
I explain the conditions to the other coach. He wants malicious contact I tell him I cannot give him that because I did not see the play.
Why not?
Because you might have wanted that out at second too.
We did not get one at second but you might have and I would have missed it if I were watching the play at home.
OK you are right.
Thanks coach.
Game 3 nine
Me on bases
Newbie [not my son] on plate (you have to do it at some point)
He gets a fucked up convoluted play at the plate and I would have made the same call as him but the coach wants to yell and intimidate the young man. He yells, "That is horrible that is terrible that is totally UN acceptable"
I call time and I make the coach walk all the way to me at first base. I tell him that his attitude is horrible that it is a terrible example and that it is unacceptable and if he is to lose his cool one more time, I do not care the reason and how much time is left on the clock I will send him to the parking lot and then my report will ensure that he is out for the rest of the tournament.
He says that I am right and that he is sorry
I tell him that he needs to apologize to the players not me.
Game 13
White vs. blue nine
98ºF 88%H
High shoulder pitch for the third ball in a row at the top of the first half (third pitch of the game) white moans and says something.
I turn and say We Will Not Go There Today. No, we will not. Am I clear?
Five heads nod yes
An out later runner steals third catcher throws and beats the runner but the fielder is too slow to swipe a proper tag my son calls the runner safe.
A coach screams BULLSHIT!
I did not hear it
My son did and he turned and in three steps crossed from third to first base line and says to the white team "there will be no profanity on the fields at any time". The five coaches all look like whip lash victims. Here is a 16-year-old telling 30-year-old gansta/MS13 looking men to stop swearing and he does so with all the authority of a grown man. I tell you I was never so proud at that moment.
Not a word fro the rest of the inning.
At the half-blue coach comes down to warm the pitcher. “I am going to call you the no nonsense umpires"
It is too hot to deal with anything other than just baseball.
He agrees.
My son arrives at the plate
I say to him "a warning for profanity?" man that coach owes you a steak dinner." he has no idea that he should be in his car right now.
My son says he did not know which coach said it.
I said if you had tossed the manger, he would have ponies the man up right quick
Yeah you are right
Wow, he is lucky I did not hear the profanity.
The white coach walks up, apologizes, and says that he has the situation under control.
My son says I hope so because it will not be tolerated around these young men.
You are right blue I am sorry
((You know what? My son fucking rocks!))(At 16 he gets it, he has the maturity to do the things it takes to be a man. I did not I was still trying to live and stay alive)
Game 16
Green vs. Blue 13s
me at the dish
3 minutes left of playtime losing team at the plate
Coach complains about a narrow escape at home.
I hear something from his side about picking sides
In addition, he has just said, "you have to call that pitch for both sides blue"
I stop the game.
"Coach, I know that there is 3 minutes left to play and I do not care if there is 30 seconds left to play if I hear one more remark that questions my integrity of my sportsmanship I will toss you to the parking lot and then call ball game.
Do not ever question my honesty I am not here to pick a winner I am here to make the decisions the two coaches cannot.
Yes blue I am sorry.
Game 18
Championship 12s
Yellow vs. white
This game was a tightly played well-pitched game that resembled two boxers in the ring trading punches. Honest to god the first two innings had no more than 13 pitches thrown.
No runner advanced past third base, we played for 3 hours something like 8 innings, and the game ended 7-0.
How you might asked.
White’s #12 was on the mound and the coach told me he was going to sub him in this half as he only had one out left in his allowable count for the tournament, but he was going to let him pitch while his number 2 boys was warming up.
Are you?
Yes.
Yellow coach says hey coach you now he has only one out right.
Yeah I am going to leave him in for it. Thanks for reminding me.
No problem.
I start the game. The pitcher clearly walks the first batter to burn sometime.
I look to white coach to see if he wants time.
I let the yellow batter in the box and he sees three balls and then the pitcher lets one drop into the zone just enough and the batter hits it to third. Third scoops and throws to second. OUT! In addition, the second turns and throws to first for a banger. OUT!
The play could have gone the other excessively. The white coach drops to his knees. The yellow coach is calmly walking up to me. The players and the parents have no clue what just happened except a double play was made and on a bang bang. The umpire on the field has no idea either because he is going back to his position.
Yellow coach goes to me and says the pitcher has pitched too many outs. Yes, I think you may be right, get the tourney director.
The white coach is now explaining to his side what just happened. My partner hears and he just smiles.
The tourney director confirms that the double was too many outs and the white has to forfeit the game.
I told my partner that this is the first time in history that a defensive coach is pissed that an umpire called a double play.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Ejection report, bad attitudes and stinky old men. By John Sleestaxx
Ejection report, bad attitudes and stinky old men.
By John Sleestaxx
So this week-end was a real humdinger.
A pushed tournament schedule.
Rain and power pushed Friday’s games to Saturday and that pushed Saturday down.
Saturday
Red vs. blue (me at the plate)
Red coach refuses to come to the plate while we wait for him to write out his line up. He could have done that while he waited the 30 mins (damn should have thought of that at the time).
Then during the plate meeting he refuses to listen and would not even face the other coach or my self or my partner. I covered 2 of the 6 things in plate before I said "we will flip and you (blue) were here first so you get to call it.
My partner said really is that all?
Yes that is the important things and we will cover the rest when they come up.
Blue loses the flip
My partner said this is going to be a rough game
Red wants to know why
I said rough crowd rough game
My partner said we are on the clock
Red get your boys on the field and get them to work
They need to warm up
No they have got to warm up get them on the field
No we need to warm up you are running 30 mins late that is your fault
No it is not my fault and you will get them on the field
No we need to warm up
You are burning his clock too now get to work]
Red says the other coach "we will get on the field in 3 or five minutes"
No will get on the field now you have had 10 mins already
No we have not
I pull out my watch and look at it yes you have now get on the field
Some dad gets on the field for something and yells "let’s not worry about little arms lets just stay on schedule"
I say to the red coach “you are responsible for your spectators this is your one and only warning"
He gets his boys on the field.
Three pitches in and off the plate by two balls red coach says "WHAT?"
I take off my mask "and say very nicely "We are not going to go there today am I clear?"
No nod, no acknowledgement, but I know he knows
I have a thing that was taught to me in all my clinics about game management "do not let the batters stand and time the pitches while the pitcher is warming up. They are to be in the dirt circle. If you do they could get beaned by the pitcher in the box and if I let them time then I better not say a word about the intentional pitch." So I do not let them do so.
At one point the red coach asks me "why not let them cross?"
I reply "because I said so."
He wants to know "is it a rule?"
Yes it is
At what level?
USSSA to high school to college to major leagues
Really?
Yes it states that the umpire behind the plate is in charge and because I say they can't, they can't.
Oh
And now every half it are trying to get on the other side.
About the fifth inning in reds batter bunts and is in fair territory I call batter out and send everyone back
He wants to know why
I said he was in fair territory when he struck the ball it is a dead ball play no one advances
He says he knows that
Then why did you ask
I wanted to know why the batter was out
And I told you that the batter was in fair territory when he struck the ball and it is a dead play no one advances what is the problem?
No problem.
Then after the half he wants to know where his player was
I told him he was in fair territory (with out moving from my position on the side)
I know but exactly where was his foot
Ok sure I will do you a favor and I step just out side of where the box would be and in font of the plate
Ok
then he goes to the back stop where all the fucking whinny dads are and they begin to have a conversation about "he can't see balls and strikes how can he see where the foot is?" today I am fresh and full of Job and patience I let it go in retrospect or the next day I should have popped the dad on the spot.
The coach bitches and whines like a school girl about how he is never coming here for another tournament (but the babies all say the same thing but guess who you see later next month?)
Game finishes and that is Saturday
Sunday is a bitch it was 100ºF 87% humidity and every field is running late and I have commitments that evening
Blue vs. white (different blue) (me on bases [I hate the bases more work than the plate and I am not in charge])
Blue is whining about some of the pitches but too bad nothing serious and that is my partner’s problem, not mine.
A couple of pick off move that were not even close and you can hear the thunder on the horizon. I have a hungry near sighted coach. Ah Hah! Something is going to happen.
A play at second from the catcher to short not even freaking close!
Blue jumps up and screams "Jesus make a call!"
I call time and motion for the coach to come out to me (I make it a long walk too).
Coach I will not tolerate another out burst like that this is your one and only warning. Am I clear?
He nods
I am sorry I have a deaf ear I did not hear your answer
Yes
Ok then let’s finish the game.
Yes I know I am a fucker at times but you can not sit there in the fucking shade on a fucking bucket over 80' and watch me make a safe call and tell me that I am not making calls. I am making fucking calls all over the place I made calls at first and I made calls at second and I made calls at third. Safe is a call. When I am in B and C position I make calls in the out field too "catch" "no-catch"
Make a call indeed! Harumpff bastard coach whose breath smells of ass!
Red vs. green (different red) (me at the plate)
Plate is nice and crisp but I smell shit in the air.
Greens second batter is rung up on an outside pitch clearly a strike be he just fucking froze. He bangs the plate and yells "that was not a strike!"
I call time and I approach the coach "that player is now on warning for sportsmanship conduct another out burst and I will eject him"
Yes sir that was not tolerable and we will fix it ASAP
Thank you
Top of two the pitcher throws 3 balls off the plate (as far off the plate as three balls) the catcher is signaling they are strikes. On the fourth that was a high pitch at the damn freaking shoulder the parents become a choir.
On the second walk they break into a rendition "oh my god" "that is terrible" "he is horrible pick" "a damn strike zone" it is an eruption of wailing to their pagan baseball gods.
I call time I approach red's coach
Sir you are responsible for your spectators this is your warning and you will not get another do you understand.
No I do not
Well let me explain it to you then
You are responsible for your players your coaches and your spectators. Your spectators are not behaving in a sportsman like manner that is expected from the stands as well in the dug out.
But they are fans I have no control
Then you better because I will eject you for them
You can not do that
You are now just arguing with me, go to the parking lot!
What you can not do that
Which ones
I turn and with out really looking that one and that one
Why them
Because I was asked to pick and they were closest to the parking lot
I can not do that
Ok let me make it easier for you then. You and a player. you want to pick or no let me, you number one....
I will go
I turn go back to the plate I hold the game until I saw him walk past the backstop.
the tournament director came up shortly and asked what is happening
I explain the the stands were arguing balls and strikes I gave the coach a warning he began to argue with me I sent him to the parking lot and he argues soem more so I began to pick players to be ejected.
did you eject a player
No not yet but if it keeps up I will
At this point some old stinky man walked up and began to yell at me. I went back to my game.
The reds catcher began rolling his eyes on every ball call and on every play that was safe he would yell "of course they are not going to call that". (You know here I thought I was being nice)I finally bent down and told the catcher that he better not say any more like that because he can be replaced. (I could have talked to the coach and just gave him his warning right then but I was meaning to give the catcher two this one and then the one to the coach if it continued) But this was clearly a mistake on my part. I should have just replaced the catcher from the top of remarks and been done with it.
Red loses and I am baked. I am fucking down. I lost my 3:30 game because of all the games running late (they gave the game to someone else)
I am at my car getting undressed and the red team is passing through the parking lot and stinky comes shuffling through
"That was the worst game ever"
Thank you. Have a nice day sir
He begins to walk towards telling about how terrible I was.
Sir does not come any closer
Do not step any closer
I reached for my phone
I am going to call the police if you come any closer
He stopped when I put the phone to my ear
You said you were going to eject the catcher to get into his head he said.
No that is not what was said.
Trailing cries of anguish as I explain to dispatch that I no longer was in need of a police officer.
Yes ma'am I am ok there is no danger. I am an umpire and I thought I was going to have trouble with a fan but he has decided to depart. Sorry to have bothered you. Yes I am sure.
They called back. LOL no ma'am everything is all right.
You know if they would just enforce day care for the parents and mandate coaching classes for the managers my life would be easier and I would probably get paid less. Oh well
Happy day it is Monday and I am still alive.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
By John Sleestaxx
So this week-end was a real humdinger.
A pushed tournament schedule.
Rain and power pushed Friday’s games to Saturday and that pushed Saturday down.
Saturday
Red vs. blue (me at the plate)
Red coach refuses to come to the plate while we wait for him to write out his line up. He could have done that while he waited the 30 mins (damn should have thought of that at the time).
Then during the plate meeting he refuses to listen and would not even face the other coach or my self or my partner. I covered 2 of the 6 things in plate before I said "we will flip and you (blue) were here first so you get to call it.
My partner said really is that all?
Yes that is the important things and we will cover the rest when they come up.
Blue loses the flip
My partner said this is going to be a rough game
Red wants to know why
I said rough crowd rough game
My partner said we are on the clock
Red get your boys on the field and get them to work
They need to warm up
No they have got to warm up get them on the field
No we need to warm up you are running 30 mins late that is your fault
No it is not my fault and you will get them on the field
No we need to warm up
You are burning his clock too now get to work]
Red says the other coach "we will get on the field in 3 or five minutes"
No will get on the field now you have had 10 mins already
No we have not
I pull out my watch and look at it yes you have now get on the field
Some dad gets on the field for something and yells "let’s not worry about little arms lets just stay on schedule"
I say to the red coach “you are responsible for your spectators this is your one and only warning"
He gets his boys on the field.
Three pitches in and off the plate by two balls red coach says "WHAT?"
I take off my mask "and say very nicely "We are not going to go there today am I clear?"
No nod, no acknowledgement, but I know he knows
I have a thing that was taught to me in all my clinics about game management "do not let the batters stand and time the pitches while the pitcher is warming up. They are to be in the dirt circle. If you do they could get beaned by the pitcher in the box and if I let them time then I better not say a word about the intentional pitch." So I do not let them do so.
At one point the red coach asks me "why not let them cross?"
I reply "because I said so."
He wants to know "is it a rule?"
Yes it is
At what level?
USSSA to high school to college to major leagues
Really?
Yes it states that the umpire behind the plate is in charge and because I say they can't, they can't.
Oh
And now every half it are trying to get on the other side.
About the fifth inning in reds batter bunts and is in fair territory I call batter out and send everyone back
He wants to know why
I said he was in fair territory when he struck the ball it is a dead ball play no one advances
He says he knows that
Then why did you ask
I wanted to know why the batter was out
And I told you that the batter was in fair territory when he struck the ball and it is a dead play no one advances what is the problem?
No problem.
Then after the half he wants to know where his player was
I told him he was in fair territory (with out moving from my position on the side)
I know but exactly where was his foot
Ok sure I will do you a favor and I step just out side of where the box would be and in font of the plate
Ok
then he goes to the back stop where all the fucking whinny dads are and they begin to have a conversation about "he can't see balls and strikes how can he see where the foot is?" today I am fresh and full of Job and patience I let it go in retrospect or the next day I should have popped the dad on the spot.
The coach bitches and whines like a school girl about how he is never coming here for another tournament (but the babies all say the same thing but guess who you see later next month?)
Game finishes and that is Saturday
Sunday is a bitch it was 100ºF 87% humidity and every field is running late and I have commitments that evening
Blue vs. white (different blue) (me on bases [I hate the bases more work than the plate and I am not in charge])
Blue is whining about some of the pitches but too bad nothing serious and that is my partner’s problem, not mine.
A couple of pick off move that were not even close and you can hear the thunder on the horizon. I have a hungry near sighted coach. Ah Hah! Something is going to happen.
A play at second from the catcher to short not even freaking close!
Blue jumps up and screams "Jesus make a call!"
I call time and motion for the coach to come out to me (I make it a long walk too).
Coach I will not tolerate another out burst like that this is your one and only warning. Am I clear?
He nods
I am sorry I have a deaf ear I did not hear your answer
Yes
Ok then let’s finish the game.
Yes I know I am a fucker at times but you can not sit there in the fucking shade on a fucking bucket over 80' and watch me make a safe call and tell me that I am not making calls. I am making fucking calls all over the place I made calls at first and I made calls at second and I made calls at third. Safe is a call. When I am in B and C position I make calls in the out field too "catch" "no-catch"
Make a call indeed! Harumpff bastard coach whose breath smells of ass!
Red vs. green (different red) (me at the plate)
Plate is nice and crisp but I smell shit in the air.
Greens second batter is rung up on an outside pitch clearly a strike be he just fucking froze. He bangs the plate and yells "that was not a strike!"
I call time and I approach the coach "that player is now on warning for sportsmanship conduct another out burst and I will eject him"
Yes sir that was not tolerable and we will fix it ASAP
Thank you
Top of two the pitcher throws 3 balls off the plate (as far off the plate as three balls) the catcher is signaling they are strikes. On the fourth that was a high pitch at the damn freaking shoulder the parents become a choir.
On the second walk they break into a rendition "oh my god" "that is terrible" "he is horrible pick" "a damn strike zone" it is an eruption of wailing to their pagan baseball gods.
I call time I approach red's coach
Sir you are responsible for your spectators this is your warning and you will not get another do you understand.
No I do not
Well let me explain it to you then
You are responsible for your players your coaches and your spectators. Your spectators are not behaving in a sportsman like manner that is expected from the stands as well in the dug out.
But they are fans I have no control
Then you better because I will eject you for them
You can not do that
You are now just arguing with me, go to the parking lot!
What you can not do that
Which ones
I turn and with out really looking that one and that one
Why them
Because I was asked to pick and they were closest to the parking lot
I can not do that
Ok let me make it easier for you then. You and a player. you want to pick or no let me, you number one....
I will go
I turn go back to the plate I hold the game until I saw him walk past the backstop.
the tournament director came up shortly and asked what is happening
I explain the the stands were arguing balls and strikes I gave the coach a warning he began to argue with me I sent him to the parking lot and he argues soem more so I began to pick players to be ejected.
did you eject a player
No not yet but if it keeps up I will
At this point some old stinky man walked up and began to yell at me. I went back to my game.
The reds catcher began rolling his eyes on every ball call and on every play that was safe he would yell "of course they are not going to call that". (You know here I thought I was being nice)I finally bent down and told the catcher that he better not say any more like that because he can be replaced. (I could have talked to the coach and just gave him his warning right then but I was meaning to give the catcher two this one and then the one to the coach if it continued) But this was clearly a mistake on my part. I should have just replaced the catcher from the top of remarks and been done with it.
Red loses and I am baked. I am fucking down. I lost my 3:30 game because of all the games running late (they gave the game to someone else)
I am at my car getting undressed and the red team is passing through the parking lot and stinky comes shuffling through
"That was the worst game ever"
Thank you. Have a nice day sir
He begins to walk towards telling about how terrible I was.
Sir does not come any closer
Do not step any closer
I reached for my phone
I am going to call the police if you come any closer
He stopped when I put the phone to my ear
You said you were going to eject the catcher to get into his head he said.
No that is not what was said.
Trailing cries of anguish as I explain to dispatch that I no longer was in need of a police officer.
Yes ma'am I am ok there is no danger. I am an umpire and I thought I was going to have trouble with a fan but he has decided to depart. Sorry to have bothered you. Yes I am sure.
They called back. LOL no ma'am everything is all right.
You know if they would just enforce day care for the parents and mandate coaching classes for the managers my life would be easier and I would probably get paid less. Oh well
Happy day it is Monday and I am still alive.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
I have plenty of hate for the 808 By Rev J. Sleestaxx
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Tragic torturous love By Rev. J. Sleestaxx<
Tragic torturous love
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
there is not rhyme or no reason
for this torment and treason
you are the enemy and I love you
but your damage has begun to accrue
the late nights alone begin to haunt
and the things you have said to taunt
are beginning to grind and wear
one my brain and in my soul they tear
your vicious sharp fucking tongue
whips out the insults like a song
the tune rents my heart
the melody breaks it apart
your dead fingers hold my hand
and it feels like breathing sand
I see the puss in your eyes like love
in the dark void I feel the knife shove
deep between the ribs and into the lungs
the blade drives home and I hear what the angels sung
they say to watch for the love of you
and to watch the fear of you too
it is damage what you do
not loving words that you coo
pressing your nails into the flesh of my heart
the blood painted on the sheets is just art
I hate you I love you I war with myself
my dignity and my worth is put on the shelf
you are the keeper of my worth
you are the woman who gave birth
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
there is not rhyme or no reason
for this torment and treason
you are the enemy and I love you
but your damage has begun to accrue
the late nights alone begin to haunt
and the things you have said to taunt
are beginning to grind and wear
one my brain and in my soul they tear
your vicious sharp fucking tongue
whips out the insults like a song
the tune rents my heart
the melody breaks it apart
your dead fingers hold my hand
and it feels like breathing sand
I see the puss in your eyes like love
in the dark void I feel the knife shove
deep between the ribs and into the lungs
the blade drives home and I hear what the angels sung
they say to watch for the love of you
and to watch the fear of you too
it is damage what you do
not loving words that you coo
pressing your nails into the flesh of my heart
the blood painted on the sheets is just art
I hate you I love you I war with myself
my dignity and my worth is put on the shelf
you are the keeper of my worth
you are the woman who gave birth
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Monster Cockroaches, writing your name, and bosses
So this last Friday my boss puts the squeeze on me to work overtime. He knows that the company has not given a raise to any of us in two years. Yes we got bonuses but they were used to put out the fires that were created by the lack of CPI increase compensation. (IE the gas price goes up so does everything else and no increase in salary means one has to extend their credit balance to make the ends meet) the bonus is spent bringing the balances down so you can do it again. I am not going to give away the end of that story as that is a book I am working on right now (My first serious book).
Anyways he says he knows that I have committed much of my time to other endeavors. I point out that while I am receiving some compensation I believe that the service I provide is more of a community service other than a second job. But that I would try and find time to come in and assist in increasing bandwidth in our department.
I do not tell him that I have committed every weekend 12 hours a day.
So I am in on Sunday morning about 2AM it is the only time I am available and I can give him about 6 hours before my first game on Sunday
So here I am at work early. There should be no one in today at this time. I have to go to the bathroom and there on the floor is huge cockroach crawling across the floor. I look around no one is in the stalls. I unzip and begin peeing on the cockroach. I do not know and do not ask me why all I know is that made complete total sense at that hour with the 5 hours of sleep I had after doing three plates in a row. So I am peeing on this poor pathetic creature of god and the bathroom door opens I jump two steps to the left and stand in front of the urinal and pretend that I am peeing but in fact the movement has created a moment that there was a stoppage in the flow.
In walks a suit now for a suit to be on my floor at this hour means that he is very important and there is some shit about to hit the fan.
He walks in stops (I hear him behind me) "holy shit look at the size of that beast!"
"Yeah big one" I answer back
"Yeah and it looks like you had him on the run until I came in"
"What?"
"I came in as you were peeing on him"
"No I do not know whaa...."
"Ahh come on... do not lie I am going to pee on him too" as he unzips his trousers and starts to pee on the roach
I can not put into the right context the strange scene I saw when I turned around and saw this executive vice president pissing on the cockroach.
so as I stepped around the EVP pissing on the floor so I did not get splashed on so I can wash my hands he began to mutter ahhhhh oh yeah oh yeah there you go you like that don't you Mr. bug ah yeah drink up little buddy drink up. He then shakes and zips.
He laughs a laugh that gives me the creeps and bends over to look closer at the bug in his urine
Oh yeah fucking cockroaches they make me sick and he stomps on the roach.
HA hey I am Craig Rodgers glad to meet you and he extends his hand. I start to reach out and the pulls back "Sorry I did not wash"
I pull back yeah I am John Sleestaxx
Yeah? What are you doing here on a Sunday so early?
I am trying to increase the bandwidth of my group while there is a bottleneck
Why is there a bottle neck shouldn't you supervisor seen this and started something else before you had to be in at 3am?
Hey I do not know smarter people than me run this place I just do what is needed to make it run smooth.
Well maybe you should some see me later this week about the over time that is needed.
Who knows public urination on bugs is a test for promotions and I passed. It could be some kind of code that I broke by accident like the senator that played footsie and found that gay’s guys uses that for code.
You know I do not know about this as the last time I was in a situation like this some mother fucker tried to break into my car and I went ape-shit and beat the fucker so bad I got sued by the criminal.
Or maybe he is going to fire my ass on Monday. Or maybe he wants the dirt on my boss.
Who knows?
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Anyways he says he knows that I have committed much of my time to other endeavors. I point out that while I am receiving some compensation I believe that the service I provide is more of a community service other than a second job. But that I would try and find time to come in and assist in increasing bandwidth in our department.
I do not tell him that I have committed every weekend 12 hours a day.
So I am in on Sunday morning about 2AM it is the only time I am available and I can give him about 6 hours before my first game on Sunday
So here I am at work early. There should be no one in today at this time. I have to go to the bathroom and there on the floor is huge cockroach crawling across the floor. I look around no one is in the stalls. I unzip and begin peeing on the cockroach. I do not know and do not ask me why all I know is that made complete total sense at that hour with the 5 hours of sleep I had after doing three plates in a row. So I am peeing on this poor pathetic creature of god and the bathroom door opens I jump two steps to the left and stand in front of the urinal and pretend that I am peeing but in fact the movement has created a moment that there was a stoppage in the flow.
In walks a suit now for a suit to be on my floor at this hour means that he is very important and there is some shit about to hit the fan.
He walks in stops (I hear him behind me) "holy shit look at the size of that beast!"
"Yeah big one" I answer back
"Yeah and it looks like you had him on the run until I came in"
"What?"
"I came in as you were peeing on him"
"No I do not know whaa...."
"Ahh come on... do not lie I am going to pee on him too" as he unzips his trousers and starts to pee on the roach
I can not put into the right context the strange scene I saw when I turned around and saw this executive vice president pissing on the cockroach.
so as I stepped around the EVP pissing on the floor so I did not get splashed on so I can wash my hands he began to mutter ahhhhh oh yeah oh yeah there you go you like that don't you Mr. bug ah yeah drink up little buddy drink up. He then shakes and zips.
He laughs a laugh that gives me the creeps and bends over to look closer at the bug in his urine
Oh yeah fucking cockroaches they make me sick and he stomps on the roach.
HA hey I am Craig Rodgers glad to meet you and he extends his hand. I start to reach out and the pulls back "Sorry I did not wash"
I pull back yeah I am John Sleestaxx
Yeah? What are you doing here on a Sunday so early?
I am trying to increase the bandwidth of my group while there is a bottleneck
Why is there a bottle neck shouldn't you supervisor seen this and started something else before you had to be in at 3am?
Hey I do not know smarter people than me run this place I just do what is needed to make it run smooth.
Well maybe you should some see me later this week about the over time that is needed.
Who knows public urination on bugs is a test for promotions and I passed. It could be some kind of code that I broke by accident like the senator that played footsie and found that gay’s guys uses that for code.
You know I do not know about this as the last time I was in a situation like this some mother fucker tried to break into my car and I went ape-shit and beat the fucker so bad I got sued by the criminal.
Or maybe he is going to fire my ass on Monday. Or maybe he wants the dirt on my boss.
Who knows?
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
In My Neighborhood #15 Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Miley Cyrus has her lemonade stand out and Wendy and Billy idol are joging last evening this past Saturday and they have finished their 5th loop past the stand iand I guess the traffic has been slow because Miley calls to them "Hy you two must be thirsty by now you have ran past five times. How about some lemonade? On the house.
Really? Billy asks
“Yeah sure business” Miley Cyrus explains “has been slow and I have to pack it in soon and why should I waste it.”
“If you two like maybe next time you will stop and pay for some.”
So she pours two larges for them.
Wendy reaches into her sock for some cash and Miley Cyrus stops her "No ma-am I told you it was on the house."
Wendy says "Well the lemonade tastes great and I thought I would pay now for some and then later when you are out here again I can get some more.”
“No you two do not need to do that.”
“Why thank you.”
“You are sure a nice little girl.”
“Well you two sure are nice for punkers.”
Some laughter then Miley Cyrus asks, “Hey are you really punkers or are you all pretending for the image.”
Well that was it! Billy lost it. His harelip/whiplash pout jumped on his face and he began to yell "What you do not think I am punk? Well how about this?” And he pours the lemonade on Miley Cyrus’ head
Wendy just laughs and says “Hey Billy she is just a kid.”
“No man, here how about this?” And he jumps onto her table and begins to dance like in his rebel yell video.
And the table breaks.
“There now!” He says from the ground on his back "Is that punk enough for you?"
Miley begins to cry and Billy Ray Cyrus comes out and yells at Billy Idol. Billy begins to bawl about his back and Wendy starts to step in front of Mr. Cyrus and Billy Ray starts to step past Wendy and she side steps back in front and Billy Ray goes to push her, and Holy fucking Christ it was blur Wendy had Billy Ray Cyrus’ hand back and up and twisted. And then as Billy Ray Cyrus cried out, he was air borne flying backward and he hit the dirt in a big whuffff.
Now the two Bills were on the ground crying and Miley was crying and Wendy stood on Billy Ray Cyrus chest and began to yell “Get down you dumb muther fucker.”
Miley thought Wendy was talking to her and she dropped to the ground.
Everybody was crying now and Wendy was just yelling.
Johnny Cash came out to see what the noise was about and when he saw Wendy standing on Billy Ray Cyrus he ran over to the melee.
He helped little Miley Cyrus up and then he told her to go into the house
Then he stepped over to Wendy and shoved her off Billy Ray and helped Mr. Cyrus up
Then he reached down to Billy Idol and instead of helping him he grabbed the vest by the collar and brought him up to his face as he bent down at the same time. Then he said something to Billy Idol because Billy just shook his head, then he nodded his head and a dark spot showed up on his sweat pants. Billy Idol pee’d his pants. Johnny Cash scare the piss out of Billy Idol.
Miley Cyrus's mother came running out and when she made eye contact with Wendy she stopped running and walked up the mess.
John let go of Billy with a disgusted motion and strode back to his house.
Miley Cyrus pointed at Billy Idol and whispered to her mother who turned and told Miley Cyrus to go back into the house.
She went to her husband and asked him if he was alright.
Then she looked at Billy idol and Wendy and told them "It might be best if you two do not stop for lemonade any more." then she turned to her husband and said "I want to move right now"
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Really? Billy asks
“Yeah sure business” Miley Cyrus explains “has been slow and I have to pack it in soon and why should I waste it.”
“If you two like maybe next time you will stop and pay for some.”
So she pours two larges for them.
Wendy reaches into her sock for some cash and Miley Cyrus stops her "No ma-am I told you it was on the house."
Wendy says "Well the lemonade tastes great and I thought I would pay now for some and then later when you are out here again I can get some more.”
“No you two do not need to do that.”
“Why thank you.”
“You are sure a nice little girl.”
“Well you two sure are nice for punkers.”
Some laughter then Miley Cyrus asks, “Hey are you really punkers or are you all pretending for the image.”
Well that was it! Billy lost it. His harelip/whiplash pout jumped on his face and he began to yell "What you do not think I am punk? Well how about this?” And he pours the lemonade on Miley Cyrus’ head
Wendy just laughs and says “Hey Billy she is just a kid.”
“No man, here how about this?” And he jumps onto her table and begins to dance like in his rebel yell video.
And the table breaks.
“There now!” He says from the ground on his back "Is that punk enough for you?"
Miley begins to cry and Billy Ray Cyrus comes out and yells at Billy Idol. Billy begins to bawl about his back and Wendy starts to step in front of Mr. Cyrus and Billy Ray starts to step past Wendy and she side steps back in front and Billy Ray goes to push her, and Holy fucking Christ it was blur Wendy had Billy Ray Cyrus’ hand back and up and twisted. And then as Billy Ray Cyrus cried out, he was air borne flying backward and he hit the dirt in a big whuffff.
Now the two Bills were on the ground crying and Miley was crying and Wendy stood on Billy Ray Cyrus chest and began to yell “Get down you dumb muther fucker.”
Miley thought Wendy was talking to her and she dropped to the ground.
Everybody was crying now and Wendy was just yelling.
Johnny Cash came out to see what the noise was about and when he saw Wendy standing on Billy Ray Cyrus he ran over to the melee.
He helped little Miley Cyrus up and then he told her to go into the house
Then he stepped over to Wendy and shoved her off Billy Ray and helped Mr. Cyrus up
Then he reached down to Billy Idol and instead of helping him he grabbed the vest by the collar and brought him up to his face as he bent down at the same time. Then he said something to Billy Idol because Billy just shook his head, then he nodded his head and a dark spot showed up on his sweat pants. Billy Idol pee’d his pants. Johnny Cash scare the piss out of Billy Idol.
Miley Cyrus's mother came running out and when she made eye contact with Wendy she stopped running and walked up the mess.
John let go of Billy with a disgusted motion and strode back to his house.
Miley Cyrus pointed at Billy Idol and whispered to her mother who turned and told Miley Cyrus to go back into the house.
She went to her husband and asked him if he was alright.
Then she looked at Billy idol and Wendy and told them "It might be best if you two do not stop for lemonade any more." then she turned to her husband and said "I want to move right now"
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
You can not do what i do
I am calling this post;
If you can not do what I do, do not try to tell me how to do it.
My life is a dead corpse and I am exposed naked flesh of my mothers sins and father transgressions.
My torture is the ropes of my past pressed into my throat and my genitals are stuffed into my mouth.
My tears are acid on my cheeks cutting through the dirt of my failures.
My screams are the thunderous laughter of a sitcom laugh track being played over the actions of my enemies stabbing me in the back.
My world is lit with demon fire spot lighting my fears.
My failures are graffiti on the walls for the world to see.
Other notes of my past week
Baseball everyday last week except one day of softball. I can not remember a single incident to mention.
This week end I did 13 games
Friday no issues
Saturday two in the morn with my son
I double plated for him as he felt under the weather.
When we were done he commented on how well I ran the games and that my zone was rock solid
Then I had two 14's
Good games. But I was a prick and did not mean to be. (For once can you believe it?)
I had a banger at first from "C" I rang the boy up for the third out.
The coach came to me and asked if he could appeal that call
Without meaning to I chuckled and said "absolutely not I saw that play all the way in and it was my call"
He turns and shoots a drive by I felt the foot was pulled hats all.
I think about what I said and how I sounded and asked my partner "was I just a prick?"
Well you sounded cocky
Shit that was not what I meant at all
Should I go talk to the coach about it?
naw it is too late he can just stew on it but this is how you should have approached it. And he instructed me on the proper conversation
Then I close the day with 2 more games with my son
Again I had a banger at 1st from "C" but this time I was out of angle but the ball got there first punched the ticket
1st base coach called time I looked and him he asked the right way " hey blue can you get some help on that because the foot was off the bag and your partner may have seen it better from his angle."
I turn and there is the other coach trying to chew on my partner.
Coach get to your box now. it is my call But but
No, coach go back to your place
He began to argue and I started to turn I was going to drop the whole thing right there.
He left to his box
I ask my partner was the foot off or on?
it was off
shit shit shit this is going to suck!
yeah I know
are you sure?
yes I am sure it is going to suck
I smile
Ok then here comes the shit storm
I turn "runner is safe get the team back on the field.
Screams and yells and crying and yelling
The defensive coach starts to yell at my partner
I step up
Coach that is my call talk to me
How can you let him over turn that
That is not the way to do that
No coach he did not over turn anything
Yes he did
No I was asked the correct way if I could get some help since I was angled out and may have missed the pulled foot.
I asked for another angle I got some input and I changed my call
Now get your team on the field
he starts "you know I have played pro ball for eight years and umpired too and you guys always seem to screw this up"
This conversation is over get your team on the field and get in the dugout I turn
The team piles back on and the coach asks for a warm up for his pitcher
No he does not need one.
What why not
Because I said so
After a run scores they get the third out.
I walk up to my partner as the coach is chewing on my partner
I start to explain again and gets quippy with my tone gets loud (bad thing)
Why are you yelling at me
I am not yelling I talking louder because you are not listening
Yes I am
No you are not. Because I said this conversation is over and you are still trying to talk about this
I am talking to your partner about the play
While I am here to talk to him and you are looking at me as you talk that means you are talking to me about something I told you was over. See you do not listen
I stand there looking at him not saying a word he finally walks away.
My partner said you know you interrupted me as I was bout to eject him
Oh man I am sorry shit your first ejection I took it away from you I am so sorry really I feel real bad
That’s ok let me handle my game my way.
Yes you are right I am sorry
I stayed out after that.
Then I was on the plate for the last game of the day and I had contact at the plate I deemed non-malicious but he was out
The defense wanted an ejection
I told it was not malicious and that the boy was attempting to slid. he was going down head first with his hands out looking at the ground, his hands never
Made contact with the catcher but they did collide
Coach yelled at me about how a slide works I just look at him blankly
Then I saw coach I know what a feet first slide is and what it looks like but I do not know why you are screaming at me about something I have already ruled on.
Now go back to the dug out and never approach me like this again.
I turned and went back to the plate.
Sunday
14s
I got many compliments about my zone from both sides.
My partners all said I could have gotten a little wider but in all I was rock solid.
My last 14yo game
Green was losing by a huge number and it was down to the last 12 minutes
Dribbler to short
Short scoops and throws late (he double pumped) but it gets there in time and the runner throws his shoulder into the first basemen knocking him down
I point that is malicious and the runner is ejected just as my partner is doing the same
The coach comes to me
Are you really ejecting my player?
Yes
\ This late in the game
Yes I do not want to see him on the field or in your dugout.
But that was not malicious the fielder was covering the bag
No coach your player had an avenue to the bag that did not require throwing his shoulder into the basemen and you know it
So he is ejected?
Yes coach he is ejected.
We finish the game and green loses.
I close the day on an 11AAA consolation game with a team that ate my lunch last year
And the only thing they could chirp about was a third strike that may have been dropped
I was obstructed and I looked at my partner for indication I got none so let them start the throw to first
My partner calls the batter out that the strike was caught and A fucker dad yells well he was not saying anything
I turn with a big smile on my face to him (He was outside but I talked to him anyways) your catcher blocked my view so that made the call my partners call and I do not have to make that call if the catcher blocks my view.
Everyone laughed at the dad and the frankness of the whole exchange like yeah you know that!
Not another peep from fucker
the game came down to 9 to 0 at the top of 4 visitor still can not score so now at bottom of 4 we get a walk and he steals second a bad throw puts him on his way to third and a pass ball puts the ball into the dugout fence it rattles about by the fence and touches a non player standing out side of the dug out.
Dead ball runner goes home ball game
The coaches all knew that was the right call and they just said "line up"
That was my horribly slow and boring weekend
I know I am late with another review but I was working till 10:30 every night last week and this week too.
If you can not do what I do, do not try to tell me how to do it.
My life is a dead corpse and I am exposed naked flesh of my mothers sins and father transgressions.
My torture is the ropes of my past pressed into my throat and my genitals are stuffed into my mouth.
My tears are acid on my cheeks cutting through the dirt of my failures.
My screams are the thunderous laughter of a sitcom laugh track being played over the actions of my enemies stabbing me in the back.
My world is lit with demon fire spot lighting my fears.
My failures are graffiti on the walls for the world to see.
Other notes of my past week
Baseball everyday last week except one day of softball. I can not remember a single incident to mention.
This week end I did 13 games
Friday no issues
Saturday two in the morn with my son
I double plated for him as he felt under the weather.
When we were done he commented on how well I ran the games and that my zone was rock solid
Then I had two 14's
Good games. But I was a prick and did not mean to be. (For once can you believe it?)
I had a banger at first from "C" I rang the boy up for the third out.
The coach came to me and asked if he could appeal that call
Without meaning to I chuckled and said "absolutely not I saw that play all the way in and it was my call"
He turns and shoots a drive by I felt the foot was pulled hats all.
I think about what I said and how I sounded and asked my partner "was I just a prick?"
Well you sounded cocky
Shit that was not what I meant at all
Should I go talk to the coach about it?
naw it is too late he can just stew on it but this is how you should have approached it. And he instructed me on the proper conversation
Then I close the day with 2 more games with my son
Again I had a banger at 1st from "C" but this time I was out of angle but the ball got there first punched the ticket
1st base coach called time I looked and him he asked the right way " hey blue can you get some help on that because the foot was off the bag and your partner may have seen it better from his angle."
I turn and there is the other coach trying to chew on my partner.
Coach get to your box now. it is my call But but
No, coach go back to your place
He began to argue and I started to turn I was going to drop the whole thing right there.
He left to his box
I ask my partner was the foot off or on?
it was off
shit shit shit this is going to suck!
yeah I know
are you sure?
yes I am sure it is going to suck
I smile
Ok then here comes the shit storm
I turn "runner is safe get the team back on the field.
Screams and yells and crying and yelling
The defensive coach starts to yell at my partner
I step up
Coach that is my call talk to me
How can you let him over turn that
That is not the way to do that
No coach he did not over turn anything
Yes he did
No I was asked the correct way if I could get some help since I was angled out and may have missed the pulled foot.
I asked for another angle I got some input and I changed my call
Now get your team on the field
he starts "you know I have played pro ball for eight years and umpired too and you guys always seem to screw this up"
This conversation is over get your team on the field and get in the dugout I turn
The team piles back on and the coach asks for a warm up for his pitcher
No he does not need one.
What why not
Because I said so
After a run scores they get the third out.
I walk up to my partner as the coach is chewing on my partner
I start to explain again and gets quippy with my tone gets loud (bad thing)
Why are you yelling at me
I am not yelling I talking louder because you are not listening
Yes I am
No you are not. Because I said this conversation is over and you are still trying to talk about this
I am talking to your partner about the play
While I am here to talk to him and you are looking at me as you talk that means you are talking to me about something I told you was over. See you do not listen
I stand there looking at him not saying a word he finally walks away.
My partner said you know you interrupted me as I was bout to eject him
Oh man I am sorry shit your first ejection I took it away from you I am so sorry really I feel real bad
That’s ok let me handle my game my way.
Yes you are right I am sorry
I stayed out after that.
Then I was on the plate for the last game of the day and I had contact at the plate I deemed non-malicious but he was out
The defense wanted an ejection
I told it was not malicious and that the boy was attempting to slid. he was going down head first with his hands out looking at the ground, his hands never
Made contact with the catcher but they did collide
Coach yelled at me about how a slide works I just look at him blankly
Then I saw coach I know what a feet first slide is and what it looks like but I do not know why you are screaming at me about something I have already ruled on.
Now go back to the dug out and never approach me like this again.
I turned and went back to the plate.
Sunday
14s
I got many compliments about my zone from both sides.
My partners all said I could have gotten a little wider but in all I was rock solid.
My last 14yo game
Green was losing by a huge number and it was down to the last 12 minutes
Dribbler to short
Short scoops and throws late (he double pumped) but it gets there in time and the runner throws his shoulder into the first basemen knocking him down
I point that is malicious and the runner is ejected just as my partner is doing the same
The coach comes to me
Are you really ejecting my player?
Yes
\ This late in the game
Yes I do not want to see him on the field or in your dugout.
But that was not malicious the fielder was covering the bag
No coach your player had an avenue to the bag that did not require throwing his shoulder into the basemen and you know it
So he is ejected?
Yes coach he is ejected.
We finish the game and green loses.
I close the day on an 11AAA consolation game with a team that ate my lunch last year
And the only thing they could chirp about was a third strike that may have been dropped
I was obstructed and I looked at my partner for indication I got none so let them start the throw to first
My partner calls the batter out that the strike was caught and A fucker dad yells well he was not saying anything
I turn with a big smile on my face to him (He was outside but I talked to him anyways) your catcher blocked my view so that made the call my partners call and I do not have to make that call if the catcher blocks my view.
Everyone laughed at the dad and the frankness of the whole exchange like yeah you know that!
Not another peep from fucker
the game came down to 9 to 0 at the top of 4 visitor still can not score so now at bottom of 4 we get a walk and he steals second a bad throw puts him on his way to third and a pass ball puts the ball into the dugout fence it rattles about by the fence and touches a non player standing out side of the dug out.
Dead ball runner goes home ball game
The coaches all knew that was the right call and they just said "line up"
That was my horribly slow and boring weekend
I know I am late with another review but I was working till 10:30 every night last week and this week too.
| Currently reading Like A Monkey With A Handgun By Rev. J. Sleestaxx Release date: By 3 December, 2007 | | Also reading With A Mouthful Of Razorblades By Rev. J. Sleestaxx Release date: By 6 February, 2007 |
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