I have not posted any baseball stories in a long while because they all are basically the same story; One team gets their asses handed to them and they bitch and complain the whole game until I either throw the coach out or I call ball game.
This weekend I scheduled 7 games. Seven games in one day, for those that know, 7 games is a VERY long day, more than 14 hours of baseball. Yeah, there is a 20 minute break in the schedule but rarely does a game end on time or start on time so there is no break except to turn in the score card, grab some baseballs and water head back out to the field.
So Saturday in the 4th game the team that refused to practice and felt that the sport is played by complaining was doing their part to win. The coach asked why every ball call was not a strike. Seriously they wanted a pitch 4 balls off the plate and into the batter’s box called a strike. They wanted to know why a tie did not go to the runner.
"Com'on blue seriously that was a tie, and the tie always goes to the runner."
"No coach there is no “tie” in baseball. The word "tie" is not even in the rule book." "The rule reads 'the batter-runner must beat the ball to the base in order to be called safe'"
"Oh my god the catcher did not even move his glove."
"Yes you are right he did not and he is holding it 12 inches off the plate."
"Jesus Christ!" exclaiming as he is throwing his hat into the dirt. "I swear to god blue, you are doing this on purpose."
"Time!" I say holding up my hands. "Coach, please come here."
The coach walks over smirking to his peanut gallery bleachers, and gets 1 step too close to me, on purpose. I do not step back, I lean in 1 inch and say "Really? Who are you that I would care that much to do something like that to you?"
"I don’t know" he says "but you have not given us one call."
I smile "Given you a call? No one gives anybody a “call” in this game. In fact this game was already decided on Wednesday night with software."
"Wait what?" He steps back and blinks. "Already decided?"
"Yes sir" I hold my poker face. "Yeah it’s just like wrestling; baseball has been a scripted sport from the beginning."
"Bullshit!"
"Now hold on coach, keep it down, all sports are scripted even the Olympics. Well except high school. obviously."
"Fuck you!" He says looking at me like I just said something about his mom.
"Now" Placing my hand on his shoulder and slightly guiding him towards his dug out. "Here’s what I am going to do, I am not going to throw you out for cussing or for behaving like a poor sport. I am telling a secret and if you do not like it, then you should go and talk to the tournament director. Tell him what I told you and tell him that I said I felt bad about you paying your tournament fees, and that he should reimburse you, because I said you were a nice guy and should not be taken advantage of like this." we ended our short walk at the gate and my partner had already opened the gate and he passed through the gate and we shut it.
The look on his face was priceless, it was a mixture of dumb ass and 'what there is no Santa?'
As we turned to get back to the game, he called after us, "Hey blue? Are you serious?"
I turned back and looked at him with the dead pan seriousness of a reporter, "Coach, is this your first game today or your second?"
He looked even more bewildered "Our first."
I made a face resembling pain, "oops you weren't supposed to lose the first game." Sucking air through my teeth and glancing at my partner who was now smiling and facing outfield, "It was supposed to be the second game; I got the whole thing screwed up. I am very sorry; really you should go talk to the tournament director. Tell him what happened, tell him I got your two games mixed up, He will know what to do. Tell him I told you he should make it right for you."
We finished the game with a run rule, 20 run difference , (23-3) after 3 innings of baseball 1 hour and 5 mins. That gave us a break of about 25 minutes.
My partner and I went out to our cars to change and get a drink of water.
At the cars, the tournament director and the "Umpire In Charge" walk up. "Hey ahh John," The tournament director started, "what happened on your field just now?"
Squinting into the 3:00 sun "Why what do you mean?"
The tournament director continued, "I had the craziest conversation with the East Nicolas coach. He said you told him that all the games were rigged and that he was not supposed to lose the first game but only loose the second and you made a mistake."
"Yeah" I said, "he was acting like a jerk and making the game personal, so I told him some stuff to get him off the field."
"Why would you tell him that?"
“I dunno it seemed kinda funny and it was either be funny or be a lunatic I choose funny. Did you keep him in the office?”
“Yeah, Thanks. I do not need your craziness in the office!”
“And I do not need their craziness on the field.”
“You know you have his team at the 8:00 game? “
“So?” I said, "he was ejected you have to bar him from the next game.
"well," the UIC was now smiling, "you did not eject him so I have to let be in the next game."
“Crap!” I exclaimed.
“Exactly!” They both said with big ass, stupid smiles on their faces.
Needless to say the 8:00 game was with no events, no complaining, I do not know what the coach was thinking as he watched his team win the next game. Did he think they actually won? I have no idea. The game ended 3-2 in favor of East Nicolas and I went home.
Showing posts with label bastards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bastards. Show all posts
Old Zombies Come Back To Haunt Me
For some time my son has been harassed on FB about my where a bouts and my health
To you all I have written an open letter;
You know I was a nice guy back when. I was always agreeable. Then the scene started to hit critical mass and there was
fractioning and cliques and little drama wars.
Then I realized, I guess I always knew, that this was no-where’s-ville this was not a sustainable life style.
I remember the Tales of Terror coming back from the slavery tour and being different. I remember many friends being swallowed by their
vices and addictions. I remember going to Bedrock Bill’s funeral, you all remember that? Remember how he was found and how sad and
pathetic his family looked during the viewing and the evil “kill you where stand” looks from his mother.
I was already starting to distance myself from it all, but I think that was the clincher. That look from his mom was a monstrous weight
heaped upon me.
I knew my mother was insane, but I also knew I did not what her to go through that.
I left. I kept in touch with many and lost touch with many more. I became a terrible friend to all of you eventually, but it was for the
sake and sanity of me and my future family.
I took my family to Texas without ever telling my mother where we were. That should tell you something about my privacy and protection of
my family.
We are different from when we were then and there is a reason we lost touch. We changed and now when we are all 40+ and staring at the
horizon of our lives we try to go back, but we cannot rewind time.
I have changed I am a mean mother fucker I hate just about every human on this god forsaken rock spiraling into the sun.
I have come to realize humans are evil simple fact. it is amazing that we ever evolved past the fish on the beach. By all accounts we
should have eaten each other there on the beach and had been god's failed experiment.
That said I have a couple of things to point out;
Jeff said, “Have to say.... John was a jerk...and a pig... with his silly rotting catbones, plus the fucker chipped my tooth... could
say more but why bother...”
Jeff:
You did not rule shit you acted like to the poser fag you will always be.
I vaguely remember you talking some shit 25 years ago about some chipped tooth and I kind of remember I was not responsible but then
again I cannot clearly state I remember the whole sorted crybaby saga but I am sure you were doing something stupid to get me to do
something to chip your tooth, but then again that is the youth and the culture of today, isn’t it? It is never your fault it is the fault
of someone else.
"It was not my fault I was arrested for drinking beer in the park, it was the fault of the Chinese guy at the liquor store or the old guy
who called the cops but clearly it is not my fault for trespassing and violating ord 3.1.5.2 of the city penal code. No way, not mine, boo
fucking hoo"
So Jeff, maybe in your little world with pink skies and purple grass, you are somebody.
Maybe in your little world where all of your furniture is made of the scrotum skin of young men, you are important.
You might be king shit where the maggots go to worship, you might be a prophet to the little turds in the sewer.
But in my world you are an open festering sore on a dog’s ass. You are nothing and you do not even require a name.
You are just simply shit, not king shit bubba douche bag. Not even bubba douche bag.
Malcom
It was Stiv Bators not Iggy Pop that served us whiskey and as far as the penis thing well I remember hearing about you touching Iggy’s
dick while I was in jail, you cheating bastard!.
Randy:
It was not Rats Ass, Boots and John. First of all Geoff hated the nick name boots. Second it was Rick W. myself and Sam C. that got
arrested in the back of the club for damaging the ceiling and we three were taken off to the station.
During our incarceration someone else fell through the ceiling onto the stage and another dip shit punter broke through the ceiling and
stole the ticket money thus corroborating our story that two others had fallen through and got away.
If I offended some of you all, well I guess I did. If some wonder if I hate them, then I probably do, and if you want my e-mail then
Y3d0c3RyYXlkb2dAeWFob28uY29t
But really you zombies need to leave my son alone; he does not need friends like you I should know.
Burn in hell, you sinners, you evil tools of satan. For one day the lord will come and you all will be cast into hell and I will be there
in all my glory kicking dirt into the hole and laughing and pointing at your misery and dismay. It will be a glorious day then too for the
lord has come to take all his children home.
To you all I have written an open letter;
You know I was a nice guy back when. I was always agreeable. Then the scene started to hit critical mass and there was
fractioning and cliques and little drama wars.
Then I realized, I guess I always knew, that this was no-where’s-ville this was not a sustainable life style.
I remember the Tales of Terror coming back from the slavery tour and being different. I remember many friends being swallowed by their
vices and addictions. I remember going to Bedrock Bill’s funeral, you all remember that? Remember how he was found and how sad and
pathetic his family looked during the viewing and the evil “kill you where stand” looks from his mother.
I was already starting to distance myself from it all, but I think that was the clincher. That look from his mom was a monstrous weight
heaped upon me.
I knew my mother was insane, but I also knew I did not what her to go through that.
I left. I kept in touch with many and lost touch with many more. I became a terrible friend to all of you eventually, but it was for the
sake and sanity of me and my future family.
I took my family to Texas without ever telling my mother where we were. That should tell you something about my privacy and protection of
my family.
We are different from when we were then and there is a reason we lost touch. We changed and now when we are all 40+ and staring at the
horizon of our lives we try to go back, but we cannot rewind time.
I have changed I am a mean mother fucker I hate just about every human on this god forsaken rock spiraling into the sun.
I have come to realize humans are evil simple fact. it is amazing that we ever evolved past the fish on the beach. By all accounts we
should have eaten each other there on the beach and had been god's failed experiment.
That said I have a couple of things to point out;
Jeff said, “Have to say.... John was a jerk...and a pig... with his silly rotting catbones, plus the fucker chipped my tooth... could
say more but why bother...”
Jeff:
You did not rule shit you acted like to the poser fag you will always be.
I vaguely remember you talking some shit 25 years ago about some chipped tooth and I kind of remember I was not responsible but then
again I cannot clearly state I remember the whole sorted crybaby saga but I am sure you were doing something stupid to get me to do
something to chip your tooth, but then again that is the youth and the culture of today, isn’t it? It is never your fault it is the fault
of someone else.
"It was not my fault I was arrested for drinking beer in the park, it was the fault of the Chinese guy at the liquor store or the old guy
who called the cops but clearly it is not my fault for trespassing and violating ord 3.1.5.2 of the city penal code. No way, not mine, boo
fucking hoo"
So Jeff, maybe in your little world with pink skies and purple grass, you are somebody.
Maybe in your little world where all of your furniture is made of the scrotum skin of young men, you are important.
You might be king shit where the maggots go to worship, you might be a prophet to the little turds in the sewer.
But in my world you are an open festering sore on a dog’s ass. You are nothing and you do not even require a name.
You are just simply shit, not king shit bubba douche bag. Not even bubba douche bag.
Malcom
It was Stiv Bators not Iggy Pop that served us whiskey and as far as the penis thing well I remember hearing about you touching Iggy’s
dick while I was in jail, you cheating bastard!.
Randy:
It was not Rats Ass, Boots and John. First of all Geoff hated the nick name boots. Second it was Rick W. myself and Sam C. that got
arrested in the back of the club for damaging the ceiling and we three were taken off to the station.
During our incarceration someone else fell through the ceiling onto the stage and another dip shit punter broke through the ceiling and
stole the ticket money thus corroborating our story that two others had fallen through and got away.
If I offended some of you all, well I guess I did. If some wonder if I hate them, then I probably do, and if you want my e-mail then
Y3d0c3RyYXlkb2dAeWFob28uY29t
But really you zombies need to leave my son alone; he does not need friends like you I should know.
Burn in hell, you sinners, you evil tools of satan. For one day the lord will come and you all will be cast into hell and I will be there
in all my glory kicking dirt into the hole and laughing and pointing at your misery and dismay. It will be a glorious day then too for the
lord has come to take all his children home.
Letters to the church from the lord #7
Letters to the church from the lord #7
To the Church in Laodicea
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Gen 31:29
I have the power to do you harm, but the God of your father told me last night, ‘be careful that you neither bless nor curse these people.’
The lord becomes very upset with us in the future.
I never want to see us receive a letter like this,
To the Church in Laodicea
Rev 3:14 “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the originator of God’s creation:
Rev 3:15 ‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot!
Rev 3:16 So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I am going to vomit you out of my mouth!
Rev 3:17 Because you say, “I am rich and have acquired great wealth, and need nothing,” but do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked,
Rev 3:18 take my advice and buy gold from me refined by fire so you can become rich! Buy from me white clothing so you can be clothed and your shameful nakedness will not be exposed, and buy eye salve to put on your eyes so you can see!
Rev 3:19 All those I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent!
Rev 3:20 Listen! I am standing at the door and knocking! If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come into his home and share a meal with him, and he with me.
Rev 3:21 I will grant the one who conquers permission to sit with me on my throne, just as I too conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.
Rev 3:22 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”
What is being said here is that indifference makes the lord sick. Neither hot nor cold, could not care one way or the other is the same as not caring at all. No the lord wants us to be passionate. The lord wants us to care. He does not tell us what to care about he just wants us to care.
You must go into the world with the intentions to change the things that need to be changed. To change the things that can be changed. Push the boundaries tear the envelope. But make a difference not an indifference.
Psa 55:19
God, the one who has reigned as king from long ago, will hear and humiliate them. They refuse to change, and do not fear God.
Rom 8:21
that the creation itself will also be set free from the bondage of decay into the glorious freedom of God’s children.
Jer 5:3
Lord, I know you look for faithfulness. But even when you punish these people, they feel no remorse. Even when you nearly destroy them, they refuse to be corrected. They have become as hardheaded as a rock. They refuse to change their ways.
Do not be someone’s bitch. Do not be someone’s hey boy because you need the cash and it all pays the same. blah blah blah No strike out in the world looking for a place to burn your mark. Look for an opportunity to kick the world in the nuts. And yell into the ear of society [Yelling] "wake the fuck up bitch I am here and I am going to make some goddamn changes!"
Exo 5:13
The slave masters were pressuring them, saying, “Complete your work for each day, just like when there was straw!”
Lev 25:39
“‘If your brother becomes impoverished with regard to you so that he sells himself to you, you must not subject him to slave service.
Move the furniture around make the world yours. Own it! Work it as if you are a potter, or a blacksmith. Do not pick it up off the shelf and say ‘eeh I can live with this like it is.’
That is fucking crap! That is not what the lord god is saying here. [In sissy voice] Oh I do not like change. What if I make the wrong change.
There is no wrong change! There is only change. Wrong change is the change that does not happen, because you are a pussy! Do not fight change, fight for change.
Dan 2:9
If you don’t inform me of the dream, there is only one thing that is going to happen to you. For you have agreed among yourselves to report to me something false and deceitful until such time as things might change. So tell me the dream, and I will have confidence that you can disclose its interpretation.”
Look at the corporate machine that is fueling our economy. They made change, they said tune in, turn on, drop out, or some such shit like that. They fucking made some serious change.
Now what do we have for their change. Gay marriages, rampant drug use, and women in the work place. There is more there but you get the picture. All are changes that can be acted upon. All are even more opportunities to make a difference. If you think gay marriages should be legal then change the rest of the states laws. If you think women should be in the work place then fight for more equality and more opportunity for them to work. If you think drugs should be legalized then fight for the legalization of drugs but damn it fucking do something. the generations before made changes and made mistakes fix the mistakes and make fucking changes.
Jer 15:7
The Lord continued, “In every town in the land I will purge them like straw blown away by the wind. I will destroy my people. I will kill off their children. I will do so because they did not change their behavior.
If you do not change a thing the wrongs never get righted and they become law. Then they become more difficult to change and you will become a stagnate pool of skin, puss, bone and tears. You will sit there in your own excrement and whine that it is not fair and that someone should do something to make it fair.
[Yelling LOUD] fuck fair! [Middle Finger]
And fuck you whiners.
Get up and change something. Start with your diapers and then with your attitude. It is not that attitude that created fire, it is not that attitude that created equal voting rights for the blacks, it is not that attitude the created slush funds and false companies to hide debt and profit loss.
That attitude is what the losers use to hide their inability to find a pair of testicles and back bone.
Fair is what second place says when they should have picked up the pace but decided to let someone else finish the race.
Get out there and fucking kicks this shit into high gear and fucking change some shit. Do not care if the shit is wrong? If it is wrong someone will change behind you. If it is too wrong you will not be able to make the change stick.
But do not get lost on the side of the race distracted by you own reflection; do not get on the rabbit trails that are greed, lust and self pity.
Do not let sloth and envy trip you up!
Act 8:23
For I see that you are bitterly envious and in bondage to sin.”
Kick Satan in the head and tell his pussy legions to get out of your way cause you are about to change some shit!
Tell the whiners that are in the way to get out of the way cause you are about to kick the shit out of boredom and monotony.
The status quoi is burning down mother fucker and there is no amount of water to stop this blaze!
The ho hum drum life that your parents knew is flat lining and you are unplugging the fucking paddles.
Pull the plug on boring and stuff the shit into a body bag cause it is fucking cold and done man.
The everyday same ol’ same ol’ is now at room temp and still getting stiffer by the minute.
Write on the toe tag deceased, cause of death boredom! Toss a couple of coins for the ferry man and torch the bitch. Let it burn down and let the fucking wind carry the ashes away.
Heb 3:13
But exhort one another each day, as long as it is called “Today,” that none of you may become hardened by sin’s deception.
Drink in the waters of power and courage, be gluttonous at the fountain of youth, and eat your enemies for they will give you power.
Kick the shit out of the old world. It is done it is wrong and it is going to hell.
Deu 4:34
Or has God ever before tried to deliver a nation from the middle of another nation, accompanied by judgments, signs, wonders, war, strength, power, and other very terrifying things like the Lord your God did for you in Egypt before your very eyes?
The old world is lead by old fucking people that have forgotten about their jobs, they have forgotten about the changes they were suppose to make, they are old and they are on the way out, kick them out the door and beat their changes to the ground. They are too fucking old to go back now. They have too much to lose. They are too fat on their greed and their false power. They have sucked the life out of too many and are now just feeding on them selves. They would eat their mother if she was still alive but alas she died when they killed retirement funds.
Tit 1:12
A certain one of them, in fact, one of their own prophets, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.”
Hos 10:13
But you have plowed wickedness; you have reaped injustice; you have eaten the fruit of deception. Because you have depended on your chariots; you have relied on your many warriors.
Fuck them and fuck their future.
Your future is where it is at your future is what fucking matters now and you had better start on it right away or someone will change you out of the world and you will be left holding the dirty shitty diaper that was your father's world.
Deu 5:15
Recall that you were slaves in the land of Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there by strength and power. That is why the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.
And with every kind of evil directed against those who are perishing, because they found no place in their hearts for the truth so as to be saved. The evil doers of the world before you are condemned to hell for all eternity.
Do not burn with them, throw them into the pit and stomp on their fingers to make them fall
[Yell to the sky] because your time is now! [Bang on podium]
Your sun is rising and theirs is setting and they now have to face atonement for their evil deeds.
Fuck them [bang on podium]
The bastards[bang on podium]
The teen center and boxing ring are near completion and the contractor apologizes every other day when I go out to talk to him. Apparently the Knights of Acrimony have been talking to him and showing him pictures of the his kids at school. And one picture of him sleeping next to his wife really motivated him into finishing the job. Who knew he was so vain? Go figure.
Coffee and donuts are not being offered today because some nit wit forgot co-ordinate the offering of morning sugar and caffeine.
Go in peace and do not kill anybody in the parking lot.
To the Church in Laodicea
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Gen 31:29
I have the power to do you harm, but the God of your father told me last night, ‘be careful that you neither bless nor curse these people.’
The lord becomes very upset with us in the future.
I never want to see us receive a letter like this,
To the Church in Laodicea
Rev 3:14 “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write the following:
“This is the solemn pronouncement of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the originator of God’s creation:
Rev 3:15 ‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot!
Rev 3:16 So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I am going to vomit you out of my mouth!
Rev 3:17 Because you say, “I am rich and have acquired great wealth, and need nothing,” but do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked,
Rev 3:18 take my advice and buy gold from me refined by fire so you can become rich! Buy from me white clothing so you can be clothed and your shameful nakedness will not be exposed, and buy eye salve to put on your eyes so you can see!
Rev 3:19 All those I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent!
Rev 3:20 Listen! I am standing at the door and knocking! If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come into his home and share a meal with him, and he with me.
Rev 3:21 I will grant the one who conquers permission to sit with me on my throne, just as I too conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.
Rev 3:22 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”
What is being said here is that indifference makes the lord sick. Neither hot nor cold, could not care one way or the other is the same as not caring at all. No the lord wants us to be passionate. The lord wants us to care. He does not tell us what to care about he just wants us to care.
You must go into the world with the intentions to change the things that need to be changed. To change the things that can be changed. Push the boundaries tear the envelope. But make a difference not an indifference.
Psa 55:19
God, the one who has reigned as king from long ago, will hear and humiliate them. They refuse to change, and do not fear God.
Rom 8:21
that the creation itself will also be set free from the bondage of decay into the glorious freedom of God’s children.
Jer 5:3
Lord, I know you look for faithfulness. But even when you punish these people, they feel no remorse. Even when you nearly destroy them, they refuse to be corrected. They have become as hardheaded as a rock. They refuse to change their ways.
Do not be someone’s bitch. Do not be someone’s hey boy because you need the cash and it all pays the same. blah blah blah No strike out in the world looking for a place to burn your mark. Look for an opportunity to kick the world in the nuts. And yell into the ear of society [Yelling] "wake the fuck up bitch I am here and I am going to make some goddamn changes!"
Exo 5:13
The slave masters were pressuring them, saying, “Complete your work for each day, just like when there was straw!”
Lev 25:39
“‘If your brother becomes impoverished with regard to you so that he sells himself to you, you must not subject him to slave service.
Move the furniture around make the world yours. Own it! Work it as if you are a potter, or a blacksmith. Do not pick it up off the shelf and say ‘eeh I can live with this like it is.’
That is fucking crap! That is not what the lord god is saying here. [In sissy voice] Oh I do not like change. What if I make the wrong change.
There is no wrong change! There is only change. Wrong change is the change that does not happen, because you are a pussy! Do not fight change, fight for change.
Dan 2:9
If you don’t inform me of the dream, there is only one thing that is going to happen to you. For you have agreed among yourselves to report to me something false and deceitful until such time as things might change. So tell me the dream, and I will have confidence that you can disclose its interpretation.”
Look at the corporate machine that is fueling our economy. They made change, they said tune in, turn on, drop out, or some such shit like that. They fucking made some serious change.
Now what do we have for their change. Gay marriages, rampant drug use, and women in the work place. There is more there but you get the picture. All are changes that can be acted upon. All are even more opportunities to make a difference. If you think gay marriages should be legal then change the rest of the states laws. If you think women should be in the work place then fight for more equality and more opportunity for them to work. If you think drugs should be legalized then fight for the legalization of drugs but damn it fucking do something. the generations before made changes and made mistakes fix the mistakes and make fucking changes.
Jer 15:7
The Lord continued, “In every town in the land I will purge them like straw blown away by the wind. I will destroy my people. I will kill off their children. I will do so because they did not change their behavior.
If you do not change a thing the wrongs never get righted and they become law. Then they become more difficult to change and you will become a stagnate pool of skin, puss, bone and tears. You will sit there in your own excrement and whine that it is not fair and that someone should do something to make it fair.
[Yelling LOUD] fuck fair! [Middle Finger]
And fuck you whiners.
Get up and change something. Start with your diapers and then with your attitude. It is not that attitude that created fire, it is not that attitude that created equal voting rights for the blacks, it is not that attitude the created slush funds and false companies to hide debt and profit loss.
That attitude is what the losers use to hide their inability to find a pair of testicles and back bone.
Fair is what second place says when they should have picked up the pace but decided to let someone else finish the race.
Get out there and fucking kicks this shit into high gear and fucking change some shit. Do not care if the shit is wrong? If it is wrong someone will change behind you. If it is too wrong you will not be able to make the change stick.
But do not get lost on the side of the race distracted by you own reflection; do not get on the rabbit trails that are greed, lust and self pity.
Do not let sloth and envy trip you up!
Act 8:23
For I see that you are bitterly envious and in bondage to sin.”
Kick Satan in the head and tell his pussy legions to get out of your way cause you are about to change some shit!
Tell the whiners that are in the way to get out of the way cause you are about to kick the shit out of boredom and monotony.
The status quoi is burning down mother fucker and there is no amount of water to stop this blaze!
The ho hum drum life that your parents knew is flat lining and you are unplugging the fucking paddles.
Pull the plug on boring and stuff the shit into a body bag cause it is fucking cold and done man.
The everyday same ol’ same ol’ is now at room temp and still getting stiffer by the minute.
Write on the toe tag deceased, cause of death boredom! Toss a couple of coins for the ferry man and torch the bitch. Let it burn down and let the fucking wind carry the ashes away.
Heb 3:13
But exhort one another each day, as long as it is called “Today,” that none of you may become hardened by sin’s deception.
Drink in the waters of power and courage, be gluttonous at the fountain of youth, and eat your enemies for they will give you power.
Kick the shit out of the old world. It is done it is wrong and it is going to hell.
Deu 4:34
Or has God ever before tried to deliver a nation from the middle of another nation, accompanied by judgments, signs, wonders, war, strength, power, and other very terrifying things like the Lord your God did for you in Egypt before your very eyes?
The old world is lead by old fucking people that have forgotten about their jobs, they have forgotten about the changes they were suppose to make, they are old and they are on the way out, kick them out the door and beat their changes to the ground. They are too fucking old to go back now. They have too much to lose. They are too fat on their greed and their false power. They have sucked the life out of too many and are now just feeding on them selves. They would eat their mother if she was still alive but alas she died when they killed retirement funds.
Tit 1:12
A certain one of them, in fact, one of their own prophets, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.”
Hos 10:13
But you have plowed wickedness; you have reaped injustice; you have eaten the fruit of deception. Because you have depended on your chariots; you have relied on your many warriors.
Fuck them and fuck their future.
Your future is where it is at your future is what fucking matters now and you had better start on it right away or someone will change you out of the world and you will be left holding the dirty shitty diaper that was your father's world.
Deu 5:15
Recall that you were slaves in the land of Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there by strength and power. That is why the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.
And with every kind of evil directed against those who are perishing, because they found no place in their hearts for the truth so as to be saved. The evil doers of the world before you are condemned to hell for all eternity.
Do not burn with them, throw them into the pit and stomp on their fingers to make them fall
[Yell to the sky] because your time is now! [Bang on podium]
Your sun is rising and theirs is setting and they now have to face atonement for their evil deeds.
Fuck them [bang on podium]
The bastards[bang on podium]
The teen center and boxing ring are near completion and the contractor apologizes every other day when I go out to talk to him. Apparently the Knights of Acrimony have been talking to him and showing him pictures of the his kids at school. And one picture of him sleeping next to his wife really motivated him into finishing the job. Who knew he was so vain? Go figure.
Coffee and donuts are not being offered today because some nit wit forgot co-ordinate the offering of morning sugar and caffeine.
Go in peace and do not kill anybody in the parking lot.
Take no shit
This weekend I umpired a state tournament. No this was not a World Series but the winner received a berth to a world series and no again, it would not be a world series that would be on ESPN.
I started the weekend by doing 9s. Aaaahh nine year olds so focused so attentive so unable to stop the ball before it hits the umpire. Dads in the back with radar guns and talking about curves and sliders and changeups.
If I have, one more dad tell me to hang with the curve I swear I will eat him with red beans and rice and wash the entire meal down with the blood of a badger.
Therefore, I have done this tourney a few times in the past few years and I know this is life and death, the winner of every game gets to decide the gas prices, someone's grandmother is held captive by ninjas and her life and the life of 500 virgins hang on the balance of this game. However, I also know that the shit has to be stopped before it gets out of hand.
I decide to approach it differently then in the past. In the past, I wait until I can no longer take the insults the jabs the drive bys and I warn a coach and then I never ever get to eject him because I keep re-drawing the line. Therefore, this year I am drawing the line at the top and hold it fast.
First chirp gets a "we are not going there today. We are not going there do I make myself clear?" I start the plate meeting with a personable pleasant attitude and humor but when they chirp I jerk the lease tight and hard. This seemed to be very effective.
My son said that he was embarrassed at one point because I came out too fast on one dad but when I asked my son if he thought the game was more enjoyable after the dad was told to keep quite. He admitted that I was right.
I did 18 games in three days I will not talk about all 18 as many went with no issue.
Game one 9s
Red vs. white
I on bases and newbie [not my son] on plate.
No one on
Screamer up third base line
I pivot but I peek at the ball as it passes third (it is foul but I hear no indication)
[I now that if I do not hear foul I am going to have a shit storm on my hands]
I watch the runner cross first and go to second I hear the shit storm thunder "what's the call blue?.....you have to make a call blue!" now there is no way to convey the anger and rage that is in this voice but trust me when I turned I expected to see this coach holding my 16 year old partner by the throat.
Runner stops I turn to handle the shit storm and there is my partner doe eyed and in full panic mode. The coach is screaming and he is not telling the coach a thing. I call time and the coach starts to come out to me. I hold the umpire hand out to him and tell him to stay there he keeps coming "No coach you will go to the dug out right now!" he stops. I offer the umpire a chance to come talk to me.
"What’s the call?"
I do not know
It is either fair or foul
What do you think?
First, I was not supposed to look, I should not make that call from first base line. You had the angle it was your ball.
Yeah I know but I do not know what to call it.
Well in this case ... what is the count?
Two Two
OK if you call it foul everybody gets to go back and the batters count does not change.
I peeked at the drive and I can say that it was foul but do not plan on that rather help all the time be ready to make a call.
OK I will call it foul.
He calls it foul and not a soul complains not one chirp.
Later in the same, there is contact and although I did not see it as I watched my play, I know it was malicious. The world is screaming at the kid the pitcher is 8 feet from the plate and the runner is trotting back to the dug out. I call time the coach again wants to yell at me I hold him at bay and I talk to my partner.
The runner is out
No pitcher dropped the ball
No the runner is out for contact
You have to decide was the contact malicious.
No, it was not
Are you sure, because my back was turned on another potential play.
Yes, it was not malicious.
Turn around and call the runner out for contact he did not exercise one of his four options.
He turns, calls the runner, the coach comes out to me you cannot turn his call over.
No, I cannot
However, you just did
No, I did not
He changed his call
However, you told him to
no I did not we discussed the rule and clearly your player failed to slide, your player failed to stop, your player failed to go around, and he clearly failed to go back, so the only discussion we had was to eject him and you or just call him out.
Is he ejected?
Are you still in this game talking to me?
He turns and goes back to the dug out.
I explain the conditions to the other coach. He wants malicious contact I tell him I cannot give him that because I did not see the play.
Why not?
Because you might have wanted that out at second too.
We did not get one at second but you might have and I would have missed it if I were watching the play at home.
OK you are right.
Thanks coach.
Game 3 nine
Me on bases
Newbie [not my son] on plate (you have to do it at some point)
He gets a fucked up convoluted play at the plate and I would have made the same call as him but the coach wants to yell and intimidate the young man. He yells, "That is horrible that is terrible that is totally UN acceptable"
I call time and I make the coach walk all the way to me at first base. I tell him that his attitude is horrible that it is a terrible example and that it is unacceptable and if he is to lose his cool one more time, I do not care the reason and how much time is left on the clock I will send him to the parking lot and then my report will ensure that he is out for the rest of the tournament.
He says that I am right and that he is sorry
I tell him that he needs to apologize to the players not me.
Game 13
White vs. blue nine
98ºF 88%H
High shoulder pitch for the third ball in a row at the top of the first half (third pitch of the game) white moans and says something.
I turn and say We Will Not Go There Today. No, we will not. Am I clear?
Five heads nod yes
An out later runner steals third catcher throws and beats the runner but the fielder is too slow to swipe a proper tag my son calls the runner safe.
A coach screams BULLSHIT!
I did not hear it
My son did and he turned and in three steps crossed from third to first base line and says to the white team "there will be no profanity on the fields at any time". The five coaches all look like whip lash victims. Here is a 16-year-old telling 30-year-old gansta/MS13 looking men to stop swearing and he does so with all the authority of a grown man. I tell you I was never so proud at that moment.
Not a word fro the rest of the inning.
At the half-blue coach comes down to warm the pitcher. “I am going to call you the no nonsense umpires"
It is too hot to deal with anything other than just baseball.
He agrees.
My son arrives at the plate
I say to him "a warning for profanity?" man that coach owes you a steak dinner." he has no idea that he should be in his car right now.
My son says he did not know which coach said it.
I said if you had tossed the manger, he would have ponies the man up right quick
Yeah you are right
Wow, he is lucky I did not hear the profanity.
The white coach walks up, apologizes, and says that he has the situation under control.
My son says I hope so because it will not be tolerated around these young men.
You are right blue I am sorry
((You know what? My son fucking rocks!))(At 16 he gets it, he has the maturity to do the things it takes to be a man. I did not I was still trying to live and stay alive)
Game 16
Green vs. Blue 13s
me at the dish
3 minutes left of playtime losing team at the plate
Coach complains about a narrow escape at home.
I hear something from his side about picking sides
In addition, he has just said, "you have to call that pitch for both sides blue"
I stop the game.
"Coach, I know that there is 3 minutes left to play and I do not care if there is 30 seconds left to play if I hear one more remark that questions my integrity of my sportsmanship I will toss you to the parking lot and then call ball game.
Do not ever question my honesty I am not here to pick a winner I am here to make the decisions the two coaches cannot.
Yes blue I am sorry.
Game 18
Championship 12s
Yellow vs. white
This game was a tightly played well-pitched game that resembled two boxers in the ring trading punches. Honest to god the first two innings had no more than 13 pitches thrown.
No runner advanced past third base, we played for 3 hours something like 8 innings, and the game ended 7-0.
How you might asked.
White’s #12 was on the mound and the coach told me he was going to sub him in this half as he only had one out left in his allowable count for the tournament, but he was going to let him pitch while his number 2 boys was warming up.
Are you?
Yes.
Yellow coach says hey coach you now he has only one out right.
Yeah I am going to leave him in for it. Thanks for reminding me.
No problem.
I start the game. The pitcher clearly walks the first batter to burn sometime.
I look to white coach to see if he wants time.
I let the yellow batter in the box and he sees three balls and then the pitcher lets one drop into the zone just enough and the batter hits it to third. Third scoops and throws to second. OUT! In addition, the second turns and throws to first for a banger. OUT!
The play could have gone the other excessively. The white coach drops to his knees. The yellow coach is calmly walking up to me. The players and the parents have no clue what just happened except a double play was made and on a bang bang. The umpire on the field has no idea either because he is going back to his position.
Yellow coach goes to me and says the pitcher has pitched too many outs. Yes, I think you may be right, get the tourney director.
The white coach is now explaining to his side what just happened. My partner hears and he just smiles.
The tourney director confirms that the double was too many outs and the white has to forfeit the game.
I told my partner that this is the first time in history that a defensive coach is pissed that an umpire called a double play.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
I started the weekend by doing 9s. Aaaahh nine year olds so focused so attentive so unable to stop the ball before it hits the umpire. Dads in the back with radar guns and talking about curves and sliders and changeups.
If I have, one more dad tell me to hang with the curve I swear I will eat him with red beans and rice and wash the entire meal down with the blood of a badger.
Therefore, I have done this tourney a few times in the past few years and I know this is life and death, the winner of every game gets to decide the gas prices, someone's grandmother is held captive by ninjas and her life and the life of 500 virgins hang on the balance of this game. However, I also know that the shit has to be stopped before it gets out of hand.
I decide to approach it differently then in the past. In the past, I wait until I can no longer take the insults the jabs the drive bys and I warn a coach and then I never ever get to eject him because I keep re-drawing the line. Therefore, this year I am drawing the line at the top and hold it fast.
First chirp gets a "we are not going there today. We are not going there do I make myself clear?" I start the plate meeting with a personable pleasant attitude and humor but when they chirp I jerk the lease tight and hard. This seemed to be very effective.
My son said that he was embarrassed at one point because I came out too fast on one dad but when I asked my son if he thought the game was more enjoyable after the dad was told to keep quite. He admitted that I was right.
I did 18 games in three days I will not talk about all 18 as many went with no issue.
Game one 9s
Red vs. white
I on bases and newbie [not my son] on plate.
No one on
Screamer up third base line
I pivot but I peek at the ball as it passes third (it is foul but I hear no indication)
[I now that if I do not hear foul I am going to have a shit storm on my hands]
I watch the runner cross first and go to second I hear the shit storm thunder "what's the call blue?.....you have to make a call blue!" now there is no way to convey the anger and rage that is in this voice but trust me when I turned I expected to see this coach holding my 16 year old partner by the throat.
Runner stops I turn to handle the shit storm and there is my partner doe eyed and in full panic mode. The coach is screaming and he is not telling the coach a thing. I call time and the coach starts to come out to me. I hold the umpire hand out to him and tell him to stay there he keeps coming "No coach you will go to the dug out right now!" he stops. I offer the umpire a chance to come talk to me.
"What’s the call?"
I do not know
It is either fair or foul
What do you think?
First, I was not supposed to look, I should not make that call from first base line. You had the angle it was your ball.
Yeah I know but I do not know what to call it.
Well in this case ... what is the count?
Two Two
OK if you call it foul everybody gets to go back and the batters count does not change.
I peeked at the drive and I can say that it was foul but do not plan on that rather help all the time be ready to make a call.
OK I will call it foul.
He calls it foul and not a soul complains not one chirp.
Later in the same, there is contact and although I did not see it as I watched my play, I know it was malicious. The world is screaming at the kid the pitcher is 8 feet from the plate and the runner is trotting back to the dug out. I call time the coach again wants to yell at me I hold him at bay and I talk to my partner.
The runner is out
No pitcher dropped the ball
No the runner is out for contact
You have to decide was the contact malicious.
No, it was not
Are you sure, because my back was turned on another potential play.
Yes, it was not malicious.
Turn around and call the runner out for contact he did not exercise one of his four options.
He turns, calls the runner, the coach comes out to me you cannot turn his call over.
No, I cannot
However, you just did
No, I did not
He changed his call
However, you told him to
no I did not we discussed the rule and clearly your player failed to slide, your player failed to stop, your player failed to go around, and he clearly failed to go back, so the only discussion we had was to eject him and you or just call him out.
Is he ejected?
Are you still in this game talking to me?
He turns and goes back to the dug out.
I explain the conditions to the other coach. He wants malicious contact I tell him I cannot give him that because I did not see the play.
Why not?
Because you might have wanted that out at second too.
We did not get one at second but you might have and I would have missed it if I were watching the play at home.
OK you are right.
Thanks coach.
Game 3 nine
Me on bases
Newbie [not my son] on plate (you have to do it at some point)
He gets a fucked up convoluted play at the plate and I would have made the same call as him but the coach wants to yell and intimidate the young man. He yells, "That is horrible that is terrible that is totally UN acceptable"
I call time and I make the coach walk all the way to me at first base. I tell him that his attitude is horrible that it is a terrible example and that it is unacceptable and if he is to lose his cool one more time, I do not care the reason and how much time is left on the clock I will send him to the parking lot and then my report will ensure that he is out for the rest of the tournament.
He says that I am right and that he is sorry
I tell him that he needs to apologize to the players not me.
Game 13
White vs. blue nine
98ºF 88%H
High shoulder pitch for the third ball in a row at the top of the first half (third pitch of the game) white moans and says something.
I turn and say We Will Not Go There Today. No, we will not. Am I clear?
Five heads nod yes
An out later runner steals third catcher throws and beats the runner but the fielder is too slow to swipe a proper tag my son calls the runner safe.
A coach screams BULLSHIT!
I did not hear it
My son did and he turned and in three steps crossed from third to first base line and says to the white team "there will be no profanity on the fields at any time". The five coaches all look like whip lash victims. Here is a 16-year-old telling 30-year-old gansta/MS13 looking men to stop swearing and he does so with all the authority of a grown man. I tell you I was never so proud at that moment.
Not a word fro the rest of the inning.
At the half-blue coach comes down to warm the pitcher. “I am going to call you the no nonsense umpires"
It is too hot to deal with anything other than just baseball.
He agrees.
My son arrives at the plate
I say to him "a warning for profanity?" man that coach owes you a steak dinner." he has no idea that he should be in his car right now.
My son says he did not know which coach said it.
I said if you had tossed the manger, he would have ponies the man up right quick
Yeah you are right
Wow, he is lucky I did not hear the profanity.
The white coach walks up, apologizes, and says that he has the situation under control.
My son says I hope so because it will not be tolerated around these young men.
You are right blue I am sorry
((You know what? My son fucking rocks!))(At 16 he gets it, he has the maturity to do the things it takes to be a man. I did not I was still trying to live and stay alive)
Game 16
Green vs. Blue 13s
me at the dish
3 minutes left of playtime losing team at the plate
Coach complains about a narrow escape at home.
I hear something from his side about picking sides
In addition, he has just said, "you have to call that pitch for both sides blue"
I stop the game.
"Coach, I know that there is 3 minutes left to play and I do not care if there is 30 seconds left to play if I hear one more remark that questions my integrity of my sportsmanship I will toss you to the parking lot and then call ball game.
Do not ever question my honesty I am not here to pick a winner I am here to make the decisions the two coaches cannot.
Yes blue I am sorry.
Game 18
Championship 12s
Yellow vs. white
This game was a tightly played well-pitched game that resembled two boxers in the ring trading punches. Honest to god the first two innings had no more than 13 pitches thrown.
No runner advanced past third base, we played for 3 hours something like 8 innings, and the game ended 7-0.
How you might asked.
White’s #12 was on the mound and the coach told me he was going to sub him in this half as he only had one out left in his allowable count for the tournament, but he was going to let him pitch while his number 2 boys was warming up.
Are you?
Yes.
Yellow coach says hey coach you now he has only one out right.
Yeah I am going to leave him in for it. Thanks for reminding me.
No problem.
I start the game. The pitcher clearly walks the first batter to burn sometime.
I look to white coach to see if he wants time.
I let the yellow batter in the box and he sees three balls and then the pitcher lets one drop into the zone just enough and the batter hits it to third. Third scoops and throws to second. OUT! In addition, the second turns and throws to first for a banger. OUT!
The play could have gone the other excessively. The white coach drops to his knees. The yellow coach is calmly walking up to me. The players and the parents have no clue what just happened except a double play was made and on a bang bang. The umpire on the field has no idea either because he is going back to his position.
Yellow coach goes to me and says the pitcher has pitched too many outs. Yes, I think you may be right, get the tourney director.
The white coach is now explaining to his side what just happened. My partner hears and he just smiles.
The tourney director confirms that the double was too many outs and the white has to forfeit the game.
I told my partner that this is the first time in history that a defensive coach is pissed that an umpire called a double play.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Ejection report, bad attitudes and stinky old men. By John Sleestaxx
Ejection report, bad attitudes and stinky old men.
By John Sleestaxx
So this week-end was a real humdinger.
A pushed tournament schedule.
Rain and power pushed Friday’s games to Saturday and that pushed Saturday down.
Saturday
Red vs. blue (me at the plate)
Red coach refuses to come to the plate while we wait for him to write out his line up. He could have done that while he waited the 30 mins (damn should have thought of that at the time).
Then during the plate meeting he refuses to listen and would not even face the other coach or my self or my partner. I covered 2 of the 6 things in plate before I said "we will flip and you (blue) were here first so you get to call it.
My partner said really is that all?
Yes that is the important things and we will cover the rest when they come up.
Blue loses the flip
My partner said this is going to be a rough game
Red wants to know why
I said rough crowd rough game
My partner said we are on the clock
Red get your boys on the field and get them to work
They need to warm up
No they have got to warm up get them on the field
No we need to warm up you are running 30 mins late that is your fault
No it is not my fault and you will get them on the field
No we need to warm up
You are burning his clock too now get to work]
Red says the other coach "we will get on the field in 3 or five minutes"
No will get on the field now you have had 10 mins already
No we have not
I pull out my watch and look at it yes you have now get on the field
Some dad gets on the field for something and yells "let’s not worry about little arms lets just stay on schedule"
I say to the red coach “you are responsible for your spectators this is your one and only warning"
He gets his boys on the field.
Three pitches in and off the plate by two balls red coach says "WHAT?"
I take off my mask "and say very nicely "We are not going to go there today am I clear?"
No nod, no acknowledgement, but I know he knows
I have a thing that was taught to me in all my clinics about game management "do not let the batters stand and time the pitches while the pitcher is warming up. They are to be in the dirt circle. If you do they could get beaned by the pitcher in the box and if I let them time then I better not say a word about the intentional pitch." So I do not let them do so.
At one point the red coach asks me "why not let them cross?"
I reply "because I said so."
He wants to know "is it a rule?"
Yes it is
At what level?
USSSA to high school to college to major leagues
Really?
Yes it states that the umpire behind the plate is in charge and because I say they can't, they can't.
Oh
And now every half it are trying to get on the other side.
About the fifth inning in reds batter bunts and is in fair territory I call batter out and send everyone back
He wants to know why
I said he was in fair territory when he struck the ball it is a dead ball play no one advances
He says he knows that
Then why did you ask
I wanted to know why the batter was out
And I told you that the batter was in fair territory when he struck the ball and it is a dead play no one advances what is the problem?
No problem.
Then after the half he wants to know where his player was
I told him he was in fair territory (with out moving from my position on the side)
I know but exactly where was his foot
Ok sure I will do you a favor and I step just out side of where the box would be and in font of the plate
Ok
then he goes to the back stop where all the fucking whinny dads are and they begin to have a conversation about "he can't see balls and strikes how can he see where the foot is?" today I am fresh and full of Job and patience I let it go in retrospect or the next day I should have popped the dad on the spot.
The coach bitches and whines like a school girl about how he is never coming here for another tournament (but the babies all say the same thing but guess who you see later next month?)
Game finishes and that is Saturday
Sunday is a bitch it was 100ºF 87% humidity and every field is running late and I have commitments that evening
Blue vs. white (different blue) (me on bases [I hate the bases more work than the plate and I am not in charge])
Blue is whining about some of the pitches but too bad nothing serious and that is my partner’s problem, not mine.
A couple of pick off move that were not even close and you can hear the thunder on the horizon. I have a hungry near sighted coach. Ah Hah! Something is going to happen.
A play at second from the catcher to short not even freaking close!
Blue jumps up and screams "Jesus make a call!"
I call time and motion for the coach to come out to me (I make it a long walk too).
Coach I will not tolerate another out burst like that this is your one and only warning. Am I clear?
He nods
I am sorry I have a deaf ear I did not hear your answer
Yes
Ok then let’s finish the game.
Yes I know I am a fucker at times but you can not sit there in the fucking shade on a fucking bucket over 80' and watch me make a safe call and tell me that I am not making calls. I am making fucking calls all over the place I made calls at first and I made calls at second and I made calls at third. Safe is a call. When I am in B and C position I make calls in the out field too "catch" "no-catch"
Make a call indeed! Harumpff bastard coach whose breath smells of ass!
Red vs. green (different red) (me at the plate)
Plate is nice and crisp but I smell shit in the air.
Greens second batter is rung up on an outside pitch clearly a strike be he just fucking froze. He bangs the plate and yells "that was not a strike!"
I call time and I approach the coach "that player is now on warning for sportsmanship conduct another out burst and I will eject him"
Yes sir that was not tolerable and we will fix it ASAP
Thank you
Top of two the pitcher throws 3 balls off the plate (as far off the plate as three balls) the catcher is signaling they are strikes. On the fourth that was a high pitch at the damn freaking shoulder the parents become a choir.
On the second walk they break into a rendition "oh my god" "that is terrible" "he is horrible pick" "a damn strike zone" it is an eruption of wailing to their pagan baseball gods.
I call time I approach red's coach
Sir you are responsible for your spectators this is your warning and you will not get another do you understand.
No I do not
Well let me explain it to you then
You are responsible for your players your coaches and your spectators. Your spectators are not behaving in a sportsman like manner that is expected from the stands as well in the dug out.
But they are fans I have no control
Then you better because I will eject you for them
You can not do that
You are now just arguing with me, go to the parking lot!
What you can not do that
Which ones
I turn and with out really looking that one and that one
Why them
Because I was asked to pick and they were closest to the parking lot
I can not do that
Ok let me make it easier for you then. You and a player. you want to pick or no let me, you number one....
I will go
I turn go back to the plate I hold the game until I saw him walk past the backstop.
the tournament director came up shortly and asked what is happening
I explain the the stands were arguing balls and strikes I gave the coach a warning he began to argue with me I sent him to the parking lot and he argues soem more so I began to pick players to be ejected.
did you eject a player
No not yet but if it keeps up I will
At this point some old stinky man walked up and began to yell at me. I went back to my game.
The reds catcher began rolling his eyes on every ball call and on every play that was safe he would yell "of course they are not going to call that". (You know here I thought I was being nice)I finally bent down and told the catcher that he better not say any more like that because he can be replaced. (I could have talked to the coach and just gave him his warning right then but I was meaning to give the catcher two this one and then the one to the coach if it continued) But this was clearly a mistake on my part. I should have just replaced the catcher from the top of remarks and been done with it.
Red loses and I am baked. I am fucking down. I lost my 3:30 game because of all the games running late (they gave the game to someone else)
I am at my car getting undressed and the red team is passing through the parking lot and stinky comes shuffling through
"That was the worst game ever"
Thank you. Have a nice day sir
He begins to walk towards telling about how terrible I was.
Sir does not come any closer
Do not step any closer
I reached for my phone
I am going to call the police if you come any closer
He stopped when I put the phone to my ear
You said you were going to eject the catcher to get into his head he said.
No that is not what was said.
Trailing cries of anguish as I explain to dispatch that I no longer was in need of a police officer.
Yes ma'am I am ok there is no danger. I am an umpire and I thought I was going to have trouble with a fan but he has decided to depart. Sorry to have bothered you. Yes I am sure.
They called back. LOL no ma'am everything is all right.
You know if they would just enforce day care for the parents and mandate coaching classes for the managers my life would be easier and I would probably get paid less. Oh well
Happy day it is Monday and I am still alive.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
By John Sleestaxx
So this week-end was a real humdinger.
A pushed tournament schedule.
Rain and power pushed Friday’s games to Saturday and that pushed Saturday down.
Saturday
Red vs. blue (me at the plate)
Red coach refuses to come to the plate while we wait for him to write out his line up. He could have done that while he waited the 30 mins (damn should have thought of that at the time).
Then during the plate meeting he refuses to listen and would not even face the other coach or my self or my partner. I covered 2 of the 6 things in plate before I said "we will flip and you (blue) were here first so you get to call it.
My partner said really is that all?
Yes that is the important things and we will cover the rest when they come up.
Blue loses the flip
My partner said this is going to be a rough game
Red wants to know why
I said rough crowd rough game
My partner said we are on the clock
Red get your boys on the field and get them to work
They need to warm up
No they have got to warm up get them on the field
No we need to warm up you are running 30 mins late that is your fault
No it is not my fault and you will get them on the field
No we need to warm up
You are burning his clock too now get to work]
Red says the other coach "we will get on the field in 3 or five minutes"
No will get on the field now you have had 10 mins already
No we have not
I pull out my watch and look at it yes you have now get on the field
Some dad gets on the field for something and yells "let’s not worry about little arms lets just stay on schedule"
I say to the red coach “you are responsible for your spectators this is your one and only warning"
He gets his boys on the field.
Three pitches in and off the plate by two balls red coach says "WHAT?"
I take off my mask "and say very nicely "We are not going to go there today am I clear?"
No nod, no acknowledgement, but I know he knows
I have a thing that was taught to me in all my clinics about game management "do not let the batters stand and time the pitches while the pitcher is warming up. They are to be in the dirt circle. If you do they could get beaned by the pitcher in the box and if I let them time then I better not say a word about the intentional pitch." So I do not let them do so.
At one point the red coach asks me "why not let them cross?"
I reply "because I said so."
He wants to know "is it a rule?"
Yes it is
At what level?
USSSA to high school to college to major leagues
Really?
Yes it states that the umpire behind the plate is in charge and because I say they can't, they can't.
Oh
And now every half it are trying to get on the other side.
About the fifth inning in reds batter bunts and is in fair territory I call batter out and send everyone back
He wants to know why
I said he was in fair territory when he struck the ball it is a dead ball play no one advances
He says he knows that
Then why did you ask
I wanted to know why the batter was out
And I told you that the batter was in fair territory when he struck the ball and it is a dead play no one advances what is the problem?
No problem.
Then after the half he wants to know where his player was
I told him he was in fair territory (with out moving from my position on the side)
I know but exactly where was his foot
Ok sure I will do you a favor and I step just out side of where the box would be and in font of the plate
Ok
then he goes to the back stop where all the fucking whinny dads are and they begin to have a conversation about "he can't see balls and strikes how can he see where the foot is?" today I am fresh and full of Job and patience I let it go in retrospect or the next day I should have popped the dad on the spot.
The coach bitches and whines like a school girl about how he is never coming here for another tournament (but the babies all say the same thing but guess who you see later next month?)
Game finishes and that is Saturday
Sunday is a bitch it was 100ºF 87% humidity and every field is running late and I have commitments that evening
Blue vs. white (different blue) (me on bases [I hate the bases more work than the plate and I am not in charge])
Blue is whining about some of the pitches but too bad nothing serious and that is my partner’s problem, not mine.
A couple of pick off move that were not even close and you can hear the thunder on the horizon. I have a hungry near sighted coach. Ah Hah! Something is going to happen.
A play at second from the catcher to short not even freaking close!
Blue jumps up and screams "Jesus make a call!"
I call time and motion for the coach to come out to me (I make it a long walk too).
Coach I will not tolerate another out burst like that this is your one and only warning. Am I clear?
He nods
I am sorry I have a deaf ear I did not hear your answer
Yes
Ok then let’s finish the game.
Yes I know I am a fucker at times but you can not sit there in the fucking shade on a fucking bucket over 80' and watch me make a safe call and tell me that I am not making calls. I am making fucking calls all over the place I made calls at first and I made calls at second and I made calls at third. Safe is a call. When I am in B and C position I make calls in the out field too "catch" "no-catch"
Make a call indeed! Harumpff bastard coach whose breath smells of ass!
Red vs. green (different red) (me at the plate)
Plate is nice and crisp but I smell shit in the air.
Greens second batter is rung up on an outside pitch clearly a strike be he just fucking froze. He bangs the plate and yells "that was not a strike!"
I call time and I approach the coach "that player is now on warning for sportsmanship conduct another out burst and I will eject him"
Yes sir that was not tolerable and we will fix it ASAP
Thank you
Top of two the pitcher throws 3 balls off the plate (as far off the plate as three balls) the catcher is signaling they are strikes. On the fourth that was a high pitch at the damn freaking shoulder the parents become a choir.
On the second walk they break into a rendition "oh my god" "that is terrible" "he is horrible pick" "a damn strike zone" it is an eruption of wailing to their pagan baseball gods.
I call time I approach red's coach
Sir you are responsible for your spectators this is your warning and you will not get another do you understand.
No I do not
Well let me explain it to you then
You are responsible for your players your coaches and your spectators. Your spectators are not behaving in a sportsman like manner that is expected from the stands as well in the dug out.
But they are fans I have no control
Then you better because I will eject you for them
You can not do that
You are now just arguing with me, go to the parking lot!
What you can not do that
Which ones
I turn and with out really looking that one and that one
Why them
Because I was asked to pick and they were closest to the parking lot
I can not do that
Ok let me make it easier for you then. You and a player. you want to pick or no let me, you number one....
I will go
I turn go back to the plate I hold the game until I saw him walk past the backstop.
the tournament director came up shortly and asked what is happening
I explain the the stands were arguing balls and strikes I gave the coach a warning he began to argue with me I sent him to the parking lot and he argues soem more so I began to pick players to be ejected.
did you eject a player
No not yet but if it keeps up I will
At this point some old stinky man walked up and began to yell at me. I went back to my game.
The reds catcher began rolling his eyes on every ball call and on every play that was safe he would yell "of course they are not going to call that". (You know here I thought I was being nice)I finally bent down and told the catcher that he better not say any more like that because he can be replaced. (I could have talked to the coach and just gave him his warning right then but I was meaning to give the catcher two this one and then the one to the coach if it continued) But this was clearly a mistake on my part. I should have just replaced the catcher from the top of remarks and been done with it.
Red loses and I am baked. I am fucking down. I lost my 3:30 game because of all the games running late (they gave the game to someone else)
I am at my car getting undressed and the red team is passing through the parking lot and stinky comes shuffling through
"That was the worst game ever"
Thank you. Have a nice day sir
He begins to walk towards telling about how terrible I was.
Sir does not come any closer
Do not step any closer
I reached for my phone
I am going to call the police if you come any closer
He stopped when I put the phone to my ear
You said you were going to eject the catcher to get into his head he said.
No that is not what was said.
Trailing cries of anguish as I explain to dispatch that I no longer was in need of a police officer.
Yes ma'am I am ok there is no danger. I am an umpire and I thought I was going to have trouble with a fan but he has decided to depart. Sorry to have bothered you. Yes I am sure.
They called back. LOL no ma'am everything is all right.
You know if they would just enforce day care for the parents and mandate coaching classes for the managers my life would be easier and I would probably get paid less. Oh well
Happy day it is Monday and I am still alive.
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
Baseball and internet groupies
Blue vs Yellow
Close tag play at second
Partner calls him out
The yellow coach charges the field "how can you call him out?"
My partner looks to him "first of all coach there is a live ball on the field and you need to call time, now go back and ask for time."
He goes back to the foul line calls time my partner grants the coach just yells at him about his call
partner: "now coach that will be enough there is no need to act this way.
Coach: blah blah more yelling
partner: No coach that will be enough
coach: i am not trying to argue with you but blah blah more yelling
Partner: that is enough you need to stop
Me: coach coach COACH!
Coach (now turns on me): he can not make that call he was out of...
Me: my partner said that will be enough you are not listening that will he enough
coach: He can not
Me: no that is enough
coach: i am not arguing
Me: no that is enough
coach: But
Me: No coach you are down to stopping this now or the parking lot
coach: No listen he not in position he can not
Me: No coach you are done that is enough you are to go to the parking lot
Me: no coach to the parking lot
he leaves we finish the game
i talk to the tourney director
he talks to the team
he comes back and asks did you give him a warning?
yes several
They said you did not
Well they are wrong
Yeah they usually are
The director talks to the UIC
the UIC says that a warning must contain the word warning
Crap shit fuck damn shit fucking damn fuckers.
I fucked a rule and I missed another ejection on a player yellow batter runner collided with first baseman in a malicious manner but I missed it enough to not call it and then in mental replay I should have thrown the player out.
The rule. When the pitcher steps off and wild throws it is two bases not one shit damn shit damn
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Close tag play at second
Partner calls him out
The yellow coach charges the field "how can you call him out?"
My partner looks to him "first of all coach there is a live ball on the field and you need to call time, now go back and ask for time."
He goes back to the foul line calls time my partner grants the coach just yells at him about his call
partner: "now coach that will be enough there is no need to act this way.
Coach: blah blah more yelling
partner: No coach that will be enough
coach: i am not trying to argue with you but blah blah more yelling
Partner: that is enough you need to stop
Me: coach coach COACH!
Coach (now turns on me): he can not make that call he was out of...
Me: my partner said that will be enough you are not listening that will he enough
coach: He can not
Me: no that is enough
coach: i am not arguing
Me: no that is enough
coach: But
Me: No coach you are down to stopping this now or the parking lot
coach: No listen he not in position he can not
Me: No coach you are done that is enough you are to go to the parking lot
Me: no coach to the parking lot
he leaves we finish the game
i talk to the tourney director
he talks to the team
he comes back and asks did you give him a warning?
yes several
They said you did not
Well they are wrong
Yeah they usually are
The director talks to the UIC
the UIC says that a warning must contain the word warning
Crap shit fuck damn shit fucking damn fuckers.
I fucked a rule and I missed another ejection on a player yellow batter runner collided with first baseman in a malicious manner but I missed it enough to not call it and then in mental replay I should have thrown the player out.
The rule. When the pitcher steps off and wild throws it is two bases not one shit damn shit damn
Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..
Also reading
With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..
The running of the pigs. By J. Sleestaxx
In my area we have a very affluent neighborhood/development carved out of the woods
10' easements of dense packed trees between street and sidewalk and then between sidewalk and development including strip centers, gas stations, and houses.
This is a beautiful but it comes with a price. You do not know where anything is and if you own a business you have got spend a fortune on neighborhood flyers instead of road signage.
I like it and if I could afford to live in some of these neighborhoods I would. I like trees. I am not a tree hugger though I just like trees.
Any ways along in these trees is sidewalks and these sidewalks are mapped out into loops or tracks so that one can run, walk or bike and know about how much they have traveled.
I was doing some road work. Look at me trying to make it sound all important. Since I have quit smoking I have decided that I want to run a marathon. I know I have to start slow so I decided that by thanksgiving I will be ready to run a 5 or a three mile. My real goal is to run the 5 in 6.5 6.75 minutes or the 3 in sub 6.
I have found that treadmill running is very very different that road running. In the gym I can run 3 miles, but on the road well very very different. I have this crazy pace that left alone I will try to run and it is like a 7.5 minute mile pace. Do not ask me why it is just the comfortable pace at which my body does.
So I am running on this 2.6mile track in the woods after dark. I have run at least a mile without stopping and I am feeling the road in my shins. But I keep going thinking that the next block I will stop. I know I am lying to myself but it gets me to the next block.
I am on a long stretch of wooded space and I hear noises in the brush. I figure a squirrel or a raccoon but all of a sudden out charges a little pig, did I mention that my state is full of feral pigs/hogs. No seriously they tear up your front yard looking for truffles unless you have a dog. This piglet is about the size of a miniature pug and I jump it, no big deal right?? Wrong this piglet has a brother who decides to jump out just in front of me and I land on this pig it squeals and five more charge out of the brush. I stumble and kick them and trip over them and they all start squealing. I yell shit! God damn it! And all of a sudden this big mother fucking hog comes out of the brush at me all snorting smoke and breathing fire and calling my name, "John Sleestaxx you have done it now. You sir are going to hell." it says.
Aw fuck!
Lasers start shooting out of its eyes and sparks are flying from its little piggy feet as he bears down on me.
I turn to run, my chest a tight mass of smoker lung and pain. My legs are now the consistency of taffy.
I start to run and the pig starts to run, screaming, "To market, to market, I got your fat pig here bitch."
Pigs can run 11 miles an hour I have already run maybe two miles and I was about to use the last .6 miles for cool down.
I have tears in my eyes I know that I am going to die if my legs do not start to run. I am going to die and they will find my body a torn ragged mess of pig left over’s. The doctor was right pork was going to kill me. Good bye world shit!!!!
Now I have this pig, whose name was not Jody but was a talking pig none the less, bearing down on my old fat smoker ass for stomping on her babies.
I was going to die. Yes I was going to die. I ran all the way to where my truck was parked and leapt into the truck bed and I expected the pig to run into my truck bumper. But nothing happened. I turned around placed my hands on my knees and wheezed and coughed phlegm spit snot I felt my heart it had stopped beating when the fucking bacon spoke my name, and apparently had not restarted beating yet. My vision faded and I though I was going to pass out.
But no pig, I had out run the monster.
I was faster that the evil pig from hell. I looked down I had blood on my foot and my knees were skinned and my hand had road rash. But I had made it! I was alive and I was not going to ever ever run that track at night again.
I danced in my truck bed the dance of victory. I whooped and hollered I even w00ted once and cried the tears of joy. Adding to the total of 4 times I have wept with joy.
I fell to my knees and waited for the strength to come back so I could go home.
Oh my time something like 25 minutes for the whole trip.
10' easements of dense packed trees between street and sidewalk and then between sidewalk and development including strip centers, gas stations, and houses.
This is a beautiful but it comes with a price. You do not know where anything is and if you own a business you have got spend a fortune on neighborhood flyers instead of road signage.
I like it and if I could afford to live in some of these neighborhoods I would. I like trees. I am not a tree hugger though I just like trees.
Any ways along in these trees is sidewalks and these sidewalks are mapped out into loops or tracks so that one can run, walk or bike and know about how much they have traveled.
I was doing some road work. Look at me trying to make it sound all important. Since I have quit smoking I have decided that I want to run a marathon. I know I have to start slow so I decided that by thanksgiving I will be ready to run a 5 or a three mile. My real goal is to run the 5 in 6.5 6.75 minutes or the 3 in sub 6.
I have found that treadmill running is very very different that road running. In the gym I can run 3 miles, but on the road well very very different. I have this crazy pace that left alone I will try to run and it is like a 7.5 minute mile pace. Do not ask me why it is just the comfortable pace at which my body does.
So I am running on this 2.6mile track in the woods after dark. I have run at least a mile without stopping and I am feeling the road in my shins. But I keep going thinking that the next block I will stop. I know I am lying to myself but it gets me to the next block.
I am on a long stretch of wooded space and I hear noises in the brush. I figure a squirrel or a raccoon but all of a sudden out charges a little pig, did I mention that my state is full of feral pigs/hogs. No seriously they tear up your front yard looking for truffles unless you have a dog. This piglet is about the size of a miniature pug and I jump it, no big deal right?? Wrong this piglet has a brother who decides to jump out just in front of me and I land on this pig it squeals and five more charge out of the brush. I stumble and kick them and trip over them and they all start squealing. I yell shit! God damn it! And all of a sudden this big mother fucking hog comes out of the brush at me all snorting smoke and breathing fire and calling my name, "John Sleestaxx you have done it now. You sir are going to hell." it says.
Aw fuck!
Lasers start shooting out of its eyes and sparks are flying from its little piggy feet as he bears down on me.
I turn to run, my chest a tight mass of smoker lung and pain. My legs are now the consistency of taffy.
I start to run and the pig starts to run, screaming, "To market, to market, I got your fat pig here bitch."
Pigs can run 11 miles an hour I have already run maybe two miles and I was about to use the last .6 miles for cool down.
I have tears in my eyes I know that I am going to die if my legs do not start to run. I am going to die and they will find my body a torn ragged mess of pig left over’s. The doctor was right pork was going to kill me. Good bye world shit!!!!
Now I have this pig, whose name was not Jody but was a talking pig none the less, bearing down on my old fat smoker ass for stomping on her babies.
I was going to die. Yes I was going to die. I ran all the way to where my truck was parked and leapt into the truck bed and I expected the pig to run into my truck bumper. But nothing happened. I turned around placed my hands on my knees and wheezed and coughed phlegm spit snot I felt my heart it had stopped beating when the fucking bacon spoke my name, and apparently had not restarted beating yet. My vision faded and I though I was going to pass out.
But no pig, I had out run the monster.
I was faster that the evil pig from hell. I looked down I had blood on my foot and my knees were skinned and my hand had road rash. But I had made it! I was alive and I was not going to ever ever run that track at night again.
I danced in my truck bed the dance of victory. I whooped and hollered I even w00ted once and cried the tears of joy. Adding to the total of 4 times I have wept with joy.
I fell to my knees and waited for the strength to come back so I could go home.
Oh my time something like 25 minutes for the whole trip.
| Currently reading Like A Monkey With A Handgun By Rev. J. Sleestaxx Release date: By 3 December, 2007  |
Mr. Rollins Thanks You By John Sleestaxx
Mr. Rollins thanks you
Dear Mr. Sleestaxx,
Henry is very busy and he can not visit your myspace page.
Mr. Rollins appreciates that you have been impacted by his work and although he likes fan fiction.
He would like to remind you that his name and likeness is his brand and he would like to remind you that any negative fiction should not be published.
Hymen, Heflin, or some other girly German Nazi name
Oh now let me tell you something about this whole Henry Rollins neighbor fiction thingy.
I see him online "Oh fuck bush this" and "fuck bush that" and "blah blah blah."
"Oh the end is near."
"Commercialism is eating our souls alive."
"Buy my album"
"Oh love me define me."
"Where's my dog? I want water. Bring me water! Oh I look fat don't I? Oh please somebody bring me some damn water. Do I still have it?"
"Oh I want you to like me."
"Oh I want to like you too but you are not in my zip code."
HENRY! I bought your goddamn albums 12+ dollars apiece.
Back then I had to work at a vet cleaning dog shit at min wage of 3.35 hour so your album was 4 hours of cleaning dog shit from sick dogs!
And then I would risk getting killed by rockers going downtown to see you live at the profilatica 2000. And then I risked getting killed by skinheads that followed you around.
The whole time being told corporate America is bad.
Corporate America is a war machine and has to be stopped.
Corporate America is killing our free speech.
We hear Henry does not do drugs or drinks and I say well if that is good for Henry then that has to be the way to go, he is so versed on the world and everything.
Then you exercise your free speech and you do a commercial for a clothing store.
A store that sells the clothes for the enemy, cookie cutter, kill individuality, same as the guy next to me clothes.
You do a commercial for the enemy.
You sold out to the other side.
Oh the despair I was flung into.
The depression that my mind sunk into
The maddening fever of betrayal that burned in my mind and caused so much self loathing that I wanted to die.
I had wasted so many years of my life.
I began to drink and do coke. I had to make up for lost time. 5 years I spent on my coke fueled binge.
The places I would wake up.
The depraved memories that would haunt me all day, until I could get fucked up again, would be oh animals and fruit of the loom underwear, things that Robert Downey Jr. could never ever have portrayed.
Oh man (LOL) the women I would find on my flop house mattress.
The sick and depraved things I did to get the money to get high. I no longer cleaned dog shit I ate dog shit!
I ATE SHIT IN A FUCKING SIDESHOW!
I ate shit in a freak sideshow held in the basement of a night club on Castro Street.
I was known as "Bubo The Dog Shit Eating Monkey Boy" three demeaning shows a night 7 nights a week.
Hook worms, round worms, whip worms. Dysentery, depression, dystopia, and distemper.
I had it all man yeah I was a fucking nut case then.
But I got better.
I found the way out of the depths of hell that was cocaine and drinking.
I learned about hate and rage and I learned that I was responsible for my self.
Then I get this E-mail today.
Mr. Sleestaxx,
Although the gap is always looking for fresh topical celebrities to promote our brand we have to admit that the demographic that would identify with "Bubo The Dog Shit Eating Monkey Boy" is too small to be of interest to us.
Thank you
Some buttmuncher whose has no clue of what is cool and what is not.
Man I hope one legged Pete is still in the same projects he was 10 years ago.
Dear Mr. Sleestaxx,
Henry is very busy and he can not visit your myspace page.
Mr. Rollins appreciates that you have been impacted by his work and although he likes fan fiction.
He would like to remind you that his name and likeness is his brand and he would like to remind you that any negative fiction should not be published.
Hymen, Heflin, or some other girly German Nazi name
Oh now let me tell you something about this whole Henry Rollins neighbor fiction thingy.
I see him online "Oh fuck bush this" and "fuck bush that" and "blah blah blah."
"Oh the end is near."
"Commercialism is eating our souls alive."
"Buy my album"
"Oh love me define me."
"Where's my dog? I want water. Bring me water! Oh I look fat don't I? Oh please somebody bring me some damn water. Do I still have it?"
"Oh I want you to like me."
"Oh I want to like you too but you are not in my zip code."
HENRY! I bought your goddamn albums 12+ dollars apiece.
Back then I had to work at a vet cleaning dog shit at min wage of 3.35 hour so your album was 4 hours of cleaning dog shit from sick dogs!
And then I would risk getting killed by rockers going downtown to see you live at the profilatica 2000. And then I risked getting killed by skinheads that followed you around.
The whole time being told corporate America is bad.
Corporate America is a war machine and has to be stopped.
Corporate America is killing our free speech.
We hear Henry does not do drugs or drinks and I say well if that is good for Henry then that has to be the way to go, he is so versed on the world and everything.
Then you exercise your free speech and you do a commercial for a clothing store.
A store that sells the clothes for the enemy, cookie cutter, kill individuality, same as the guy next to me clothes.
You do a commercial for the enemy.
You sold out to the other side.
Oh the despair I was flung into.
The depression that my mind sunk into
The maddening fever of betrayal that burned in my mind and caused so much self loathing that I wanted to die.
I had wasted so many years of my life.
I began to drink and do coke. I had to make up for lost time. 5 years I spent on my coke fueled binge.
The places I would wake up.
The depraved memories that would haunt me all day, until I could get fucked up again, would be oh animals and fruit of the loom underwear, things that Robert Downey Jr. could never ever have portrayed.
Oh man (LOL) the women I would find on my flop house mattress.
The sick and depraved things I did to get the money to get high. I no longer cleaned dog shit I ate dog shit!
I ATE SHIT IN A FUCKING SIDESHOW!
I ate shit in a freak sideshow held in the basement of a night club on Castro Street.
I was known as "Bubo The Dog Shit Eating Monkey Boy" three demeaning shows a night 7 nights a week.
Hook worms, round worms, whip worms. Dysentery, depression, dystopia, and distemper.
I had it all man yeah I was a fucking nut case then.
But I got better.
I found the way out of the depths of hell that was cocaine and drinking.
I learned about hate and rage and I learned that I was responsible for my self.
Then I get this E-mail today.
Mr. Sleestaxx,
Although the gap is always looking for fresh topical celebrities to promote our brand we have to admit that the demographic that would identify with "Bubo The Dog Shit Eating Monkey Boy" is too small to be of interest to us.
Thank you
Some buttmuncher whose has no clue of what is cool and what is not.
Man I hope one legged Pete is still in the same projects he was 10 years ago.
I do charity some times
So I do charity events damn near all weekend. (Umpire for free)
Friday a fundraiser for the high school fun and nothing really to mention
Saturday was pay at the plate and that was nice 110 for 5hours
Sunday was a toy for tots drive. The teams all bring toys and they get to playa tourney.
Saturday 14 girls fast pitch. I was awesome.
I covered third and my partner was slow to get to home almost blew it.
I pooched a first base safe call and knew it. First was bobbling the ball as the runner crossed the bag. I came up to fast with the call and I knew it.
They asked for the appeal and I gave it to them my partner knew I needed the bail. I changed my call
I lost count once and I missed 3 pitches total for the whole game.
Sunday
I do 10s behind the mound. The strike zone is weird from back there. And when the sun is in your eyes it is worse.
At the start I was told that a kid has to fall off the mound to get a balk.
This is a good time for the coaches to pitch the other boys.
So there was some balks but I did not call them ( I was told they have to drop the ball of fall off the mound to get a balk).
My last game was 12s behind the mound. They thanked me for my time and they thanked me for wearing the Santa hat and they thought that was a nice touch.
White vs. blue.
The sun was in the batters eyes so I tightened the zone a bit.
Whites pitcher was throwing inside 2 balls wide and I would call a ball. then the pitcher would mutter under his breath "come on blue".
The bitching started and a dad yells “that was a curve ball blue haven’t you seen a curve ball before.”
I yell “the ball still has to cross the plate to work.”
More retarded comments form both sides and then the half.
I stand on the offensive side and curve ball dad says "you got to hang with the curve" meaning that he felt I was giving up on the pitch too soon.
“No sir I am here as a volunteer and if you think you are better then maybe you should get out here in my stead.”
“I would love to.”
“Then you should not be so rude and disrespectful.”
He does not move and then says “you got to help the pitcher out some.
You got to hang with the curve ball.”
“No I have had enough of your mouth you sir are done no more you are rude and disrespectful”
“But I was....”
I turn to a coach from his team and tell the coach,
“I have had enough of his rude mouth. any more at all you and him will be in the parking lot charity or not and there is still an hour 10 minutes left to play. “
“do we understand?”
“yes “
Now I was loud enough for everyone to here and everyone knew I had enough
Blue coach said we are just joking with you, you know for fun, keeps you on your toes.
No sir that is not right. I get paid for the abuse and I am not getting paid today.
The white coach later apologizes and says he realizes that I am volunteering and he is sorry for the dad.
“No that is fine the issue is behind us now and the warning stands.”
The score is now blue 8 white 1 bottom of five with 6 minutes left to go.
Two outs and Flair to left gets a boy from blue on base.
Boy steals to second then to third.
Pitcher is trying to hold the boy on but the boy is too quick back to the bag.
The pitch steps to set and starts his motion and I see his foot 13 inches off the rubber.
“That’s a balk“
I balked the winning run into home to finish the game 3 minutes early.
Friday a fundraiser for the high school fun and nothing really to mention
Saturday was pay at the plate and that was nice 110 for 5hours
Sunday was a toy for tots drive. The teams all bring toys and they get to playa tourney.
Saturday 14 girls fast pitch. I was awesome.
I covered third and my partner was slow to get to home almost blew it.
I pooched a first base safe call and knew it. First was bobbling the ball as the runner crossed the bag. I came up to fast with the call and I knew it.
They asked for the appeal and I gave it to them my partner knew I needed the bail. I changed my call
I lost count once and I missed 3 pitches total for the whole game.
Sunday
I do 10s behind the mound. The strike zone is weird from back there. And when the sun is in your eyes it is worse.
At the start I was told that a kid has to fall off the mound to get a balk.
This is a good time for the coaches to pitch the other boys.
So there was some balks but I did not call them ( I was told they have to drop the ball of fall off the mound to get a balk).
My last game was 12s behind the mound. They thanked me for my time and they thanked me for wearing the Santa hat and they thought that was a nice touch.
White vs. blue.
The sun was in the batters eyes so I tightened the zone a bit.
Whites pitcher was throwing inside 2 balls wide and I would call a ball. then the pitcher would mutter under his breath "come on blue".
The bitching started and a dad yells “that was a curve ball blue haven’t you seen a curve ball before.”
I yell “the ball still has to cross the plate to work.”
More retarded comments form both sides and then the half.
I stand on the offensive side and curve ball dad says "you got to hang with the curve" meaning that he felt I was giving up on the pitch too soon.
“No sir I am here as a volunteer and if you think you are better then maybe you should get out here in my stead.”
“I would love to.”
“Then you should not be so rude and disrespectful.”
He does not move and then says “you got to help the pitcher out some.
You got to hang with the curve ball.”
“No I have had enough of your mouth you sir are done no more you are rude and disrespectful”
“But I was....”
I turn to a coach from his team and tell the coach,
“I have had enough of his rude mouth. any more at all you and him will be in the parking lot charity or not and there is still an hour 10 minutes left to play. “
“do we understand?”
“yes “
Now I was loud enough for everyone to here and everyone knew I had enough
Blue coach said we are just joking with you, you know for fun, keeps you on your toes.
No sir that is not right. I get paid for the abuse and I am not getting paid today.
The white coach later apologizes and says he realizes that I am volunteering and he is sorry for the dad.
“No that is fine the issue is behind us now and the warning stands.”
The score is now blue 8 white 1 bottom of five with 6 minutes left to go.
Two outs and Flair to left gets a boy from blue on base.
Boy steals to second then to third.
Pitcher is trying to hold the boy on but the boy is too quick back to the bag.
The pitch steps to set and starts his motion and I see his foot 13 inches off the rubber.
“That’s a balk“
I balked the winning run into home to finish the game 3 minutes early.
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