A Letter To New York After Sandy

Dear Mayor Bloomberg,

 I would like to be the first in Texas to write you and extend our deepest sympathies over the tragic hurricane attack your shitty has fallen victim too. Rivalry aside, this is a terrible time for you all.

 We down in the gulf region know all too well the terrible devastation a hurricane attack can cause. Cheer up though you are a resourceful bunch, resilient in your strength and tenacious in the face of adversity and strong in your convictions. We here in Texas applaud you all and are certain that if you all stick together you can get the "Big Apple" on its feet in now time.

 I do want to say though, please do not come down here. We in Texas are still reeling from the welfare influx from Katrina the support we are still giving New Orleans is crippling and time consuming. We do not need or want your criminals mixing with the criminals from New Orleans. We do not need to be handing out any more welfare to any from your part of the United States, seriously the burden on our already hobbled budget is too taxed as it is and there are many other states that have the resources and the cash to accept your troubled citizenship. And quite frankly you all talk kinda funny.

 You all should stay up there focus on rebuilding "the city that never sleeps". Yeah that's the ticket, if you all work 24 7 like you all claim you could probably rebuild in the half the time it take New Orleans to recover (recovering).

 So um yeah that's all I really wanted to say. "Stay up there. DO NOT come down here!" and see if that fancy pants guy in the big house can send you all some help.

 Some advice though, don’t let those FEMA guys try to help they are more trouble than they are worth.

Sincerely

Rev. John Sleestaxx

 A Texas citizen.

Review: Battleship (Film)

Movie: Battleship

Format: On Demand

Running time: 131

Rating: **

Value: ** (Keep the money; I just want the time from my life back) 

I wondered how they were going to turn a board game into a movie. Thank god they used computer graphics! But the story was weak and the acting was poor. Not a single good acting job in over two hours. Not even the Japanese speaking actors, (Tadanobu Asano) Captain Yugi Nagata, were believable. I know I could not understand everything they said but at least when I watch Godzilla I BELIEVE that the monster is coming. Not so in this film.

We discover an earth like planet close to our own and we like idiots try to make contact. 

Aliens answer our phone call and we welcome them with bullets and mortar shells. I think the only reason they (the aliens) tried so hard to phone home was to tell their friends what a bunch of incompetent idiots our navy was.

Typical bad boy brother (Taylor Kitsch) Lieutenant Alex Hopper  is forced to live in his brother’s shadow and prove himself to himself, his crew mates and his girlfriend (Brooklyn Decker) Sam Shane’s(??)  father (Liam Neeson) Admiral Shane. All while facing the loss of his brother (Alexander Skarsgård) Commander Stone Hopper (ha ha Stone Hopper) and “bad ass” aliens. Liam must have owed a favor. Be careful Liam Burt Reynolds lost himself returning favors.

 Rhianna’s debut appearance as Petty Officer Cora 'Weps' Raikes, was weak and unbelievable.  Her acting was flat and she played into the “what she would be like in real life”. And, no, there is no scene of her sunbathing on the deck of the destroyer.

The film hired a few handicapped and retired vets who did not know how to act, but grand kudos for getting up there and doing their best like they did when they protected our country. 

209 million dollars spent. 302 million made in the box office and I am still out 2 hours of my life. That’s fine I would have spent that touching my penis.

Put down the remote and go outside it would be better spent. I wasted the time so you would not have to.

Taylor Swift "Red"

Artist: Taylor Swift

CD Title: Red

Tracks: 16

Rating: ****½

Value: ***½

So having listened to the “Red” CD from Taylor Swift. It is obvious that some people believe if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

 Taylor’s CD lineup is just that love found love lost and the jerk who broke my heart will be sorry one day. If she was a guy I would worry about her showing up at a music award show with smoke bombs and tear gas screaming how she was just so hurt and no one really loved her. But she is definitely not a guy.  So what every guy that breaks her heart has to do I ssleep with one eye open until she is in love again. Then you should be safe.

 The jabs are over. Now to the meat of the matter, they all sound the same to me pretty much, all sugary sweet and sticky. Nothing dirty or nasty or anything that gives you the idea she is growing up in real life and becoming a woman. You know what I am talking about, Britney Spears did it all over again on her “Coming of age” CD titled “Britney”.  Christina Aguilera did it in a boxing ring (Stripped).  That train wreck Miley Cyrus did it in a cage.

 Nope Miss Swift is still doing it behind closed doors and probably will bust out…, when, never if her handlers have any say in the matter.

 If you like country pop, pop, or just like a female crooner voice then this should be in your collection, go buy it.

 Me? Nah I can’t work out to it, I can’t run to it, and it definitely does not make me mad enough or enflame my anger problems for the drive to work so, meh… I took it back to wal-mart with a scratch on it and got store credit. (Hey no one is sending me their shit to review).

Thanks and please stop by again.

The Drought Is Over! October 18, 2012 : 13:39

The Drought Is Over! October 18, 2012 : 13:39

Almost 80% of the country is underwater:

“The latest weekly Drought Monitor update set another record. The brutal U.S. drought Lowered to 21.05% of the contiguous U.S. — the lowest ever in the Monitor’s 12-year history. The previous record was 31.80% — set just last week.” China's weather machine broke early last week and the entire country has been inundated with rain and massive flooding.

 A unknown government source was quoted, "The US government cannot hide the water fast enough." People have to piss out the door as toilets have been backing up as the country's water table has risen to new levels.

  Curabitur non neque lectus. Donec sed lectus dui. Mauris dapibus nisi in neque mollis hendrerit. Ut volutpat sapien sit amet augue venenatis feugiat. Nam sagittis lacus ipsum, ut tincidunt eros. Maecenas at risus dui. Morbi id adipiscing nisi. Curabitur tempor pellentesque dui sit amet elementum. Aenean semper tortor non augue posuere a feugiat ipsum pellentesque. Cras in massa nisi.

 It appears that Canada is turning down visas as the American public sick of wet socks and stupid political rhetoric are trying to pour across the border into Canada.

 "We can't say no fast enough." said one para-military border guard in Milwaukee. "They just keep coming eh?"

 They fact that the earth is covered in two thirds of water is of no consolation to the poor individuals who are still swimming in New Orleans.

 Nulla eget ipsum dolor. Maecenas consequat faucibus enim, a pharetra odio sagittis non. Vestibulum consequat mollis metus, sit amet accumsan magna porta sit amet. Duis a rhoncus nunc. Etiam sed mi eget lectus ornare tempus. Pellentesque malesuada augue vel urna venenatis tristique. Nulla sed orci in tellus vehicula scelerisque. Vestibulum quis nulla eu nulla tristique vulputate vitae in risus. Ut malesuada risus sit amet lectus placerat interdum. Vestibulum sed metus sapien, id commodo massa. Integer viverra, purus id elementum tincidunt, elit enim porta ligula, in dignissim ipsum nibh et justo.
Nulla id tortor nunc. Donec in nulla at tortor posuere ornare. Quisque auctor porttitor velit, at tincidunt lacus commodo in. Vivamus dolor nisl, pellentesque non mollis et, ultrices non tortor. Nulla auctor leo in arcu luctus sed feugiat odio cursus. Integer vel ipsum vitae nisi aliquam ornare nec vel mauris. Nullam at augue eu enim tincidunt lobortis. Nunc quis nisl eu arcu imperdiet bibendum eu eu purus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Phasellus cursus sapien et diam faucibus id porta enim rutrum. Aenean risus risus, faucibus et dictum sit amet, tempor vel nulla. Duis faucibus pulvinar scelerisque. Cras in purus sit amet tortor ornare feugiat eget eget tortor. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Duis pellentesque, dolor non adipiscing lobortis, ligula nulla faucibus mi, sed vestibulum nunc libero ac purus.

 See anyone can write a blog. Bitch! Oh Yeah your internet works awesome dude.