Satan came to m y door today

I answered the door and there was Satan. He wanted to talk to the lady of the house about her choice of laundry detergent.
I told him that she was not home and that he should not come back.
He then stated that the laminated card clipped to his breast pocket allowed him the opportunity to harass and manipulate the fine citizens of my neighborhood.
I said really? Hold on one second fucktard.
and I went to the closet to get my chainsaw, (What where do you keep yours?)
I began to step in his direction and told him that this two stroke, 5 horse power cutting device allows me the opportunity to cut his pecker off and that I was going to put his cut off pecker in my family bible.
Whoa hold on Mr. Sleestaxx.
That is Reverend To you Satan.
OK Rev. But I still need to talk to your wife.
No sir you need to step the fuck off my porch before I cut your penis off with this here chainsaw.
Look Rev. I am just trying to sell some cleaner door to door
I too sell cleaners. I sell cleaners for the soul. I clean sins from souls.
I beat the dirt from the minds of the sinners and mortals of this earth. and I do not need any of what you are selling Satan now go.
Satan began to cry. He complained that he was just missed understood and that he was just being manipulated by god and that the good lord was using him as a scape goat for all the bad things in life.
I said, "cry me a river bitch" and I sent him next door and told him talk to my neighbor Henry Rollins.
Henry is a fucker. and Satan will not see it coming!