In my neighborhood #14 By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

In my neighborhood #14
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Shawn "Napster" Fanning decided to become a real estate mogul. He began to develop the property next my subdivision and began to build copycat versions of the models in my neighborhood. Shawn the "ass pirate" did not even buy the land he just began to develop. the fucktard even named the streets the same as the streets in my subdivision. I do not know how the post office stamped that one ok but there you go more government inequities and stupidity they should do a comedy real life series based on government services.
The duplicate street names are not the only problem the quality of the building is in question and Shawn is allowing the "home owners" to build their own houses as a low cost replacement for hired skilled labor.
This owner building has created very poor quality homes whose poor construction will eventually reflect through the markets desire for my homes. In example why would I pay that much for your home when next door is the same home for less or free. Also why would I WANT to live next door to such a poorly constructed neighborhood obviously this subdivision does not value their neighborhood or the quality of their homes.
The architects did not get any royalties for the use of their designs so they are pissed and the neighbors are pissed and the HOA just wrings their hands saying they are restricted in what they can do.
Shit, I skip edging my front yard one week and they have 300 dollar attorneys writing 50 dollar letters to me about the care and maintenance of my yard, but when a real tragedy or a real threat to home value arises they are restricted in what they can do, their hands are tied. PUSSIES all of them.
Shawn "Napster" Fanning believes that the houses will relieve the cost the government spends to support the homeless and there by alleviating the troublesome burden of the government assistance and therefore be a boon to the econimy and inturn raise the value for everyone. this is more of the Regan trickle down slop that the Demorats tried to feed us about taxing the rich less and the middle class more. fucking homos (not that there is anything wrong with that)
so his plan is to "let the houses be free" (or very cheap)
but now too many people are living in the houses. too many people chose to build their own free house and since the houses are free they are not valued buy the "owners" so the houses are being unkempt and unruly. The lawns are not complete and addresses are not post the same causing huge confusion and duplicate address on the same street. The entire mess looks like a mexican shanty town. Raw sewage is running in open-air ditches between the houses to the gutters. Bastard children are playing the ditches and not going to church or school. They just get their education from MTV and their upbringing from Neopets.
Some houses are not finished right. For instance there would be a bedroom in one section of a model and there is nothing just empty house space. Some should be two stories and they are one story. The rooms are built smaller than they should be. Some are just built in a smaller scale so that they can fit on the property, but the house is unlivable due to the cramped rooms. In addition, some are just not finished and never will be completed.
The entire system turned into a socialist mess and now the new subdivision looks like a hobo town.
And again the HOA refuses to take matters seriously.
So the neighbors and I went in the night and raided the neighborhood and burnt the shacks to the ground. Some of us went as concerned citizens while many more went as crazed psychopaths that just wanted to burn some shit and beat up some humans.
It was an epic battle many lives were lost and many brave souls were sent to the maker of lives. I will not do their memories justice by recounting the battle but I do believe the battle and the souls lost deserve some acknowledgement.
We went in from four directions I was in the group led by Tommy Lee and Wendy. We crested the hill that separated the two neighborhoods and we could see that Lee Ving’s group had started early as they had already begun burning houses (I said psychopaths).
We charged down the hill and began kicking down the weakest of shacks. Methodically knocking on structures to get the inhabitants out and then setting the wood ablaze.
About three hours in I was getting tired and my foot hurt something fierce. I have inhaled more smoke and noxious fumes than I would like my healthcare insurance to know about. We reached the center of the neighborhood about the same time as Pam and Kidd’s squad.
Shawn Fanning’s subdivision was out flanked and out maneuvered we had them bunched in the center of the development by the amenities, some were forced so tight that Wendy was standing on heads so she could swing that fire axe of hers.
I saw Henry walking through the carnage flaying his arms, talking about how much good he does for the country in his so typical spoken word cadence. “I do this for the country” He stammered, “and I do that. I speak about the injustices of the government because the little guy has no voice. In addition, I was gifted with this incredible talent and opportunity to speak for everyone. That is why I speak about how everyone is doing it wrong and they should listen to me because I know how the world should be and I know what everyone should do to make the world a better place a place that would be right for all humans AND animals.” He blah blah blahed right past me as I fought three, seriously three these Fanning fuckers and he did not even stop to help. Yeah he stopped. He stopped, he looked at me in close combat, and he asked if he could have his birdbath back. He asked if it was because I hated birds. I told him between dodging bullets and knife stabs that I liked birds as much as the next person, but the deeds forbid lawn art. “bird hater. You are a fucker, you hate the environment, and you do not represent my best interests. Next year during the elections I will beat you. And he walked on chanting some Zen mantra about peace and love.
At one point in the blue twilight of the dawn sun I saw death walking through the mob swinging his scythe just cutting them down like wheat being harvested. I felt sorry for death for it was clear that his job would never be done, because as his swing was complete and the Shawn Fanning residents fell more would spring up in their place. The writs and subpoenas swung and houses fell but we never really began to make any progress.
Finally on my knees in the blood and mud and tears I could see that the residents were now numbering twice what they were when we started. Like cockroaches on HGH, they just grew and grew and I could see fledgling bands in the mob offering versions of the homes in hopes to garner publicity and press about their band and the aid and comfort they were administering to the wicked pirates that we were in a death grip with.
At one point I had to take a dump. So I left the battle to go home and use my toilet that I so love. I find that a comfortable setting is conducive to proper bowel movements and at my late age proper bowel movements are important and cherished. 42 minutes later, I climbed o the top of the hill to see that we had lost.
The shantytown looked as if no one had even been there. Short of a nuclear bomb, we are doomed.
In addition, the HOA just refuses to complete their promised end of the relationship.
To hell in a hand basket I tell ya’, to hell with us all.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Letters to the church from the lord #1 Ephesus By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Letters to the church from the lord #1
To the Church in Ephesus
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

The lord becomes very upset with us in the future.
I never want to see us receive a letter like this,

To the Church in Ephesus

Rev 2:1 “To the angel of the church in Ephesus, write the following:

“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has a firm grasp on the seven stars in his right hand – the one who walks among the seven golden lampstands: Rev 2:2 ‘I know your works as well as your labor and steadfast endurance, and that you cannot tolerate evil. You have even put to the test those who refer to themselves as apostles (but are not), and have discovered that they are false.
Rev 2:3 I am also aware that you have persisted steadfastly, endured much for the sake of my name, and have not grown weary.
Rev 2:4 But I have this against you: You have departed from your first love!
Rev 2:5 Therefore, remember from what high state you have fallen and repent! Do the deeds you did at the first; if not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place – that is, if you do not repent.
Rev 2:6 But you do have this going for you: You hate what the Nicolaitans practice – practices I also hate.
Rev 2:7 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers, I will permit him to eat from the tree of life that is in the paradise of God.’

The church of Ephesus has been a rock in the teaching of the lord but in their fervor they have forgotten the love of the lord. They have forgotten to be passionate and compassionate. They tested everyone that came to them, they became cynical and did not believe the miracles that god had bestowed upon them. They became martyrs; they suffered on purpose and used the lord’s name as a reason to suffer. They brought much suffering upon themselves in the name of the lord.
And then look to the heavens and said look oh lord what we endure for you and in your name.
They need to get into the game. They need to realize that the lord provide many convinces for his people for a reason. Look to the miracles around you and realize that the lord has been there for you through the hard times but does not expect you to suffer needlessly.
Yes pay your penance. Pay what you are due to pay but do not pay more.

Rev 3:3
Therefore, remember what you received and heard, and obey it, and repent. If you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will never know at what hour I will come against you.

Act 8:22
Therefore repent of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that he may perhaps forgive you for the intent of your heart.

But do not wander this world going oh poor me I have this huge cross to bare because I am a Christian. Oh poor me I may never achieve financial freedom because I have to contribute to the church. I am Christian and god’s children must always suffer.
Hell No! Get thee into the game! Get into the fucking mud and dirt and get into the game. Play the game as the game was meant to be played. And on Sunday repent for your mistakes during the game

Act 3:19
Therefore repent and turn back so that your sins may be wiped out

But do not sit on the side and cry "poor me, oh lo lord look at the terrible suffering I do in your name" he knows suffering and you have not suffered he knows pain and he knows blood shed but you do not know shit!
So stop trying to pretend to know and get into the fucking game.
Think about it! If you succeed then you can contribute that much more to the church and the church then prospers and the good word of the lord becomes louder and mightier. People will look at you and not say oh look at the Christian suffering NO! They will say look at the lord's child prospering because of the lord, Look at the children of god making a difference.
Stop your weeping. Stop crying foul! And get your ass into the mix. Find your hole and exploit it! If some piece of shit fucking in your office steps on your hand then gouge his fucking eye. If he steps on your tow while punching you then lift his nut sack with your other foot.

Lev 21:20
or a hunchback, or a dwarf, or one with a spot in his eye, or a festering eruption, or a feverish rash, or a crushed testicle.

But do not come on Thursday and take the beating from me and then cry oh I get beat all day long at work by the heathens and the sinful masses and then I come here and I have to pay for my sins but I do this because that is what the lord wants.
No the lord wants you to step up. I want you to step up. My game does not improve unless yours does.

Deu 9:4 Do not think to yourself after the Lord your God has driven them out before you, “Because of my own righteousness the Lord has brought me here to possess this land.” It is because of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord is driving them out ahead of you. 9:5 It is not because of your righteousness, or even your inner uprightness, that you have come here to possess their land. Instead, because of the wickedness of these nations the Lord your God is driving them out ahead of you in order to confirm the promise he made on oath to your ancestors, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 9:6 Understand, therefore, that it is not because of your righteousness that the Lord your God is about to give you this good land as a possession, for you are a stubborn people!
I want you all to start the next week with a promise to succeed. I want to hear that you are up for a promotion and that you stepped up to your boss and asked "What do I need to do to get to the next level?" and then you can repent any acts that you have committed to get there. The ends justify the means. If you commit a sin to get to the next level then you can always come to me and I will hear your sins and I will give you penance to pay and you can repent and start the next week fresh and ready to kick that office bully's ass.

Eph 6:13
For this reason, take up the full armor of God so that you may be able to stand your ground on the evil day, and having done everything, to stand.

Do not play the part of the victim, do not play the part of the martyr, and do not fucking come to me and ask why do I have to suffer?
Fuck yeah that the lord did the suffering for you. The lord took three shots for you. The lord was beaten down and spit on for you. Now get your asses up and kick some ass.
The only people that will survive in the future are those that get up and take what is theirs. If it belongs to you then no one will fault you for taking what is yours. If some one wants to take what is yours then kick the godless ass and tell them the lord told you to smite them. Nothing scares the sinners more than a Christian who kicks ass in the name of god. Trust me on this. I get e-mails all fucking day from those that think I am too over the top and I get some from the whiners that say I am suppose to suffer and not be the strong reverend. And that these sermons are blasphemous.
I laugh and ask them what was the last thing the lord did for you? They can not answer. I tell them the lord gave me the power to kick ass and every ass I kicked the lord thanked me for by letting me kick another.
Get off the side of the track. Look at the rule book and figure where the rule is exploited and exploit it. That is the way it is done now. That is how anybody is going to make it.
If it is yours take it, if it does not belong to anybody take it. If you take it and it does not belong to you then ask for forgiveness.

I have given up on the rocks and I now have a baseball bat. After today we will all know who the sinners are in the parking lot.

Eph 6:23 Peace to the brothers and sisters, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 6:24 Grace be with all of those who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.

The food bank is looking for donations to assist in the thanksgiving holiday food baskets that will be handed out to the legal residents that are in need of assistance. So please either donate time or donate food. If you think that you maybe in need of assistance then ask and volunteer some time to help.
The daycare and Sunday school center is looking for assistance. If you have patience and time on Sunday please consider helping out. The boxing gloves fro the toddlers are the cutest things you should see them. We have pink for the girls and blue for the boys.
That reminds me. Boys if you all lose again this week I will get you all pinkly gloves and take away the reds ones until you can hold your own. I think the boys are fighting with their hearts and not their heads. I know that the girl’s champion is HOT! But you think that she wants to date a guy that she beat up??
Hell no! Step up! Show her that you are a man that can take what is his and she will be putty in your hands. I promise, so you can provide and she will show you she can care for your household. Because that is what it is all about!

I tell you all to keep your pimp hand strong for a reason.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Seven Deadly Sins: Sloth By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Seven Deadly Sins: Sloth
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Mar 7:22
adultery, greed, evil, deceit, debauchery, envy, slander, pride, and folly.

Today I am going to tell a story and talk about Sloth.

Sloth, once called the sin of sadness. The refusal to enjoy the goodness of the lord god and the world he created. Early Christian writers would describe sloth as melancholy or apathy. But still the refusal to participate in life and the great gift that is the world around us is the true sin here.

Pro 6:9
How long, you sluggard, will you lie there? When will you rise from your sleep?

Pro 6:10
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to relax,

Pro 6:11
and your poverty will come like a robber, and your need like an armed man.

Dante mad this middle sin as it describes the failure to love god with all of ones mind or heart. Dante tells of purgatory for these lazy sullen depressed bastards as being made to run at top speed for ever and ever until their penance was paid and god felt the sin was atoned.
The modern version of the vice is still just apathy, just the supreme desire to not make a change. To not participate, to do nothing and accept that that is the status quoi is a travesty.
Because of the unwillingness to act or care makes this sin a less serious sin.
It is a deadly sin for a reason. If you do not care to make a change then the ones making a change are going to make the change for themselves. And the ones making a change may not be thinking of god and what is in the best interest of the lord.

1Cor 3:8
The one who plants and the one who waters work as one, but each will receive his reward according to his work.

Sinners are numerous and sinners are driven.
If you let sinners make the decisions you are ripe for a rape and a push down a road you do not want to travel.
I have spoken twice about this apathy, this "I want to sit hear and cry instead of get in the game" attitude that pisses me off. And I still see the same number of slothful people everyday. I have helped two people move to a better place because they took charge of their game and made the game work for them.
They stopped sitting on the side saying that is not fair. No they got up and look at the rules and said ok that is the rule today that will work for me this way and they applied the rules. And they made a change and they now are reaping the benefits of a better life. They stopped being slothful. Will you all stop being slothful??

Pro 10:4
The one who is lazy becomes poor, but the one who works diligently becomes wealthy.

hey I know it is hard to make a change, I know that change means that there is a unknown ahead but you know what embrace the unknown and work the new unknowns to your favor.
The modern version of the vice is still just apathy, just the supreme desire to not make a change. To not participate, to do nothing and accept that that is the status quoe is a travesty.
I had asked a new member to have his clergy come talk to me because his clergy failed to teach him god's anger and god's desire for us to make positive changes around us. His clergy let him commit one of the most grievous sins and told him that it was ok to prey, and feed, and oppress others. His clergy failed to talk to him about the deadly sins and the desire to god has for us to accept change.

5:8 But if someone does not provide for his own, especially his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Pro 18:9
The one who is slack in his work is a brother to one who destroys.

His clergy stopped by, and we talked and he asked me about the bruises that his member had received here during on of my lectures.
That was not a lecture father that was a baptism.
But he had already been baptized.
Obviously this did not take. He was sinning and he thought he was not committing and crime against god.
Well he is either going to heaven or his is not weather he sins does not matter.
WHAT! Are you serious?
No you are wrong and that is what we are here for to help shepherd this poor lost soul to he green pastures that are the lords word and way. There are no gimmes!
Oh no we are here until the lord calls us home. Our time is just a formality.

Ecc 10:18
Because of laziness the roof caves in, and because of idle hands the house leaks.

You sir have been listening to Belphegor. The devils demon of sloth. Satan harbinger of evil deadly sins
You sir are with any desire to change or enjoy the wondrous works of god, and I slapped him.
He looked shocked. He looked hurt. Above all he looked pissed. Oh good he may have a chance left after all. Then I saw a wave of something wash over him and he just sat back. Come on man I said as I stood. Get up and make a change! And I slapped him again.

Pro 12:24
The diligent person will rule, but the slothful will become a slave.

He flinched and sat there. He had tears well up in his eyes and said "stop hitting me" in a shaky voice.
I laughed, "I did not hit you. I slapped you like a bitch, Now do something about it!”
No you need to stop hitting me!
I slapped him again and laughed at him.
He sat there and then he began to shake and I saw the tears begin to get bigger. and then he exploded into heavy sobs.
"Why do they always beat me up oh lord?" "Why do the bullies always get to beat me up and you do nothing to stop it"
I bent down into his face, "does he answer you?"
He choked back some sobs and shook his head.
I am not a bully. I am here to talk to you about your failure to preach to today's people. And then I find you are committing a grievous sin.
But why does the lord let you beat me up?
The lord does not let me beat you up you let me beat you up. You let the bullies win. you let your church down everyday you get up and not make a change. You are a pussy and I am going to beat you up some more
No. please do not, I can not take it.
No you will take it or you will make me stop.
No I will run away.

Tit 1:12
A certain one of them, in fact, one of their own prophets, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.”

Ha! You? You fat, out of shape, whinny little shit? You could not get away.
You will either fight me or you will get beaten up.
I will get beaten either way.
No you will have made a change and you will have stood up for your self.
And I grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him to the rectory and then to the ring and I pushed his fat ass through the ropes like some kinky play dough boxing press.
He started to get to his feet, "Do we not get any gloves?"
No not today,
And I swung and he took one in the gut, he doubled over.
Do you not see the point? Can you not make the connection?
and just as I was about to give up on this man of the cloth he whips up to stand and brings his left hand across my cheek. "yeah" he said "i get it" and he popped me in the mouth.
My head snapped and he stepped into it me as my head snapped back.
He got two more good jabs in before I was able to realize that he was a boxer from long ago.
We traded punches and jabs for an hour.
Finally he said stop.
I stopped and he said that the good lord just whispered in his ear that I was right. and that he was lazy in his sheepherding and teaching. That he needed to step his game up and tell his flock to step up for them selves.
Man I panted an hour of this before he spoke to you he must have been pretty angry at you to let you get the beating you got.
No he said with his hands on his knees he told me all that back when you pushed me into the ring. I stayed quiet because I wanted to make you pay for calling me a bitch.

Mat 25:26
But his master answered, ‘Evil and lazy slave! So you knew that I harvest where I didn’t sow and gather where I didn’t scatter?

We cleaned up. The clergy spoke about how he was going to start affecting a change in his house and how he was going to start a movement. He was working on a homily about how one needs to step up their game to stay in the game.
He was going to start getting the teen ministries to work on the younger generation and
Get a head start on them. He said he regretted the apathetic and piss poor way he ran his church for the past 10 to 15 years.
He was worried about the number of members that were not prepared for the change because of his teachings.
I told it did not matter they would get in the game once they realized the need to get in there.
I also talked to him about the leaders that go to his church and how he needs to counsel them in their preying on the weakest of the community.
We are on the cusp of some great changes people, our first cross denominational beating, the change being affected across classes and into the business world, some wondrous and wooly times indeed.
The Sunday school is starting a 8 week course after services for the younger members. The main focus is teaching the younger members to stand up against bullies and to speak out for them selves. Parents are encouraged to assist in their assertiveness training and to foster a relationship of listen as opposed to just dictating.
Cookies and coffee are in the foyer. The Singles in Christ’s light are having a mixer this Friday.
If you are single you should get out to this and meet other like minded individuals. Maybe you can find a sparing partner. Who knows maybe a love tap that brings the image of god to your eyes is all that is needed to finish that life of bachelorhood.

Go in peace and try not to kill each other in the parking lot.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Ejection report, bad attitudes and stinky old men. By John Sleestaxx

Ejection report, bad attitudes and stinky old men.
By John Sleestaxx

So this week-end was a real humdinger.

A pushed tournament schedule.
Rain and power pushed Friday’s games to Saturday and that pushed Saturday down.

Red vs. blue (me at the plate)
Red coach refuses to come to the plate while we wait for him to write out his line up. He could have done that while he waited the 30 mins (damn should have thought of that at the time).
Then during the plate meeting he refuses to listen and would not even face the other coach or my self or my partner. I covered 2 of the 6 things in plate before I said "we will flip and you (blue) were here first so you get to call it.
My partner said really is that all?
Yes that is the important things and we will cover the rest when they come up.
Blue loses the flip
My partner said this is going to be a rough game
Red wants to know why
I said rough crowd rough game
My partner said we are on the clock
Red get your boys on the field and get them to work
They need to warm up
No they have got to warm up get them on the field
No we need to warm up you are running 30 mins late that is your fault
No it is not my fault and you will get them on the field
No we need to warm up
You are burning his clock too now get to work]
Red says the other coach "we will get on the field in 3 or five minutes"
No will get on the field now you have had 10 mins already
No we have not
I pull out my watch and look at it yes you have now get on the field
Some dad gets on the field for something and yells "let’s not worry about little arms lets just stay on schedule"
I say to the red coach “you are responsible for your spectators this is your one and only warning"
He gets his boys on the field.
Three pitches in and off the plate by two balls red coach says "WHAT?"
I take off my mask "and say very nicely "We are not going to go there today am I clear?"
No nod, no acknowledgement, but I know he knows
I have a thing that was taught to me in all my clinics about game management "do not let the batters stand and time the pitches while the pitcher is warming up. They are to be in the dirt circle. If you do they could get beaned by the pitcher in the box and if I let them time then I better not say a word about the intentional pitch." So I do not let them do so.
At one point the red coach asks me "why not let them cross?"
I reply "because I said so."
He wants to know "is it a rule?"
Yes it is
At what level?
USSSA to high school to college to major leagues
Yes it states that the umpire behind the plate is in charge and because I say they can't, they can't.
And now every half it are trying to get on the other side.
About the fifth inning in reds batter bunts and is in fair territory I call batter out and send everyone back
He wants to know why
I said he was in fair territory when he struck the ball it is a dead ball play no one advances
He says he knows that
Then why did you ask
I wanted to know why the batter was out
And I told you that the batter was in fair territory when he struck the ball and it is a dead play no one advances what is the problem?
No problem.
Then after the half he wants to know where his player was
I told him he was in fair territory (with out moving from my position on the side)
I know but exactly where was his foot
Ok sure I will do you a favor and I step just out side of where the box would be and in font of the plate
then he goes to the back stop where all the fucking whinny dads are and they begin to have a conversation about "he can't see balls and strikes how can he see where the foot is?" today I am fresh and full of Job and patience I let it go in retrospect or the next day I should have popped the dad on the spot.
The coach bitches and whines like a school girl about how he is never coming here for another tournament (but the babies all say the same thing but guess who you see later next month?)
Game finishes and that is Saturday

Sunday is a bitch it was 100ºF 87% humidity and every field is running late and I have commitments that evening
Blue vs. white (different blue) (me on bases [I hate the bases more work than the plate and I am not in charge])
Blue is whining about some of the pitches but too bad nothing serious and that is my partner’s problem, not mine.
A couple of pick off move that were not even close and you can hear the thunder on the horizon. I have a hungry near sighted coach. Ah Hah! Something is going to happen.
A play at second from the catcher to short not even freaking close!
Blue jumps up and screams "Jesus make a call!"
I call time and motion for the coach to come out to me (I make it a long walk too).
Coach I will not tolerate another out burst like that this is your one and only warning. Am I clear?
He nods
I am sorry I have a deaf ear I did not hear your answer
Ok then let’s finish the game.
Yes I know I am a fucker at times but you can not sit there in the fucking shade on a fucking bucket over 80' and watch me make a safe call and tell me that I am not making calls. I am making fucking calls all over the place I made calls at first and I made calls at second and I made calls at third. Safe is a call. When I am in B and C position I make calls in the out field too "catch" "no-catch"
Make a call indeed! Harumpff bastard coach whose breath smells of ass!

Red vs. green (different red) (me at the plate)
Plate is nice and crisp but I smell shit in the air.
Greens second batter is rung up on an outside pitch clearly a strike be he just fucking froze. He bangs the plate and yells "that was not a strike!"
I call time and I approach the coach "that player is now on warning for sportsmanship conduct another out burst and I will eject him"
Yes sir that was not tolerable and we will fix it ASAP
Thank you
Top of two the pitcher throws 3 balls off the plate (as far off the plate as three balls) the catcher is signaling they are strikes. On the fourth that was a high pitch at the damn freaking shoulder the parents become a choir.
On the second walk they break into a rendition "oh my god" "that is terrible" "he is horrible pick" "a damn strike zone" it is an eruption of wailing to their pagan baseball gods.
I call time I approach red's coach
Sir you are responsible for your spectators this is your warning and you will not get another do you understand.
No I do not
Well let me explain it to you then
You are responsible for your players your coaches and your spectators. Your spectators are not behaving in a sportsman like manner that is expected from the stands as well in the dug out.
But they are fans I have no control
Then you better because I will eject you for them
You can not do that
You are now just arguing with me, go to the parking lot!
What you can not do that

Which ones
I turn and with out really looking that one and that one
Why them
Because I was asked to pick and they were closest to the parking lot
I can not do that
Ok let me make it easier for you then. You and a player. you want to pick or no let me, you number one....
I will go
I turn go back to the plate I hold the game until I saw him walk past the backstop.
the tournament director came up shortly and asked what is happening
I explain the the stands were arguing balls and strikes I gave the coach a warning he began to argue with me I sent him to the parking lot and he argues soem more so I began to pick players to be ejected.
did you eject a player
No not yet but if it keeps up I will
At this point some old stinky man walked up and began to yell at me. I went back to my game.
The reds catcher began rolling his eyes on every ball call and on every play that was safe he would yell "of course they are not going to call that". (You know here I thought I was being nice)I finally bent down and told the catcher that he better not say any more like that because he can be replaced. (I could have talked to the coach and just gave him his warning right then but I was meaning to give the catcher two this one and then the one to the coach if it continued) But this was clearly a mistake on my part. I should have just replaced the catcher from the top of remarks and been done with it.
Red loses and I am baked. I am fucking down. I lost my 3:30 game because of all the games running late (they gave the game to someone else)
I am at my car getting undressed and the red team is passing through the parking lot and stinky comes shuffling through
"That was the worst game ever"
Thank you. Have a nice day sir
He begins to walk towards telling about how terrible I was.
Sir does not come any closer
Do not step any closer
I reached for my phone
I am going to call the police if you come any closer
He stopped when I put the phone to my ear
You said you were going to eject the catcher to get into his head he said.
No that is not what was said.
Trailing cries of anguish as I explain to dispatch that I no longer was in need of a police officer.
Yes ma'am I am ok there is no danger. I am an umpire and I thought I was going to have trouble with a fan but he has decided to depart. Sorry to have bothered you. Yes I am sure.
They called back. LOL no ma'am everything is all right.

You know if they would just enforce day care for the parents and mandate coaching classes for the managers my life would be easier and I would probably get paid less. Oh well
Happy day it is Monday and I am still alive.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

I have plenty of hate for the 808 By Rev J. Sleestaxx

I have plenty of hate for the 808
By Rev J. Sleestaxx

I went to Hawaii the other week. I do not advertise my travels and that is for safety for myself and my family. I have enemies and bad people that would love to find me and mine.
My trip to Hawaii was a family thing and I had to work 2 full time jobs for the past four months to pay for this trip. Needless to say I love Hawaii it is beautiful and warm and time does not exist as we know it.
If you were traveling or in Hawaii and would have like to see me you might have.
If you were in DFW and heard "Jesus h Christ what the hell is wrong with you" from an old fat man yelling at a teenager that stepped on my wife’s toes you got to see me. if you were in LAX and heard a fat man exclaim that it was his god given right to drink beer before boarding a plane you got to see me. if you went on a snorkel trip to Molokai crater and saw a fat old man screaming "holy shit! Do you see all the fucking coral down there?". If you heard an old fat man boo at the sunrise on from the crater look out you got to see me. If you heard someone ask if the turtles tasted good, that was me.
If you saw an angry fat man at the Ulla beach parking lot, screaming at the top of his lungs about his GPS device being stolen you got to see me.
If you stole my GPS device woe be to you and your soul should I EVER find your ass mutherfucker!
I am sure that by now the regulars can attest that I am not a "tree hugging, dirt munching, fur kissing druid but I am not an eco-terrorist either.
now I am a bit of a process engineer, logistics manager, and supply chain geek, I love to think about how did they do that, or why did they do that that way. And what was the reasoning fro that sticker or that part number appendix. Is the extra tape reactionary or precautionary (there is a world of difference). So when you get to the island you are informed about the resources being limited and when given a choice you use salt water before fresh and to recycle when you can. So I appreciated this and understood. I do not normally practice these rituals at home as the resources at home are renewable but finite at the island.
When some fucking local piece of shit faggot muther fucker steals from me.
I ranted and I raved (not a fucking clandestine dance party either smart asses) I stomped and I shook my fist at the Hawaiian gods. I cursed the day the fuckers were born and I put such a voodoo curse upon them and theirs that the entire linage will just fizzle out into strokes and aneurisms and fiery foot burnings in lava.
I went back to my room and turned on all 6 facets and left them running for the rest of the 6 days I was there.
I mixed my garbage into one bag and buried the bags in the landscape trimmings bin that was destined to go to the city compost.
At night after drinking drinks in plastic cups (A new one every time I got a refill damn it!) I went around my resort and dumping everyone’s garbage out on the walk ways as if an animal had gotten into it.
I took rocks off the beach. They say there is a curse that follows you if you do but I know this is a false story to keep the visitors from taking the island home piece by piece
Fucking cock suckers get me my fucking GPS back and I will give you back the island I took.
Oh “drive friendly”, oh, “fuck you”
Oh “save resources” every chance at the beach I turned on the fresh water and walked away. Yeah fuck you all and the fucking boat you came in on.
Eat the peanuts out of my shit if you want to recycle.
Yeah that is the ticket I am holding the island hostage until you return my GPS. Until then a curse of bad luck and strokes to you and your whole family until the GPS is returned.
You are not the only ones with power to melt out curses.
And you do not think so huh?
Well give a week or a month of bad luck and your mind will changes bitches!

Like A Monkey With A Handgun

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

My political Views

Warning Perverted commentary following. Not the normal ranting of The Great Reverend Sleestaxx.

I just saw a picture of Obama's wife and man what a hottie. I have jerked off three times already.
I am a freak republican as in I am poor and I believe in the ideals of "those that want it must work for it." I do not subscribe to the "if I think I should than I shall receive." But, I will vote for him if I can get more photos of her in the paper.
Yeah I want too see more photos of her in the paper. No-one questions you reading the paper in the bathroom until now but with a first lady this hot there will be a daily in the restroom all the time.
No-one will know that you are jerking off to Obama's wife. They will think you are getting "informed".
The world and the country will be going to shit in a racist tornado of white haters but hey that has been brewing for quite a few years now any ways so just cinch the seat belt and lube up the hand and jerk off to the picture of your leader’s wife. Fuck yeah baby.
They will be doing her doggie style and missionary blowing their loads on that smooth news-print skin of hers. Oh yeah!!
"Oops, sorry baby I did not mean to get it is your eyes." lol
oh yeah, get out some of the past posts from Malflic and mentally putting her face in those blog posts ooooooh yeah some hot freaking stuff there 'aiiit!'
Yeah baby yeah oooh yeah the holy man is getting wood.
Hey Barack Obama, everyone will be jacking off to a picture of your wife all fucking day long! Can you imagine what a distraction his wife would be to all the Secret service agents and all the dignitaries and hell for him too but he pops up on my "gay-dar". I think he may be on the down low. Does anyone play poker with him??? LOL
And when you make a public appearance and she is on the news with you know that everyone will be "A-B ing" the segments with her in the scene. All the cool men will be spilling baby batter all over the place thinking of nasty naughty thoughts.
ha ha ha ha
Everyone will be googling Photoshop pictures of her face on Nude stills.
Hell anyone want a investment tip? Invest in lotion company stock.
That last hottie like this was 40+ years ago and no one talked about jerking off back then.
So yeah sit back ride the tornado of pure political hell for the next 4 years and get to know your hands.

If Obama gets elected I declare January 20th 2009 as masturbate day. if we all do it at the same time a statement will be made and a record set. the collective release would rock the world.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun

By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..