Rev. J. Sleestaxx
I was in my flowerbed pulling weeds. This is very therapeutic for me as I picture each weed I pull as a bad relationship or a negative moment in my life being removed. I feel that the visualization helps promote a positive atmosphere and positive direction for my life. There is so much negativity and wrong going on that being outdoors in the sun and fresh air is a healthy alternative to being indoors waiting the news about death destruction and corporate greed.
I digress.
I am in my green room. I am just about to reach that one with everything when I hear screeching, screaming, and bellowing. There are some men arguing like girls about something somewhere and it is making ripples on my pond of serenity.
You bastard they were my cherished pets
I do not know what you are talking about Sharron!
I know you Ozzy I know you. You took them for your tour you bastard.
No, I did not that was a long time ago. In addition, I was just really high then but I do not do that anymore.
I think, "Oh I get it" Ozzy lives next door to Alice Cooper and Alice is raising bats in his back yard. He thinks that Ozzy is coming over and stealing his bats
Just as Sharron comes out the front door in an apron wiping her hands like in an episode of "leave it to beaver" the two start to bitch fight.
You know what I mean they are just slapping at each other with their eyes closed. Quite comical if you ask me. Two "bad Ass" metal stars fighting like math nerds.
Sharron runs up like a mommy and starts to separate the two "What is wrong with you two." “You two used to be friends."
Alice falls back on his ass. In addition, starts to cry about his bats. They have been disappearing and at first he thought they were just getting lost or finding other fusions to live with." but this afternoon I went to check and the entire roost is missing. Gone, pole and all. In addition, I know this fucker took them.
Now Alice, Sharron says, I know that you love your bats and I know that you mean well by raising them, but the HOA hired bat chasers to remove the battery in your back yard. The HOA feels that this may not be appropriate activity in this subdivision.
They all in unison turn their heads and look at me.
FUCK! They saw me. I could have gone indoors and pretended I was not home, but not now. Shit they knew I was there and they knew I was aware of their desire to speak with me about a HOA issue. Damn presidency (See Feb. 25 chapter 11).
Fuck here they come, all three of them. Alice and Ozzy forgetting about the fight and now just comrades to support one another in a more just cause.
What do you mean that my hobby is in appropriate?
Come on Alice think about this. Nasty, dirty, disease ridden rodents in this neighborhood. What about the home values? They were a nuisance, many of the other neighbors expressed concern for their health and welfare. Many were very disturbed by the early morning sightings of Ozzy, in his Fruit of the looms, sneaking over and eating the bats as they came back. Then coming back home with bat blood streaking down the front of his shirtless belly and underwear.
Ozzy! Exclaimed Sharron You promised that you try to stop.
Sharron Sharron I did.
No Ozzy you did not, you went over there like a Baptist preacher to a porn store. All stealth like but everyone EVERYONE saw you go over. It was both disgusting and a shame, that you did not have the strength to stop eating your neighbor’s bats.
Ozzy Stop eating bats. That was a moment of drug-addled frenzy and now you are an old man with a super wife who takes care of you. Get it together man.
Alice You are over 50 years old! You are no scarier now then, then and now you want to act the scary metal god. HA you are just a grand dad that needs to find a respectable hobby like fly-fishing or woodworking. Grow the fuck up and paint your house a real fucking color like the rest of us.
Shit Ozzy you need to get your shit together man go to the rehab center for the bat obsession
Sharron get a tighter lease on your man.
Now get the fuck off my lawn you are all killing the grass.
I turned and there was Henry on his lawn just shaking his head in dis-approval. “Preacher,” Henry said, “ You are wrong and you know it.”
Sharron, he continued you know if I elected president this would not have happened.
No Henry if you were elected you would have run this place to shit and I voted for John because you are a bleeding heart liberal that does not know right from wrong and what it means to retain ho9me value in this volatile market.
Henry looked as though he was just slapped.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading 
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
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