Review: Battleship (Film)

Movie: Battleship

Format: On Demand

Running time: 131

Rating: **

Value: ** (Keep the money; I just want the time from my life back) 

I wondered how they were going to turn a board game into a movie. Thank god they used computer graphics! But the story was weak and the acting was poor. Not a single good acting job in over two hours. Not even the Japanese speaking actors, (Tadanobu Asano) Captain Yugi Nagata, were believable. I know I could not understand everything they said but at least when I watch Godzilla I BELIEVE that the monster is coming. Not so in this film.

We discover an earth like planet close to our own and we like idiots try to make contact. 

Aliens answer our phone call and we welcome them with bullets and mortar shells. I think the only reason they (the aliens) tried so hard to phone home was to tell their friends what a bunch of incompetent idiots our navy was.

Typical bad boy brother (Taylor Kitsch) Lieutenant Alex Hopper  is forced to live in his brother’s shadow and prove himself to himself, his crew mates and his girlfriend (Brooklyn Decker) Sam Shane’s(??)  father (Liam Neeson) Admiral Shane. All while facing the loss of his brother (Alexander Skarsgård) Commander Stone Hopper (ha ha Stone Hopper) and “bad ass” aliens. Liam must have owed a favor. Be careful Liam Burt Reynolds lost himself returning favors.

 Rhianna’s debut appearance as Petty Officer Cora 'Weps' Raikes, was weak and unbelievable.  Her acting was flat and she played into the “what she would be like in real life”. And, no, there is no scene of her sunbathing on the deck of the destroyer.

The film hired a few handicapped and retired vets who did not know how to act, but grand kudos for getting up there and doing their best like they did when they protected our country. 

209 million dollars spent. 302 million made in the box office and I am still out 2 hours of my life. That’s fine I would have spent that touching my penis.

Put down the remote and go outside it would be better spent. I wasted the time so you would not have to.