Everyday You Wake Up

Everyday you wake up and slobber on the phallus of corporate America. Drinking down their vile seed, begging for more of the bitter spooge.

 There are so many lies and false promises that the air around them tastes of vomit and garbage and deceit.

 But there you are first in line to take them to your chest, like a self-loathing lover, you have no more self-respect than a crack whore.

 Everytime the get a stiffy, you think this time they will care. That you will get some return, but no, they grunt, they pump and they dump. Off they go tossing a lie or two over their shoulder as they head out the door.

 No kiss, no call, no after thought. You are the whore mistress. They don't remember your name when they get to the curb.

 But you allow their evil despicable acts everytime.

 But you spit, slobber and snot yourself and raise the corporate thieves on high. You treat them like saints and canonized miracle makers.

 You'd kill your neighbor to be the one to receive their feces that are thrust down from their sacred mountain built upon the souls of the rest of the consumers and workers.

Elbow Snakes and Lawn Gnomes

It was in the middle of the night and I woke drenched in sweat. I had another one of those dreams were the zombies are after me and they all look like old dead friends.

My best girl did not stir so I must not have been screaming this time.

I lifted my feet over the edge of the bed to get up and fuck me if the room was not filled with water. Not spring water either but black brackish swamp water. The smell of rotting dead vegetation was tremendous.

I turned to wake my lover, but now I see she why she was not stirring because she was dead, her cold eyes staring at the ceiling like so many other nights making love.

I lifted my hand to my mouth and there I saw it, a freaking snake or something and it was at least three feet long and growing from my elbow. I leaped from the bed making a huge splash. I ran like a clown in the water to the bathroom.

I flicked the light switch. Sparks flew from the switch plate, but in that quick instant in the flash of orange light I saw the snake writher and turn to face me. I saw it’s eyes and TEETH the freaking goddamn snake had teeth and huge sharp gnarly fangs.

In a panic I turned to hide my face from that hideous sight on my elbow and slipped on the half floating bathroom rug. As I went under water I saw that freaking gnome from my neighbor’s yard.

What the hell is it doing here? I thought.

He turned and smiled at me. Yeah the lawn gnome smiled, AT me.

Holy Jesus this is too weird. I thought.

And then I really woke up covered in blood and my girlfriend yelling my name.

I looked around at the blood and then I found I had picked this wart off my finger.

A.B. The pothole man

............................

A.B. The pothole man....

By Rev. Sleestaxx ....

.. ..

.. ..

A.B. The pothole man walked about with a
stilted jerky gait. Dunno why he just did. Old A.B. Been round for ages. "Since I was a kid 'tleast" would
be pappy's reply when asked how long A.B.'s been fixing potholes.....

.. ..

He was called the pothole man cuz he could be
found fixin’ potholes wet'er he was axe'd to or not. Be it a ....county.. ..FM....
road, people drive ways or just old pig trails.....

But A.B. Was always fix'n potholes. Sumtimes
he gets a dollar or two from some farmer or cattleman but oftener not he was
not getting a dime for the hole you saw him fillin’ and tampin’.....

.. ..

I dunno what makes him fix one and not
anutter. I know my pappy is always muttering sumtin’ and wave when sees A.B. working
a hole. And curse the devil and A.B. When the ol’ ford would jerk hard and buck
after hitting a big hole in the road. My ol’ pappy be raisin' cane and flood
waters screamin' that weren't there yesterday when we went into town, and where'd
that damn hole come from and Ma would hush him up ‘bout his language saying ....

.. ..

“There weren't no
need of wakin’ the devil up over a hole in the road.”....

.. ..

An' 'den you'd see my pap just grip the wheel tight,
like he was drivin’ more careful but he was just mad and me and ma would share
a smile.....

.. ..

One day me and the two Jenkin’s boys were
hunting squirrels. Jacob and me with our 22s and Jessup with his four ten, down
by the old river bend cemetery. Jacob wasthe youngest, while I was two months
older then him, but I never let ‘em forget who was older. Jacob had stole a
square of his pap’s chewin’ ‘baccy and we was under the shade of a red oak just
hidin' from the sun fer'abit and spitting.....

.. ..

Jessup the oldest leaned in abit like he seen
sometin’ in the woods and then he waved at us to git low. So we did. We knew
better then to make noise when one of us said to git low.....

.. ..

Why one time we was swimming at a river bend
and Jacob told us to git low in the water, we did and we got real deep into the
cypress knees on one side and waited. There came Marie the preacher’s daughter
to the bank on the other side, now she was abit older than Jessup by like three
years which made her a high school graduate but she was still in town to help
her daddy preach. She was real purrty and all the young men in the county were
always trying to impress her dad so they could get a date with her. Always
every Sunday there was a five or eight young men in the front pews of the
church. You never see that unless the preacher has a beautiful daughter.....

.. ..

Why she just walked up to the water and pulled
her dress over her head and jumped into the water. That was the first time I
seen a naked girl. Well aside from my sisters in the tub washing but doin’
count ‘fer ‘nuttin as they was my sisters and all, not real girls. Well We
three boys looked at each other, just our eyes over the water like crocodiles
and we watched Marie swim on her back and dive and she swam like that for like
a half hour. Then she got out of the water and put her dress on and turn to
leave.....

.. ..

But just then she hollered. "Bye boys. And
next time you should come out of hiding and swim with a girl. Not polite to let
me swim alone and you three hide like gators in the knees of the trees like
that." ....

.. ..

But there was no way I was gonna swim with
Marie like that. It was a might embarrassing to be in that condition tat all, let
alone let a girl see that too. ....

.. ..

Well like I said we knew when one of us said
to git low it was ‘fer a reason.....

.. ..

So there was the three of us lying in the wild
hay at the edge of the cemetery trying to see what we was hiding from. And
there was A.B. walking out of the trees and into the cemetery. His stumble
shuffle keeping him slow but he seemed to know where was goin’ ‘cuz he did not
look around, he just walked straight to the back of the plots to a single
marker. He stood there for a bit, and then he knelt like he was saying a prayer
no more'n 100 feet from our spot, and then a smell of rotten eggs came in on a
breeze. Man, I tell you it was so strong my eyes watered up so bad I could
hardly see, but there in the shade of an old pine, by the headstone in broad
daylight a big ol’ plume of smoke rose up and a man in a white sears suit was
standing next to A.B.....

.. ..

The pothole man did not look up and he did not
even budge when the man placed his hand on the roadman's shoulder, A.B. just
stayed there.....

.. ..

We heard the suit guy say "Why you always
come to the same stone?"....

.. ..

"You forgotten already?" asked A.B.....

With a chuckle the
guy in the white suit said, "aAlready? It's been decades my old friend. And
I am a busy man, I can not remember all the mortals I come in contact with. How
is it that you do?"....

.. ..

“This is Eleanor’s place.”....

.. ..

And the suited man got real still for a moment
as if listening to a whisper or a memory had come over him.....

.. ..

You know Baraqiel it is unfair that he let you
come down here and fall in love like you all did. It was unfair for him to turn
away from you all when you got lost.....

.. ..

A.B. Stood so fast it was a blur and pushed
the suited man.....

The suited man just flew back, but he did not
fall, he just came walking back to A.B. Smiling.....

.. ..

A.B. Shouted and it sounded as loud as a
summer thunder storm. "You know nothing my love and devotion. You know
nothing of his purpose for me and why I am here.”....

.. ..

"Look Baraqiel" said the suited man.
"I have some matters I want to discuss with you”....

.. ..

"I want nothing to do with your deals Thammuz."....

.. ..

“Oh, but I think you may Grigori you just
might find it interesting.”....

.. ..

“What would you say if I arranged for the
return of your Eleanor and I get him to take you both back?”....

.. ..

“You can not arrange that! Why even try to lie/”
....

.. ..

“I am not a liar dear archangel. I can bring
your precious Eleanor back to you so that you may dance with her again.” And,
at that the ground at A.B.'s feet exploded, grave dirt flying every which way and
there in front of A.B. was a corpse dressed in a wedding gown kinda hanging limp
like a puppet.....

.. ..

A.B. just wailed so loud that the ground shook
and Jacob wet his pants. I weren't ever going to hold it against Jacob wettin’
his pants at that moment, because I did too. But Jessup looked mean and mad. But
we stayed low and quiet.....

.. ..

The dead woman just hung there in the air and
A.B. Just screamed and screamed, then he began to cry as the corpse put out her
arms stiffly. She looked like when a girl is asked to dance.....

.. ..

And weeping A.B. grabbed her in his arms and began
to box step like my parents at family weddings. There weren’t no music only the mean laugh of
the suited man. ....

.. ..

A.B. danced like he had no limp and no stutter
step. He cried something awful and begged the suited man to "Put her
back", "Put her back", but the suited man just laughed at A.B.’s
pleas and begging tears.....

.. ..

And A.B. just lovingly danced with "Eleanor"
and wept, stroking the thin scraggly hair. He looked deep into her eye sockets
muttering something with tears wetting his cheeks and lips.....

.. ..

I dunno what got into Jessup but he got plumb
fire’d up and began crawling away from us. I knew was goin’ to do somethin’ but
did not want nothing to give our hiding spot away so's to protect his little
brother Jacob. Jacob tried to follow but I held Jacob back with a look and a
hand.....

.. ..

Jessup got 200 feet around the side of the cemetery
behind the man in a suit. Me and Jacob was scared for Jessup, but we did not
want to tip our hand either.....

.. ..

Jessup got in a low crouch and sprang like a cougar
at the suited man. Just as the man spun around Jessup brought his gun stock
down on the man’s face. ....

.. ..

It was a thunk so loud and hallow. It would
have killed any other normal man, but the man just stumbled back and Eleanor
fell limp in A.B.'s hands.....

.. ..

“NO!!” Yelled A.B. but Jessup was already
bringing the gun muzzle down and aiming at the man. Then the shot rang out point
blank and we saw something fly off the back of the man’s head. The shot must’ve
blown a hole in his face clean to the back of his head and the man took another
step backwards. Jessup pulled another time on the trigger, but nothing happened,
the gun must’ve jammed. So Jessup dropped the gun and pulled out his ....bowie.... and leaped at the
man like a crazed injun.....

.. ..

The knife was driven to the hilt in his chest
and he laughed. The suited man laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. Jessup
just hung there on the knife staring into the man's face.....

.. ..

A.B. Dropped "Eleanor" into a heap of
bones and wedding dress and moved to the man in the suit.....

.. ..

Jessup let go and dropped to his feet and
began backing up.....

.. ..

“Oh no son you do not get to leave with
allowing my turn.” And Jessup stopped you could tell he did not mean to stop
but he was like froze or something. The suited man looked Jessup up and down.....

.. ..

He reached his hand out.....

.. ..

A.B. Screamed NO! Like a thunder clap so loud
and strong my ears rang.....

.. ..

The suited man hesitated and then put his hand
in Jessup’s chest, in his chest, and pull out his heart. I had seen many hearts,
deer hearts, cow hearts, rabbit ....

Hearts, and most assuredly
squirrel hearts, so I know’d that was Jessup’s heart quivering and red in that
strangers hand. Jessup fell to the ground.....

.. ..

Jacob jumped up "leave my brother alone!"
and I popped up right after him and took aim at the suited man. Jacob he fired
his 22 at the suited man taking no real time to aim, but the shot rang true for
there was a twist to the man's head.....

.. ..

He just smiled and raised his hands and Jacob
flew straight up into the sky, so high I could not see him.....

.. ..

I waited for the man to look at me cuz I was
gonna put a shell right in his eye.....

Just then A.B. ran up "Hold, Thammuz do
not damage another innocent mortal here again. Put Eleanor back, restore these
boys, and I shall do all that you ask.”....

.. ..

“You would give up your place as one of the
leaders, you will be no longer a watcher, but a mortal? Cause you know you make
a free will chose like that and he will cast you down.”....

.. ..

“He has already, as I have already made this
decision.”....

.. ..

“You can not trap the others, so this loss is
no greater than when I fell in love with Eleanor. He has turned his back on me,
even now I no longer feel the warmth of his love. I now know the coldness you
and the mortals feel.”....

.. ..

“Alright so be it, you will finish your days
here as a pothole man and the boys will live.” And at that he flung the heart
back into Jessup and Jacob feel from the sky.....

.. ..

He landed with such crash that there was a
hole in the ground a foot deep.....

.. ..

Jacob got up like nothing had happened; Jessup
got up and looked at us. ....

.. ..

I looked at A.B. but he was gone and so was
the stranger in the white suit. Eleanor’s grave looked like nothing had
happened.....

.. ..

I tried to tell them what happened but they
insist that we all fell asleep and I dreamed it ‘cause they do not remember any
of it. They say it must’ve been the ‘baccy that made me sick.....

.. ..

Now when I see A.B., he looks older, slower,
and sadder. But he smiles when he sees me and I am sad ‘fer him, but I am glad
he saved us that day.....

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Anger and Malice a Sermon

Anger and malice

Or

Malice and Anger

“Then the anger of the Lord will erupt against you and he will close up the sky so that it does not rain. The land will not yield its produce, and you will soon be removed from the good land that the Lord 4 is about to give you”

Deu 11:17

“For I was terrified at the Lord’s intense anger that threatened to destroy you. But he listened to me this time as well”

Deu 9:19

“Dear Lord forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.”

Lord’s prayer

My friends I carry much anger over the care of our fellow man. Meaning what we do to our neighbors, what we inflict on our brothers deeply and profoundly troubles me.

Let me tell you the story of two panhandlers

I wanted to know why one man makes more than another man. I mean we are both men, we are both created in God's image, getting it down to brass tacks we both have the same mother and father.

“For Adam was formed first and then Eve”

1Ti 2:13

But everyone expects one to work and the other not to work.

This has to be wrong, so I decided to test the theory. I asked one race to panhandle with me ( I explained I would double any money he collected). We picked a street corner and took one side while I took the other.

During the course of the day I was yelled at, spit at, and basically treated as trash, no more than a piece of human garbage. While the other guy made 350 dollars.

This was ridiculous!

I was expected to work and I was not entitled to any help or handout because I was white and clean, and my eyes did not have the dumb look of drugs or alcohol, while the other panhandler made 350 dollars, for doing nothing but standing there with his hand out.

But a spirit empowered Amasai, the leader of the thirty warriors, and he said: “We are yours, O David! We support you, O son of Jesse! May you greatly prosper! May those who help you prosper! Indeed your God helps you!” So David accepted them and made them leaders of raiding bands.

1Ch 12:18

Did I double his money?

Hell No!

He needs nothing from me, he makes more from handouts than I do for hard work! Fuck That!

I bust my hump every day and make less while he hangs out for a few hours and makes more money. And then goes and buys drugs, alcohol, and cheap sleazy women.

What do you think I did? That's right! I kicked his ass and took the money.

Now that Is Malice.

Now there maybe some of you that are a little upset by this, There maybe some of you that may be offended.

And well that is fine, you are entitled to your own opinion and you are welcome to come down after the sermon to get your ass kicked by me.

I hold baptismal beatings every Thursday night in the rectory boxing ring.

Why do we call them baptismal beatings?

Because the beatings do not stop until you are screaming in tongues "oh God stop oh God Make it stop!"

Some parishioners think that maybe I am a bit to harsh, but you know what? I am this way because this is the life I was dealt and it has made me this way.

All the years of being some fuck heads bitch and not getting the break I kept getting told I was due.

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."

Mat 5:5

My congregation is mostly made up of many individuals that realize that they are back sliders stubborn sinners that need an ass whoopin' to get set straight.

And that is where I come in, old or young man or woman. I kick their ass until they see the light.

They are allowed to fight back I expect them to but you see God has made me strong.

"Then I said, “Lord, you give me strength and protect me. You are the one I can run to for safety when I am in trouble. Nations from all over the earth will come to you and say, ‘Our ancestors had nothing but false gods – worthless idols that could not help them at all."

Jer 16:19

This is my calling.

"Let all their wickedness come before you; and afflict them just as they have afflicted me. Because of all their acts of rebellion. For my groans are many, and my heart is sick with sorrow."

Lam 1:22

God has told me to kick your ass.

“I will wipe them out and beat them to death, they will not get up, and they will fall at my feet.”

Sam 22:39