Celebrity death predictions for 2014

This year’s list is;

Lindsay Lohan: Bet hedging again! I suspect that she is on the dick again and her female lover will exact vengeance. I predict gunshot in a Chelsea hotel and NYPD will find her nude, in a pile of Hong Kong dollars and her "ex-lover" high on bath salts.

Brittany Spears: Although it appears that she has surrounded herself with some good people and her last album is reminisce of her early work I have to keep her on the list. It is always calmest before the storm.

Lorde: She is the new Amy Whine house. You all remember i won on Amy Whinehouse (2011)? Well this tart is clearly on the same road.

Bill Clinton: Last year i bet on George Bush. I lost! So for this year’s dead president i am going to go with someone who's life style is more conducive to the theme. This chubby chaser eats like a pig, He isi due for a heart attack from blockage and quite frankly also has a pissed off wife. I predict he either has the heart attack or his wife in a bid for the sympathy vote has him offed, do you all remember Vince Foster?

Warren Ellis: This man has escaped tragic death for the last five years and his personal physician has been secretly treating genital fungus from an orange  gourd.  He will finally succumb. His agent will make the statement but will never mention this man’s fetish with vegetables.

Piers Morgan: This limey pumpkin fucker is doomed to die from an accidental discharge or a spoon surprise fork attack.

Ke$ha: No normal person spells their name with a dollar sign and can expect to live long. I expect someone who spells their name like that AND has an eating disorder to escape the reaper's scythe.

Sunny Leone: “You can never EVER leave the Indian porn industry. The Indian Mafia will make an example of her. The authorities will find her poisoned from a Porter House steak from China.

Hulk Hogan: The aliens that are sucking the life from him can only suck so much, before they pull the dregs from the souls of his feet.

Al Gore: The plane crash into the Arkansas Mountains will not kill him, but the natives of the hidden town will force him into a “fight to the death” cage match and he will not last more than 5 minutes.

Michael Capellas:  This poser will probably find himself in “Club Fed”. He will be found shanked by a knife made from a steak bone, left to bleed out in the chapel while praying to the false god “Andbanc”.

Mark Hurd: Dear lord why do I have to endure a world with this fucker?