Inauguration Prayer

I wrote this months ago in case I was asked to give the inauguration prayer

Inauguration Prayer
By Rev. John Sleestaxx

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. - Ezekiel 25:17

Oh lord I know I am not your son Jesus but I do know I am your favorite. How much longer do I have to endure the agony of these whinny sinners?
Oh lord dear god our god on high how long do I have to temper my frustration and rage for these blasphemers and pirates of industry, these fascists of economics and slave traders of banking.
When oh dear lord will you make them pay for their sins and their transgressions on their fellow man. When dear lord will they be shown the way to my door? So that I may start them on the long painful path of retribution and penance?
I am ready lord oh dear god I am ready. I have been training my whole life for this moment this monumental beating for this baptism I know their my be some blood shed I know there will be tears of shame and joy but in the end these agents of Satan will see the light and they will be over come with the joy that your light brings and they will be repentant.
I am just saying it is time, it is time to put you humble servant, your most sharpest tool to work.
Dear god coach, put me in, I will carry this rag tag lot of mouth breathers to glory.
But I am here to open this ceremony for the new president.
The Americans have chosen their champion for the next four years.
Please lord protect this man as he fights for me, he fights for all Americans and he fights to spread Christian beliefs across the globe to the corners of the sinful world. He will be the chosen one to force these beliefs unto the unwashed masses fore their own good mind you.
Forget that I question his sexual preference (not that there is anything wrong with that). Forget that some of his beliefs ring of communism? Which is fine since Christianity will be included in these laws of man.
Please guide his hand as he signs and does not Sign the laws of man.
Guide us and him.
Temper his heart in the case we are attacked so that his head is clear when he decides how to act in regards of protecting our beloved homeland building that was built on the backs of outcasts from all walks of life.
Please keep his eye sharp ad his aim is true in regards to piloting this ship of thieves, pirates, and sinners that we call the united states of america.
Please help him separate the chafe (cheaters) from the wheat (good people of this county) when fixing the convoluted fucked up mess of this economy.
Help him beat the retards and liars of the house into remembering why the fuck they are there in the first fucking place like you help me beat the non-believers into seeing your glorious light.
Remember this is their champion their leader to which all eyes are on and all are looking for guidance and leadership.
We are preparing to do battle in your name. These blasphemers we are about to face are right now talking evil about your humble servants, Lord. We are now going to do your will, we are now going out onto the field of war and kick their asses Lord, oh yes we are going to kick their asses. We are going to beat the snot out of them. So that they will know that you are the true Lord, the righteous Lord, and because we will let them live they will know that you are a fair and kind Lord.
We now embark on a righteous path to your glory. We carry you name and strength in our hearts. We are to be victorious in your name Lord. We are to beat and stomp the shit out of our opponents, Lord. We will tattoo your name in their buttocks as we kick them down the field.
And when they have realized their loss they will be sorry they opposed you Lord they will utter pleas of forgiveness and repentance. They will ask you to take them back into your fold and let them suckle on you generosity and forgiveness.
The heathens and the unwashed have challenged your word and your will. They have stepped onto our field. They have defiled the sacred ground that was blessed by you Lord. Right now Lord they speak terrible untruths and blasphemous accusations about you humble servants. They say we are not worthy of being champions, they say you are not with us Lord. Help us to show them the path Lord, help us show them the error of their ways, let us be your muscle and your sinew. Lets us deliver your punishment to the evil that is our competition, Lord.
Let us carry your word with our strength and our hearts. Let us shine with your glory that is so bright that the evil that opposes us will be blinded. Let your voice be so loud that the sinners that are the other team be deafened from your word. Let those that came to watch your servants perform your will on this field be proud of us like you are proud of us now.
Though our win Lord, the blasphemers and the unrighteous will see you your strength and your might, and they will bow and beg forgiveness. For on this day Lord through you we will be victorious and we will be the champions you made us.