By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
It seems that there are some busy bodies in the congregation. Some nosey gossipy old women. I keep finding pieces of paper under the door, notes being slipped under the crack for me to find so that I may source and correct these tragic failures of righteous living. They tell tales of wickedness and deceit.
These are truly wondrous stories of adultery and clandestine meetings in cheap Motor Inns. Fantastic tales and romantic stories of embezzlement, corporate espionage, and insider trading that would make many authors weep and drool fro story lines as terrific as these.
I had one that was two pages front and back about how one member of the community felt that his wife was cheating on him and asking me to intervene with a sermon or a visit to this member’s home. He stated that he was about to take matters into his own hands and file for divorce.
I do not normally cow toe to the pleadings of others but this has been a slow week and I have been too busy with my tour to find another subject to talk to you about but hey this is important also.
Lev 19:18
You must not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the children of your people, but you must love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.
Lev 26:25
I will bring on you an avenging sword, a covenant vengeance. Although you will gather together into your cities, I will send pestilence among you and you will be given into enemy hands.
Now I come from a broken home and I see the evil and stress that an act like this can create, but I also know that one must do what one must do.
To the members of this community that are committing adulterous acts, STOP [BANG on Podium] Stop right now. File for divorce and cut the cancer that is destroying your mate's life. Yes [Yelling] YOU are the cancer. Get right! Come down and see me. I will beat you back to the path of the lord and a happy marriage.
Or just cut the ties that bind you from living a life of deceit and decadent pleasures. You are destroying a bond, a union that was created ion heaven by god and in gods witness you promised to honor your mate. Let this be the last loving act you perform for this spouse. Divorce and be done with you and your evil ways.
If you think I am cruel and I maybe wrong then bring your happy ass down and bring that lecherous buffoon that is your clandestine lover. You and them can both enter he ring and plead your case on why you are right and god is wrong. And I will beat both your asses into the fucking ground because you know that I am right [bang on the podium] and that god is on my side!
1 John 3:7 Little children, let no one deceive you: The one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as Jesus is righteous. 3:8 The one who practices sin is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was revealed: to destroy the works of the devil.
It will not be me who really beats you to with in an inch of your life it will be god who beats you. It is always god that does the beatings. He beats the shit out of everyone through me. He fills me with the Holy Spirit like you all but instead of tongues and healings I am giving the gift of possession and I beat the shit out of you sinners. You weak sons of bitches that can not follow simple fucking instructions. Jesus h Christ guys how fucking hard is it to follow 10 simple rules and avoid seven fucking sins.
Christ what a bunch of freaking losers!
Num 22:23
And the ass saw the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn in his hand, so the ass turned aside from the road and went into the field. But Balaam beat the ass, to make her turn back to the road.
You are all the ass that runs from god every chance you get. I am here to beat you back to the path of righteousness.
Your kids are looking at you and seeing how you all act and when you act the fool your kids will act the fool and the world will act the fool and you all will cause great harm to the rest of us who are trying to live as god wanted us to. If you all cause the apocalypse during my time I will be very pissed off.
2Sa 22:39
I wipe them out and beat them to death; they cannot get up; they fall at my feet.
Psa 18:38
I beat them to death; they fall at my feet.
Psa 18:42
I grind them as fine windblown dust; I beat them underfoot like clay in the streets.
Yes you can bring the apocalypse down upon us. And you should not have to think about your tally sheet. You should have confidence that your tally sheet is positive.
Do not wait until your end times and look out on the acts within your play and say yeah I have enough good. You should know with thinking that you are positive because there may not be a reflective time. The lord may call you home right now! [Snap fingers]
1thes 4:17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be suddenly caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will always be with the Lord. 4:18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.
The stories of stealing from work, the store, the bank, [Yelling] Your church is freaking horrendous and a criminal shame. How laughable it is that you would all steal from the one place that gives you peace and salvation.
I am speaking directly to you. Stop this thieving now! The thieving of monetary material things does not help you and does not help your neighbor. Now I want you to turn to your neighbor and tell them you are sorry.
Now if your neighbor said they were sorry I want you to beat the shit out of them now.
Hos 4:2
There is only cursing, lying, murder, stealing, and adultery. They resort to violence and bloodshed.
Rom 2:21
therefore you who teach someone else, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal?
Why would one steal from the church? I would like to know. Is it not the church that has shown you the way to the light?
Is it not the church that has put food on your table when needed? Weren’t most of you lost when I beat the crap out of you and you saw the light?
Actually I know that no one is stealing front he church because I have a mathematical equation that tells me based on the number in the congregation and the income of you all how much I should expect to see in the plate and the numbers are always very close.
But to steal from work?
You are going to lose your job. If you feel that work owes you more then ask for it. If they do not give it to you then leave. The best way to take what is yours is to take the very thing that makes that company what that company is and that is you and your talent.
Get paid but do not cheat.
Get right but do not sin.
Get love but do not commit adultery.
Get yours but do not steal.
Get them before they get you.
Jer 13:27
People of Jerusalem, I have seen your adulterous worship, your shameless prostitution to, and your lustful pursuit of, other gods. I have seen your disgusting acts of worship on the hills throughout the countryside. You are doomed to destruction! How long will you continue to be unclean?’”
Phi 3:2
Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of those who mutilate the flesh! For we are the circumcision, the ones who worship by the Spirit of God, exult in Christ Jesus, and do not rely on human credentials
There are many out there to take advantage of you. If you let them, then it is your fault. Make them pay for what is yours.
There are many traps and pitfalls on the road to the lord. Stay the straight and narrow and do not sin but make them pay for what is yours.
Find a mate who supports you and support that mate back. Between the two of you, you can make them pay for what is yours.
If you think it belongs to you then it does. If it turns out that t belongs to someone else get a reward for the return but do not take from another, do not steal. But by all means beat the shit out of any thief you find!
The game of life is a competition, do not be mistaken. From the time of the cave man we have had to compete for food, shelter, fire, and a mate to carry our genes on.
Part of competing is resource gathering, another part of competing is making the competition lose. You can not have a winner with out a loser. Do not be the loser be the winner. Get them before they get you. Make them the loser and make you the winner.
Beat them into the ground. And when you receive your prize TAKE IT! And when you take the prize make the competition your podium by standing on their backs, their heads, and their necks, and when you receive the prize look down at the loser and thank them for being the loser for with out them you would have just been a thief.
Please please remember that you are not to steal ever!
Remember that not only is god watching you but some poor lonely bored slob here at church.
And if you are the poor lonely slob maybe you should spend more time in game competing then whining about how the game is played.
Lives is not a spectator sport either play or die!
Now get out there and fight.
Now get out there and win
GET OUT THERE AND BEAT SOME GOD INTO SOMEBODY!
Get out of here and have some damn cookies and coffee.
Get out of here and help a single mother with a chore.
Get out of here and make some fucking money and bring it back.
Get out of here and buy my damn book (that goes on sale December 1st through LULU.com)
Go in peace AMEN.
 | Currently reading Like A Monkey With A Handgun By Rev. J. Sleestaxx Release date: By 3 December, 2007 |  | Also reading With A Mouthful Of Razorblades By Rev. J. Sleestaxx Release date: By 6 February, 2007 |
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