In My Neighborhood #7 Rev. J. Sleestaxx

My son came running into the house the other day “Dad, Dad KISS just moved in.
There is no way they can not afford to move in this neighborhood they are all destitute look at Gene on TV pimping himself with Donald Trump

No dad I heard them I know they moved into the backside of the subdivision
I do not believe it!
Just then an old beat up Chevy van from like 1975 drove past the house with some screaming punks inside.
I look at them they are playing a KISS song out of the stereo speakers that are probably just old stereo speakers that are blown out, because the song is flat and tinny.
My son goes “see dad I told you"
No son that is not KISS that is Red Kross. They are a punk slash KISS tribute band and they are not moving in they are just running around here to cause trouble.
I will have to contact Lee Ving and have him get the constable to run them out because once you get one tribute band driving the streets your and up with horrible terrible copy cats cluttering up the street bring done the value of all the fine homes.
Just as Red Kross was making their second or third pass Gene and Paul Swooped in from the sky riding their secret superpowers that were bestowed upon them from the Norse gods of rock.
Gene and Paul land in front of the van and Paul shines his beam of pure love at the van and the van screeches to a halt. Gene breaths fire into the sky and shouts, "Let’s rock!" and the van comically falls apart in the middle of the street.
Red Kross falls to the ground and they look up as Ace Peter show up. Red Kross begins to faux pray to the members of KISS "We are not worthy, you guys are our heroes"
Ace steps up and says "you are diluting our brand and causing customer confusion. You need to stop!"
Just then a group of savage ninja warriors dropped from the heavens and served the band of teenagers with writs, summons, pleas and orders of injunction claiming false use of brand and defamation of character and obscurification of liability.
Peter the ever soft one of the foursome knelt down to the boys and explained,
“You see we have spent four decades building our image and corporate empire, we have recycled recordings and shuffled song lineups to keep the illusion of fresh content for nearly half a century and in one fail swoop you could cause the entire house of cards to collapse by just performing our music. If the audience realizes that anyone can play or songs just as well and then they realize that all of our albums are just the same songs over and over again they will realize that we have pulled a fast one over on them.
Henry came charging out of his yard with “Tribute bands are the sincerest form of flattery in the rock world, and if..”
Gene bit Henry on the shoulder. Henry yelped, “Dude, Why did you have to go and do that?”
Ace stepped up, “You see we can not afford to loose any of our KISS Army as they are the ones that keep buying our action figures, lunch pails and records. And then they might start doing their research and realize that Double Platinum is really KISS Alive II with the audience mixed out.”
Red Kross began to explain that they were just really, really, big fans of KISS and that they were just trying to keep KISS alive while the band was busy spending their billions on drugs drinking and women. And that they did not really know any other songs.
That is too bad you youngsters. We need our cash and you will not kill our cow!
Then the Butthole Surfers came screeching around the corner the smoke from Elvis Presley toe nails billowing out of the car. The car was so filled with the smoke that the surfers could not see the meeting in the street and the entire lot of them got ran over.
There was a huge fire ball explosion that equaled the heat of the sun and then it was all gone except for the dust and ashes of lame fake musicians that just ended their existence on the street.
I looked at my son. “I told you KISS did not move in.” And I spun on my heel to go back into the house.
“Hey dad, aren’t you going to do something about the mess?”
“No son, One day a rain will come and wash all the trash and scum off the streets and it will be the same day that God looks down and sees the mess he has created and then all will be as it should be"

Currently reading
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007

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