Tragic circumstances and tennis shoes #2

Tragic circumstances and tennis shoes #2
By Rev. John Sleestaxx


The spider lord made them promise to be faithful and they did.
He said "it is with great joy and pride that I proclaim you two to be man and wife"
Yo turned to her husband, he smiled the best smile a mantis demon can muster and she leaned over as if to kiss him. He leaned in and she bit his head off.
Little Yo bit the head off of her husband to both save the world from assured destruction but also to rid herself of the bondage that she had traded herself into.
Little Yo's family farm turned to dust without the protection of the wasp devil. All of the villagers had to move their farms as the valley became a dust bowl.
Yo's family was very displeased with Yo as she was the one that brought great misfortune upon the family. Yo stood as her mother yelled at her about how the selfishness of one girl has brought total destruction to the family farm and the entire village. Yo watched as her mother bent over clutching her chest. Yo offered no assistance as her mother fell face first into the dry dusty soil that was the trail from the valley. Yo's mother died there on the trail that led from the valley.
Yo turned and walked out of the valley and into Shoushien. There she got a day job at Lexiconn city making phones for rich spoiled Americans. You can see her picture now and again on the web. She is the phone girl that is posted now and again found on peoples "new" phones.
At night she performs in the city's karaoke lounges for the rich American business men. Her voice is that of the morning song birds that once inhabited the city before the air quality plummeted and industry rose.
And after the bars have closed and the assisted dating girls have giggled and kissed the men good night Little Yo goes home. And late at night when she is asleep she still dreams of shoes and hears the voices of the immortals in heaven cursing her.

The immortals in heaven watched with no delight and total despair. They had not foreseen this event. They had run many computational models and algorithms based on the data and the past events and projected that the mantis demon would be in human form.
all of the mathematical theories and chalk dust expended to one absolute conclusion and that was that Yo would marry, the mantis demon would be human form, he would put his seed into Yo and she would bear a child that was of course soulless because we all know that a demon mantis can not father a real human baby.
The wasp devil would put his spirit into the baby at the moment the baby drew its first breath.
But the models and the formulas and the forecasting did not show this outcome. There was a model that came close but just showed Yo taking her life when the mantis king had relations with her.
Not a single solitary thread showed her killing the mantis demon.
HMMMM this is quite unfortunate and awfully unusual said the water gods.
Yes said the wind gods in their whispering fragrant tones
The earth mother harrumphed and stomped around and wailed like an old widow, bellowing and flailing about.
These damn humans! She cursed.
Why do they plague us so? Weren’t we the ones that breathed life into their lungs, weren’t we the ones that molded and shaped the earth for their convenience, and wasn't them who first said they did not need us. And then said we did not exist at all?
Damn they damn them all I wish I had dried the pond before they crawled out.
And from the crotch of the great earth mother dropped a creature so vile and hideous that all of the inhabitants of heaven looked away. The creature was round and swollen. Maggots flew from its mouth when it screamed. And urine poured from its eyes as tears. The odor emanating from the fleshy blob was the most offensive thing anyone in heaven or hell had ever had the anathema to witness.
The earth mother in her ponderous fat form thundered about and ignored the screaming hollering beast on the floor in the puddle of some slick bloody goop.
She looked about and saw everyone looking away.
Aw come now you all have got to be kidding me. Truly amazed at the soft sensibilities of her colleges. The screaming of the thing was like a claxon alarm blaring a warning of imminent destruction. The attendees for this heavenly meeting would not look at it or her. They would run out of the room if it could get them away from the monstrosity that lay on the floor wailing. But they knew they could not really get away from this festering vile beast from the womb of the great earth mother. So they just adverted their eyes and attention to the outer walls of heaven.
It is just that I am so mad. And she stomped on the neck of the thing writhing and squirming. There was a sharp snapping sound and the noise stopped. The attendees lifted their shoulders as if weight was removed from their necks.
I drop these all the time you all should be use to it by now. And she kicked the thing like a professional soccer player
No mother we are not use to seeing THOSE said the tree of knowledge.
What are we going to do with the damn humans? Demanded the angels in clouds. We are just about out of options. I mean the models predicted that the humans would destroy themselves but they still plague the mortal plane. We have given them great magic in hopes that the would destroy themselves and they come close but they still survive. We gave them the power of the sun and they built the bomb but they did not kill themselves.
They argue and bicker and fight like children but they never seem to hurt each other.
Sure they have destroyed the gods that made them and they pollute and shit in their own gardens. But they just live on and on. Every computer we have has predicted their demise but they still fucking walk about like they are king shit.
If this keeps up any longer we will not have any power left.
No clouds you are pessimistic we have just not created the proper environment for which the humans will fail. The great green mother besmirched
Then tell us bellowed the oh great mother what is the right environment for the humans that you let infest the mortal world are choking us with smoke and carbon. They poison the water gods with PCBs and acid from the manufacturing of things that are not needed but created with ease of life in mind. The ground your skin you body and soul is covered everyday more and more with concrete and asphalt. The oldest relatives of the tree gods are cut down and cut up. The bird’s lords and animal kings are slowly giving up. Soon mother, soon there will be nothing on the earth in the mortal plane but the damn fucking humans.
We all demand that something be done or we shall hold a caucus and vote to remove you from the chairman/chairwoman position. This is in the heavenly by-laws and we have been very very lenient as to the way that you have handled the human problem. But we stakeholders us need to see some accomplishments, need to see some progress, we want the humans removed.
Now listen listen hear me out. I know that there have been some minor issues and some obstacles in the moving forward plan but I know that these things can be mitigated. Let us stay calm and rational.
OK Mother but understands that we need some satisfaction ASAP. We demand some reconciliation some compensation for the trouble we all have endured. There was a murmur through out the heavens. It appears that everyone wants to be awarded punitive damages some sort of apologetic token.
The great green mother looked down at her hands, she took in deep sigh. It was obvious that she already knew that she had to do this. The resolve was visible and before she even spoke the cost was already registered on her face and body. Ok Ok but damn it this is the last time I let you all pressure me into having sex. I still contend that the last time I had sex with you all is what brought the humans forth in the first place. You all remember that party? Anubis spiked the punch we all had an orgy. Then a millennium later some one noticed the infestation.