Strip Bar Evangelizing By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

I go into the flesh temple and save a soul or two

I was asked to go to a topless bar to talk to a young lady that was a relative of a church going member. Not of this church but I was asked because this particular place the nature of the personality of the relative warranted my going because of my diplomatic abilities.

Well I walked into this den of inequity, this parlor of sin, A temple of the flesh. Yes that is what this place was! A temple of the flesh! There were many women there of various levels of beauty and wearing little to no clothing gyrating on the temple goers and tables of the patrons.

Rev 3:17
Because you say, “I am rich and have acquired great wealth, and need nothing,” but do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked,

Rev 16:15
(Look! I will come like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays alert and does not lose his clothes so that he will not have to walk around naked and his shameful condition be seen.)

Rev 17:16
The ten horns that you saw, and the beast – these will hate the prostitute and make her desolate and naked. They will consume her flesh and burn her up with fire.

I sat in the middle of the room at an empty table. The lights were low even on the stage. I chose this table because there was a single light in the ceiling that illuminated the table.

I placed my bible on the table opened to the book of Isaiah.

The girl I was to see, a pretty young thing, was on the stage. She danced at the pole turning and twirling around. She gyrated her hips and shook her backside in time to the music.

The music was loud but I could still hear my voice without yelling.

I began to read aloud.

Isa 21:2 I have received a distressing message: “The deceiver deceives, the destroyer destroys. Attack, you Elamites! Lay siege, you Medes! I will put an end to all the groaning!”

Isa 21:3 For this reason my stomach churns; cramps overwhelm me like the contractions of a woman in labor. I am disturbed by what I hear, horrified by what I see.

Isa 21:4 My heart palpitates, I shake in fear; the twilight I desired has brought me terror.

Isa 21:5 Arrange the table, lay out the carpet, eat and drink! Get up, you officers,
smear oil on the shields!

I guess the young woman could see that I was not watching her show because when she was done dancing she came directly to my table.

Why are you reading while I was dancing? Am I not beautiful enough for you or are you gay?

Then she saw that it was a bible and said "Worse you are a bible thumper."

I said "first of all I saw you dance. I have not called you any names. And you are very pretty."

But I am here because your parents are worried about you.

So they sent a priest.

I am not a priest that is catholic. I am a reverend. From the First Execration Church Of Odium Anathema.


No this is a special church. This church knows it is hard to be reverent in today’s' evil world of sinners and criminals that run the country and economy.

I provide special counseling and evangelizing.

Whatever. Look I have to work.

No you have to listen to me.

Unless you are going to pay twenty dollars for a lap dance I have to go over there. She pointed to some bearded construction types.

How about I give you twenty dollars and you talk to me.

Nope for that you have to spend eighty for the champagne room.

And she started to get up.

Twenty and we talk here.

Rom 13:13 Let us live decently as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in discord and jealousy.

"Nope" she said and she went over to the bearded gentlemen. They talked a bit she gestured towards me they handed her a bill and she began to dance. She pushed her breasts together and mashed them into the face of the gentleman and the group whooped and hollered.

She turned and sat on his lap and rubbed herself on his lap and his crew all watched and slapped the table.

Job 3:12 Why did the knees welcome me, and why were there two breasts that I might nurse at them?

He placed his hands on her hips and she politely moved them off. and then she turned around and began to shake her breasts in front of him again and his friends all hollered and then one of them slapped her behind and she stiffened but smiled at him and shook her finger playfully at him.

I jumped up and charged. They did not see me coming as they were too busy looking at the naked flesh of this young woman.

I brought the bible down and across the head of the spanker with such force that the binding broke and pages of the lords word flew like confetti across the table and rest of the crowd.

Rev 3:20 Listen! I am standing at the door and knocking! If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come into his home and share a meal with him, and he with me.

The other men stood and the girl fell to the floor.

I grabbed the gentleman with the bill by the back of the head and smashed his face into the table. he was either too drunk to get up or the table was harder than I thought because he just passed out

Joel 3:10 Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning hooks into spears! Let the weak say, ‘I too am a warrior!’ 3:11 Lend your aid and come, all you surrounding nations, and gather yourselves to that place.” Bring down, O Lord, your warriors!

His friend leapt onto me and we fell to the ground and began grappling.

Two bouncers came over and pulled us apart.

They did not expect me to turn so quickly as I spun and pushed my fist into the nose of my capture. His head snapped back and I kneed him directly into the testicles.

Lev 21:20 or a hunchback, or a dwarf, or one with a spot in his eye, or a festering eruption, or a feverish rash, or a crushed testicle.

He fell to his knees and I dropped him with a knee to the face. "God forgives you" is all I said to him and he fell back and looked at the ceiling.

Dan 5:6 Then all the color drained from the king’s face and he became alarmed. The joints of his hips gave way, and his knees began knocking together.

His knees became wet with urine he had pissed himself and now he feared his own mortality and I was the light that shown the way and I spoke dear merciful please forgive this ignorant servant and receive him into your glorious house. Amen

My assailant’s bouncer looked shocked and surprised by my swiftness. "Now the lord is very pissed at you though" and I punch the construction guy in the eye

Twice before the bouncer realized I was coming.

The bouncer let go of the construction guy and reached for me.

I jumped back and turned a bit so that my kick would catch him in the knee.

"The lord will heal you later brother"

Above the music you heard the joint snap! This was a sickening wet popping noise that only footballers and hardcore street fighters have heard, and now a topless dancer.

The customer had fallen back and was leaning on a table. He looked at me realized there was no more help and he held up his hands.

Stop? What is the matter? What do you want? He said

You sir need to stop worshiping the flesh. Get thee to church and ask for the lord’s righteous love and forgiveness.

Go now or I shall christen you as I have the rest.

He turned and pushed by the crowd that was gathering.

I saw the bartender coming with a bat out of the corner of my eye

Joel 3:12 Let the nations be roused and let them go up to the valley of Jehoshaphat, for there I will sit in judgment on all the surrounding nations.

Joel 3:13 Rush forth with the sickle, for the harvest is ripe! Come, stomp the grapes, for the winepress is full! The vats overflow. Indeed, their evil is great!

And I knew what was happening as the girl's eyes widened. I duck and came about as the bat passed my head.

I slammed my fist into the eye socket of the bartender and he fell back. I brought my left fist up into the jaw as he fell back. His teeth slapped together with a "click clack" and he dropped to the ground.

1Ki 21:19 Say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: “Haven’t you committed murder and taken possession of the property of the deceased?”’ Then say to him,

‘This is what the Lord says: “In the spot where dogs licked up Naboth’s blood they will also lick up your blood – yes, yours!”’”

I looked at the girl nude and shaking in total fear.

"Young lady you must find another vocation! The owner will know that you asked me to come here and beat these men up."

"That is not true!" she whimpered

"No it is true as I am a man of the cloth and I do not lie"

She looked about at the carnage and the beat and broken men. And said,

“Your god must be strong and your conviction in his word must be very mighty to have taken so many men and reduced them to little whimpering boys.”

I held my hand to her and she took it.

We left and I have given her a room in the rectory so that we can begin proper counseling and vocational rehabilitation.

2Pe 3:14 Therefore, dear friends, since you are waiting for these things, strive to be found at peace, without spot or blemish, when you come into his presence.

Gen 44:4 They had not gone very far from the city when Joseph said to the servant who was over his household, “Pursue the men at once! When you overtake them, say to them, ‘Why have you repaid good with evil?

She has been given the job of co-coordinating the sinners into the proper groups and also answering the phone for appointments.

I have sent her to the women’s groups for proper social exercises and practice.

I believe that she will become a valuable member of our church.

I will be in the parking lot shaking hands and heads. Please remember that honking brings out the worst possible mood in me and that you all need to behave all week mot just the hour you are here. You need to behave in the parking lot.


The felon program has been canceled as certain groups have found that my method of counseling is brutal and rough. It works! But it is rough and they think that it is unfair to put these known criminals in the ring with a pastor. To get the good word and the lord’s love beaten into them.

You know these tree huggers are starting to make me upset.

Oh well the lord will show them all the way soon enough.

Gen 18:19 I have chosen him so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Then the Lord will give to Abraham what he promised him.”

Go in peace and be happy

Remember to keep your pimp hand strong.

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