Hour glass sand

 The last grain of her sand dropped into the bottom bell and she drew in her last breath and expired.

 At her side was her lover.  At her end, he wailed and cried. He angrily shook his fists at god. And he yelled never again do you hear me? NEVER!

A Stinky Contraption

 The shoes were a stinky contraption of leather, rubber and canvas held together by man made threads. The logo design was no longer important because they just hung on the wire. On the wire the shoes told everybody that a bad man lived here and to stay away.

Everyday they were a constant reminder to him that he let a banger take his shoes. Shoes his daddy bought for him, just before he left. His momma was so mad when he came home that she beat him.

 And now he hides under the porch smoking pot barefooted in the mud.

Barking spiders

 The little gnome opened the door. He had two bowls in his hand. One with last nights stew and another with water.

 He was greeted by a hoard of little creatures. Alll of them jumping up and down clammering for his attention, or was it the food?

 Aww he knew this venture was a gold mine. Why the humans all kept talking about these little creatures.

 Why not breed them and sell them. He asked his gnome wife.

 Who is going to want barking spiders? Was her only reply.

 She did not stay the smell was too much for her.

White trash zombies.

 There was a ruckus coming from the single wide trailer next door. Edgar said, “Shit Betty they're at it again.”

 “Yeah? Well don't talk to me abut it, I am busy, Jerry's on!”

  Edgar mumbled something as he looked out the window at the single next door.  He could see the shadows of movement and the noise was just getting worse.

 This kind of crap happens when the checks get in. The whole park gets loud on the 1st and 15th of every month.

 Everybody gets liquored up and gets rowdy.

But the zombies next door just creped him out.

Celebrity death predictions for 2014

This year’s list is;

Lindsay Lohan: Bet hedging again! I suspect that she is on the dick again and her female lover will exact vengeance. I predict gunshot in a Chelsea hotel and NYPD will find her nude, in a pile of Hong Kong dollars and her "ex-lover" high on bath salts.

Brittany Spears: Although it appears that she has surrounded herself with some good people and her last album is reminisce of her early work I have to keep her on the list. It is always calmest before the storm.

Lorde: She is the new Amy Whine house. You all remember i won on Amy Whinehouse (2011)? Well this tart is clearly on the same road.

Bill Clinton: Last year i bet on George Bush. I lost! So for this year’s dead president i am going to go with someone who's life style is more conducive to the theme. This chubby chaser eats like a pig, He isi due for a heart attack from blockage and quite frankly also has a pissed off wife. I predict he either has the heart attack or his wife in a bid for the sympathy vote has him offed, do you all remember Vince Foster?

Warren Ellis: This man has escaped tragic death for the last five years and his personal physician has been secretly treating genital fungus from an orange  gourd.  He will finally succumb. His agent will make the statement but will never mention this man’s fetish with vegetables.

Piers Morgan: This limey pumpkin fucker is doomed to die from an accidental discharge or a spoon surprise fork attack.

Ke$ha: No normal person spells their name with a dollar sign and can expect to live long. I expect someone who spells their name like that AND has an eating disorder to escape the reaper's scythe.

Sunny Leone: “You can never EVER leave the Indian porn industry. The Indian Mafia will make an example of her. The authorities will find her poisoned from a Porter House steak from China.

Hulk Hogan: The aliens that are sucking the life from him can only suck so much, before they pull the dregs from the souls of his feet.

Al Gore: The plane crash into the Arkansas Mountains will not kill him, but the natives of the hidden town will force him into a “fight to the death” cage match and he will not last more than 5 minutes.

Michael Capellas:  This poser will probably find himself in “Club Fed”. He will be found shanked by a knife made from a steak bone, left to bleed out in the chapel while praying to the false god “Andbanc”.

Mark Hurd: Dear lord why do I have to endure a world with this fucker?