In My Neighborhood #9 Rev. J. Sleestaxx

In My Neighborhood #9
Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Jesus Christ moved in behind Kidd and Pam next to Pink and Britney.
This was ok but things have started to happen. The first Friday after the Christ man moved in was a party day for Pink and Brit as is always the weekend. Well Christ has a history of not liking excessive debauchery like that which occurs at Pink and Brits house on the weekend. He made the frogs rain from the sky. Not just regular green frogs or toads but poisonous ones. These bastards caused huge boils and sores on your head and skin where they touched you.
The down pour of frogs was kept to the house of Pink and Brit but the little fuckers would hop over to my yard and I then touch me.
Every dog that I had came to life. I had 3 dogs that had died and were buried in my back yard. Now I have 3 zombie dogs that need constant care. I wonder if my home owners insurance will cover dog bite from a zombie dog. I mean really how different is a bite from a normal dog verse a resurrected dog. The dogs are not any different from normal dogs they do not shuffle around in the back yard and act as real dogs. I think that I will not tell any body about the resurrection and leave it at that.
This was not restricted to my yard either. the entire neighborhood is being over run by the resurrection of all the dead pets, Parakeets and cockatiels, cats and hamsters, guinea pigs and turtles, all roaming the neighborhood. Did I mention that there was an old grave yard? Have you ever tried to talk to an old farmer and explain that his farm is now your yard.
Since Jesus' move in have noticed an increase in lepers, cripples, the blind, and whores ion my neighborhood. All of which is ok because there is nothing wrong if you are a leper, I am as tolerant as the next guy. I have a leper as a friend Joe the leper. Maybe you know him or maybe you can see him as a friend on my myspace account. But the lepers that do not make it to Jesus' house are the problem, they become these juicy slick puddles on the street that become these road hazards causing slick spots on the street. Imagine hitting one of these leper spots as you turn the corner at night going 40 miles an hour. It is not pretty!
The Baptist church down the street got wind that Jesus was living there, they have been trying to prove he is not the “Jayman”. Plastering every house with flyers and going door to door like the Mormons when they are on mission.
They have also been sending Baptist ninja pastors to raid his house at night. Using all the stealth that Baptist ninjas have they scale Jesus’ 6' fence. Then they descend upon his place of residence only to be thwarted by Jesus and his great samurai parabolic power. This is truly an awesome gift that Jesus has. They crash through into the house screaming "pagan" "anti-Christ" "blasphemer!”. Jesus does not even bother to stand but begins to tell the pastors stories that have hidden meanings. The pastors try to fend off the logic with quotes from the bible to justify their irrational thought and self punishment but Jesus is too quick and his kung fu too great and they all fall in line and leave to join the Catholics.

Currently reading

Like A Monkey With A Handgun

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Release date: By 3 December, 2007

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