In My Neighborhood #16 Rev. J. Sleestaxx

In My Neighborhood #16
Rev. J. Sleestaxx


I was in my flowerbed pulling weeds. This is very therapeutic for me as I picture each weed I pull as a bad relationship or a negative moment in my life being removed. I feel that the visualization helps promote a positive atmosphere and positive direction for my life. There is so much negativity and wrong going on that being outdoors in the sun and fresh air is a healthy alternative to being indoors waiting the news about death destruction and corporate greed.
I digress.
I am in my green room. I am just about to reach that one with everything when I hear screeching, screaming, and bellowing. There are some men arguing like girls about something somewhere and it is making ripples on my pond of serenity.
You bastard they were my cherished pets
I do not know what you are talking about Sharron!
I know you Ozzy I know you. You took them for your tour you bastard.
No, I did not that was a long time ago. In addition, I was just really high then but I do not do that anymore.
I think, "Oh I get it" Ozzy lives next door to Alice Cooper and Alice is raising bats in his back yard. He thinks that Ozzy is coming over and stealing his bats
Just as Sharron comes out the front door in an apron wiping her hands like in an episode of "leave it to beaver" the two start to bitch fight.
You know what I mean they are just slapping at each other with their eyes closed. Quite comical if you ask me. Two "bad Ass" metal stars fighting like math nerds.
Sharron runs up like a mommy and starts to separate the two "What is wrong with you two." “You two used to be friends."
Alice falls back on his ass. In addition, starts to cry about his bats. They have been disappearing and at first he thought they were just getting lost or finding other fusions to live with." but this afternoon I went to check and the entire roost is missing. Gone, pole and all. In addition, I know this fucker took them.
Now Alice, Sharron says, I know that you love your bats and I know that you mean well by raising them, but the HOA hired bat chasers to remove the battery in your back yard. The HOA feels that this may not be appropriate activity in this subdivision.
They all in unison turn their heads and look at me.
FUCK! They saw me. I could have gone indoors and pretended I was not home, but not now. Shit they knew I was there and they knew I was aware of their desire to speak with me about a HOA issue. Damn presidency (See Feb. 25 chapter 11).
Fuck here they come, all three of them. Alice and Ozzy forgetting about the fight and now just comrades to support one another in a more just cause.
What do you mean that my hobby is in appropriate?
Come on Alice think about this. Nasty, dirty, disease ridden rodents in this neighborhood. What about the home values? They were a nuisance, many of the other neighbors expressed concern for their health and welfare. Many were very disturbed by the early morning sightings of Ozzy, in his Fruit of the looms, sneaking over and eating the bats as they came back. Then coming back home with bat blood streaking down the front of his shirtless belly and underwear.
Ozzy! Exclaimed Sharron You promised that you try to stop.
Sharron Sharron I did.
No Ozzy you did not, you went over there like a Baptist preacher to a porn store. All stealth like but everyone EVERYONE saw you go over. It was both disgusting and a shame, that you did not have the strength to stop eating your neighbor’s bats.
Ozzy Stop eating bats. That was a moment of drug-addled frenzy and now you are an old man with a super wife who takes care of you. Get it together man.
Alice You are over 50 years old! You are no scarier now then, then and now you want to act the scary metal god. HA you are just a grand dad that needs to find a respectable hobby like fly-fishing or woodworking. Grow the fuck up and paint your house a real fucking color like the rest of us.
Shit Ozzy you need to get your shit together man go to the rehab center for the bat obsession
Sharron get a tighter lease on your man.
Now get the fuck off my lawn you are all killing the grass.
I turned and there was Henry on his lawn just shaking his head in dis-approval. “Preacher,” Henry said, “ You are wrong and you know it.”
Sharron, he continued you know if I elected president this would not have happened.
No Henry if you were elected you would have run this place to shit and I voted for John because you are a bleeding heart liberal that does not know right from wrong and what it means to retain ho9me value in this volatile market.
Henry looked as though he was just slapped.






Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Letters to the church from the lord #2 To the Church in Smyrna By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Letters to the church from the lord #3
To the Church in Pergamum
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx


Rev 2:12 “To the angel of the church in Pergamum write the following:

“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who has the sharp double-edged sword:
Rev 2:13 ‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives. Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against you: You have some people there who follow the teaching of Balaam, who instructed Balak to put a stumbling block before the people of Israel so they would eat food sacrificed to idols and commit sexual immorality. Rev 2:15 In the same way, there are also some among you who follow the teaching of the Nicolaitans. Rev 2:16 Therefore, repent! If not, I will come against you quickly and make war against those people with the sword of my mouth. Rev 2:17 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers, I will give him some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and on that stone will be written a new name that no one can understand except the one who receives it.’

My friends I will speak to you today of the third letter to the seven churches from the book of revelation.
The evil in Los Angeles is great. The people of that city are evil, greedy and all sinners.
If the lord was to lay waste to a city, “should not one good man not be found”, it would be Los Angeles that got wasted by columns of fire.

Gen 18:26
So the Lord replied, “If I find in the city of Sodom fifty godly people, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”

I have been to this city of three occasions and every single visit ended in tragedy and bloodshed. Current statute laws prevent me the telling of those tales but needless to say I know the city of angels is not the city of angels but the den of demons and evil shit that floats on the surface of the sea of life.

Deu 15:9
Be careful lest you entertain the wicked thought that the seventh year, the year of cancellation of debts, has almost arrived, and your attitude be wrong toward your impoverished fellow Israelite and you do not lend him anything; he will cry out to the Lord against you and you will be regarded as having sinned.

The city is rife with gangs of producers raping beautiful ideas of creative people. These people will listen to the beautiful creative minds of intelligent people and then steal the ideas and pervert them into so much celluloid trash. Twisting simple beautiful stories into action filled porno fests.
These gangs of queer confused fuck wads with money will sit in their own shit in a coffee bar until they over hear a story or idea that they then steal for their own increase in wealth and power.
Every time one of these fuckers dies I thank god for taking out the garbage. I put clothes pins on my nipples and dance in the backyard non-stop for twelve hours in tribute to the wondrous glory that is our lord god.

Deu 22:21
the men of her city must bring the young woman to the door of her father’s house and stone her to death, for she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by behaving like a prostitute while living in her father’s house. In this way you will purge evil from among you.

There are bands of ninjas that pretend to be actors. These players in the sick dirty dramas are assassinating the depth of wondrous characters. Characters that were dreamed up by loving beautiful minds and that were created for the story. But these buck teethed, lack of talent, pieces of shit, and can not even begin to portray the depth of the neither characters nor can they make you believe in the characters any more.
There are whores that say they are the path to fame, but only drain the wealth of everyone around them. They say they can help you with your career but they are nothing but a drain on the wealth and resources of your livelihood. These bastards are nothing more than leeches and parasites.

Lev 26:16
I for my part will do this to you: I will inflict horror on you, consumption and fever, which diminish eyesight and drain away the vitality of life. You will sow your seed in vain because your enemies will eat it.

Lo the city is filled with the temple of the networks. Broadcasting companies are there and they are there for a reason for they would be found out to be a den of evil lizards and poisonous snakes. They have talking heads that spew half truths to confuse god's children and they portray the tragedies of the day’s events as entertainment to be sold as a commodity. The broadcast stations force into your television pseudo fake entertainment that is suppose to take your mind off of god and the lords word. You are to watch the shows and the commercials mindlessly. you are to ignore your family and children so that they too become distracted. Then your mind becomes empty and so does the minds your children. Then these criers of lies and falsehoods fill your minds with in correct beliefs about how your life and world should be.

Neh 13:7
and I returned to Jerusalem. Then I discovered the evil that Eliashib had done for Tobiah by supplying him with a storeroom in the courts of the temple of God.

This metropolis is filled from city wall to city wall of studios, studios where the false stores and lies and stolen ideas are made into "entertainment", photographic representations of tragic dramas and situational humor skits that do not apply, or even relate to real life. But these mega lies are perpetrated none-the-less. They mass produce this perverted, sick pleasure stories for the masses. And the uneducated and naive pack the movie houses in droves to be treated to commercial lies and product endorsements.
The entire industry is about selling you shit and garbage and telling you how you are not liked and not accepted unless you smell like a fucking sock and boot that was left in a sewer for three life times.
That your women will not be attracted to you, unless your hair looks as though you have been buried in a coffin with three dead dogs for a month. But the fools still poor money into the machine and the machine keeps fucking them in the ass. What a bunch of pain queers.

Deu 22:24
you must bring the two of them to the gate of that city and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry out though in the city and the man because he violated his neighbor’s fiancée; in this way you will purge evil from among you.

The loss of humanity and the demons of the paparazzi and the entertainment news heads. just want to tear into the private lives of people and cut open some of the most private moments and expose them for the world to see. I am inundated with pictures of too skinny people and too fat people and failed relationship after failed relationship. About how some sinner is addicted to this drug and that drug and how that woman who was the hero of everyone two months ago is now stuck in a bottle with a drinking problem. But the unwashed and the stupid still pour money into the machine that fucks us all and is called the city of angels, City Of Angels in deed!

[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Hollywood!
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you television
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Brad fucking Pitt
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you agents that lost my book.
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you producers that are stealing my ideas
[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you stupid morons and thieves of the city of angels

May god lay waste to your entire town and a slow burning death to the fuckers on Rodeo drive to boot.
May frogs with poisonous skin rain from the sky onto the heads of your children and the wind bring flying maggots into your eyes.
I want to hear your wombs bare dead cats and that your plastic breasts are causing aliens, space aliens, to land and eat you all.

[Showing My Middle Finger] Fuck you Southern California!

There are cookies and cakes along with gourmet coffee in the foyer for everyone. The Knights of Acrimony have donated the time to lay a continental breakfast out for everyone. They would also like to say that they are welcoming anyone over the age of 55 into their organization.
These fine gentlemen of the church are the ones that organized the "Drive the homeless to another town" campaign. The also assist in the counseling of young men who have become fathers but did not realize they have responsibilities other than to say "of course I still love you".
Some times these stubborn young men need some persuasion to step up to the plate. But once the Knights of Acrimony talk with them they usually realize the errors of there ways.
So stop and talk to them. If you have a daughter, get their e-mail. If you are 55 or older then get to know them maybe you will want to join. If you are a young man pressuring a young woman to have sex, think twice because these men do not use gloves like I do on Thursday.
The raise a roof for the unwed mothers program is a success we have re-shingled three roofs in the last 4 months.
I would like to thank all of you who did not honk last Sunday. you all are the perfection of a church going member of society. And to those of you who still did not get the message and I was able to catch I am sure bruises and lacerations of your education will heel soon enough.
It won’t hurt for ever.


Thank you and go in peace!






Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Letters to the church from the lord #2 To the Church in Smyrna By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Letters to the church from the lord #2
To the Church inSmyrna
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

THE STAG IN THE OX-STALL
By Aesop

A Stag, chased from his lair by the hounds, took refuge in a farmyard, and, entering a stable where a number of oxen were stalled, thrust himself under a pile of hay in a vacant stall, where he lay concealed, all but the tips of his horns. Presently one of the Oxen said to him, "What has induced you to come in here? Aren't you aware of the risk you are running of being captured by the herdsmen?" To which he replied, "Pray let me stay for the present. When night comes I shall easily escape under cover of the dark." In the course of the afternoon more than one of the farm-hands came in, to attend to the wants of the cattle, but not one of them noticed the presence of the Stag, who accordingly began to congratulate himself on his escape and to express his gratitude to the Oxen. "We wish you well," said the one who had spoken before, "but you are not out of danger yet. If the master comes, you will certainly be found out, for nothing ever escapes his keen eyes." Presently, sure enough, in he came, and made a great to-do about the way the Oxen were kept. "The beasts are starving," he cried; "here, give them more hay, and put plenty of litter under them." As he spoke, he seized an armful himself from the pile where the Stag lay concealed, and at once detected him. Calling his men, he had him seized at once and killed for the table.

Nothing escapes the lord's eye, He knows who is living his word and who is posturing and pretending. The lord hates pretenders and fakes.

2Ch 13:9
But you banished the Lord’s priests, Aaron’s descendants, and the Levites, and appointed your own priests just as the surrounding nations do! Anyone who comes to consecrate himself with a young bull or seven rams becomes a priest of these fake gods!

Why do you think I win EVERY baptismal and EVERY evangelical interaction? Why does the lord put me in these places to begin with? Do you think that he is trying to get my ass whooped so that he can watch??
No! That is not the case.

To the Church in Smyrna

Rev 2:8 “To the angel of the church in Smyrna write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the one who is the first and the last, the one who was dead, but came to life:
Rev 2:9 ‘I know the distress you are suffering and your poverty (but you are rich). I also know the slander against you by those who call themselves Jews and really are not, but are a synagogue of Satan.
Rev 2:10 Do not be afraid of the things you are about to suffer. The devil is about to have some of you thrown into prison so you may be tested, and you will experience suffering for ten days. Remain faithful even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown that is life itself.

Rev 2:11 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will in no way be harmed by the second death.’

The lord knows who is suffering and who is pretending to suffer. The good lord wants every one of you all to know that even though you suffer under his eye for the beliefs of Christianity he also knows that the ones persecuting you all are fakes and losers under the control of Satan.

2Th 2:9
The arrival of the lawless one will be by Satan’s working with all kinds of miracles and signs and false wonders,

Rev 2:13
‘I know where you live – where Satan’s throne is. Yet you continue to cling to my name and you have not denied your faith in me, even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was killed in your city where Satan lives

Some of god's children will be jailed for no other reason, other than they are the children of god. And in jail the scum will rape and torture them but the lord says the reward for enduring and keeping the faith will be the crown of everlasting life.
I was in the park not to long ago. And while I was sitting on the bench these hooligans, these pseudo-wanna-be-punk-rockers began to make god jokes because I was reading the book of revelations. I was preparing for an up coming speaking engagement.
Oh he and his friends thought they were sooooo funnnnnyy. One said "do you see the light yet raven?" “Hey father can you hear my confessions?” one girl asked me as she leaned into me.
I turned to her and said that the lord will hear even the ugliest of sinners but even then they have to be sincere.
She then slapped me and began yelling that I had called her ugly and her two boyfriends started to drop their jackets and start to yell about how they were going to kick my holy ass for that.
I held up my hand said that I was sorry I did not mean to say she was ugly I meant no matter how bad the sin was I would listen. I told the boys I did not want to fight and that hey had misunderstood.
Everyone calmed down and the boys picked up their jackets. The jokes stopped and they took the bench on the other side of the walk way.
I closed the book of revelations and stepped to the kids and quoted Revelations 16:2.

Rev 16:2
So the first angel went and poured out his bowl on the earth. Then ugly and painful sores appeared on the people who had the mark of the beast and who worshiped his image.

I then said, "So you all have tattoos don't you?"
They looked perplexed and stupid. It seems kids today all look that way just before they find their way to god.
"What I am saying is that I have given it a great deal of thought and I believe that you three look really stupid and you all need to be ..."
I punched the closest boy in the throat
"........taught a lesson in respect."
The other two jumped up.
The second boy stepped back and tripped over the girl’s feet as she backpedaled too.
They both fell down.
I reached for the one boy gasping for breath. I grabbed him by the shirt and shook him
Sir do you see the light yet??
He looked at me puzzled

Psa 139:12
even the darkness is not too dark for you to see, and the night is as bright as day; darkness and light are the same to you.

Isa 9:2
(9:1) The people walking in darkness see a bright light; light shines on those who live in a land of deep darkness.

2Co 4:4
among whom the god of this age has blinded the minds of those who do not believe so they would not see the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God.

"Listen you dumb pussy fuck! I said DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
He shook his head and his friend got to his feet and came at me.
I stood and just punched straight at his eye. He did not even try to dodge the punch and he fell back.
Your friend is going to see the light before you and soon, but you are the one I worry about the most. You are the one the lord has told me to help and I shook him again.
The girl charged at me screaming like a banshee and I pulled the boy down by the shirt and swung back hand across the little punker bitches face sending her spinning away.
Look I said to the one I had by the shirt, You had better realize the jeopardy your soul is in soon or your friends will be mad at you because I will keep beating them back until you see the light.

Psa 44:5
By your power we will drive back our enemies; by your strength we will trample down our foes!





Joe 2:20
I will remove the one from the north far from you. I will drive him out to a dry and desolate place. Those in front will be driven eastward into the Dead Sea, and those in back westward into the Mediterranean Sea. His stench will rise up as a foul smell.” Indeed, the Lord has accomplished great things.

He still looked at me like I was speaking in tongues.
I pushed him to the ground and let go of his shirt and picked the first boy up by the shirt collar and began to knee him in the face, and then again in the face with my knee.
The girl was in tears but she came at me again with her hands out like claws. I lifted my foot and kicked out straight into her chest and she fell back in a silent heap.
The one I was kneeing in the face looked up and said oh god no stop what are you doing why are you beating on me?
“Because the lord said to” and I began to punch him in the face over and over.
He weakly he held up his hands and I stopped for a second.
“Oh god it is so beautiful. Sarah you have got to see it!”
I let go and stepped over to the other boy who was still holding his Adam’s apple. He looked at me all wide eyed and began to hold up his hands he mouthed the word stop.
Do you see the lord or not?
He nodded his head and then looked at his friend and then looked at me.
He said "Yes" and then he spoke, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was without shape and empty, and darkness was over the surface of the watery deep, but the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the water. God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light! God saw that the light was good, so God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day” and the darkness “night.” There was evening, and there was morning, marking the first day."
That is not bad but can you tell me mark 16.
He swallowed and then as if god himself was in the boy, "When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought aromatic spices so that they might go and anoint him. And very early on the first day of the week, at sunrise, they went to the tomb. They had been asking each other, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?” But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled back. Then as they went into the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed. But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has been raised! He is not here. Look, there is the place where they laid
him. But go, tell his disciples, even Peter, that he is going ahead of you into Galilee. You will see him there, just as he told you.” Then they went out and ran from the tomb, for terror and bewilderment had seized them. And they said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid."

Very nice but tell me John 12
And the girl stood looked to the sky and announced, "Then, six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom he had raised from the dead. So they prepared a dinner for Jesus there. Martha was serving, and Lazarus was among those present at the table with him. Then Mary took three quarters of a pound of expensive aromatic oil from pure nard and anointed the feet of Jesus. She then wiped his feet dry with her hair. But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples said, “Why wasn’t this oil sold for three hundred silver coins and the money given to the poor?” So Jesus said, “Leave her alone. She has kept it for the day of my burial. For you will always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me!”"
I left them there stuttering and stammering passages from the bible.
You sometimes need to suffer to reach the way of the lord.
Sometimes you need to see the suffering of those around you to see the way to the lord.
In that vein of thinking I need to bring to light that he local homeless shelter is asking for assistance for extra blankets and jackets. Please do not give them anything. I have started a program here at The First Execration Church of Odium Anathema.
If you feel, you need to help those that chose to be a blight and a resource hog on our society then bring your happy ass down to the church on Saturday night. On Saturday nights we are going to go out and pick up as many homeless people as we can fit into the commuter vans and drive them to the next city to be a burden on them and their resources.
You can see to it that our city prospers and the politician’s will have to refund many of the surplus dollars that did not get spent on homeless programs like the homeless shelter.
The two books I have been working on are for sale and I am waiting to hear about the record purchases.

Go in peace and stop fucking honking at each other you are all killing me.







Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Take no shit

This weekend I umpired a state tournament. No this was not a World Series but the winner received a berth to a world series and no again, it would not be a world series that would be on ESPN.
I started the weekend by doing 9s. Aaaahh nine year olds so focused so attentive so unable to stop the ball before it hits the umpire. Dads in the back with radar guns and talking about curves and sliders and changeups.
If I have, one more dad tell me to hang with the curve I swear I will eat him with red beans and rice and wash the entire meal down with the blood of a badger.
Therefore, I have done this tourney a few times in the past few years and I know this is life and death, the winner of every game gets to decide the gas prices, someone's grandmother is held captive by ninjas and her life and the life of 500 virgins hang on the balance of this game. However, I also know that the shit has to be stopped before it gets out of hand.
I decide to approach it differently then in the past. In the past, I wait until I can no longer take the insults the jabs the drive bys and I warn a coach and then I never ever get to eject him because I keep re-drawing the line. Therefore, this year I am drawing the line at the top and hold it fast.
First chirp gets a "we are not going there today. We are not going there do I make myself clear?" I start the plate meeting with a personable pleasant attitude and humor but when they chirp I jerk the lease tight and hard. This seemed to be very effective.
My son said that he was embarrassed at one point because I came out too fast on one dad but when I asked my son if he thought the game was more enjoyable after the dad was told to keep quite. He admitted that I was right.
I did 18 games in three days I will not talk about all 18 as many went with no issue.

Game one 9s
Red vs. white
I on bases and newbie [not my son] on plate.
No one on
Screamer up third base line
I pivot but I peek at the ball as it passes third (it is foul but I hear no indication)
[I now that if I do not hear foul I am going to have a shit storm on my hands]
I watch the runner cross first and go to second I hear the shit storm thunder "what's the call blue?.....you have to make a call blue!" now there is no way to convey the anger and rage that is in this voice but trust me when I turned I expected to see this coach holding my 16 year old partner by the throat.
Runner stops I turn to handle the shit storm and there is my partner doe eyed and in full panic mode. The coach is screaming and he is not telling the coach a thing. I call time and the coach starts to come out to me. I hold the umpire hand out to him and tell him to stay there he keeps coming "No coach you will go to the dug out right now!" he stops. I offer the umpire a chance to come talk to me.
"What’s the call?"
I do not know
It is either fair or foul
What do you think?
First, I was not supposed to look, I should not make that call from first base line. You had the angle it was your ball.
Yeah I know but I do not know what to call it.
Well in this case ... what is the count?
Two Two
OK if you call it foul everybody gets to go back and the batters count does not change.
I peeked at the drive and I can say that it was foul but do not plan on that rather help all the time be ready to make a call.
OK I will call it foul.
He calls it foul and not a soul complains not one chirp.
Later in the same, there is contact and although I did not see it as I watched my play, I know it was malicious. The world is screaming at the kid the pitcher is 8 feet from the plate and the runner is trotting back to the dug out. I call time the coach again wants to yell at me I hold him at bay and I talk to my partner.
The runner is out
No pitcher dropped the ball
No the runner is out for contact
You have to decide was the contact malicious.
No, it was not
Are you sure, because my back was turned on another potential play.
Yes, it was not malicious.
Turn around and call the runner out for contact he did not exercise one of his four options.
He turns, calls the runner, the coach comes out to me you cannot turn his call over.
No, I cannot
However, you just did
No, I did not
He changed his call
However, you told him to
no I did not we discussed the rule and clearly your player failed to slide, your player failed to stop, your player failed to go around, and he clearly failed to go back, so the only discussion we had was to eject him and you or just call him out.
Is he ejected?
Are you still in this game talking to me?
He turns and goes back to the dug out.
I explain the conditions to the other coach. He wants malicious contact I tell him I cannot give him that because I did not see the play.
Why not?
Because you might have wanted that out at second too.
We did not get one at second but you might have and I would have missed it if I were watching the play at home.
OK you are right.
Thanks coach.

Game 3 nine
Me on bases
Newbie [not my son] on plate (you have to do it at some point)
He gets a fucked up convoluted play at the plate and I would have made the same call as him but the coach wants to yell and intimidate the young man. He yells, "That is horrible that is terrible that is totally UN acceptable"
I call time and I make the coach walk all the way to me at first base. I tell him that his attitude is horrible that it is a terrible example and that it is unacceptable and if he is to lose his cool one more time, I do not care the reason and how much time is left on the clock I will send him to the parking lot and then my report will ensure that he is out for the rest of the tournament.
He says that I am right and that he is sorry
I tell him that he needs to apologize to the players not me.


Game 13
White vs. blue nine
98ºF 88%H
High shoulder pitch for the third ball in a row at the top of the first half (third pitch of the game) white moans and says something.
I turn and say We Will Not Go There Today. No, we will not. Am I clear?
Five heads nod yes
An out later runner steals third catcher throws and beats the runner but the fielder is too slow to swipe a proper tag my son calls the runner safe.
A coach screams BULLSHIT!
I did not hear it
My son did and he turned and in three steps crossed from third to first base line and says to the white team "there will be no profanity on the fields at any time". The five coaches all look like whip lash victims. Here is a 16-year-old telling 30-year-old gansta/MS13 looking men to stop swearing and he does so with all the authority of a grown man. I tell you I was never so proud at that moment.
Not a word fro the rest of the inning.
At the half-blue coach comes down to warm the pitcher. “I am going to call you the no nonsense umpires"
It is too hot to deal with anything other than just baseball.
He agrees.
My son arrives at the plate
I say to him "a warning for profanity?" man that coach owes you a steak dinner." he has no idea that he should be in his car right now.
My son says he did not know which coach said it.
I said if you had tossed the manger, he would have ponies the man up right quick
Yeah you are right
Wow, he is lucky I did not hear the profanity.
The white coach walks up, apologizes, and says that he has the situation under control.
My son says I hope so because it will not be tolerated around these young men.
You are right blue I am sorry
((You know what? My son fucking rocks!))(At 16 he gets it, he has the maturity to do the things it takes to be a man. I did not I was still trying to live and stay alive)

Game 16
Green vs. Blue 13s
me at the dish
3 minutes left of playtime losing team at the plate
Coach complains about a narrow escape at home.
I hear something from his side about picking sides
In addition, he has just said, "you have to call that pitch for both sides blue"
I stop the game.
"Coach, I know that there is 3 minutes left to play and I do not care if there is 30 seconds left to play if I hear one more remark that questions my integrity of my sportsmanship I will toss you to the parking lot and then call ball game.
Do not ever question my honesty I am not here to pick a winner I am here to make the decisions the two coaches cannot.
Yes blue I am sorry.


Game 18
Championship 12s
Yellow vs. white
This game was a tightly played well-pitched game that resembled two boxers in the ring trading punches. Honest to god the first two innings had no more than 13 pitches thrown.
No runner advanced past third base, we played for 3 hours something like 8 innings, and the game ended 7-0.
How you might asked.
White’s #12 was on the mound and the coach told me he was going to sub him in this half as he only had one out left in his allowable count for the tournament, but he was going to let him pitch while his number 2 boys was warming up.
Are you?
Yes.
Yellow coach says hey coach you now he has only one out right.
Yeah I am going to leave him in for it. Thanks for reminding me.
No problem.
I start the game. The pitcher clearly walks the first batter to burn sometime.
I look to white coach to see if he wants time.
I let the yellow batter in the box and he sees three balls and then the pitcher lets one drop into the zone just enough and the batter hits it to third. Third scoops and throws to second. OUT! In addition, the second turns and throws to first for a banger. OUT!
The play could have gone the other excessively. The white coach drops to his knees. The yellow coach is calmly walking up to me. The players and the parents have no clue what just happened except a double play was made and on a bang bang. The umpire on the field has no idea either because he is going back to his position.
Yellow coach goes to me and says the pitcher has pitched too many outs. Yes, I think you may be right, get the tourney director.
The white coach is now explaining to his side what just happened. My partner hears and he just smiles.
The tourney director confirms that the double was too many outs and the white has to forfeit the game.
I told my partner that this is the first time in history that a defensive coach is pissed that an umpire called a double play.







Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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