In my neighborhood #18

In my neighborhood #18
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Trent Reznor came to my door asking if knew anything about Marilyn
It seems that Marilyn boasted to Trent that he had bought a house and he was very proud of this purchase
However, when Trent went to the door to see his good friend’s house and give him a house-warming present of a rotting meat sculpture, Marilyn was not home and Vanilla Ice was answering the door.
This was very odd to Trent as he was not aware of Vanilla and Marilyn being friends.
What did Vanilla say to you? I asked
That he was the owner and he had never heard of Marilyn living there but from the door, I could see the taxidermy cow hanging on the wall. Therefore, I pressed Vanilla about this and Vanilla finally broke down and said that he was just borrowing the house and he would give it up as soon as he was asked to leave. However, he still did not know anything about Marilyn’s disappearance.
Trent said that he had spoken to Henry who knew nothing (no surprise there). And he had spoken to Pamela Anderson who was having a very blonde day as he put it.
I introduced myself and invited Trent in for lemonade (Miley Style) he was gracious and polite but when he stepped inside he began to asked pointed questions and made accusations of cover ups and conspiracies. Saying things like this is so typical no-one understands Marilyn he is just too far ahead of his time.
Trent I told him Marilyn is not ahead of anybody. He PISSES on his audience for Christ sakes and he maneuvered his band mates out of a very successful gig.
Trent began to get a little frantic in his speech, his arms began to wave about in crazy windmill circles, and spittle and saliva foam began to fly from his lips.
And honestly I was regretting inviting him in. he was getting scary like crazy scary and I was beginning to mentally calculate how fast can I get to the butcher knife in the kitchen.
He was screaming now about how he needed to find "Mare". That mare would know what to do. Then he lunged at me like a crack addict. Honestly, it was not a surprise though because he was in the red zone long before he attacked me.
I held up one arm to fend the attack and began to back-peddle into the kitchen. I hit the dining room table with my right hip and fell down to one knee, that was enough for Trent to really put on the full court press, and he jumped on me. I fell back pulling the bible I had at the edge of the table. Trent pressed his whole body on mine and brought his face real close to me and then he got very calm and said that my breath was salty just like he likes it and he stuck out his tongue.
I rolled him to one side and brought the bible up under his chin forcing him to bite his own tongue.
He screamed and began to thrash about on the floor as if he was in a seizure or something. I jumped to my feet and started to the phone but he was in between me, the phone, me, and the only exit. I was freaking trapped.
He stopped convulsing and looked at me sideways.
You kilbed maberilyn bdibdm't myou!
No I did not
And then in a low hoarse whisper he was said he was going to eat me.
I backed into the kitchen to put the island between me and the crazy guy. He started to get up and I remember opening the drawer and the next thing you know Trent is on the floor with the butcher’s knife steel sticking in his eye.
Yes officer I dragged his body out the front door right away.
Because if he was to be pronounced dead IN my house I would have to disclose it to the potential buyers but if he was to be dead OUTside well that is a whole other loop hole.
Marilyn? No he is probably on an animal sex binge with drugs and liquor out in some god forsaken Midwest barn sneezing from all the hay pollen.
Vanilla? I guess he was house sitting and decided that a crazy Trent Reznor was not worth the free shelter and vamoosed.
Would you like some lemonade?
Sure I have no plans to leave town and if I am needed down at the station for anymore questions I would be more than happy to come down.