Rollins had invited us over to celebrate the New Year entrance and since Rollins is a non-drinker and that is the type of environment we want for my son we said yes. Kidd and Pam were having a block party with a petting zoo and a clown act. But Henry had already invited us and the no drinking thing also was a plus as my son is now at driving age i want to show him that fun can be had without drinking.
What I also found out was that Wendy was going to be at Kidd and Pam’s party and Henry was still miffed about the bird bath so that is why he decided to have a party at his house. Along with him sharing some of his new spoken word bits with us he also shared his political view with us and he complained about “the Nazi government” that is the HOA. Man did he bitch about that fucking bird bath. "Man why did Wendy have to get involved", "why did Lee Ving have to hire the immigrants", "illegals" I corrected him, "you know the bird bath was an expression on my individuality and my non-conformist personality facet. It was just like having a Mohawk but for the front yard". bla bla bla bla.
You ever work in a cube farm?
And everyone is talking and soon after a while all the voices begin to sound more like a buzz or a drone? Yeah he was sounding like that. buzz buzz buzz
"You know if we punkers could have owned houses back in the day the HOA would not have gotten such a foot hold."
"We are being denied our right to free yard expression, we are entitled to express our individuality and the HOA is forcing us to all look the same."
Then there were gunshots and screaming. And then more gunshots.
My wife says, "I hope everybody is ok" and I am thinking ‘hey, he stopped talking”, did a stray make its way over here? Am I that...
"Damn” Henry Exclaimed, “I knew Tee was going to be trouble when he moved in."
"Nope, not lucky enough." I thought
My son asked "who?"
"Ice T moved in behind me six months ago. You know that new house next to Britney and Pink."
"Ice T the actor from Law & Order Special Victims Unit?" My son asks
"Yeah but once he was a gangster rapper" Henry tells my boy "and pretty hardcore too, in fact he was so hardcore many of his shows had to be canceled because the cops hated him for a couple of his songs." "Like your father and I when we were hardcore punkers."
"But" I interjected "He is just a fat washed up spoiled actor type with visions of grandeur and a desire to recapture some of the glory days." I looked at Henry and he missed the whole thing. "He" I continued "Should accept the fact the as we get older we make concessions, and we agree that we made changes in the world, and the changes we made will be better left to the youth to continue and to change some more. All life is one long fucking changing cycle." My son rolled his eyes and Henry was going into the back yard to peek through the fence.
I followed Henry.
At the fence I see that Tee is in the back yard with a pistol in one hand and a bottle of wild turkey in the other.
Drinking off the bottle he staggers back and forth.
“Get back in the house bitch!” He screams at his woman friend.
“No Tracy comeback in”
“No” he says waving the pistol in her direction “I was a bad ass one time.”
“Yes baby you were” in a more mother tone than a hot date sexy voice.
“That’s right I am not any more I am just a washed up thug wanna be.” And he drops to his knees and swigs some more WT.
He puts the pistol to his head “I was a bad ass” tapping the barrel to his temple “I was a bad ass” and he begins to cry.
Henry speaks for the first time and I look at him "man that has to be tough. To come to terms with your past self like that. I am so glad we are still hardcore."
And I see a tear in his eye too.
He stands and hops the fence Ice T jumps to his feet and points the gun at Henry.
Henry throws his hands up "whoa Ice hold on......"
But Ice was clearly too fucked up to reason with and fired.
Henry stiffens and freezes.
He looks down at his chest and sees no blood
He runs his hands across his shirt
Ice drops to his knees and sobs "it was just blanks Henry"
“Oh good.” And he begins to sit next to Ice in the grass
He puts his arm around Ice and the woman goes back into the house shaking her head.
Henry says “Man you gotta get over this man. You are still a force to be reckoned with.”
“Yeah man you are a legend.”
“Man you fucking rock!”
“What are you doing here you should be putting your revival album together.”
“Yeah man! You could call it "On parole or resurrection!”
“Nah man I am too domesticated I am out of touch with the street man. Hey what’s that smell you smell that?”
“No man I do not smell anything. No man you can never loose touch with the street.”
Now I smell shit through the fence and I can barely hold the laughter in. The two are now arm in arm looking at the sky.
Henry leans in and whispers something in T's ear.
T looks at Henry and leans way back “Yeah?”
“Would I shit you?”
“I don’t know you shit your pants.”
“Well you pointed a gun at me and fired it.”
“Yeah well I was a bad ass one time.”
“That's right and you scared me so I think maybe you are still a bad ass still.”
Then they just sat there and looked at the sky.
My son says “Hey dad it is midnight. Happy New Year.”
“Yeah happy new year son.”
We turn to head out
“Hey do you think we can still get to Kidd and Pam’s.”
“Yeah but your mother would not like it if Wendy was there doing the beer pong trick like last year.”
Nah lets go home.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007