What is a real man?

What is a real man?
By Rev. John Sleestaxx

I have a twitter account I follow many people and many follow me. I follow an account that claims to be writing an auto-bio and he posted a question what is the definition of a “real man”. And I got to thinking.
The dictionary does not define real man but it does say that a man is.
The bible does not define a real man but does speak of the rules of manhood.
How do we know what a real man is?
“Dope” an industrial metal band has many songs that speaks to me Slipping away is one in particular the lyrics that start out

“I'm trying hard to understand
I'm trying hard to do the things it takes to be a man
Life's slipping away from me
It's not the way I thought it'd be”
Dope 2007

Today I think the fine art of being a man or shall we say the great industry to be a man has been outsourced to week kneed, milk sop bastards. We have decided that MTV can raise our kids, that video games and the like can raise our kids. Now wait! I am not blaming video games or Television on anything they onus falls on the parents to instill a foundation of proper values and human ethics. If this is done right there is nothing wrong with video games and television and internet. Everyone is properly armed to make the right and ethical decisions based on the information that is at hand.
But the captains of industry and the pirates of the economy have created a terrible climate that causes many men to be busy and the education of a real man is lost in a sea of excess and debauchery. MTV tells everyone to run around and stick your dick in anything ANYTHING that feels right and to not worry about the consequences this is defiantly an attack on the proper teaching of manhood.

Ecc 11:9
Rejoice, young man, while you are young, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes, but know that God will judge your motives and actions.

This causes a GIGO (garbage in garbage out) syndrome. Early dad hood to a dad who does not know how to be a man creates a climate of the blind leading the blind and well shit there goes the whole industry of being a man.
Dad can be too fucked up in the head too damaged from the improper teachings to know what it takes to be a man. To them just having a penis is being a man and that is not right at all to be a man is too do the right thing for the community, for your family, for the church, and for the rest of the world. But if the system gets broken like it has then you get sinners raising sinners, raising zealots, and uneducated penis wielding morons running around creating more morons and fucking up the world even more.
This has to stop!
[Pound on the podium]
Be a man. Show what working hard will get you.
[Pound on the podium]
Be a man show what doing the right thing does for everyone concerned
[Pound on the podium]
Dads get your shit together and think about your legacy think about what you are giving to the world to run the world after you have stepped down.

Gen 49:3
Reuben, you are my firstborn, my might and the beginning of my strength, outstanding in dignity, outstanding in power.

[Yelling and pounding on the podium]
Is this what you want?
[Yelling and pounding on the podium]
This is the definition of a man?
[Yelling and pounding on the podium]
Is this the right thing?
I say no and I say know the right thing it is in your heart no matter what you have been taught by MTV and the internet and video games. That is why you clean your browser cache or all the porn stops you made.

(0.35) Isa 57:8
Behind the door and doorpost you put your symbols. Indeed, you depart from me and go up and invite them into bed with you. You purchase favors from them, you love their bed, and gaze longingly on their genitals

You know what is right because you look over your shoulder when you think about stealing that candy bar at the self check out. I know you; I can always tell when one of you is thinking wrong thoughts. I can smell the thief from a mile away. The stink of fear and guilt is powerful stuff. You would not have that smell if you did not know the right things. Listen to your heart if god is in your heart it will never ever lie to you.
Today was brought to you by The Knights of Acrimony they assist in the counseling of young men who have become fathers but did not realize they have responsibilities other than to say "of course I will still love you".
Some times these stubborn young men need some persuasion to step up to the plate. But once the Knights of Acrimony talk with them they usually realize the errors of there ways.

Eph 4:13
Until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God – a mature person, attaining to the measure of Christ’s full stature.

So stop and talk to them. If you have a daughter, get their e-mail.
In that vein of thinking I need to bring to light that he local homeless shelter is asking for assistance for extra blankets and jackets. Please do not give them anything. I have started a program here at The First Execration Church of Odium Anathema.
If you feel, you need to help those that chose to be blight and a resource hog on our society then bring your happy ass down to the church on Saturday night. On Saturday nights we are going to go out and pick up as many homeless people as we can fit into the commuter vans and drive them to the next city to be a burden on them and their resources.
You can see to it that our city prospers and the politician’s will have to refund many of the surplus dollars that did not get spent on homeless programs like the homeless shelter.
The raise a roof for the unwed mothers program is a success we have re-shingled five roofs in the last 4 months.
I would like to thank all of you who did not honk last Sunday. You all are the perfection of a church going member of society. And to those of you who still did not get the message and I was able to catch I am sure bruises and lacerations of your education will heel soon enough.
It won’t hurt for ever.

To the Church in Thyatira

Letters to the church from the lord #4
To the Church in Thyatira
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

2:18 “To the angel of the church in Thyatira write the following:

“This is the solemn pronouncement of the Son of God, the one who has eyes like a fiery flame and whose feet are like polished bronze:
Rev 2:19 ‘I know your deeds: your love, faith, service, and steadfast endurance. In fact, your more recent deeds are greater than your earlier ones.
Rev 2:20 But I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and by her teaching deceives my servants to commit sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols. Rev 2:21 I have given her time to repent, but she is not willing to repent of her sexual immorality. Rev 2:22 Look! I am throwing her onto a bed of violent illness, and those who commit adultery with her into terrible suffering, unless they repent of her deeds. Rev 2:23 Furthermore, I will strike her followers with a deadly disease, and then all the churches will know that I am the one who searches minds and hearts. I will repay each one of you what your deeds deserve. Rev 2:24 But to the rest of you in Thyatira, all who do not hold to this teaching (who have not learned the so-called “deep secrets of Satan”), to you I say: I do not put any additional burden on you. Rev 2:25 However, hold on to what you have until I come. Rev 2:26 And to the one who conquers and who continues in my deeds until the end, I will give him authority over the nations – Rev 2:27 he will rule them with an iron rod and like clay jars he will break them to pieces, Rev 2:28 just as I have received the right to rule from my Father – and I will give him the morning star. Rev 2:29 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

Fiery flame for eyes and bronze feet. The lord is saying that he is the strong one and he sees all. He seeing into the hearts of all men and knows what evil lurks in the soul of everyone of god's children. That is why god created jesus and sent him. god was tired of looking into our hearts and minds and seeing the evil and sickness that is ourselves.
We are an evil, evil twisted race. we deserve every beating that god gives us. If you are looking at me right know and you are thinking "no that is not true! I do not have evil thoughts" Then you are lying to yourself and to god. But god knows the truth. he sees into your weak pitiful little pea fucking brain and knows that you think about ramming your car into that fucker that cut you off on the way to work.

Isa 47:10
You were complacent in your evil deeds; you thought, ‘No one sees me.’ Your self-professed wisdom and knowledge lead you astray, when you say, ‘I am unique! No one can compare to me!’

and you thought about what it would be like to bash the head in of that old lady that cut in your line at the grocery store and then pretended to be sorry and you let her stay because she was old and you hoped that when you are old like her that someone will be nice to you. But on the inside you thought about the crow bar you have in the trunk and you thought about "How blood can there be in the brain really?"

Job 40:12
Look at every proud man and abase him; crush the wicked on the spot!

Isa 53:10
Though the Lord desired to crush him and make him ill, once restitution is made, he will see descendants and enjoy long life, and the Lord’s purpose will be accomplished through him.

"I know the movies make it seem like a lot of blood, but really would there be a big mess or a little mess?" "would the skull just crush and the skin not break or would the head open up like a melon?" would the sound of the skull sound like a bundle sticks broken on the knee or would it sound more wet and splintery"
The church tolerated sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. We all want to live selfishly and we all want to just do what ever feels good and take care of our own pleasure needs. This evident in the way corporate America is run and the way the government controls the economy. But in the end is this the way god intended us to behave?

[Bang On the podium] NO!
[Bang On the podium] HELL NO!

Rom 13:13
Let us live decently as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in discord and jealousy.

Mat 15:19
For out of the heart come evil ideas, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

Num 25:1
When Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to commit sexual immorality with the daughters of Moab.

He wanted us to behave with dignity and respect. He wanted us to go forth and prosper. He wanted us to care for our fellow man. But instead we fuck our neighbor. we screw our employees and we just down right commit terrible terrible twisted sins of unimaginable scale against the planet and then we think we can say we are sorry and the gates will open and god will say "eh he said he was sorry"

[Bang On the podium] NO!
[Bang On the podium] HELL NO!

Right! The lord is saying he sees when you are sorry and he can tell when you are lying. He is not going to tolerate this crap any fucking longer.

[Bang On the podium]

You "captains of industry" had better get you houses in order because the day of reckoning is coming and god is fucking pissed. He is pissed at how you all fuck the little guy and how you rape the market and run around like selfish little kids.
You all better get your fucking houses in order because the good lord is coming to pay you all back for your perverted sick pleasure sins that you all have perpetrated on the rest of us and he is going to dish it out like no other punishment on this god forsaken piece of fucking dirt has ever been mended out.

2Th 1:9
They will undergo the penalty of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his strength,

Rom 1:27
and likewise the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed in their passions for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

You are all going to feel the wrath of god for the sins you have committed and you all are going to cry and say girly things like “I did not know, I did not mean it, it is not my fault,” and the best “everybody else was doing it too.”
But you know what?? Everyone else will be burn in hell too. And no this is not the hell mark twain comments about this is the fiery pits and the demons eating your soul over and over again.

Jer 50:15
Shout the battle cry from all around the city. She will throw up her hands in surrender. Her towers will fall. Her walls will be torn down. Because I, the Lord, am wreaking revenge, take out your vengeance on her! Do to her as she has done!

This is the same hell that criminals will be sent to and the same hell rapists will be sent to because you are no different in the eyes of god. You are just the same twisted tragic lost fucking soul as the murders and child predators.
Yes god in heaven will weep for the loss of your soul but the tears will not be enough to extinguish the flames that will roast and toast your pansy ass feet and blister your scalp. You fucktards!
You all fucken piss me off more that I can ever portray in this sermon.
Bring it bitch! I will thump you the word of god until the words "holy bible" are tattooed into your forehead.
You fuckers make me sick!
I would like everyone to stand and welcome the guests we have here today.
Today the cardinal and arch bishop of the Cheyenne catholic diocese stopped by as well as the minister from the second Baptist church of Buzzard Breath. Apparently some of the ministering I have been doing has been carried to other denominations and they came by to see how my style is compared to theirs.
They asked me to come by their churches in the next couple of weeks and after my sermon I will see if they still would like me to come by.
There is good news coming from the boy’s camp. It seems that the friendly competition between the girls and the boys have taken some what of a soap opera type turn. The boys are crying foul and saying that the girls are using steroids.
The girls insist they are not but after the tests comeback we will decide the punishment for the camp that is wrong.
And trust this old reverend, the punishment will make the one crying foul or the one cheating wishing they had been gathered up by the rapture the day before.
Please stop ion the foyer to partake of the cookies and coffee. Please stop and talk to our guests and make them feel welcome.
The choir is in need of a throaty raspy bass to complete the album, “The lord loves death metal too”. The last singer has developed a bad case of laryngitis and the album is about complete.
DO NOT HONK TODAY. I want to make sure that our first impression on our guests is a good one!

Go in peace and have a nice day!


Originally uploaded by cwtstraydog
I have been in a fairly private window cube for about 13 years. one day some boob thought hey lets move the great reverend into a more open space enviroment and stake his window away AND give him less space.
 So i had to move into an area with 80 sinners and mouth breathers. i am contastantly barraged with germs and viruses and loud fuckers looking into my cube.
 I had to throw so much shit away it made me nearly cry.
 It has been a week and i am moved in and i feel nearly at home. the plant was a joke but i think it added the right warmth to a very anti-septic looking enviroment.
 these new cubes were very institutionalized and very cookie cutter like. but mine is like home away from home. 

My New Home

I have been in a fairly private window cube for about 13 years.
one day some boob thought hey lets move the great reverend into a more open space enviroment and stake his window away AND give him less space.

So i had to move into an area with 80 sinners and mouth breathers. i am contastantly barraged with germs and viruses and loud fuckers looking into my cube.

I had to throw so much shit away it made me nearly cry.

It has been a week and i am moved in and i feel nearly at home. the plant was a joke but i think it added the right warmth to a very anti-septic looking enviroment.

these new cubes were very instituttionalized and very cookie cutter like. but mine is like home away from home.

Gog and Magog

Gog and Magog
By Rev. John Sleestaxx

The lord looked down from the heavens and saw the Wal-Mart’s, the baseball parents, the evil corporate leaders and the two faced banking pirates, economic raiders, and insurance privateers. And he wept from the sorrow that was more than the heavens could bear.
And then god looked down upon the world he witness such great greed that he shed a tear for the captains of industry and the heads of corporations. He saw the leaders of banks and economies and an emotion of anger came upon him so strong that he became enraged.
So the sadness over flowed into the Great Reverend Sleestaxx and that much sadness burned his soul and made him mad with anger and rage.
The great reverend began to sermonize and preach about the anger and rage that lived in his soul.
But was not enough for the lord he was too angry, he was too hurt, he was just plain pissed off.
He witnessed great leaders of multitudes of Huumans rubbing themselves on everything they came across and the rubbing created such a strong lustful passion that the great leaders smelled the musty lust of one another and they too became enflamed and they too began to rub and grind on one another. And the children witnessed the sex and began mating with Huumans and animals and members of the same sex. The fornication enraged the lord and he struck down upon the fornicators and sinners with great malice and might. Like a column of fire from the sky the lord destroyed the cities and churches and places of sex worship. God became disgusted and disappointed with us. God gave up on us.
God turned his back on us and let us fall victim to Gog and Magog.
The ailing and crying and the blasphemous prayers is what woke the great lords Gog and Magog. These two vile lords were nothing more than glorified demons that did the dirty evil work that god and Jesus can not do.
They are thing one and thing two for the heavens.
Gog and Magog winked against the mortal sunlight. On the winds they smelled prospering mortals and the riches of many kings.
But it was the smell of decadence and evil debauchery that warmed their skin from the millions or years of sleep. They looked to the west and saw the gleaming multitudes of rich kings and wasted opportunities. They could see the on the horizon the resources squandered and they could taste the sweet candy of oppression.
Gog said to Magog “Well I guess the lord is tired of these mortals. Oh great lord what is it you wants us to do to the mortals?
And the lord spoke "these mortal Huumans have bored me to no end it is time to reformat and reinstall once again.
Yes I too can smell the wasted lives and the down trodden of the masses. Do you wish to devour them like so many millennia ago?
No lets us make them pay for their greed and corruption. I want you to eat their last remaining resources. Let us force noting upon them.
Let us make them see what their greed has wrought.
Yes oh great lord.
And so Gog and Magog set upon the human race with a thirst and hunger never witnessed by mortal man yet.
Gog went to the east and Magog went to the west. They devoured everything in sight but leaving the mortals untouched. Like a thief in the night Gog and Magog began to devour everything the Huumans created and everything the Huumans needed. They devoured the luxuries and the needs. They ate the porn and they drank the seas, fishes and all.
Gog and Magog swooped down for the hills and ravaged the remains of the human race like scavengers or wild dogs.
Gog and Magog crunched the bones of men and children alike. They feasted on the innards and entrails. Gog and Magog raped the women and then ate the unborn children they created. Gog and Magog feasted and destroyed much of the lands of the Huumans. They caused much fear across the face of the earth. And soon the remaining Huumans began to leave sacrifices and offerings at the gates of the cites in hopes that Gog and Magog would pass them by and spare them. Soon there became men that claimed that they could talk to Gog and Magog and they demanded the men and women to pay tribute to them so that they could administer the sacrifices and offerings in a way that would please the great gods Gog and Magog.
And so soon Gog and Magog became figures for the Huumans to respect worship and fear. Gog and Magog began to spare certain cities and Gog and Magog began to think they were gods. They began to believe the Huumans and their propaganda.
They began to demand that great temples and edifices be erected in their likenesses. They began to devour only the ones that would defy them. They began to describe themselves to each other as gods as immortals as beings of worship and power.
One day Gog decided that Magog was less a god than him and he demanded that Magog supplicant submit and prostrate himself to Gog.
Magog also felt at the same time that he was the more powerful of the two and thought Gog spoke heresy. And the two began to fight then the fight turned to war. Divisions between the Huumans began. One group in the east began to worship just Gog and villainies Magog.
And the same happened in the west with Magog.
So now the Huumans had new gods and Satans and a new reason to war. And Gog and Magog were too distracted to continue their mission from god to devourer the human race.
The new religions and wars gave new purpose to the Huumans and they stopped their decadent behavior and began to focus on quality of life and creating a word that pleased Gog in the east and Magog in the west.
God looked down because the quiet nature of the earth captured his attention. God looked down from the heavens and saw that the Huumans had forgotten him and worshipped Gog and Magog. He was angry, and when he realized that Gog and Magog thought they were gods he became enraged again.
Damn you Huumans and your detractor ways. Damn you Huumans and your sinning and your corrupting forked tongues. You have not only turned your back on me but you now worship the very things that I sent down upon you in the first place.
Then a voice rose up to the heavens; “do not forsake us lord for we are but children who are spoiled and mischievous.” We know you when you speak to us but when you are away we are distracted and disjointed. We let our genitals lead us and our hearts can not love when our genitals are engorged so.
Please take Gog and Magog away and spare us like you have in the past.
Yes oh lord, listen to your humble servant when I tell you that we do love you we are just stupid animals who forget from where we came.
Oh Great Reverend Sleestaxx I know you are truly talking for everyone but I tire of the Huumans and their fickle ways.
No lord gives us another chance.
Oh alright but this is the last chance.
The world owes you a great many thanks John Sleestaxx a great many thanks.
You all hear that? I want the sacrifices over here and the tributes over there and all statues in my honor to resemble me in my younger years.

In my neighborhood #19

In my neighborhood #19
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

John Lydon came over today.
He wanted to barrow a stick of butter.
I explained that I did not have butter or margarine as it was a condition of my release.
He laughed and began to pretend that he understood. I knew he was lying because I was. I work hard for my money and the staples that I spend my money on and here is a rock god a shaker of the music universe wanting to "barrow" stick of fucking butter. Fuck him and his everyone is a bunch of wankers attitude
No John I do not have any butter or margarine.
Well how about some brown sugar. John really I do not have time for your free loading today.
What me free load? Never!
most of you fucking artist types are free loaders. You take from the base for something the base could have made for themselves if they had wanted and you all act like you are kings of the planet.
no that is not the case really. I really enjoy making music and providing entertainment to so many.
What you let me have I will replace tomorrow when I see Malcolm. Malcolm is to bring me some royalties tomorrow.
You still talk to Malcolm. I thought you all were not talking and hated each others guts. You tell everyone he took everything from you all and exploited you young performers and treated you all like slaves.
Yeah we really never hated each other it was all part of the great punk rock opera. Old man creates artist, old man acts like a god, god's creations destroy god, and creations now wander aimlessly through the cosmos trying to identify themselves to something. It really is sad but it is the way of life from the beginning of time. Think back....
We are lost; we create a god, now we have a starting point, something that marks our passage through space and time. Then we start to destroy god. First his son, but see there are still too many that like god so they make god forgive us. Then we wander through time killing and destroying one another in the name of the popular religion at the time.
Then we develop science instead of magic and we cut god down to a omnipotent being that created us and wandered away. Our science gets stronger and stronger and we start to think we do not need a god after all. But the insecure still do so they throw up a war or two in the name of creation but the science is strong and that gets squashed. Now science is so prevalent that everyone can warp their heads around it.
God must be destroyed if the human race is to flourish and grow and conquer new worlds and races. So now science creates life. Once science creates life it proves that god did not do it, it just happened it was fluke. A mistake of chance and statistical opportunity; lightning struck the ocean when the right proteins were in the right proximity of each other and zap life. No god, no 6 day work week of creation.
We build gods; every organized group of humans does it because they need a starting point in which to point themselves.
So we all sat down one day at a coffee house and thought about this. The English needed to recapture the music market again so we made punk rock. We made Malcolm our god and father then we "killed" him. We started an entire industry of clothes and attitude and accessories and now we are riding the cash cow to retirement. The grand social experiment near complete.
I looked at John as serious as I could and said "Then get on your cash cow and shit yourself some brown sugar." Do not come to my house and tell me how you single handedly created punk rock to prove a social experiment in the creation of god and mankind. What a load of fucking crap. No you know what, you go next door and tell Henry that shit and barrow his fancy non-exploited good for and from the environment butter and sugar and everything else but get the fuck off my property before I eat your fucking brain and fart your fucking soul out.

Tragic circumstances and tennis shoes #2

Tragic circumstances and tennis shoes #2
By Rev. John Sleestaxx

The spider lord made them promise to be faithful and they did.
He said "it is with great joy and pride that I proclaim you two to be man and wife"
Yo turned to her husband, he smiled the best smile a mantis demon can muster and she leaned over as if to kiss him. He leaned in and she bit his head off.
Little Yo bit the head off of her husband to both save the world from assured destruction but also to rid herself of the bondage that she had traded herself into.
Little Yo's family farm turned to dust without the protection of the wasp devil. All of the villagers had to move their farms as the valley became a dust bowl.
Yo's family was very displeased with Yo as she was the one that brought great misfortune upon the family. Yo stood as her mother yelled at her about how the selfishness of one girl has brought total destruction to the family farm and the entire village. Yo watched as her mother bent over clutching her chest. Yo offered no assistance as her mother fell face first into the dry dusty soil that was the trail from the valley. Yo's mother died there on the trail that led from the valley.
Yo turned and walked out of the valley and into Shoushien. There she got a day job at Lexiconn city making phones for rich spoiled Americans. You can see her picture now and again on the web. She is the phone girl that is posted now and again found on peoples "new" phones.
At night she performs in the city's karaoke lounges for the rich American business men. Her voice is that of the morning song birds that once inhabited the city before the air quality plummeted and industry rose.
And after the bars have closed and the assisted dating girls have giggled and kissed the men good night Little Yo goes home. And late at night when she is asleep she still dreams of shoes and hears the voices of the immortals in heaven cursing her.

The immortals in heaven watched with no delight and total despair. They had not foreseen this event. They had run many computational models and algorithms based on the data and the past events and projected that the mantis demon would be in human form.
all of the mathematical theories and chalk dust expended to one absolute conclusion and that was that Yo would marry, the mantis demon would be human form, he would put his seed into Yo and she would bear a child that was of course soulless because we all know that a demon mantis can not father a real human baby.
The wasp devil would put his spirit into the baby at the moment the baby drew its first breath.
But the models and the formulas and the forecasting did not show this outcome. There was a model that came close but just showed Yo taking her life when the mantis king had relations with her.
Not a single solitary thread showed her killing the mantis demon.
HMMMM this is quite unfortunate and awfully unusual said the water gods.
Yes said the wind gods in their whispering fragrant tones
The earth mother harrumphed and stomped around and wailed like an old widow, bellowing and flailing about.
These damn humans! She cursed.
Why do they plague us so? Weren’t we the ones that breathed life into their lungs, weren’t we the ones that molded and shaped the earth for their convenience, and wasn't them who first said they did not need us. And then said we did not exist at all?
Damn they damn them all I wish I had dried the pond before they crawled out.
And from the crotch of the great earth mother dropped a creature so vile and hideous that all of the inhabitants of heaven looked away. The creature was round and swollen. Maggots flew from its mouth when it screamed. And urine poured from its eyes as tears. The odor emanating from the fleshy blob was the most offensive thing anyone in heaven or hell had ever had the anathema to witness.
The earth mother in her ponderous fat form thundered about and ignored the screaming hollering beast on the floor in the puddle of some slick bloody goop.
She looked about and saw everyone looking away.
Aw come now you all have got to be kidding me. Truly amazed at the soft sensibilities of her colleges. The screaming of the thing was like a claxon alarm blaring a warning of imminent destruction. The attendees for this heavenly meeting would not look at it or her. They would run out of the room if it could get them away from the monstrosity that lay on the floor wailing. But they knew they could not really get away from this festering vile beast from the womb of the great earth mother. So they just adverted their eyes and attention to the outer walls of heaven.
It is just that I am so mad. And she stomped on the neck of the thing writhing and squirming. There was a sharp snapping sound and the noise stopped. The attendees lifted their shoulders as if weight was removed from their necks.
I drop these all the time you all should be use to it by now. And she kicked the thing like a professional soccer player
No mother we are not use to seeing THOSE said the tree of knowledge.
What are we going to do with the damn humans? Demanded the angels in clouds. We are just about out of options. I mean the models predicted that the humans would destroy themselves but they still plague the mortal plane. We have given them great magic in hopes that the would destroy themselves and they come close but they still survive. We gave them the power of the sun and they built the bomb but they did not kill themselves.
They argue and bicker and fight like children but they never seem to hurt each other.
Sure they have destroyed the gods that made them and they pollute and shit in their own gardens. But they just live on and on. Every computer we have has predicted their demise but they still fucking walk about like they are king shit.
If this keeps up any longer we will not have any power left.
No clouds you are pessimistic we have just not created the proper environment for which the humans will fail. The great green mother besmirched
Then tell us bellowed the oh great mother what is the right environment for the humans that you let infest the mortal world are choking us with smoke and carbon. They poison the water gods with PCBs and acid from the manufacturing of things that are not needed but created with ease of life in mind. The ground your skin you body and soul is covered everyday more and more with concrete and asphalt. The oldest relatives of the tree gods are cut down and cut up. The bird’s lords and animal kings are slowly giving up. Soon mother, soon there will be nothing on the earth in the mortal plane but the damn fucking humans.
We all demand that something be done or we shall hold a caucus and vote to remove you from the chairman/chairwoman position. This is in the heavenly by-laws and we have been very very lenient as to the way that you have handled the human problem. But we stakeholders us need to see some accomplishments, need to see some progress, we want the humans removed.
Now listen listen hear me out. I know that there have been some minor issues and some obstacles in the moving forward plan but I know that these things can be mitigated. Let us stay calm and rational.
OK Mother but understands that we need some satisfaction ASAP. We demand some reconciliation some compensation for the trouble we all have endured. There was a murmur through out the heavens. It appears that everyone wants to be awarded punitive damages some sort of apologetic token.
The great green mother looked down at her hands, she took in deep sigh. It was obvious that she already knew that she had to do this. The resolve was visible and before she even spoke the cost was already registered on her face and body. Ok Ok but damn it this is the last time I let you all pressure me into having sex. I still contend that the last time I had sex with you all is what brought the humans forth in the first place. You all remember that party? Anubis spiked the punch we all had an orgy. Then a millennium later some one noticed the infestation.

Friday is a party.

Friday is a party.

By Rev. John Sleestaxx

Friday is a party. Man you are all pumped the boys are pumped and you are all gonna play some fucking baseball.

For some of you got a buy. That means that you do not have to play Friday night. You do not have to worry if the team is distracted by the day’s lessons at school. You do not have to worry about your starters parents being late because of work. You can have a BBQ and beer in the backyard with the inner circle. You know who this is this is the core teams parents and coaches. These are the ones you started the team with these are the ones you know that when the chips are down they will be there.

For those too late for the buy this is a great time to warm up and see what the other teams are bringing to the table. You have the opportunity to get the jitters out of the boys.

Saturday is a day of many possibilities and fresh starts. Last night was not a big deal if you played well the team was tired from the day of classes and the parents stressed from the rushing to get to the field. If you got a buy then today is a day of wondrous possibilities. No team here has what you have and you are gonna show them all how great this game can be played.

Sunday is seed day. Sunday you have been seeded, you have been ranked and god and the world knows all the errors you made and runs you made. You have fought hard fro this seed and damn it things can happen your way, for once!

“Why do they have the lowest play the highest?” “Where’s the fairness of that?” “Well as long as I save my bestest boy I can win the ship.”

But you are also worried about bridges you burned to get to Sunday. The umpires you talked shit too from your magic bucket. “Man I know that was a strike I could see it from here, what the hell is he looking at?” “These are kids blue they are not major league ball players help me out.” These blind men are the same ones that will be walking on your field any minute. “Do I apologize for calling him terrible?” “Naw, they get that all the time it is part of the job.”

What parent is mad at you, what alliances are being made right now while you are trapped on that field? Are you now out of the inner circle? Is your wife listening to the chatter so you can get the scoop. Why is the dad of your ace player talking to the coach of the other team. The other team you are about to play. The team that has the highest seed. Is he romancing him? Shit you are going to have to win to keep these bastards happy.

Has the power shifted? Are you loosing the parent game while you lose the baseball game. FUCK!

How many new alliances are being created while you try to win a game.

And to make matters worse that mother fucker in gray slacks and blue shirt is just not seeing your vision like he should. Why can’t he not see that out at first, I guess that is what you call a pay back call. Shit that boy is about steal second and third and then on the over throw he will score. FUCK. Why can’t these kids play better? Why can’t they play like you when you were that age?

The sounds of despair, disappointment, depression, and down right anger drift over the fields.

You imagine some poor bastard is having a bad game like you. You wonder that maybe the best players from his team and the best from your team could really make a phenomenal team. Your wife is now standing way down the right field fence near the parking lot. THAT IS NOT GOOD! That means that you made a mistake and the parents are talking shit about you. But it is not your mistake, you did not schedule the umpires you can not get the right umpires.

The wailing and blasphemous curses are sharp and pointed. Are all the umpires blind? Shit.

This is it men, the fate of the free world rests on the shoulders of not men but boys, boys that are playing game of baseball.

The winner of this game is the king of the universe and gets to control the gas prices for the next 7 to 14 days. Now damn it blue get the call right!

Shit 6 minutes left and home is up to bat. And they are taking their time to get to the plate. Those fuckers, they are burning the clock! How bush league! Yeah I would do it too but only when I …. Aww fuck it!
God knows what you are doing when you are alone and he knows he watched you vote too.
All the damned mouth breathing sinners have done pissed me off today!



Falcons @ Raiders to BAR @ SFO to BAR @ DEN

Airline personnel: "Sir have you been drinking?"

The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "You just watched me walk out of the bar to here. What do you think I was doing?"

Airline personnel: "Sir I think that you may have had too much to drink"

The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "Why do you say that?

Airline personnel: "well uh you look as though"

The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "as though I hate to travel?"

Airline personnel: "no you ..."

The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "listen did you just hear that great sss sound? Just let me on the plane to CYS and I will be a happy man."

Airline personnel: "but you may have had too much to drink."

The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "Am I loud? Am I rude? Did I stumble out of the bar? How about?? Did I stagger up to the boarding counter? Do I appear to be a threat?"

Airline personnel: I can not let you on the plane if you have had too much to drink.

The Great Reverend Sleestaxx: "What are your qualifications to make that assessment? Are you a doctor? Are you a licensed officer of the law? Have you had too much school? I think you are either green or you decided that you did not like me and you want to harass me. Listen through this entire interaction I have not raised my voice and I have clearly made a logical argument with you. And the fact that you have not called security and you still have not said that I am drunk and I can not fly means you really do not believe yourself. Just let me on the plane so I can sleep and forget how miserably painful humanity is."

DEN to CYS then TAXI @ CYS to HOME. Hello BED