Wars are messy

Wars are messy
Rev. John Sleestaxx


It had been a long time coming. The wars were taking their toll on the civilians. Many had given up on a belief that they would have a quiet life. And I do not blame them.
I mean when you have been subjected to nightly shelling from outer space for nearly 5 decades you kind of forget how things were before the war.
You forget what it was like to go to a movie with a date and not worry about the roof caving in or the siren blaring just as the best part of the movie was unfolding.
You definitely forget about how it was back in the day when you could go to the park with your date and lay in the grass and cuddle and whisper sweet things to each other. But now the shelling has made dating a life threatening proposition.
What respectable girl is going to go on a date if her life is in jeopardy? No it was date the skanks, the skezzers, the hungry, the orphans or the thrill seekers.
The good girls, the kind you want to marry, they stay in the bunkers at night and when the need to have a baby is upon them, they either marry into a harem or they buy DNA from the many government run clinics.
That is why joining the service was so appealing. In the service you are given 3 passes a week to access the government brothels, filled with girls cloned from the best sex stock, girls created to please and not breed. We all know that our DNA material is salvaged tested and used to strengthen our population. And build up our forces to battle the evil dark menace that attacks us every night.
No one knows for sure why they attack at night. Or what we did to make them so mad.
We are told that the government has the smartest minds working on the space travel problem and once we can transverse the distance to our attackers we will be victorious.
Until then we just have to be diligent and persevere.
What I needed was a target, something to focus on something for me to aim at. I was tired of practice, tired of shooting into that damn pile of dirt, "We do not know what the enemy looks like, and we do not even know if the enemy has a head. So you will fire at anything we put up in front of you." It seems like piles of dirt are pretty cheap.
One day Crazy, his name is Craig but we call him Crazy, one day Crazy decides to make fun of me in front of the brothel girls. He tells them that I talk in my sleep and that I get a boner while I sleep. Then he tells them I touch my boner in my sleep. The girls all laugh and ask if my sleeping boner is like the one I bring to them. We all laugh at this.
So today we are again shooting at the pile of dirt and I turn to Crazy and I tell him he embarrassed me last night.
He laughs.
I shoot him and my sergeant and the rest of my platoon.
Yep it is messier to shoot a person than a dirt pile.

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