Eat the dog

The chant was so unison it was almost one voice.

 It was his first band camp.

 He wanted to make new alliances, this was to be his year, he was going to be the man, he was going to get a girlfriend AND kiss her.

 And then his parents sent him to this camp.

 Now he’s in the circle, with the whole camp chanting and watching him.

 What's this going to accomplish?

 It's a team building exercise. Now you will share in their strength and share a bond that can not be broken.

 Now it’s simple, just Eat The Dog

Memories and darker places

I was touching bad memories and evoking disturbing emotions the other day and thought that hey this ruined my Sunday how about I ruin everybody’s Tuesday. I am sorry but this is a bit of therapy for me and I now think I can start putting this to down I a tangable format.

I remember lying in bed at night praying that I would get to sleep before they got home. She would be too drunk to occupy him and once she fell asleep and he found me awake....well never mind that horror show. But I remember lying in bed thinking that there has to be a better place than this. Some place that did not hurt. Some place that was warm and nothing was threatening.
I used to think that I could remember a time when that was true. That if I squinted just right and pulled on the edges of my young memory I could see my real dad and my mom smiling and the sun out and there is a fish on the end of my line on my bamboo pole.
I remember laughing at my mom running from the fish as I pulled it out of the water too fast. I remember my dad, my real dad and how brave he was grabbing the squirming flopping fish without hesitation and pulling the hook out of the mouth that made the OH but never spoke.
Another time
I remember the principle coming to my house. I felt so proud when I opened the door and he was there. Man he seemed tall in the door way.
I remember the smile he greeted me with. I remember my mother asking if I was in trouble and him laughing and saying "John? Heavens no."
Then my square headed “Frankenstein” step dad coming in from the back yard and grumbling "who is this"
And my principle introduced him self.
My mother asking if he would like a drink or something. And he said that would not be necessary.
I got embarrassed then because principles do not eat or drink anything, and this must be a special occasion for him to leave school. Man, Mom you had to have known that!
My step father demanding to know why he was here.
He said 'he was here to talk about john'
I was told to go to my room.
I heard the principle say that last week there was test and
The dip shit failed...
No..... I shut the door.
There was murmuring and laughter
Then I heard my step father yelling and then I heard a slap
Then I heard my name being called
And I came out and I was asked what my name was and I told him “John Sleestaxx”.
My mother just sat there with her hand on her cheek and the principle sat there uncomfortable looking at his shoes.
Then my step father said, "there you go he's a Sleestaxx and there is no way a Sleestaxx is smart his real daddy is stupid and he is too.
You made a mistake and I want you all at the school to forget it. There will be no more tests for him and you will leave him in the class he is in." Leave me in my class? Man I must have really failed bad. They wanted to put me back into third grade.
I was glad about that because Miss Meyers was pretty and I liked being in her class.
Mom just sat there as the principle got up, looked at me and smiled, and said that he was sorry for intruding. He shook my hand and I remember my hand just disappearing in his.
And then my step father said that he had overstayed his welcome.
The principle said that he was sorry again and left.
The door closed and I wondered what had happened
I asked my mom as she got up to make dinner "why did Mr. Steiner come over?"
But she said that it was mistake and my stepfather said, "You know Johnny you are just a Sleestaxx and if you were special your daddy would have you at his house with his new wife and kids."
At that moment I knew my step father was right. If I was special I would be with my father, he would have kept me. I would not be here.
But that is as far too happy or proud as I ever get.
I can not recall anything happy about my child hood from that point on.
Just dodging the drunk and the angry mom.

Bloody boogers A Sermon

Friends today I shall go easy on you as I was asked to marry someone last night and well the services, reception and appreciation went well into the night.
I was standing at the urinal at work the other day and there were boogers on the wall by the urinal.
Why were there boogers on the wall?
They were bloody boogers at that. Someone should see their ENT and right away.
What sick, twisted, territory marking practice, are these fuckers up to? Does this mean that this urinal is their’s.
Do they like the smell of THAT urinal cake and do not want anybody to prevent them from inhaling the sticky sweet and tangy smell of lilac, strawberries and urine?
Do they suffer from autism or OCD that they can not piss at any other urinal? Is the whole bathroom theirs??
Are these the same long haired pony tail mother fuckers that can not make coffee?
Are they trying to tell me thanks for the coffee here is a gift. like cats brig in the occasional dead bird or rat?
Am I trespassing? Is one of those fuckers going to try to rough me up in here??
Bring it bitch! I will let taste some of god's righteous power like i did when i was in school and the O Line thought they would tell me to get a "normal" hair cut. Yeah that must have fucking hurt and surprised the fuck out of them. This one lone punker who has no friends went ape shit on their house. They found themselves falling into toilets and steel toes lifting their nut sacks. Man that was fucking great. That tackle faggot found that a forearm on the throat is pretty effective.
Yeah so you IT guys want to fucking tell me that I "a lab rat" can't use the bathroom, Then you had better hope I am sleeping when you come knocking at my fucking door bitch.

Num 22:36

When Balak heard that Balaam was coming, he went out to meet him at a city of Moab which was on the border of the Arnon at the boundary of his territory.

Psa 37:6

He will vindicate you in broad daylight, and publicly defend your just cause.

Psa 72:4

He will defend the oppressed among the people; he will deliver the children of the poor and crush the oppressor.

If I leave a snotty booger in a room does that make the room mine?
Should I go home and smear snot on my wife and kid?
Blow my nose on my car and couch? What does it mean when I shit on my neighbors yard. (He pissed me off two years ago and every six months I take a dump in his yard.)
Are the boogers, tags declaring I have been here? Hey John Sleesatxx took a piss here.
You all should feel honored that your penis has been in the same general vicinity as mine and that you are pissing into the same ceramic wall decoration that I have peed into.
That you are touching the same handle that I touched right after touching my magnificent penis, my glorious miracle granting penis. My external pee spout blessed by God himself and the giver of joy to so many women and whose urine could quite possibly be the holiest urine.
Can urine be holy?

1Ki 6:18

The inside of the temple was all cedar and was adorned with carvings of round ornaments and of flowers in bloom. Everything was cedar; no stones were visible.

1Ki 6:35

He carved cherubs, palm trees, and flowers in bloom and plated them with gold, leveled out over the carvings.

1Ki 7:31

Inside the stand was a round opening that was a foot-and-a-half deep; it had a support that was two and one-quarter feet long. On the edge of the opening were carvings in square frames.

Eze 8:8

He said to me, “Son of man, dig into the wall.” So I dug into the wall and discovered a doorway.


When I was a lost soul I would ride the public transit system and defile the backs of seats with a magic marker. I and my co-conspirators battled for battled for space with RPMS, Regan Kids, VATO, Cholo, Mr. Vela and ACDC. The closer to the drive you got the bolder the move and the greater the badge of honor. Now if one would mark the window behind the driver it was obvious that one had broken into the bus yard and vandalized the bus. This would not count.
We would cause pools to be emptied and then during the day while the owners were working we would go into the backyard and skate the pool. Some of the others would decorate the bottom of the pool for free.
We would write our bands names on the walls in the bathroom over the names of other bands in the Mabuhay Gardens. These would be free advertisement for the band flavor of the month. The bands that stayed up the longest received the record deals while the rest reshuffled and reformed new versions of the same shit until the heroin habits became too grand and they all began to fall by the road side to success. Rest In Peace you stupid losers and drug addicts. The weak and soulless fucktards of my past, I told you all you were on the wrong fucking train and now you are full of fucking worms and bugs and dirt. Now you are all sucking the sweet sulfur smell of hell. You all had the opportunity to reach out but chose to reach back instead. Fuck you all for leaving me here alone.
BASTARDS!
These were terrible times and awful actions perpetrated by me and my friends, but they are the best parts of me and they are what makes me the one with the conviction (misdemeanors only) to be the one that leads you all to the righteous path.

Psa 18:8

Smoke ascended from his nose; fire devoured as it came from his mouth; he hurled down fiery coals from the deep flared nostrils.

Gen 7:22

Everything on dry land that had the breath of life in its nostrils died

Eze 37:9

He said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, – prophesy, son of man – and say to the breath: ‘This is what the sovereign Lord says: Come from the four winds, O’ breath, and breathe on these corpses so that they may live.’”

I have been pulled over for picking and flicking. I was driving down the freeway and I see this lady speeding on my left and not far back is a trooper pacing her speed.
As she passed my I reached out and started waving my hand she saw it slowed down some and went on.
The trooper pulled me over.
He told me that he could arrest me for inference with a police investigation.
"What investigation?" I ask.
He said "I was pacing that yellow car for speeding."
I asked "What car?"
He said "The car that you waved at."
Oh no officer I was not waving at any car i was trying to flick a sticky booger off my finger. He laughed handed me back my license and said that I had better be careful in the future.