In my neighborhood #18
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Trent Reznor came to my door asking if knew anything about Marilyn
It seems that Marilyn boasted to Trent that he had bought a house and he was very proud of this purchase
However, when Trent went to the door to see his good friend’s house and give him a house-warming present of a rotting meat sculpture, Marilyn was not home and Vanilla Ice was answering the door.
This was very odd to Trent as he was not aware of Vanilla and Marilyn being friends.
What did Vanilla say to you? I asked
That he was the owner and he had never heard of Marilyn living there but from the door, I could see the taxidermy cow hanging on the wall. Therefore, I pressed Vanilla about this and Vanilla finally broke down and said that he was just borrowing the house and he would give it up as soon as he was asked to leave. However, he still did not know anything about Marilyn’s disappearance.
Trent said that he had spoken to Henry who knew nothing (no surprise there). And he had spoken to Pamela Anderson who was having a very blonde day as he put it.
I introduced myself and invited Trent in for lemonade (Miley Style) he was gracious and polite but when he stepped inside he began to asked pointed questions and made accusations of cover ups and conspiracies. Saying things like this is so typical no-one understands Marilyn he is just too far ahead of his time.
Trent I told him Marilyn is not ahead of anybody. He PISSES on his audience for Christ sakes and he maneuvered his band mates out of a very successful gig.
Trent began to get a little frantic in his speech, his arms began to wave about in crazy windmill circles, and spittle and saliva foam began to fly from his lips.
And honestly I was regretting inviting him in. he was getting scary like crazy scary and I was beginning to mentally calculate how fast can I get to the butcher knife in the kitchen.
He was screaming now about how he needed to find "Mare". That mare would know what to do. Then he lunged at me like a crack addict. Honestly, it was not a surprise though because he was in the red zone long before he attacked me.
I held up one arm to fend the attack and began to back-peddle into the kitchen. I hit the dining room table with my right hip and fell down to one knee, that was enough for Trent to really put on the full court press, and he jumped on me. I fell back pulling the bible I had at the edge of the table. Trent pressed his whole body on mine and brought his face real close to me and then he got very calm and said that my breath was salty just like he likes it and he stuck out his tongue.
I rolled him to one side and brought the bible up under his chin forcing him to bite his own tongue.
He screamed and began to thrash about on the floor as if he was in a seizure or something. I jumped to my feet and started to the phone but he was in between me, the phone, me, and the only exit. I was freaking trapped.
He stopped convulsing and looked at me sideways.
You kilbed maberilyn bdibdm't myou!
No I did not
And then in a low hoarse whisper he was said he was going to eat me.
I backed into the kitchen to put the island between me and the crazy guy. He started to get up and I remember opening the drawer and the next thing you know Trent is on the floor with the butcher’s knife steel sticking in his eye.
Yes officer I dragged his body out the front door right away.
Because if he was to be pronounced dead IN my house I would have to disclose it to the potential buyers but if he was to be dead OUTside well that is a whole other loop hole.
Marilyn? No he is probably on an animal sex binge with drugs and liquor out in some god forsaken Midwest barn sneezing from all the hay pollen.
Vanilla? I guess he was house sitting and decided that a crazy Trent Reznor was not worth the free shelter and vamoosed.
Would you like some lemonade?
Sure I have no plans to leave town and if I am needed down at the station for anymore questions I would be more than happy to come down.
In my neighborhood #17
In my neighborhood #17
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
My family was over at Henry’s for movie night. It is something we do occasionally because we are neighbors and I poke fun at him. The movie was “Falling Down”, it was wonderful film of a man snapping, of a man who had enough shit and he went on a walk about. kind of Australia LA style.
Henry starts to talk about how he identifies with the main character played by Michael Douglas. And he pauses the movie to stand in the living center and start a recitation of one of his pieces. Wendy goes to the bathroom and Kidd starts to nod off on Pam’s chest.
Henry starts to speak to my son about corporate rapers and devourers of the common man's soul. And how one morning while shaving his head he came to realization that singing for Black Flag was not his true calling but a prelude to what he must do with his life.
I have that voice, the voice of the common man I can reach multitudes and let them know that the common man is pissed and poor and tired of being someone else’s bitch. The common man works all week at a job he does not enjoy so that he can barely provide for his family and put just enough gas in his tank to go to work another day to do it all over again.
I speak for the average Joe because I identify with him I know him he is my base and I am his champion. He knows that I fight his fight for him.
No, you speak so much and so loud that you only hear your voice, you only know your thoughts. You then stand up there on stage for your high paid speaking engagements and regurgitate your thoughts and your ideals onto the stage like it is the gospel and we all think that way. but you do not speak for me and you do not speak for many of the common man.
You do not struggle?
oh yes I do struggle I struggle against discrimination, I struggle against entitlement. I struggle against oppression and I endure lie after lie after lie. I wade through vomit of “This is for you, It is good for you and I have done this great thing for you”. Much of the same puke and shit you spewed just now. But the fact is you know nothing of my struggle. You work in a field that enjoys you and pays you a beyond average salary. You speak of things you have never ever been in touch with or it has been so long since you have been in touch that you have forgotten the weight of failure, the weight of trudging to a Jay Oh Bee, the god awful beatings at the gas pump knowing that it is all a conspiracy.
A conspiracy? Henry asked
Yes the war, the gas prices, the economy recession and inflation. It is all a great controlling play to guide and heard the masses into a class based society controlled by the rich and supported by the poor.
I know that is what I am talking about.
Well stop talking and do something. The revolution is mounting; the tides of change are ebbing to a wave of evolution. It is just waiting for a spark, a leader, a starter of the fire that would burn the old wood and create a landscape of equality and happiness. But instead you just poke it with a stick and dance around the issue with the step and grace of an ignorant native worshiping the eclipse like it was a great god devouring the sun.
You need to step up and fight, get the ball rolling. Start a channel on youtube tell everyone on youtube who you are voting for and why. Point out platform points and tell them why they are good for the nation, why they are good for the world, and most importantly of all why they are good for me. Then if your champion is elected you have to speak once a month about your candidates actions, you have to explain why your candidate failed to execute and not in the criticizing why that all talking heads do, but in a informative educational way. That way when your candidate succeeds or fails you can be accountable for the awful state that you will bitch about. If you speak for the common man because your voice is the loudest and you have this great platform to speak from, you can be accountable for you choices because that is the problem with the corporate rapers and the politicians that devour the souls and cultures of foreign lands, they are not truly accountable. No-one is and that is the shame. That is the failure in world globalization no-one person is accountable for the mistakes or the colossal failures. China is the terrible un-doer of centuries of human rights progression, but they still get the contracts to make the items that we buy and in turn China buys our countries debt.
If our country would invest in the people they would not have debt, they would have a resource, but they want to starve us into submission. They have failed to follow the simple rules of economy since the 80's and it is all to drag our middle down to the level of the global middle so that the global population is equally poor. The rich will be in charge.
You need to tell people of the tragic opera that is being played out on the global stage and get them to drop the curtain before the fat lady sings.
Wow, Henry said all wide eyed like a kid who fired his first gun, that is a tall order I do not know if I can handle that responsibility. I do not know if my voice is loud enough to be heard.
You go to foreign countries and talk shit about you home team all the time.
Get out there and make a change and not pretend anymore.
Yeah! Henry said with belief raising in his throat, I am no poser, I am hardcore, he yells as he gets pumped up, yeah! he begins to hop about, yeah!
You are old but you are hardcore. I yelled.
He beings to pace like the old Henry I remember
And he starts to slap his head.
Yeah fuck yeah.
And he charges out the door and down the street.
Henry is on a world tour go see him and encourage him, I think he might get a little scared from time to time.
Me? I am watering his lawn and his plants.
I pile his mail up on the dining room table and make sure that his two cats “Spoon” and “Mr. Snuggles” are watered and fed.
The movie??
No we never got to finish it and that is fine because I wanted to my son to think about the parts he saw and not the conclusion of the movie.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
My family was over at Henry’s for movie night. It is something we do occasionally because we are neighbors and I poke fun at him. The movie was “Falling Down”, it was wonderful film of a man snapping, of a man who had enough shit and he went on a walk about. kind of Australia LA style.
Henry starts to talk about how he identifies with the main character played by Michael Douglas. And he pauses the movie to stand in the living center and start a recitation of one of his pieces. Wendy goes to the bathroom and Kidd starts to nod off on Pam’s chest.
Henry starts to speak to my son about corporate rapers and devourers of the common man's soul. And how one morning while shaving his head he came to realization that singing for Black Flag was not his true calling but a prelude to what he must do with his life.
I have that voice, the voice of the common man I can reach multitudes and let them know that the common man is pissed and poor and tired of being someone else’s bitch. The common man works all week at a job he does not enjoy so that he can barely provide for his family and put just enough gas in his tank to go to work another day to do it all over again.
I speak for the average Joe because I identify with him I know him he is my base and I am his champion. He knows that I fight his fight for him.
No, you speak so much and so loud that you only hear your voice, you only know your thoughts. You then stand up there on stage for your high paid speaking engagements and regurgitate your thoughts and your ideals onto the stage like it is the gospel and we all think that way. but you do not speak for me and you do not speak for many of the common man.
You do not struggle?
oh yes I do struggle I struggle against discrimination, I struggle against entitlement. I struggle against oppression and I endure lie after lie after lie. I wade through vomit of “This is for you, It is good for you and I have done this great thing for you”. Much of the same puke and shit you spewed just now. But the fact is you know nothing of my struggle. You work in a field that enjoys you and pays you a beyond average salary. You speak of things you have never ever been in touch with or it has been so long since you have been in touch that you have forgotten the weight of failure, the weight of trudging to a Jay Oh Bee, the god awful beatings at the gas pump knowing that it is all a conspiracy.
A conspiracy? Henry asked
Yes the war, the gas prices, the economy recession and inflation. It is all a great controlling play to guide and heard the masses into a class based society controlled by the rich and supported by the poor.
I know that is what I am talking about.
Well stop talking and do something. The revolution is mounting; the tides of change are ebbing to a wave of evolution. It is just waiting for a spark, a leader, a starter of the fire that would burn the old wood and create a landscape of equality and happiness. But instead you just poke it with a stick and dance around the issue with the step and grace of an ignorant native worshiping the eclipse like it was a great god devouring the sun.
You need to step up and fight, get the ball rolling. Start a channel on youtube tell everyone on youtube who you are voting for and why. Point out platform points and tell them why they are good for the nation, why they are good for the world, and most importantly of all why they are good for me. Then if your champion is elected you have to speak once a month about your candidates actions, you have to explain why your candidate failed to execute and not in the criticizing why that all talking heads do, but in a informative educational way. That way when your candidate succeeds or fails you can be accountable for the awful state that you will bitch about. If you speak for the common man because your voice is the loudest and you have this great platform to speak from, you can be accountable for you choices because that is the problem with the corporate rapers and the politicians that devour the souls and cultures of foreign lands, they are not truly accountable. No-one is and that is the shame. That is the failure in world globalization no-one person is accountable for the mistakes or the colossal failures. China is the terrible un-doer of centuries of human rights progression, but they still get the contracts to make the items that we buy and in turn China buys our countries debt.
If our country would invest in the people they would not have debt, they would have a resource, but they want to starve us into submission. They have failed to follow the simple rules of economy since the 80's and it is all to drag our middle down to the level of the global middle so that the global population is equally poor. The rich will be in charge.
You need to tell people of the tragic opera that is being played out on the global stage and get them to drop the curtain before the fat lady sings.
Wow, Henry said all wide eyed like a kid who fired his first gun, that is a tall order I do not know if I can handle that responsibility. I do not know if my voice is loud enough to be heard.
You go to foreign countries and talk shit about you home team all the time.
Get out there and make a change and not pretend anymore.
Yeah! Henry said with belief raising in his throat, I am no poser, I am hardcore, he yells as he gets pumped up, yeah! he begins to hop about, yeah!
You are old but you are hardcore. I yelled.
He beings to pace like the old Henry I remember
And he starts to slap his head.
Yeah fuck yeah.
And he charges out the door and down the street.
Henry is on a world tour go see him and encourage him, I think he might get a little scared from time to time.
Me? I am watering his lawn and his plants.
I pile his mail up on the dining room table and make sure that his two cats “Spoon” and “Mr. Snuggles” are watered and fed.
The movie??
No we never got to finish it and that is fine because I wanted to my son to think about the parts he saw and not the conclusion of the movie.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading 
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Letters to the church from the lord #4 To the Church in Thyatira By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Letters to the church from the lord #4
To the Church in Thyatira
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
2:18 “To the angel of the church in Thyatira write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the Son of God, the one who has eyes like a fiery flame and whose feet are like polished bronze:
Rev 2:19 ‘I know your deeds: your love, faith, service, and steadfast endurance. In fact, your more recent deeds are greater than your earlier ones.
Rev 2:20 But I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and by her teaching deceives my servants to commit sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols. Rev 2:21 I have given her time to repent, but she is not willing to repent of her sexual immorality. Rev 2:22 Look! I am throwing her onto a bed of violent illness, and those who commit adultery with her into terrible suffering, unless they repent of her deeds. Rev 2:23 Furthermore, I will strike her followers with a deadly disease, and then all the churches will know that I am the one who searches minds and hearts. I will repay each one of you what your deeds deserve. Rev 2:24 But to the rest of you in Thyatira, all who do not hold to this teaching (who have not learned the so-called “deep secrets of Satan”), to you I say: I do not put any additional burden on you. Rev 2:25 However, hold on to what you have until I come. Rev 2:26 And to the one who conquers and who continues in my deeds until the end, I will give him authority over the nations – Rev 2:27 he will rule them with an iron rod and like clay jars he will break them to pieces, Rev 2:28 just as I have received the right to rule from my Father – and I will give him the morning star. Rev 2:29 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’
Fiery flame for eyes and bronze feet. The lord is saying that he is the strong one and he sees all. He seeing into the hearts of all men and knows what evil lurks in the soul of everyone of god's children. That is why god created jesus and sent him. god was tired of looking into our hearts and minds and seeing the evil and sickness that is ourselves.
We are an evil, evil twisted race. we deserve every beating that god gives us. If you are looking at me right know and you are thinking "no that is not true! I do not have evil thoughts" Then you are lying to yourself and to god. But god knows the truth. he sees into your weak pitiful little pea fucking brain and knows that you think about ramming your car into that fucker that cut you off on the way to work.
Isa 47:10
You were complacent in your evil deeds; you thought, ‘No one sees me.’ Your self-professed wisdom and knowledge lead you astray, when you say, ‘I am unique! No one can compare to me!’
and you thought about what it would be like to bash the head in of that old lady that cut in your line at the grocery store and then pretended to be sorry and you let her stay because she was old and you hoped that when you are old like her that someone will be nice to you. But on the inside you thought about the crow bar you have in the trunk and you thought about "How blood can there be in the brain really?"
Job 40:12
Look at every proud man and abase him; crush the wicked on the spot!
Isa 53:10
Though the Lord desired to crush him and make him ill, once restitution is made, he will see descendants and enjoy long life, and the Lord’s purpose will be accomplished through him.
"I know the movies make it seem like a lot of blood, but really would there be a big mess or a little mess?" "would the skull just crush and the skin not break or would the head open up like a melon?" would the sound of the skull sound like a bundle sticks broken on the knee or would it sound more wet and splintery"
The church tolerated sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. We all want to live selfishly and we all want to just do what ever feels good and take care of our own pleasure needs. This evident in the way corporate America is run and the way the government controls the economy. But in the end is this the way god intended us to behave?
[Bang On the podium] NO!
And
[Bang On the podium] HELL NO!
Rom 13:13
Let us live decently as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in discord and jealousy.
Mat 15:19
For out of the heart come evil ideas, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.
Num 25:1
When Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to commit sexual immorality with the daughters of Moab.
He wanted us to behave with dignity and respect. He wanted us to go forth and prosper. He wanted us to care for our fellow man. But instead we fuck our neighbor. we screw our employees and we just down right commit terrible terrible twisted sins of unimaginable scale against the planet and then we think we can say we are sorry and the gates will open and god will say "eh he said he was sorry"
[Bang On the podium] NO!
And
[Bang On the podium] HELL NO!
Right! The lord is saying he sees when you are sorry and he can tell when you are lying. He is not going to tolerate this crap any fucking longer.
[Bang On the podium]
You "captains of industry" had better get you houses in order because the day of reckoning is coming and god is fucking pissed. He is pissed at how you all fuck the little guy and how you rape the market and run around like selfish little kids.
You all better get your fucking houses in order because the good lord is coming to pay you all back for your perverted sick pleasure sins that you all have perpetrated on the rest of us and he is going to dish it out like no other punishment on this god forsaken piece of fucking dirt has ever been mended out.
2Th 1:9
They will undergo the penalty of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his strength,
Rom 1:27
and likewise the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed in their passions for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
You are all going to feel the wrath of god for the sins you have committed and you all are going to cry and say girly things like “I did not know, I did not mean it, it is not my fault,” and the best “everybody else was doing it too.”
But you know what?? Everyone else will be burn in hell too. And no this is not the hell mark twain comments about this is the fiery pits and the demons eating your soul over and over again.
Jer 50:15
Shout the battle cry from all around the city. She will throw up her hands in surrender. Her towers will fall. Her walls will be torn down. Because I, the Lord, am wreaking revenge, take out your vengeance on her! Do to her as she has done!
This is the same hell that criminals will be sent to and the same hell rapists will be sent to because you are no different in the eyes of god. You are just the same twisted tragic lost fucking soul as the murders and child predators.
[Loud]
Yes god in heaven will weep for the loss of your soul but the tears will not be enough to extinguish the flames that will roast and toast your pansy ass feet and blister your scalp. You fucktards!
[YELL]
You all fucken piss me off more that I can ever portray in this sermon.
[LOUDEST YELL]
Bring it bitch! I will thump you the word of god until the words "holy bible" are tattooed into your forehead.
You fuckers make me sick!
I would like everyone to stand and welcome the guests we have here today.
Today the cardinal and arch bishop of the Cheyenne catholic diocese stopped by as well as the minister from the second Baptist church of Buzzard Breath. Apparently some of the ministering I have been doing has been carried to other denominations and they came by to see how my style is compared to theirs.
They asked me to come by their churches in the next couple of weeks and after my sermon I will see if they still would like me to come by.
There is good news coming from the boy’s camp. It seems that the friendly competition between the girls and the boys have taken some what of a soap opera type turn. The boys are crying foul and saying that the girls are using steroids.
The girls insist they are not but after the tests comeback we will decide the punishment for the camp that is wrong.
And trust this old reverend, the punishment will make the one crying foul or the one cheating wishing they had been gathered up by the rapture the day before.
Please stop ion the foyer to partake of the cookies and coffee. Please stop and talk to our guests and make them feel welcome.
The choir is in need of a throaty raspy bass to complete the album, “The lord loves death metal too”. The last singer has developed a bad case of laryngitis and the album is about complete.
DO NOT HONK TODAY. I want to make sure that our first impression on our guests is a good one!
Go in peace and have a nice day!
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
To the Church in Thyatira
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
2:18 “To the angel of the church in Thyatira write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the Son of God, the one who has eyes like a fiery flame and whose feet are like polished bronze:
Rev 2:19 ‘I know your deeds: your love, faith, service, and steadfast endurance. In fact, your more recent deeds are greater than your earlier ones.
Rev 2:20 But I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and by her teaching deceives my servants to commit sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols. Rev 2:21 I have given her time to repent, but she is not willing to repent of her sexual immorality. Rev 2:22 Look! I am throwing her onto a bed of violent illness, and those who commit adultery with her into terrible suffering, unless they repent of her deeds. Rev 2:23 Furthermore, I will strike her followers with a deadly disease, and then all the churches will know that I am the one who searches minds and hearts. I will repay each one of you what your deeds deserve. Rev 2:24 But to the rest of you in Thyatira, all who do not hold to this teaching (who have not learned the so-called “deep secrets of Satan”), to you I say: I do not put any additional burden on you. Rev 2:25 However, hold on to what you have until I come. Rev 2:26 And to the one who conquers and who continues in my deeds until the end, I will give him authority over the nations – Rev 2:27 he will rule them with an iron rod and like clay jars he will break them to pieces, Rev 2:28 just as I have received the right to rule from my Father – and I will give him the morning star. Rev 2:29 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’
Fiery flame for eyes and bronze feet. The lord is saying that he is the strong one and he sees all. He seeing into the hearts of all men and knows what evil lurks in the soul of everyone of god's children. That is why god created jesus and sent him. god was tired of looking into our hearts and minds and seeing the evil and sickness that is ourselves.
We are an evil, evil twisted race. we deserve every beating that god gives us. If you are looking at me right know and you are thinking "no that is not true! I do not have evil thoughts" Then you are lying to yourself and to god. But god knows the truth. he sees into your weak pitiful little pea fucking brain and knows that you think about ramming your car into that fucker that cut you off on the way to work.
Isa 47:10
You were complacent in your evil deeds; you thought, ‘No one sees me.’ Your self-professed wisdom and knowledge lead you astray, when you say, ‘I am unique! No one can compare to me!’
and you thought about what it would be like to bash the head in of that old lady that cut in your line at the grocery store and then pretended to be sorry and you let her stay because she was old and you hoped that when you are old like her that someone will be nice to you. But on the inside you thought about the crow bar you have in the trunk and you thought about "How blood can there be in the brain really?"
Job 40:12
Look at every proud man and abase him; crush the wicked on the spot!
Isa 53:10
Though the Lord desired to crush him and make him ill, once restitution is made, he will see descendants and enjoy long life, and the Lord’s purpose will be accomplished through him.
"I know the movies make it seem like a lot of blood, but really would there be a big mess or a little mess?" "would the skull just crush and the skin not break or would the head open up like a melon?" would the sound of the skull sound like a bundle sticks broken on the knee or would it sound more wet and splintery"
The church tolerated sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. We all want to live selfishly and we all want to just do what ever feels good and take care of our own pleasure needs. This evident in the way corporate America is run and the way the government controls the economy. But in the end is this the way god intended us to behave?
[Bang On the podium] NO!
And
[Bang On the podium] HELL NO!
Rom 13:13
Let us live decently as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in discord and jealousy.
Mat 15:19
For out of the heart come evil ideas, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.
Num 25:1
When Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to commit sexual immorality with the daughters of Moab.
He wanted us to behave with dignity and respect. He wanted us to go forth and prosper. He wanted us to care for our fellow man. But instead we fuck our neighbor. we screw our employees and we just down right commit terrible terrible twisted sins of unimaginable scale against the planet and then we think we can say we are sorry and the gates will open and god will say "eh he said he was sorry"
[Bang On the podium] NO!
And
[Bang On the podium] HELL NO!
Right! The lord is saying he sees when you are sorry and he can tell when you are lying. He is not going to tolerate this crap any fucking longer.
[Bang On the podium]
You "captains of industry" had better get you houses in order because the day of reckoning is coming and god is fucking pissed. He is pissed at how you all fuck the little guy and how you rape the market and run around like selfish little kids.
You all better get your fucking houses in order because the good lord is coming to pay you all back for your perverted sick pleasure sins that you all have perpetrated on the rest of us and he is going to dish it out like no other punishment on this god forsaken piece of fucking dirt has ever been mended out.
2Th 1:9
They will undergo the penalty of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his strength,
Rom 1:27
and likewise the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed in their passions for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
You are all going to feel the wrath of god for the sins you have committed and you all are going to cry and say girly things like “I did not know, I did not mean it, it is not my fault,” and the best “everybody else was doing it too.”
But you know what?? Everyone else will be burn in hell too. And no this is not the hell mark twain comments about this is the fiery pits and the demons eating your soul over and over again.
Jer 50:15
Shout the battle cry from all around the city. She will throw up her hands in surrender. Her towers will fall. Her walls will be torn down. Because I, the Lord, am wreaking revenge, take out your vengeance on her! Do to her as she has done!
This is the same hell that criminals will be sent to and the same hell rapists will be sent to because you are no different in the eyes of god. You are just the same twisted tragic lost fucking soul as the murders and child predators.
[Loud]
Yes god in heaven will weep for the loss of your soul but the tears will not be enough to extinguish the flames that will roast and toast your pansy ass feet and blister your scalp. You fucktards!
[YELL]
You all fucken piss me off more that I can ever portray in this sermon.
[LOUDEST YELL]
Bring it bitch! I will thump you the word of god until the words "holy bible" are tattooed into your forehead.
You fuckers make me sick!
I would like everyone to stand and welcome the guests we have here today.
Today the cardinal and arch bishop of the Cheyenne catholic diocese stopped by as well as the minister from the second Baptist church of Buzzard Breath. Apparently some of the ministering I have been doing has been carried to other denominations and they came by to see how my style is compared to theirs.
They asked me to come by their churches in the next couple of weeks and after my sermon I will see if they still would like me to come by.
There is good news coming from the boy’s camp. It seems that the friendly competition between the girls and the boys have taken some what of a soap opera type turn. The boys are crying foul and saying that the girls are using steroids.
The girls insist they are not but after the tests comeback we will decide the punishment for the camp that is wrong.
And trust this old reverend, the punishment will make the one crying foul or the one cheating wishing they had been gathered up by the rapture the day before.
Please stop ion the foyer to partake of the cookies and coffee. Please stop and talk to our guests and make them feel welcome.
The choir is in need of a throaty raspy bass to complete the album, “The lord loves death metal too”. The last singer has developed a bad case of laryngitis and the album is about complete.
DO NOT HONK TODAY. I want to make sure that our first impression on our guests is a good one!
Go in peace and have a nice day!
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
In My Neighborhood #16 Rev. J. Sleestaxx
In My Neighborhood #16
Rev. J. Sleestaxx
I was in my flowerbed pulling weeds. This is very therapeutic for me as I picture each weed I pull as a bad relationship or a negative moment in my life being removed. I feel that the visualization helps promote a positive atmosphere and positive direction for my life. There is so much negativity and wrong going on that being outdoors in the sun and fresh air is a healthy alternative to being indoors waiting the news about death destruction and corporate greed.
I digress.
I am in my green room. I am just about to reach that one with everything when I hear screeching, screaming, and bellowing. There are some men arguing like girls about something somewhere and it is making ripples on my pond of serenity.
You bastard they were my cherished pets
I do not know what you are talking about Sharron!
I know you Ozzy I know you. You took them for your tour you bastard.
No, I did not that was a long time ago. In addition, I was just really high then but I do not do that anymore.
I think, "Oh I get it" Ozzy lives next door to Alice Cooper and Alice is raising bats in his back yard. He thinks that Ozzy is coming over and stealing his bats
Just as Sharron comes out the front door in an apron wiping her hands like in an episode of "leave it to beaver" the two start to bitch fight.
You know what I mean they are just slapping at each other with their eyes closed. Quite comical if you ask me. Two "bad Ass" metal stars fighting like math nerds.
Sharron runs up like a mommy and starts to separate the two "What is wrong with you two." “You two used to be friends."
Alice falls back on his ass. In addition, starts to cry about his bats. They have been disappearing and at first he thought they were just getting lost or finding other fusions to live with." but this afternoon I went to check and the entire roost is missing. Gone, pole and all. In addition, I know this fucker took them.
Now Alice, Sharron says, I know that you love your bats and I know that you mean well by raising them, but the HOA hired bat chasers to remove the battery in your back yard. The HOA feels that this may not be appropriate activity in this subdivision.
They all in unison turn their heads and look at me.
FUCK! They saw me. I could have gone indoors and pretended I was not home, but not now. Shit they knew I was there and they knew I was aware of their desire to speak with me about a HOA issue. Damn presidency (See Feb. 25 chapter 11).
Fuck here they come, all three of them. Alice and Ozzy forgetting about the fight and now just comrades to support one another in a more just cause.
What do you mean that my hobby is in appropriate?
Come on Alice think about this. Nasty, dirty, disease ridden rodents in this neighborhood. What about the home values? They were a nuisance, many of the other neighbors expressed concern for their health and welfare. Many were very disturbed by the early morning sightings of Ozzy, in his Fruit of the looms, sneaking over and eating the bats as they came back. Then coming back home with bat blood streaking down the front of his shirtless belly and underwear.
Ozzy! Exclaimed Sharron You promised that you try to stop.
Sharron Sharron I did.
No Ozzy you did not, you went over there like a Baptist preacher to a porn store. All stealth like but everyone EVERYONE saw you go over. It was both disgusting and a shame, that you did not have the strength to stop eating your neighbor’s bats.
Ozzy Stop eating bats. That was a moment of drug-addled frenzy and now you are an old man with a super wife who takes care of you. Get it together man.
Alice You are over 50 years old! You are no scarier now then, then and now you want to act the scary metal god. HA you are just a grand dad that needs to find a respectable hobby like fly-fishing or woodworking. Grow the fuck up and paint your house a real fucking color like the rest of us.
Shit Ozzy you need to get your shit together man go to the rehab center for the bat obsession
Sharron get a tighter lease on your man.
Now get the fuck off my lawn you are all killing the grass.
I turned and there was Henry on his lawn just shaking his head in dis-approval. “Preacher,” Henry said, “ You are wrong and you know it.”
Sharron, he continued you know if I elected president this would not have happened.
No Henry if you were elected you would have run this place to shit and I voted for John because you are a bleeding heart liberal that does not know right from wrong and what it means to retain ho9me value in this volatile market.
Henry looked as though he was just slapped.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Rev. J. Sleestaxx
I was in my flowerbed pulling weeds. This is very therapeutic for me as I picture each weed I pull as a bad relationship or a negative moment in my life being removed. I feel that the visualization helps promote a positive atmosphere and positive direction for my life. There is so much negativity and wrong going on that being outdoors in the sun and fresh air is a healthy alternative to being indoors waiting the news about death destruction and corporate greed.
I digress.
I am in my green room. I am just about to reach that one with everything when I hear screeching, screaming, and bellowing. There are some men arguing like girls about something somewhere and it is making ripples on my pond of serenity.
You bastard they were my cherished pets
I do not know what you are talking about Sharron!
I know you Ozzy I know you. You took them for your tour you bastard.
No, I did not that was a long time ago. In addition, I was just really high then but I do not do that anymore.
I think, "Oh I get it" Ozzy lives next door to Alice Cooper and Alice is raising bats in his back yard. He thinks that Ozzy is coming over and stealing his bats
Just as Sharron comes out the front door in an apron wiping her hands like in an episode of "leave it to beaver" the two start to bitch fight.
You know what I mean they are just slapping at each other with their eyes closed. Quite comical if you ask me. Two "bad Ass" metal stars fighting like math nerds.
Sharron runs up like a mommy and starts to separate the two "What is wrong with you two." “You two used to be friends."
Alice falls back on his ass. In addition, starts to cry about his bats. They have been disappearing and at first he thought they were just getting lost or finding other fusions to live with." but this afternoon I went to check and the entire roost is missing. Gone, pole and all. In addition, I know this fucker took them.
Now Alice, Sharron says, I know that you love your bats and I know that you mean well by raising them, but the HOA hired bat chasers to remove the battery in your back yard. The HOA feels that this may not be appropriate activity in this subdivision.
They all in unison turn their heads and look at me.
FUCK! They saw me. I could have gone indoors and pretended I was not home, but not now. Shit they knew I was there and they knew I was aware of their desire to speak with me about a HOA issue. Damn presidency (See Feb. 25 chapter 11).
Fuck here they come, all three of them. Alice and Ozzy forgetting about the fight and now just comrades to support one another in a more just cause.
What do you mean that my hobby is in appropriate?
Come on Alice think about this. Nasty, dirty, disease ridden rodents in this neighborhood. What about the home values? They were a nuisance, many of the other neighbors expressed concern for their health and welfare. Many were very disturbed by the early morning sightings of Ozzy, in his Fruit of the looms, sneaking over and eating the bats as they came back. Then coming back home with bat blood streaking down the front of his shirtless belly and underwear.
Ozzy! Exclaimed Sharron You promised that you try to stop.
Sharron Sharron I did.
No Ozzy you did not, you went over there like a Baptist preacher to a porn store. All stealth like but everyone EVERYONE saw you go over. It was both disgusting and a shame, that you did not have the strength to stop eating your neighbor’s bats.
Ozzy Stop eating bats. That was a moment of drug-addled frenzy and now you are an old man with a super wife who takes care of you. Get it together man.
Alice You are over 50 years old! You are no scarier now then, then and now you want to act the scary metal god. HA you are just a grand dad that needs to find a respectable hobby like fly-fishing or woodworking. Grow the fuck up and paint your house a real fucking color like the rest of us.
Shit Ozzy you need to get your shit together man go to the rehab center for the bat obsession
Sharron get a tighter lease on your man.
Now get the fuck off my lawn you are all killing the grass.
I turned and there was Henry on his lawn just shaking his head in dis-approval. “Preacher,” Henry said, “ You are wrong and you know it.”
Sharron, he continued you know if I elected president this would not have happened.
No Henry if you were elected you would have run this place to shit and I voted for John because you are a bleeding heart liberal that does not know right from wrong and what it means to retain ho9me value in this volatile market.
Henry looked as though he was just slapped.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Letters to the church from the lord #2 To the Church in Smyrna By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Letters to the church from the lord #3
To the Church in Pergamum
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Rev 2:12 “To the angel of the church in Pergamum write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has the sharp double-edged sword:
Rev 2:13 ‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives. Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against you: You have some people there who follow the teaching of Balaam, who instructed Balak to put a stumbling block before the people of Israel so they would eat food sacrificed to idols and commit sexual immorality. Rev 2:15 In the same way, there are also some among you who follow the teaching of the Nicolaitans. Rev 2:16 Therefore, repent! If not, I will come against you quickly and make war against those people with the sword of my mouth. Rev 2:17 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers, I will give him some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and on that stone will be written a new name that no one can understand except the one who receives it.’
My friends I will speak to you today of the third letter to the seven churches from the book of revelation.
The evil in Los Angeles is great. The people of that city are evil, greedy and all sinners.
If the lord was to lay waste to a city, “should not one good man not be found”, it would be Los Angeles that got wasted by columns of fire.
Gen 18:26
So the Lord replied, “If I find in the city of Sodom fifty godly people, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”
I have been to this city of three occasions and every single visit ended in tragedy and bloodshed. Current statute laws prevent me the telling of those tales but needless to say I know the city of angels is not the city of angels but the den of demons and evil shit that floats on the surface of the sea of life.
Deu 15:9
Be careful lest you entertain the wicked thought that the seventh year, the year of cancellation of debts, has almost arrived, and your attitude be wrong toward your impoverished fellow Israelite and you do not lend him anything; he will cry out to the Lord against you and you will be regarded as having sinned.
The city is rife with gangs of producers raping beautiful ideas of creative people. These people will listen to the beautiful creative minds of intelligent people and then steal the ideas and pervert them into so much celluloid trash. Twisting simple beautiful stories into action filled porno fests.
These gangs of queer confused fuck wads with money will sit in their own shit in a coffee bar until they over hear a story or idea that they then steal for their own increase in wealth and power.
Every time one of these fuckers dies I thank god for taking out the garbage. I put clothes pins on my nipples and dance in the backyard non-stop for twelve hours in tribute to the wondrous glory that is our lord god.
Deu 22:21
the men of her city must bring the young woman to the door of her father’s house and stone her to death, for she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by behaving like a prostitute while living in her father’s house. In this way you will purge evil from among you.
There are bands of ninjas that pretend to be actors. These players in the sick dirty dramas are assassinating the depth of wondrous characters. Characters that were dreamed up by loving beautiful minds and that were created for the story. But these buck teethed, lack of talent, pieces of shit, and can not even begin to portray the depth of the neither characters nor can they make you believe in the characters any more.
There are whores that say they are the path to fame, but only drain the wealth of everyone around them. They say they can help you with your career but they are nothing but a drain on the wealth and resources of your livelihood. These bastards are nothing more than leeches and parasites.
Lev 26:16
I for my part will do this to you: I will inflict horror on you, consumption and fever, which diminish eyesight and drain away the vitality of life. You will sow your seed in vain because your enemies will eat it.
Lo the city is filled with the temple of the networks. Broadcasting companies are there and they are there for a reason for they would be found out to be a den of evil lizards and poisonous snakes. They have talking heads that spew half truths to confuse god's children and they portray the tragedies of the day’s events as entertainment to be sold as a commodity. The broadcast stations force into your television pseudo fake entertainment that is suppose to take your mind off of god and the lords word. You are to watch the shows and the commercials mindlessly. you are to ignore your family and children so that they too become distracted. Then your mind becomes empty and so does the minds your children. Then these criers of lies and falsehoods fill your minds with in correct beliefs about how your life and world should be.
Neh 13:7
and I returned to Jerusalem. Then I discovered the evil that Eliashib had done for Tobiah by supplying him with a storeroom in the courts of the temple of God.
This metropolis is filled from city wall to city wall of studios, studios where the false stores and lies and stolen ideas are made into "entertainment", photographic representations of tragic dramas and situational humor skits that do not apply, or even relate to real life. But these mega lies are perpetrated none-the-less. They mass produce this perverted, sick pleasure stories for the masses. And the uneducated and naive pack the movie houses in droves to be treated to commercial lies and product endorsements.
The entire industry is about selling you shit and garbage and telling you how you are not liked and not accepted unless you smell like a fucking sock and boot that was left in a sewer for three life times.
That your women will not be attracted to you, unless your hair looks as though you have been buried in a coffin with three dead dogs for a month. But the fools still poor money into the machine and the machine keeps fucking them in the ass. What a bunch of pain queers.
Deu 22:24
you must bring the two of them to the gate of that city and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry out though in the city and the man because he violated his neighbor’s fiancée; in this way you will purge evil from among you.
The loss of humanity and the demons of the paparazzi and the entertainment news heads. just want to tear into the private lives of people and cut open some of the most private moments and expose them for the world to see. I am inundated with pictures of too skinny people and too fat people and failed relationship after failed relationship. About how some sinner is addicted to this drug and that drug and how that woman who was the hero of everyone two months ago is now stuck in a bottle with a drinking problem. But the unwashed and the stupid still pour money into the machine that fucks us all and is called the city of angels, City Of Angels in deed!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Hollywood!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you television
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Brad fucking Pitt
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you agents that lost my book.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you producers that are stealing my ideas
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you stupid morons and thieves of the city of angels
May god lay waste to your entire town and a slow burning death to the fuckers on Rodeo drive to boot.
May frogs with poisonous skin rain from the sky onto the heads of your children and the wind bring flying maggots into your eyes.
I want to hear your wombs bare dead cats and that your plastic breasts are causing aliens, space aliens, to land and eat you all.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Southern California!
There are cookies and cakes along with gourmet coffee in the foyer for everyone. The Knights of Acrimony have donated the time to lay a continental breakfast out for everyone. They would also like to say that they are welcoming anyone over the age of 55 into their organization.
These fine gentlemen of the church are the ones that organized the "Drive the homeless to another town" campaign. The also assist in the counseling of young men who have become fathers but did not realize they have responsibilities other than to say "of course I still love you".
Some times these stubborn young men need some persuasion to step up to the plate. But once the Knights of Acrimony talk with them they usually realize the errors of there ways.
So stop and talk to them. If you have a daughter, get their e-mail. If you are 55 or older then get to know them maybe you will want to join. If you are a young man pressuring a young woman to have sex, think twice because these men do not use gloves like I do on Thursday.
The raise a roof for the unwed mothers program is a success we have re-shingled three roofs in the last 4 months.
I would like to thank all of you who did not honk last Sunday. you all are the perfection of a church going member of society. And to those of you who still did not get the message and I was able to catch I am sure bruises and lacerations of your education will heel soon enough.
It won’t hurt for ever.
Thank you and go in peace!
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
To the Church in Pergamum
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Rev 2:12 “To the angel of the church in Pergamum write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has the sharp double-edged sword:
Rev 2:13 ‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives. Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against you: You have some people there who follow the teaching of Balaam, who instructed Balak to put a stumbling block before the people of Israel so they would eat food sacrificed to idols and commit sexual immorality. Rev 2:15 In the same way, there are also some among you who follow the teaching of the Nicolaitans. Rev 2:16 Therefore, repent! If not, I will come against you quickly and make war against those people with the sword of my mouth. Rev 2:17 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers, I will give him some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and on that stone will be written a new name that no one can understand except the one who receives it.’
My friends I will speak to you today of the third letter to the seven churches from the book of revelation.
The evil in Los Angeles is great. The people of that city are evil, greedy and all sinners.
If the lord was to lay waste to a city, “should not one good man not be found”, it would be Los Angeles that got wasted by columns of fire.
Gen 18:26
So the Lord replied, “If I find in the city of Sodom fifty godly people, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”
I have been to this city of three occasions and every single visit ended in tragedy and bloodshed. Current statute laws prevent me the telling of those tales but needless to say I know the city of angels is not the city of angels but the den of demons and evil shit that floats on the surface of the sea of life.
Deu 15:9
Be careful lest you entertain the wicked thought that the seventh year, the year of cancellation of debts, has almost arrived, and your attitude be wrong toward your impoverished fellow Israelite and you do not lend him anything; he will cry out to the Lord against you and you will be regarded as having sinned.
The city is rife with gangs of producers raping beautiful ideas of creative people. These people will listen to the beautiful creative minds of intelligent people and then steal the ideas and pervert them into so much celluloid trash. Twisting simple beautiful stories into action filled porno fests.
These gangs of queer confused fuck wads with money will sit in their own shit in a coffee bar until they over hear a story or idea that they then steal for their own increase in wealth and power.
Every time one of these fuckers dies I thank god for taking out the garbage. I put clothes pins on my nipples and dance in the backyard non-stop for twelve hours in tribute to the wondrous glory that is our lord god.
Deu 22:21
the men of her city must bring the young woman to the door of her father’s house and stone her to death, for she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by behaving like a prostitute while living in her father’s house. In this way you will purge evil from among you.
There are bands of ninjas that pretend to be actors. These players in the sick dirty dramas are assassinating the depth of wondrous characters. Characters that were dreamed up by loving beautiful minds and that were created for the story. But these buck teethed, lack of talent, pieces of shit, and can not even begin to portray the depth of the neither characters nor can they make you believe in the characters any more.
There are whores that say they are the path to fame, but only drain the wealth of everyone around them. They say they can help you with your career but they are nothing but a drain on the wealth and resources of your livelihood. These bastards are nothing more than leeches and parasites.
Lev 26:16
I for my part will do this to you: I will inflict horror on you, consumption and fever, which diminish eyesight and drain away the vitality of life. You will sow your seed in vain because your enemies will eat it.
Lo the city is filled with the temple of the networks. Broadcasting companies are there and they are there for a reason for they would be found out to be a den of evil lizards and poisonous snakes. They have talking heads that spew half truths to confuse god's children and they portray the tragedies of the day’s events as entertainment to be sold as a commodity. The broadcast stations force into your television pseudo fake entertainment that is suppose to take your mind off of god and the lords word. You are to watch the shows and the commercials mindlessly. you are to ignore your family and children so that they too become distracted. Then your mind becomes empty and so does the minds your children. Then these criers of lies and falsehoods fill your minds with in correct beliefs about how your life and world should be.
Neh 13:7
and I returned to Jerusalem. Then I discovered the evil that Eliashib had done for Tobiah by supplying him with a storeroom in the courts of the temple of God.
This metropolis is filled from city wall to city wall of studios, studios where the false stores and lies and stolen ideas are made into "entertainment", photographic representations of tragic dramas and situational humor skits that do not apply, or even relate to real life. But these mega lies are perpetrated none-the-less. They mass produce this perverted, sick pleasure stories for the masses. And the uneducated and naive pack the movie houses in droves to be treated to commercial lies and product endorsements.
The entire industry is about selling you shit and garbage and telling you how you are not liked and not accepted unless you smell like a fucking sock and boot that was left in a sewer for three life times.
That your women will not be attracted to you, unless your hair looks as though you have been buried in a coffin with three dead dogs for a month. But the fools still poor money into the machine and the machine keeps fucking them in the ass. What a bunch of pain queers.
Deu 22:24
you must bring the two of them to the gate of that city and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry out though in the city and the man because he violated his neighbor’s fiancée; in this way you will purge evil from among you.
The loss of humanity and the demons of the paparazzi and the entertainment news heads. just want to tear into the private lives of people and cut open some of the most private moments and expose them for the world to see. I am inundated with pictures of too skinny people and too fat people and failed relationship after failed relationship. About how some sinner is addicted to this drug and that drug and how that woman who was the hero of everyone two months ago is now stuck in a bottle with a drinking problem. But the unwashed and the stupid still pour money into the machine that fucks us all and is called the city of angels, City Of Angels in deed!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Hollywood!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you television
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Brad fucking Pitt
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you agents that lost my book.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you producers that are stealing my ideas
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you stupid morons and thieves of the city of angels
May god lay waste to your entire town and a slow burning death to the fuckers on Rodeo drive to boot.
May frogs with poisonous skin rain from the sky onto the heads of your children and the wind bring flying maggots into your eyes.
I want to hear your wombs bare dead cats and that your plastic breasts are causing aliens, space aliens, to land and eat you all.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Southern California!
There are cookies and cakes along with gourmet coffee in the foyer for everyone. The Knights of Acrimony have donated the time to lay a continental breakfast out for everyone. They would also like to say that they are welcoming anyone over the age of 55 into their organization.
These fine gentlemen of the church are the ones that organized the "Drive the homeless to another town" campaign. The also assist in the counseling of young men who have become fathers but did not realize they have responsibilities other than to say "of course I still love you".
Some times these stubborn young men need some persuasion to step up to the plate. But once the Knights of Acrimony talk with them they usually realize the errors of there ways.
So stop and talk to them. If you have a daughter, get their e-mail. If you are 55 or older then get to know them maybe you will want to join. If you are a young man pressuring a young woman to have sex, think twice because these men do not use gloves like I do on Thursday.
The raise a roof for the unwed mothers program is a success we have re-shingled three roofs in the last 4 months.
I would like to thank all of you who did not honk last Sunday. you all are the perfection of a church going member of society. And to those of you who still did not get the message and I was able to catch I am sure bruises and lacerations of your education will heel soon enough.
It won’t hurt for ever.
Thank you and go in peace!
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Letters to the church from the lord #2 To the Church in Smyrna By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Letters to the church from the lord #2
To the Church inSmyrna
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
THE STAG IN THE OX-STALL
By Aesop
A Stag, chased from his lair by the hounds, took refuge in a farmyard, and, entering a stable where a number of oxen were stalled, thrust himself under a pile of hay in a vacant stall, where he lay concealed, all but the tips of his horns. Presently one of the Oxen said to him, "What has induced you to come in here? Aren't you aware of the risk you are running of being captured by the herdsmen?" To which he replied, "Pray let me stay for the present. When night comes I shall easily escape under cover of the dark." In the course of the afternoon more than one of the farm-hands came in, to attend to the wants of the cattle, but not one of them noticed the presence of the Stag, who accordingly began to congratulate himself on his escape and to express his gratitude to the Oxen. "We wish you well," said the one who had spoken before, "but you are not out of danger yet. If the master comes, you will certainly be found out, for nothing ever escapes his keen eyes." Presently, sure enough, in he came, and made a great to-do about the way the Oxen were kept. "The beasts are starving," he cried; "here, give them more hay, and put plenty of litter under them." As he spoke, he seized an armful himself from the pile where the Stag lay concealed, and at once detected him. Calling his men, he had him seized at once and killed for the table.
Nothing escapes the lord's eye, He knows who is living his word and who is posturing and pretending. The lord hates pretenders and fakes.
2Ch 13:9
But you banished the Lord’s priests, Aaron’s descendants, and the Levites, and appointed your own priests just as the surrounding nations do! Anyone who comes to consecrate himself with a young bull or seven rams becomes a priest of these fake gods!
Why do you think I win EVERY baptismal and EVERY evangelical interaction? Why does the lord put me in these places to begin with? Do you think that he is trying to get my ass whooped so that he can watch??
No! That is not the case.
To the Church in Smyrna
Rev 2:8 “To the angel of the church in Smyrna write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who is the first and the last, the one who was dead, but came to life:
Rev 2:9 ‘I know the distress you are suffering and your poverty (but you are rich). I also know the slander against you by those who call themselves Jews and really are not, but are a synagogue of Satan.
Rev 2:10 Do not be afraid of the things you are about to suffer. The devil is about to have some of you thrown into prison so you may be tested, and you will experience suffering for ten days. Remain faithful even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown that is life itself.
Rev 2:11 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will in no way be harmed by the second death.’
The lord knows who is suffering and who is pretending to suffer. The good lord wants every one of you all to know that even though you suffer under his eye for the beliefs of Christianity he also knows that the ones persecuting you all are fakes and losers under the control of Satan.
2Th 2:9
The arrival of the lawless one will be by Satan’s working with all kinds of miracles and signs and false wonders,
Rev 2:13
‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives
Some of god's children will be jailed for no other reason, other than they are the children of god. And in jail the scum will rape and torture them but the lord says the reward for enduring and keeping the faith will be the crown of everlasting life.
I was in the park not to long ago. And while I was sitting on the bench these hooligans, these pseudo-wanna-be-punk-rockers began to make god jokes because I was reading the book of revelations. I was preparing for an up coming speaking engagement.
Oh he and his friends thought they were sooooo funnnnnyy. One said "do you see the light yet raven?" “Hey father can you hear my confessions?” one girl asked me as she leaned into me.
I turned to her and said that the lord will hear even the ugliest of sinners but even then they have to be sincere.
She then slapped me and began yelling that I had called her ugly and her two boyfriends started to drop their jackets and start to yell about how they were going to kick my holy ass for that.
I held up my hand said that I was sorry I did not mean to say she was ugly I meant no matter how bad the sin was I would listen. I told the boys I did not want to fight and that hey had misunderstood.
Everyone calmed down and the boys picked up their jackets. The jokes stopped and they took the bench on the other side of the walk way.
I closed the book of revelations and stepped to the kids and quoted Revelations 16:2.
Rev 16:2
So the first angel went and poured out his bowl on the earth. Then ugly and painful sores appeared on the people who had the mark of the beast and who worshiped his image.
I then said, "So you all have tattoos don't you?"
They looked perplexed and stupid. It seems kids today all look that way just before they find their way to god.
"What I am saying is that I have given it a great deal of thought and I believe that you three look really stupid and you all need to be ..."
I punched the closest boy in the throat
"........taught a lesson in respect."
The other two jumped up.
The second boy stepped back and tripped over the girl’s feet as she backpedaled too.
They both fell down.
I reached for the one boy gasping for breath. I grabbed him by the shirt and shook him
Sir do you see the light yet??
He looked at me puzzled
Psa 139:12
even the darkness is not too dark for you to see, and the night is as bright as day; darkness and light are the same to you.
Isa 9:2
(9:1) The people walking in darkness see a bright light; light shines on those who live in a land of deep darkness.
2Co 4:4
among whom the god of this age has blinded the minds of those who do not believe so they would not see the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God.
"Listen you dumb pussy fuck! I said DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
He shook his head and his friend got to his feet and came at me.
I stood and just punched straight at his eye. He did not even try to dodge the punch and he fell back.
Your friend is going to see the light before you and soon, but you are the one I worry about the most. You are the one the lord has told me to help and I shook him again.
The girl charged at me screaming like a banshee and I pulled the boy down by the shirt and swung back hand across the little punker bitches face sending her spinning away.
Look I said to the one I had by the shirt, You had better realize the jeopardy your soul is in soon or your friends will be mad at you because I will keep beating them back until you see the light.
Psa 44:5
By your power we will drive back our enemies; by your strength we will trample down our foes!
Joe 2:20
I will remove the one from the north far from you. I will drive him out to a dry and desolate place. Those in front will be driven eastward into the Dead Sea, and those in back westward into the Mediterranean Sea. His stench will rise up as a foul smell.” Indeed, the Lord has accomplished great things.
He still looked at me like I was speaking in tongues.
I pushed him to the ground and let go of his shirt and picked the first boy up by the shirt collar and began to knee him in the face, and then again in the face with my knee.
The girl was in tears but she came at me again with her hands out like claws. I lifted my foot and kicked out straight into her chest and she fell back in a silent heap.
The one I was kneeing in the face looked up and said oh god no stop what are you doing why are you beating on me?
“Because the lord said to” and I began to punch him in the face over and over.
He weakly he held up his hands and I stopped for a second.
“Oh god it is so beautiful. Sarah you have got to see it!”
I let go and stepped over to the other boy who was still holding his Adam’s apple. He looked at me all wide eyed and began to hold up his hands he mouthed the word stop.
Do you see the lord or not?
He nodded his head and then looked at his friend and then looked at me.
He said "Yes" and then he spoke, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was without shape and empty, and darkness was over the surface of the watery deep, but the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the water. God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light! God saw that the light was good, so God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day” and the darkness “night.” There was evening, and there was morning, marking the first day."
That is not bad but can you tell me mark 16.
He swallowed and then as if god himself was in the boy, "When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought aromatic spices so that they might go and anoint him. And very early on the first day of the week, at sunrise, they went to the tomb. They had been asking each other, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?” But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled back. Then as they went into the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed. But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has been raised! He is not here. Look, there is the place where they laid
him. But go, tell his disciples, even Peter, that he is going ahead of you into Galilee. You will see him there, just as he told you.” Then they went out and ran from the tomb, for terror and bewilderment had seized them. And they said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid."
Very nice but tell me John 12
And the girl stood looked to the sky and announced, "Then, six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom he had raised from the dead. So they prepared a dinner for Jesus there. Martha was serving, and Lazarus was among those present at the table with him. Then Mary took three quarters of a pound of expensive aromatic oil from pure nard and anointed the feet of Jesus. She then wiped his feet dry with her hair. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples said, “Why wasn’t this oil sold for three hundred silver coins and the money given to the poor?” So Jesus said, “Leave her alone. She has kept it for the day of my burial. For you will always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me!”"
I left them there stuttering and stammering passages from the bible.
You sometimes need to suffer to reach the way of the lord.
Sometimes you need to see the suffering of those around you to see the way to the lord.
In that vein of thinking I need to bring to light that he local homeless shelter is asking for assistance for extra blankets and jackets. Please do not give them anything. I have started a program here at The First Execration Church of Odium Anathema.
If you feel, you need to help those that chose to be a blight and a resource hog on our society then bring your happy ass down to the church on Saturday night. On Saturday nights we are going to go out and pick up as many homeless people as we can fit into the commuter vans and drive them to the next city to be a burden on them and their resources.
You can see to it that our city prospers and the politician’s will have to refund many of the surplus dollars that did not get spent on homeless programs like the homeless shelter.
The two books I have been working on are for sale and I am waiting to hear about the record purchases.
Go in peace and stop fucking honking at each other you are all killing me.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
To the Church inSmyrna
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
THE STAG IN THE OX-STALL
By Aesop
A Stag, chased from his lair by the hounds, took refuge in a farmyard, and, entering a stable where a number of oxen were stalled, thrust himself under a pile of hay in a vacant stall, where he lay concealed, all but the tips of his horns. Presently one of the Oxen said to him, "What has induced you to come in here? Aren't you aware of the risk you are running of being captured by the herdsmen?" To which he replied, "Pray let me stay for the present. When night comes I shall easily escape under cover of the dark." In the course of the afternoon more than one of the farm-hands came in, to attend to the wants of the cattle, but not one of them noticed the presence of the Stag, who accordingly began to congratulate himself on his escape and to express his gratitude to the Oxen. "We wish you well," said the one who had spoken before, "but you are not out of danger yet. If the master comes, you will certainly be found out, for nothing ever escapes his keen eyes." Presently, sure enough, in he came, and made a great to-do about the way the Oxen were kept. "The beasts are starving," he cried; "here, give them more hay, and put plenty of litter under them." As he spoke, he seized an armful himself from the pile where the Stag lay concealed, and at once detected him. Calling his men, he had him seized at once and killed for the table.
Nothing escapes the lord's eye, He knows who is living his word and who is posturing and pretending. The lord hates pretenders and fakes.
2Ch 13:9
But you banished the Lord’s priests, Aaron’s descendants, and the Levites, and appointed your own priests just as the surrounding nations do! Anyone who comes to consecrate himself with a young bull or seven rams becomes a priest of these fake gods!
Why do you think I win EVERY baptismal and EVERY evangelical interaction? Why does the lord put me in these places to begin with? Do you think that he is trying to get my ass whooped so that he can watch??
No! That is not the case.
To the Church in Smyrna
Rev 2:8 “To the angel of the church in Smyrna write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who is the first and the last, the one who was dead, but came to life:
Rev 2:9 ‘I know the distress you are suffering and your poverty (but you are rich). I also know the slander against you by those who call themselves Jews and really are not, but are a synagogue of Satan.
Rev 2:10 Do not be afraid of the things you are about to suffer. The devil is about to have some of you thrown into prison so you may be tested, and you will experience suffering for ten days. Remain faithful even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown that is life itself.
Rev 2:11 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will in no way be harmed by the second death.’
The lord knows who is suffering and who is pretending to suffer. The good lord wants every one of you all to know that even though you suffer under his eye for the beliefs of Christianity he also knows that the ones persecuting you all are fakes and losers under the control of Satan.
2Th 2:9
The arrival of the lawless one will be by Satan’s working with all kinds of miracles and signs and false wonders,
Rev 2:13
‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives
Some of god's children will be jailed for no other reason, other than they are the children of god. And in jail the scum will rape and torture them but the lord says the reward for enduring and keeping the faith will be the crown of everlasting life.
I was in the park not to long ago. And while I was sitting on the bench these hooligans, these pseudo-wanna-be-punk-rockers began to make god jokes because I was reading the book of revelations. I was preparing for an up coming speaking engagement.
Oh he and his friends thought they were sooooo funnnnnyy. One said "do you see the light yet raven?" “Hey father can you hear my confessions?” one girl asked me as she leaned into me.
I turned to her and said that the lord will hear even the ugliest of sinners but even then they have to be sincere.
She then slapped me and began yelling that I had called her ugly and her two boyfriends started to drop their jackets and start to yell about how they were going to kick my holy ass for that.
I held up my hand said that I was sorry I did not mean to say she was ugly I meant no matter how bad the sin was I would listen. I told the boys I did not want to fight and that hey had misunderstood.
Everyone calmed down and the boys picked up their jackets. The jokes stopped and they took the bench on the other side of the walk way.
I closed the book of revelations and stepped to the kids and quoted Revelations 16:2.
Rev 16:2
So the first angel went and poured out his bowl on the earth. Then ugly and painful sores appeared on the people who had the mark of the beast and who worshiped his image.
I then said, "So you all have tattoos don't you?"
They looked perplexed and stupid. It seems kids today all look that way just before they find their way to god.
"What I am saying is that I have given it a great deal of thought and I believe that you three look really stupid and you all need to be ..."
I punched the closest boy in the throat
"........taught a lesson in respect."
The other two jumped up.
The second boy stepped back and tripped over the girl’s feet as she backpedaled too.
They both fell down.
I reached for the one boy gasping for breath. I grabbed him by the shirt and shook him
Sir do you see the light yet??
He looked at me puzzled
Psa 139:12
even the darkness is not too dark for you to see, and the night is as bright as day; darkness and light are the same to you.
Isa 9:2
(9:1) The people walking in darkness see a bright light; light shines on those who live in a land of deep darkness.
2Co 4:4
among whom the god of this age has blinded the minds of those who do not believe so they would not see the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God.
"Listen you dumb pussy fuck! I said DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
He shook his head and his friend got to his feet and came at me.
I stood and just punched straight at his eye. He did not even try to dodge the punch and he fell back.
Your friend is going to see the light before you and soon, but you are the one I worry about the most. You are the one the lord has told me to help and I shook him again.
The girl charged at me screaming like a banshee and I pulled the boy down by the shirt and swung back hand across the little punker bitches face sending her spinning away.
Look I said to the one I had by the shirt, You had better realize the jeopardy your soul is in soon or your friends will be mad at you because I will keep beating them back until you see the light.
Psa 44:5
By your power we will drive back our enemies; by your strength we will trample down our foes!
Joe 2:20
I will remove the one from the north far from you. I will drive him out to a dry and desolate place. Those in front will be driven eastward into the Dead Sea, and those in back westward into the Mediterranean Sea. His stench will rise up as a foul smell.” Indeed, the Lord has accomplished great things.
He still looked at me like I was speaking in tongues.
I pushed him to the ground and let go of his shirt and picked the first boy up by the shirt collar and began to knee him in the face, and then again in the face with my knee.
The girl was in tears but she came at me again with her hands out like claws. I lifted my foot and kicked out straight into her chest and she fell back in a silent heap.
The one I was kneeing in the face looked up and said oh god no stop what are you doing why are you beating on me?
“Because the lord said to” and I began to punch him in the face over and over.
He weakly he held up his hands and I stopped for a second.
“Oh god it is so beautiful. Sarah you have got to see it!”
I let go and stepped over to the other boy who was still holding his Adam’s apple. He looked at me all wide eyed and began to hold up his hands he mouthed the word stop.
Do you see the lord or not?
He nodded his head and then looked at his friend and then looked at me.
He said "Yes" and then he spoke, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was without shape and empty, and darkness was over the surface of the watery deep, but the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the water. God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light! God saw that the light was good, so God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day” and the darkness “night.” There was evening, and there was morning, marking the first day."
That is not bad but can you tell me mark 16.
He swallowed and then as if god himself was in the boy, "When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought aromatic spices so that they might go and anoint him. And very early on the first day of the week, at sunrise, they went to the tomb. They had been asking each other, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?” But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled back. Then as they went into the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed. But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has been raised! He is not here. Look, there is the place where they laid
him. But go, tell his disciples, even Peter, that he is going ahead of you into Galilee. You will see him there, just as he told you.” Then they went out and ran from the tomb, for terror and bewilderment had seized them. And they said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid."
Very nice but tell me John 12
And the girl stood looked to the sky and announced, "Then, six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom he had raised from the dead. So they prepared a dinner for Jesus there. Martha was serving, and Lazarus was among those present at the table with him. Then Mary took three quarters of a pound of expensive aromatic oil from pure nard and anointed the feet of Jesus. She then wiped his feet dry with her hair. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples said, “Why wasn’t this oil sold for three hundred silver coins and the money given to the poor?” So Jesus said, “Leave her alone. She has kept it for the day of my burial. For you will always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me!”"
I left them there stuttering and stammering passages from the bible.
You sometimes need to suffer to reach the way of the lord.
Sometimes you need to see the suffering of those around you to see the way to the lord.
In that vein of thinking I need to bring to light that he local homeless shelter is asking for assistance for extra blankets and jackets. Please do not give them anything. I have started a program here at The First Execration Church of Odium Anathema.
If you feel, you need to help those that chose to be a blight and a resource hog on our society then bring your happy ass down to the church on Saturday night. On Saturday nights we are going to go out and pick up as many homeless people as we can fit into the commuter vans and drive them to the next city to be a burden on them and their resources.
You can see to it that our city prospers and the politician’s will have to refund many of the surplus dollars that did not get spent on homeless programs like the homeless shelter.
The two books I have been working on are for sale and I am waiting to hear about the record purchases.
Go in peace and stop fucking honking at each other you are all killing me.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Take no shit
This weekend I umpired a state tournament. No this was not a World Series but the winner received a berth to a world series and no again, it would not be a world series that would be on ESPN.
I started the weekend by doing 9s. Aaaahh nine year olds so focused so attentive so unable to stop the ball before it hits the umpire. Dads in the back with radar guns and talking about curves and sliders and changeups.
If I have, one more dad tell me to hang with the curve I swear I will eat him with red beans and rice and wash the entire meal down with the blood of a badger.
Therefore, I have done this tourney a few times in the past few years and I know this is life and death, the winner of every game gets to decide the gas prices, someone's grandmother is held captive by ninjas and her life and the life of 500 virgins hang on the balance of this game. However, I also know that the shit has to be stopped before it gets out of hand.
I decide to approach it differently then in the past. In the past, I wait until I can no longer take the insults the jabs the drive bys and I warn a coach and then I never ever get to eject him because I keep re-drawing the line. Therefore, this year I am drawing the line at the top and hold it fast.
First chirp gets a "we are not going there today. We are not going there do I make myself clear?" I start the plate meeting with a personable pleasant attitude and humor but when they chirp I jerk the lease tight and hard. This seemed to be very effective.
My son said that he was embarrassed at one point because I came out too fast on one dad but when I asked my son if he thought the game was more enjoyable after the dad was told to keep quite. He admitted that I was right.
I did 18 games in three days I will not talk about all 18 as many went with no issue.
Game one 9s
Red vs. white
I on bases and newbie [not my son] on plate.
No one on
Screamer up third base line
I pivot but I peek at the ball as it passes third (it is foul but I hear no indication)
[I now that if I do not hear foul I am going to have a shit storm on my hands]
I watch the runner cross first and go to second I hear the shit storm thunder "what's the call blue?.....you have to make a call blue!" now there is no way to convey the anger and rage that is in this voice but trust me when I turned I expected to see this coach holding my 16 year old partner by the throat.
Runner stops I turn to handle the shit storm and there is my partner doe eyed and in full panic mode. The coach is screaming and he is not telling the coach a thing. I call time and the coach starts to come out to me. I hold the umpire hand out to him and tell him to stay there he keeps coming "No coach you will go to the dug out right now!" he stops. I offer the umpire a chance to come talk to me.
"What’s the call?"
I do not know
It is either fair or foul
What do you think?
First, I was not supposed to look, I should not make that call from first base line. You had the angle it was your ball.
Yeah I know but I do not know what to call it.
Well in this case ... what is the count?
Two Two
OK if you call it foul everybody gets to go back and the batters count does not change.
I peeked at the drive and I can say that it was foul but do not plan on that rather help all the time be ready to make a call.
OK I will call it foul.
He calls it foul and not a soul complains not one chirp.
Later in the same, there is contact and although I did not see it as I watched my play, I know it was malicious. The world is screaming at the kid the pitcher is 8 feet from the plate and the runner is trotting back to the dug out. I call time the coach again wants to yell at me I hold him at bay and I talk to my partner.
The runner is out
No pitcher dropped the ball
No the runner is out for contact
You have to decide was the contact malicious.
No, it was not
Are you sure, because my back was turned on another potential play.
Yes, it was not malicious.
Turn around and call the runner out for contact he did not exercise one of his four options.
He turns, calls the runner, the coach comes out to me you cannot turn his call over.
No, I cannot
However, you just did
No, I did not
He changed his call
However, you told him to
no I did not we discussed the rule and clearly your player failed to slide, your player failed to stop, your player failed to go around, and he clearly failed to go back, so the only discussion we had was to eject him and you or just call him out.
Is he ejected?
Are you still in this game talking to me?
He turns and goes back to the dug out.
I explain the conditions to the other coach. He wants malicious contact I tell him I cannot give him that because I did not see the play.
Why not?
Because you might have wanted that out at second too.
We did not get one at second but you might have and I would have missed it if I were watching the play at home.
OK you are right.
Thanks coach.
Game 3 nine
Me on bases
Newbie [not my son] on plate (you have to do it at some point)
He gets a fucked up convoluted play at the plate and I would have made the same call as him but the coach wants to yell and intimidate the young man. He yells, "That is horrible that is terrible that is totally UN acceptable"
I call time and I make the coach walk all the way to me at first base. I tell him that his attitude is horrible that it is a terrible example and that it is unacceptable and if he is to lose his cool one more time, I do not care the reason and how much time is left on the clock I will send him to the parking lot and then my report will ensure that he is out for the rest of the tournament.
He says that I am right and that he is sorry
I tell him that he needs to apologize to the players not me.
Game 13
White vs. blue nine
98ºF 88%H
High shoulder pitch for the third ball in a row at the top of the first half (third pitch of the game) white moans and says something.
I turn and say We Will Not Go There Today. No, we will not. Am I clear?
Five heads nod yes
An out later runner steals third catcher throws and beats the runner but the fielder is too slow to swipe a proper tag my son calls the runner safe.
A coach screams BULLSHIT!
I did not hear it
My son did and he turned and in three steps crossed from third to first base line and says to the white team "there will be no profanity on the fields at any time". The five coaches all look like whip lash victims. Here is a 16-year-old telling 30-year-old gansta/MS13 looking men to stop swearing and he does so with all the authority of a grown man. I tell you I was never so proud at that moment.
Not a word fro the rest of the inning.
At the half-blue coach comes down to warm the pitcher. “I am going to call you the no nonsense umpires"
It is too hot to deal with anything other than just baseball.
He agrees.
My son arrives at the plate
I say to him "a warning for profanity?" man that coach owes you a steak dinner." he has no idea that he should be in his car right now.
My son says he did not know which coach said it.
I said if you had tossed the manger, he would have ponies the man up right quick
Yeah you are right
Wow, he is lucky I did not hear the profanity.
The white coach walks up, apologizes, and says that he has the situation under control.
My son says I hope so because it will not be tolerated around these young men.
You are right blue I am sorry
((You know what? My son fucking rocks!))(At 16 he gets it, he has the maturity to do the things it takes to be a man. I did not I was still trying to live and stay alive)
Game 16
Green vs. Blue 13s
me at the dish
3 minutes left of playtime losing team at the plate
Coach complains about a narrow escape at home.
I hear something from his side about picking sides
In addition, he has just said, "you have to call that pitch for both sides blue"
I stop the game.
"Coach, I know that there is 3 minutes left to play and I do not care if there is 30 seconds left to play if I hear one more remark that questions my integrity of my sportsmanship I will toss you to the parking lot and then call ball game.
Do not ever question my honesty I am not here to pick a winner I am here to make the decisions the two coaches cannot.
Yes blue I am sorry.
Game 18
Championship 12s
Yellow vs. white
This game was a tightly played well-pitched game that resembled two boxers in the ring trading punches. Honest to god the first two innings had no more than 13 pitches thrown.
No runner advanced past third base, we played for 3 hours something like 8 innings, and the game ended 7-0.
How you might asked.
White’s #12 was on the mound and the coach told me he was going to sub him in this half as he only had one out left in his allowable count for the tournament, but he was going to let him pitch while his number 2 boys was warming up.
Are you?
Yes.
Yellow coach says hey coach you now he has only one out right.
Yeah I am going to leave him in for it. Thanks for reminding me.
No problem.
I start the game. The pitcher clearly walks the first batter to burn sometime.
I look to white coach to see if he wants time.
I let the yellow batter in the box and he sees three balls and then the pitcher lets one drop into the zone just enough and the batter hits it to third. Third scoops and throws to second. OUT! In addition, the second turns and throws to first for a banger. OUT!
The play could have gone the other excessively. The white coach drops to his knees. The yellow coach is calmly walking up to me. The players and the parents have no clue what just happened except a double play was made and on a bang bang. The umpire on the field has no idea either because he is going back to his position.
Yellow coach goes to me and says the pitcher has pitched too many outs. Yes, I think you may be right, get the tourney director.
The white coach is now explaining to his side what just happened. My partner hears and he just smiles.
The tourney director confirms that the double was too many outs and the white has to forfeit the game.
I told my partner that this is the first time in history that a defensive coach is pissed that an umpire called a double play.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
I started the weekend by doing 9s. Aaaahh nine year olds so focused so attentive so unable to stop the ball before it hits the umpire. Dads in the back with radar guns and talking about curves and sliders and changeups.
If I have, one more dad tell me to hang with the curve I swear I will eat him with red beans and rice and wash the entire meal down with the blood of a badger.
Therefore, I have done this tourney a few times in the past few years and I know this is life and death, the winner of every game gets to decide the gas prices, someone's grandmother is held captive by ninjas and her life and the life of 500 virgins hang on the balance of this game. However, I also know that the shit has to be stopped before it gets out of hand.
I decide to approach it differently then in the past. In the past, I wait until I can no longer take the insults the jabs the drive bys and I warn a coach and then I never ever get to eject him because I keep re-drawing the line. Therefore, this year I am drawing the line at the top and hold it fast.
First chirp gets a "we are not going there today. We are not going there do I make myself clear?" I start the plate meeting with a personable pleasant attitude and humor but when they chirp I jerk the lease tight and hard. This seemed to be very effective.
My son said that he was embarrassed at one point because I came out too fast on one dad but when I asked my son if he thought the game was more enjoyable after the dad was told to keep quite. He admitted that I was right.
I did 18 games in three days I will not talk about all 18 as many went with no issue.
Game one 9s
Red vs. white
I on bases and newbie [not my son] on plate.
No one on
Screamer up third base line
I pivot but I peek at the ball as it passes third (it is foul but I hear no indication)
[I now that if I do not hear foul I am going to have a shit storm on my hands]
I watch the runner cross first and go to second I hear the shit storm thunder "what's the call blue?.....you have to make a call blue!" now there is no way to convey the anger and rage that is in this voice but trust me when I turned I expected to see this coach holding my 16 year old partner by the throat.
Runner stops I turn to handle the shit storm and there is my partner doe eyed and in full panic mode. The coach is screaming and he is not telling the coach a thing. I call time and the coach starts to come out to me. I hold the umpire hand out to him and tell him to stay there he keeps coming "No coach you will go to the dug out right now!" he stops. I offer the umpire a chance to come talk to me.
"What’s the call?"
I do not know
It is either fair or foul
What do you think?
First, I was not supposed to look, I should not make that call from first base line. You had the angle it was your ball.
Yeah I know but I do not know what to call it.
Well in this case ... what is the count?
Two Two
OK if you call it foul everybody gets to go back and the batters count does not change.
I peeked at the drive and I can say that it was foul but do not plan on that rather help all the time be ready to make a call.
OK I will call it foul.
He calls it foul and not a soul complains not one chirp.
Later in the same, there is contact and although I did not see it as I watched my play, I know it was malicious. The world is screaming at the kid the pitcher is 8 feet from the plate and the runner is trotting back to the dug out. I call time the coach again wants to yell at me I hold him at bay and I talk to my partner.
The runner is out
No pitcher dropped the ball
No the runner is out for contact
You have to decide was the contact malicious.
No, it was not
Are you sure, because my back was turned on another potential play.
Yes, it was not malicious.
Turn around and call the runner out for contact he did not exercise one of his four options.
He turns, calls the runner, the coach comes out to me you cannot turn his call over.
No, I cannot
However, you just did
No, I did not
He changed his call
However, you told him to
no I did not we discussed the rule and clearly your player failed to slide, your player failed to stop, your player failed to go around, and he clearly failed to go back, so the only discussion we had was to eject him and you or just call him out.
Is he ejected?
Are you still in this game talking to me?
He turns and goes back to the dug out.
I explain the conditions to the other coach. He wants malicious contact I tell him I cannot give him that because I did not see the play.
Why not?
Because you might have wanted that out at second too.
We did not get one at second but you might have and I would have missed it if I were watching the play at home.
OK you are right.
Thanks coach.
Game 3 nine
Me on bases
Newbie [not my son] on plate (you have to do it at some point)
He gets a fucked up convoluted play at the plate and I would have made the same call as him but the coach wants to yell and intimidate the young man. He yells, "That is horrible that is terrible that is totally UN acceptable"
I call time and I make the coach walk all the way to me at first base. I tell him that his attitude is horrible that it is a terrible example and that it is unacceptable and if he is to lose his cool one more time, I do not care the reason and how much time is left on the clock I will send him to the parking lot and then my report will ensure that he is out for the rest of the tournament.
He says that I am right and that he is sorry
I tell him that he needs to apologize to the players not me.
Game 13
White vs. blue nine
98ºF 88%H
High shoulder pitch for the third ball in a row at the top of the first half (third pitch of the game) white moans and says something.
I turn and say We Will Not Go There Today. No, we will not. Am I clear?
Five heads nod yes
An out later runner steals third catcher throws and beats the runner but the fielder is too slow to swipe a proper tag my son calls the runner safe.
A coach screams BULLSHIT!
I did not hear it
My son did and he turned and in three steps crossed from third to first base line and says to the white team "there will be no profanity on the fields at any time". The five coaches all look like whip lash victims. Here is a 16-year-old telling 30-year-old gansta/MS13 looking men to stop swearing and he does so with all the authority of a grown man. I tell you I was never so proud at that moment.
Not a word fro the rest of the inning.
At the half-blue coach comes down to warm the pitcher. “I am going to call you the no nonsense umpires"
It is too hot to deal with anything other than just baseball.
He agrees.
My son arrives at the plate
I say to him "a warning for profanity?" man that coach owes you a steak dinner." he has no idea that he should be in his car right now.
My son says he did not know which coach said it.
I said if you had tossed the manger, he would have ponies the man up right quick
Yeah you are right
Wow, he is lucky I did not hear the profanity.
The white coach walks up, apologizes, and says that he has the situation under control.
My son says I hope so because it will not be tolerated around these young men.
You are right blue I am sorry
((You know what? My son fucking rocks!))(At 16 he gets it, he has the maturity to do the things it takes to be a man. I did not I was still trying to live and stay alive)
Game 16
Green vs. Blue 13s
me at the dish
3 minutes left of playtime losing team at the plate
Coach complains about a narrow escape at home.
I hear something from his side about picking sides
In addition, he has just said, "you have to call that pitch for both sides blue"
I stop the game.
"Coach, I know that there is 3 minutes left to play and I do not care if there is 30 seconds left to play if I hear one more remark that questions my integrity of my sportsmanship I will toss you to the parking lot and then call ball game.
Do not ever question my honesty I am not here to pick a winner I am here to make the decisions the two coaches cannot.
Yes blue I am sorry.
Game 18
Championship 12s
Yellow vs. white
This game was a tightly played well-pitched game that resembled two boxers in the ring trading punches. Honest to god the first two innings had no more than 13 pitches thrown.
No runner advanced past third base, we played for 3 hours something like 8 innings, and the game ended 7-0.
How you might asked.
White’s #12 was on the mound and the coach told me he was going to sub him in this half as he only had one out left in his allowable count for the tournament, but he was going to let him pitch while his number 2 boys was warming up.
Are you?
Yes.
Yellow coach says hey coach you now he has only one out right.
Yeah I am going to leave him in for it. Thanks for reminding me.
No problem.
I start the game. The pitcher clearly walks the first batter to burn sometime.
I look to white coach to see if he wants time.
I let the yellow batter in the box and he sees three balls and then the pitcher lets one drop into the zone just enough and the batter hits it to third. Third scoops and throws to second. OUT! In addition, the second turns and throws to first for a banger. OUT!
The play could have gone the other excessively. The white coach drops to his knees. The yellow coach is calmly walking up to me. The players and the parents have no clue what just happened except a double play was made and on a bang bang. The umpire on the field has no idea either because he is going back to his position.
Yellow coach goes to me and says the pitcher has pitched too many outs. Yes, I think you may be right, get the tourney director.
The white coach is now explaining to his side what just happened. My partner hears and he just smiles.
The tourney director confirms that the double was too many outs and the white has to forfeit the game.
I told my partner that this is the first time in history that a defensive coach is pissed that an umpire called a double play.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
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