Panhandling the lord By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

I was in the corner store to buy some beer and chips. While I was in the store a bum had walked in. The bum looked at me and said hey father help brother out. I looked him in the eye and “If I was your father I could not be your brother unless I had incestuous relations with my mother"

Deu 27:22
‘Cursed is the one who has sexual relations with his sister, the daughter of either his father or mother.’ Then all the people will say, ‘Amen!’

There are many of you all that know that just could not be possible given the ill will and hatred that my mother brings out
No no padre that is not what I meant.
Hey you get out of my store. The clerk jabbered at the bum I told you to stay away. You have no money and you are just looking to steal from me.
I looked at the bum and I asked, “Is that true?”
Do you steal from this man??
The bum looked at me with embarrassment and nodded.

Jer 7:9
You steal. You murder. You commit adultery. You lie when you swear on oath. You sacrifice to the god Baal. You pay allegiance to other gods whom you have not previously known.

Oba 1:5
“If thieves came to rob you during the night, they would steal only as much as they wanted! If grape pickers came to harvest your vineyards, they would leave some behind for the poor! But you will be totally destroyed!

“Sir do not steal from this man any more. Are you a citizen of this country??”
He nodded
I said, “Then good come by the church tonight and every night for the next week and we will feed you.”
“But father it is not food or shelter that I steal it is liquor.

Hos 4:18
They consume their alcohol, then engage in cult prostitution; they dearly love their shameful behavior.

“Sir I can not help you with your liquor problem. Only you and god can conquer.
You have to want to quit to quit.”
He straightened up and began yell at me about how he was a vet and how he served our country and bla bla bla.
I hit him in the eye and he stopped. He stepped to me and I hit him again.
Abdul began to yell and scream, “No John do not do this in here again.”
The other people looked at the clerk and then looked at me.
The bum stepped up and I clocked him so hard he fell back. I stepped up and thumped him again with the spine of my bible across the bridge of his nose he fell out the doors and the clerk was just yelling and yelling.
The lady at the counter to buy the lotto tickets started screaming for Abdul to make a call to the police and he looked at her then me and just put up his hands.
The lady grabbed her cell and I leapt back at her, took the phone and said, “There is no need for the police as I am a man of the cloth and I answer to a higher law that what the donut moochers represent.”

Exo 24:12
1 The Lord said to Moses, “Come up to me to the mountain and remain there, and I will give you the stone tablets with the law and the commandments that I have written, so that you may teach them.”

She looked at me and the will of god just washed over her and she wet herself right there.
I turned back the vagabond and he was just starting to come around and walk to the door. I kicked the doors with such force that the swung wide into the hobo's face and the glass shattered
The bum began to cry and whimper but not in an apologetic way just a frustrated little kid way.
“Sir, do you repent and ask the lord to fill your heart with his love and to take the desire to drink away from you?”
“Why are you hitting me?”
And I brought the bible down on his head.
“Sir, do you not see the errors of your ways and the path to the gift of everlasting life? are you not at the cross roads yet?”
“I just wanted some money for a bottle of wine.”
“No sir that is not the way to go and I brought my foot to his thigh.”

Eze 26:10
He will cover you with the dust kicked up by his many horses. Your walls will shake from the noise of the horsemen, wheels, and chariots when he enters your gates like those who invade through a city’s broken walls.

“He yelped and asked for a drink.”
There was a young man also in the store and he came out and placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Reverend you need to stop.”
“Young man if you know anything about how the real world works, you know that this man is in trouble and I am trying to reach him.”

Exo 7:4
Pharaoh will not listen to you. I will reach into Egypt and bring out my regiments, my people the Israelites, from the land of Egypt with great acts of judgment.

Deu 4:28
There you will worship gods made by human hands – wood and stone that can neither see, hear, eat, nor smell.

“His god is his drink. It is the drink that he worships and it is a false idol that he needs to let look away from.”
“He must,” and I kicked him two more times, but he just sat there like a child throwing a fit. “Give up the drink” I told the young man and I brought the bible down on the top of his head.

Deu 5:27
You go near so that you can hear everything the Lord our God is saying and then you can tell us whatever he says to you; then we will pay attention and do it.”

“I must help him now” and the you man grabbed my arm I brought the bible spine across his nose and he stepped back.
The hobo was crying now and asking for god to help him
You see I said loudly he is beginning to see the path to righteousness.
“Man are you willing to give up the drink and accept the churches help?”
“Yes father yes please do not beat me anymore.”

Deu 13:17
You must not take for yourself anything that has been placed under judgment. Then the Lord will relent from his intense anger, show you compassion, have mercy on you, and multiply you as he promised your ancestors.

Jer 12:15
But after I have uprooted the people of those nations, I will relent and have pity on them. I will restore the people of each of those nations to their own lands and to their own country.

“Then get thee to the church down the street and tell them the reverend Sleestaxx sent you. They will take care of you.”
The young man looked horrified at me. He was still holding his nose.
“For a priest you sure are a fucker!”
“What do you mean kid?”
“You did not have to beat that man.”
“No I did”
“He was stealing and he was worshiping the drink and he forgot his way.”
“I had to show him back the right path. I had to get past the drink and the years of self loathing so that he could hear the words of the lord.”

Num 12:6
The Lord said, “Hear now my words: If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord will make myself known to him in a vision; I will speak with him in a dream.

“No you are a bully and you shoved your religion down his throat.”
“No he asked for help.”

Exo 22:23
If you afflict them in any way and they cry to me, I will surely hear their cry,

“I gave it to him. He said help a brother out.”
“That is not what he meant.”
“No that is exactly what he meant. If he wanted what you say he wanted he would have asked you or the nice lady in there instead.”
“The lord put him in the store at that time for him to meet me. The lord has plans for that man. I know because the god speaks to me even now.”

Exo 19:9
The Lord said to Moses, “I am going to come to you in a dense cloud, so that the people may hear when I speak with you and so that they will always believe in you.” And Moses told the words of the people to the Lord.

“No you are wrong.”
“Ok young man, are you asking for the lord to talk to you also?”
“Oh like you could get me to see your god.”
“I brought the bible down on the top of his young head.”
“He is your god too young man do you not hear and see him yet?”
“What the fuck?”
“Wrong answer” and I brought the bible down again and he dropped to his knees and began to cover up.

Zec 3:5
Then I spoke up, “Let a clean turban be put on his head.” So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him, while the angel of the Lord stood nearby.

I brought the bible down again and he cried out "oh my god" "Oh my god"
“There you are beginning to see now aren't you punk.”
And I began to just drop the bible down on his head over and over again.
He asked me to stop and I did.
There son, do you see the light?
“Yes father I do see.” He sobbed, “How could I have missed this for so long?”
“The lord has us out here for a reason.”

Mat 10:8
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. Freely you received, freely give.

“I will see you in church on Sunday young man.”
“Yes father, you will.”
“On Thursday you can try to have a rematch you want.”
“Will you be using the bible?”
“No just the boxing gloves”
“Then it is a date old man.”
I helped him to his feet. And I already showed him the way.
I went back to the store where the older lady was standing there with her mouth open.
“Ma'am do you know the lord?”
She nodded and I gave back her cell phone.
She left and I looked to Abdul.
“John, what about my door? It is broken.”
“Abdul you know I will fix the door I have always fixed the door in past right?”
“John your-no er ah.... god is very powerful, isn't he?”
“Abdul I know you do not believe in the same messiah. But until you ask for help in finding the way I can not help you. You may find the way on another path that does not need my counsel.”
“Abdul call the glass people and tell them to bill the church they know the routine and so do you. I am tired and I want to go home.”

Deu 25:18
How they met you along the way and cut off all your stragglers in the rear of the march when you were exhausted and tired; they were unafraid of God.

2Sa 17:29
Honey, curds, flocks, and cheese. For they said, “The people are no doubt hungry, tired, and thirsty there in the desert.”

“Everyone I would like you all too welcome Scott and Patrick.”
“Come on let have a big hello and round of applause. I want them to feel welcomed and at home.”
Scott will be helping the single mothers group with their chores and Patrick will be in need of constant counseling until he is dry and confident.
The parking lot was a joy to see last weekend every one taking their time to leave and not honking or yelling. There were no accidents.
Please let us do that again this weekend and every week end from now one.
I will have Patrick work the parking lot detail. he will have the same authority as me and the same baseball bat.
Please stop in the foyer for coffee and cookies. Please congratulate the girls champion again and make sure to stop by the boys and point and laugh as they lost again last Friday night.
I understand it was close....NOT....
Two rounds and the boys' champion taps out. What is that?

Keep your pimp hand strong and go in peace.


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