In my neighborhood #3

In my neighborhood #3
By John Sleestaxx

It is funny and it is not.
Marilyn Manson moved into the house on Wendy’s left it is the first house on the left hen you turn onto the cul-de-sac and across from him is Johnny Cash.
Marilyn was very neighborly that day. After humping all of his furniture he moved it in side.
Then he came out to greet us and offer us cookies and introduce himself. I picked a cookie from the plate and he then offered to Kidd, Wendy and Henry. Kidd and Wendy took one and then Henry said he was not eating any refined sugar because of the terrible tragic exploited things that we do to the Hawaiians in the past.
I smirked as Marilyn explained that the cookies were a special recipe that did not use any refined sugars and as I lifted the cookie to my mouth I got a whiff of shit.
Yes poop, fecal matter.
I furrowed my brow and looked sideways to Kidd who was eating his and Wendy who was smiling at me and shifting her eyes to Kidd.
“Oh I get it” and in palmed the cookie and slid it into my back pocket,
Wendy winked and we smiled at Kidd.
We welcomed Marilyn and I was already thinking that I had to get rid of this freak cause he was really going to ruin the house value now. Now do not get me wrong, I like MM’s music and persona but I do not need that crap across the street from me and ruining my house value.
The market is already volatile and shaky already I do not need to have trouble selling when I need to pull the equity out and retire or upgrade. I mean, I could maybe hide the lesbos Britney and Pink, but this freak, holy shit I was doomed.
Maybe I would not have to worry.
Johnny was out of town when Marilyn moved in so we all kind of wanted to see how Johnny reacted to having Marilyn across the street.
Johnny came home later Sunday afternoon. He was in bike shorts and his chest waders were hanging on the ladder rack of his beat up ford pick up so we all knew he was fishing and he was going to be in a foul mood.
"You know you are not going to catch anything" we all say "but you go anyways".
"Yeah but I get to get out and breathe and think and talk to nature."
"But you are in a foul mood for weeks later"
"Maybe I do not like what nature ahs to say" he would joke.
It was perfect timing when john came home because Marilyn was out in the yard planting some flowers in the front flower bed.
He was dressed in that plastic boob shirt thingy and a wide brimmed straw hat. No pants and rubber boots.
John turned to me and waved. Then he saw that the rest of us were out also.
He looked puzzled and perplexed. He looked at us and Lemmy who lives next to Kidd nodded towards Manson.
John followed his nod and saw Manson’s ass in the air as he dug another hole for another daisy plant.
John's shoulders slumped and his head dropped.
He reached into the back of the truck and pulled out a shovel and crossed the street.
Marilyn caught the sight of Mr. Cash and stood.
He must have saw the shovel and thought John was going to be a nice neighbor, cause he smiled and began to say "hey thanks but.." John raised the shovel and brought down on Manson’s head. There was a movie style twang and Manson dropped like a rag doll.
John is a great neighbor. He took care of the shit that floated in across the street.
John brought the shovel up and down four more times on Manson’s head and then began to dig a hole in the front flower bed.
We all turned our backs and went inside.
Later it rained and the flower bed looked normal and I am sure that later when the stink begins we will not talk of this EVER!

No comments: