You gonna let’em call you that?

You gonna let’em call you that?

“That’ll be seven sixty seven buddy.” Said the clerk.
The guy behind me said. "Buddy? Last I heard a buddy was a bump on a dog's ass. Don’t let him call you that?"
He was right. No Mother Fucken human should be allowed to call anybody "buddy" that’s just too disrespectful to let slide. So I took my Slurpee and beef jerky out to my car and got my gun. I went back in and shot the bastard in the knee.
I told him, while he was crying like a little girl, that he better think about calling people names






Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Bullies in History.

Bullies in History.


They were all gonna be pissed and Artimetis knew it. But he didn’t care. He charged down the mountain. He had discovered that the earth was NOT the center of the universe and he could prove it.
He could prove Copernican theory of the universe against the dominant earth-centered Ptolemaic and Aristotelian theories. In his notebook were verified charts of celestial movements from his telescope.
At the bottom of the mountain was that bully Galileo. “Gimme your money Fartimetis.” “I don’t have any.” “Then I will hold this until you do.” “Hey!” And Galileo snatched the notebook from Artimetis’ hands.





Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

You had me at hello

You had me at hello

She walked into the arcade with sausages attached to her.
Sundae was bulging from her hip pockets when she turned to shut the shop door.
Droe wors draped aorund her neck in a spiral orgy of meat, spices and animal fat.
On her shoulders, in her blonde matted treses were brats, "Those are not synthetic casings." He thought. Dry salamies on her chest, the lactobacillus yeasts intertwining into the delecate fabric of her blouse making it look lacie and delicate. The grease of the peperoni making her middriff visable.
Ground pork extruded from her 5" pumps with every step.
"Hello"






Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Eat the dog

Eat the dog

The chant was so unison it was almost one voice.
It was his first band camp.
He wanted to make new alliances, this was to be his year, he was going to be the man, he was going to get a girlfriend AND kiss her.
And then his parents sent him to this camp.
Now he’s in the circle, with the whole camp chanting and watching him.
What's this going to accomplish?
It's a team building exercise. Now you will share in their strength and share a bond that can not be broken.
Now it’s simple, just Eat The Dog






Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Toasted marshmallows

Toasted marshmallows

John hid in the bushes with his stick. He knew that any noise would draw their attention and bring too many to fight, but he could reduce their ranks as long as he stayed hid and got them in onesies and twosies. The fire was also hidden, just hot coals now.

John thought of his old life as a sys-op before the damn marshmallows had come
The damn little puffs were ruthless, with their vicious little teeth and extruded arms.
So he hid with the pointed little sticks and camp fire. It was going to be toasted marshmallows for dinner.






Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Trail Mix - A Drabble

Sorry i have been excersising.

A drabble is a writing excercise that an entire story must be written in 100 words, no more, no less. the title is nmot included.
====================================================

Trail mix

“It's an abomination! I swear to you. God never intended all that co-mingling. It's just wrong. Nuts and fruit and candy.”
The peanut stomped around and flailed his little shell arms.
His wife the cashew took a tentative step. “Honey it is different now. And she is older.”
“I’m Old enough to think for myself.” The cute Spanish peanut piped in.
The cashew gave her a look that said ‘not now’. The Spanish nut retreated.
“Alright, fine, I will let her go but she is to wear her shell not that Brazilian one they are all wearing now a days.”





Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Another class of 2009 speech

Commencement speech for a graduating class of 2009.
By Rev. Sleestaxx

This was also written for another particular High school class that requested I speak at the ceremony. But it appears that the board and the PTO and some other whinny pussy types decided that a member of the rotary club was better suited for speaking to the future of our world and so they canceled my gig. I got to keep the travel and half the fee but I did not get to speak to the class. Thus the speech is mine and so I shall with you all.


Today you embark on a new era and new opportunity to make decisions based on your value system and not the one perpetrated by the foreign heathens or the corporate pirates.

As I look out upon the graduating class of 2009 I see bright eyes happy smiles and I see the future I also see mean eyes evil smiles and I still see the future.
I know I am looking upon the faces of some that should not have graduated but you made yourself such a burden upon your teachers that they gifted you a passing grade.
The coach tells me I am also looking out on some gifted athletes. Congratulations on your accomplishments they are not diminished because they are “just high school” They are the fruit of hard work and dedication to a discipline that many here know or do not know it does not matter it is recognized and rewarded.
All of you are a very special generation. You are all special in the way that you are the future. You are being handed a world. Not a country like I was or my father or his father. Literally you are being given a chance to effect change in the entire global community for in 20 years the majority in charge will be retired and yours will be the one in majority.
Yes there will be some pockets of craziness just like there is some in the country I was handed.
I see the faces of artists, scientist, hunters and fire starters. I see a class that will make change that will forever be remembered.
The scientist will make the world manageable and understandable with their science and critical thinking.
The artists will make the world livable and pleasant with their love of a good curve or a pleasing resonance the will vibrate the soul.
The hunters will protect and feed the world.
And the fire starters will both shape the direction and destroy. They will destroy the old dead rotting wood that is the old world and they will lay the direction of new growth.
You are our hope do not get caught up in your own greed like the dogs that are now in charge.
Do not get enraptured with your own beauty that you forget about the rest of the world like the generation in charge now.
Look at what the pirates have done and learn from the pigs and do not fall into their traps.
Look at your parents [pause and look at the families] and see the evil that that have borne into this world and do not bear the same sins as them.

[look for security on the left and the right]

[yelling and slamming the podium] Change the world
[yelling and slamming the podium] It is your right
[yelling and slamming the podium] It is your duty
[yelling and slamming the podium] It is the way of life and the way it was meant to be.

Remember the sevens sins and you should be able to get this planet back on the road to righteousness and into the age of enlightenment.
Lust
Do not get lost in the lust of shiny things.
Greed
Do not get lost in the pleasure of your own greed.
Gluttony
Do not become fat and corpulent on the sweat and blood of the weak like the generations before you.
Sloth
Do not become lazy and mortgage your soul for your own selfish pig headed inner child.
Wrath
Do not get so lost in your anger and revenge that you forget who you are.
Pride
Do not be so prideful that you look down upon the rest of your generation for everyone of you offer something that is needed by the other.
Envy
Do not become so envious that you loose sight of yourself and become so enraptured and encompassed in your desire that you stop being you.

[Bang on the podium]Do not get lost in the idolatrous worship.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to love your family.
[Bang on the podium]Do not lose sight of the prize.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to donate and assist in god's work.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to change our diapers

Go out and change something, it does not matter if the change is right because it will be changed again it just all needs change or we will die and we will wink out in this universe and no-one will know we were here.
Make noise make love make god but for the love of Christ make it happen. No get out there and fuck it up!






Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..